Life is a Maze and Love is a Riddle
by I'll send postcards
Summary: Secrets can save you and secrets can destroy you. However, some secrets aren't that bad. For example, I'm dating the sheriff's son isn't exactly life shatteringly horrible. But other secrets, like Daryl Dixon is my father, don't go over quite as easily. Written in second person.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm just a little bit caught in the middle_

**_Life is a maze and love is a riddle_**

_I don't know where to go I can't leave it alone I've tried_

_And I don't know why_

_-The Show, Lenka_

* * *

Your ears overflow with their awful moans-hungry for flesh and you were their prey.

It was almost funny how humans no longer being the apex predator was thought of as the apocalypse. Almost. It was kinda pitiful actually. Humans can't take a challenge without calling it the end of the world? Whenever one got close, your machete slashes at their rotting bodies, dropping them before their putrid smell could hit your nose. It may be the end of others world, but not yours.

One grabs your hair with a single decaying hand, yanking you backwards painfully. With a yell that only seems to drive the rest of them on, you slice off its head in one fluid motion. You make a mental note to cut your hair again soon. Past your shoulders was way too long for nowadays. As you stumble away from the onslaught of the undead, you trip and go tumbling down a hill. You have the insight to cover your head, and that's probably what saves your life. Once you reach the bottom of the hill (luckily unharmed), you stand and gaze back up the incline. One walker clumsily makes it's way down the hill while more stumble towards its peek. Still too many for you to take on all at once. You take off into the forest, leaping over logs and ducking around trees.

The evening had that thick wetness to it that said summer was in full swing; the kind of warm weight that clings to your forehead and makes your clothes stick to your skin. It had the kind of thick quiet to it that muffles all other sounds but magnifies the incessant buzzing of insects that just won't leave you alone.

Your bronze hair whips around your face an you try to tuck it behind your ears without dropping the machete clutched in your hand or slowing your pace. The trees and land gradually look more familiar. You're close to home now, where it was as safe at you could be right now.

The snarls of the herd are lost behind you as you spot the edge of the woods. If you could outdistance them and keep out of sight for long enough they would eventually stumble off in pursuit of a less evasive food source. You spoke from experience.

You break through the trees and into the clearing, and just beyond that, the weathered white back porch of your two story home. You climb the steps quickly, and then up the rope ladder you go, pulling it up with you after you're safely up. You carefully climb up the roof until you reach the flattened portion of the roof just outside your bedroom window. Safe at last, you lean an watch the mindless creatures wander out of the woods.

They couldn't see you up here, again experience let you know that to be true. You watch the once human creatures and wonder what their minds held before they turned. It was a game that Alice liked to play-to help make it less frightening for her. That one, the one in the torn pencil skirt and collared shirt, had probably been a successful business woman. And that one, in the sparkly dress, had probably been attending a fancy party that she wouldn't survive. They weren't people anymore though. Just walking corpses without a grave.

You duck through the window into your bedroom, closing it behind you. You shrug off your brothers jacket and toss it on your bed. It was too big and didn't fit quite right, but it was the last thing he gave you before he left. When it all went down, he was at college in Ohio, oh so far from your home on the South Carolina, Georgia line. You lost contact shortly before Atlanta was bombed and didn't know if he was alive or not at this point. You hoped he was on his was home, but it had been almost two years now. Still, you didn't dare accept it even it if was likely that he was dead.

Your mother hadn't believed it either. She was always worrying aloud that he would get himself hurt, but never that he would change or die. It was almost frightening in a way, how much she denied the possibility that he could be dead. You wish she was here now to tell you that. To lie to you and tell you things would be alright. But she got sick and it was all so sudden that you didn't have a chance to save her. When she turned, you hadn't had the courage to end it. She was out there somewhere. Dead to the world.

As for your father, he wasn't dead to the world, but he was dead to you. Well, not exactly. You had never met him before, but your mother had shown you a few pictures. He didn't even know you existed. Your older brother, Cole, was your half brother from a previous marriage and your little sister, Alice, was from a marriage after you.

You've just set down your machete when there's a yell from outside. You tense; you hadn't seen another human other than Alice in weeks. Grabbing your weapon, you pull open your window and shuffle down the roof until you can see what's going on, careful to keep out of sight.

Huh. The herd from earlier had made some friends. There were two people surrounded by them; a guy and a older man. They only have knives and although they wield them well, the odds didn't look good.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Over here!" You called, standing and revealing yourself. It wasn't your best idea. You could save these people, but they could be a threat to you and Alice. But you also hadn't seen another person in weeks. So yeah, it wasn't your best idea, but it was the one you were going with.

They turn to you and you catch a glimpse of their faces. The man looked to be in his late sixties, with blonde thinning hair and a injured leg that made him limp. The other was much younger, around your age and was tall. His face was obscured by his sheriffs hat and he moved skillfully, cutting through and walker that got too close.

You let the rope ladder down and are on the ground in seconds. You take out two walkers who had become a little too interested, causing dark blood to spray in your face. "Come on!" You shout as you move to take out another walker.

They move towards the rope ladder carefully as they try to keep the horde at bay. You play defense with the guy in the sheriffs hat while you guard the ladder, urging the older man up.

The sheriff kicks back a walker and drives his knife into another ones skull. "You first!" He yells above the noise.

You hesitate, but then take the rope ladder with both hands and climb up quickly. You scramble to the top just as the sheriff starts up the ladder. He's hallway up before the wallets converge on the ladder, hands reaching. You reach down, barely managing to grab his hand. They pull on the ladder, tearing it and making it buck against the house violently.

His head hits the house, and his grip on your hands relaxes. His full weight pulls against you, threatening to pull you off the roof. Fine. You'll do it yourself. You grit your teeth and pull as hard as you can, barely managing to get his unconscious body onto the roof. Once you're sure he's safe, you move to the edge of the roof, hoping to pull the man the rest of the way up. You look away sharply, adverting your eyes and try to tune out the sound on ripping flesh.

You pull him through the window, not without difficultly, and lay him on the carpet. You take his weapons; a hunting knife, a gun without bullets, and extra ammo, and hide them under your bed.

You pause, getting a good look at him. He was tall and lanky but strong with a strong jaw and a lightly freckled face covered in blood and grime, like the rest of him was. He looked like he had been on the road for a long while and, like you, were forced to be an adult in this new world. Your eyes scan over his arms and legs, checking for bites or deep scratches. Carefully, you pull up his shirt and thankfully there's no wounds of and kind on his chest or ankles. There was a gash on his arm though, and you clean and wrap it carefully. He still hasn't woken up and you're begging to worry if he had hit his head very badly.

Sure he won't wake up for a least a little while, you wash the blood off your face and arms with a washcloth in the bathroom. When you return to your bedroom, you bring a large glass of cool water. You smirk to yourself before tipping the glass slowly at first, then all at once. The moment the water hits his face, he bolts upright with a half yell. His eyes are wide and his breathing comes in ragged breaths.

You can't wipe the smirk off your face as you watch his reaction. Your moms loaded pistol is in your hand, but it isn't raised. Not unless you needed it. "Oh good, you're up." You said innocently, sitting down in your desk chair while still facing him. You make sure he can see the gun, but also see that you aren't a threat to him unless he wasn't one to you. "Don't even think about trying anythin."

He nodded, breathing more evenly as he looked around. He was blinking hard, probably trying to get rid of the nausea that came with hitting your head. "Yes, ma'am." He breathed, then said more evenly. "You're that girl. The one with the machete."

"Technically, it's a paper cutter." You correct. "Pried it off the board. Works the same though."

"Yeah, yeah it does." He agrees as he stands up slowly. He holds up his hands in surrender as he does so, then sits on the edge of your bed hesitantly. He looks you over and seems to decide something. "I'm Carl." He says.

You look him up and down, still unsure. "Jasper." You say in a clear, slightly suspicious voice.

He nods once then looks around the room. You notice that he moves his hand to the waistband of his jeans almost as if in a trance, as if it were instinct. "Where are my weapons?" He demands, defensive. You the knew the feeling.

"Relax, sheriff. I got em. You'll get them back when I know you're not gonna kill me, cause ya know, I prefer not being dead, but that's just me."

He seems to accept it. "Where's the man I was with?" He asks next, seeming panicked.

You exhale. "He your family?" You asked quietly.

He shakes his head. "Met em yesterday. He didn't make it, did he?"

"I'm sorry." He sighs heavily, calming himself down. "Thank you. For helping back there. It probably would've been both of us if it weren't for you."

You half smile. "I'm gonna help you here too." You said, grabbing extra clothes from your burn pile by the fire. They used to be Coles clothes. "Here. Bathroom's right there. Clean up and put those on. You smell like shit."

"Why are you helping me?" He asks slowly, sounding confused and curious.

You shrugged, avoiding his gaze. "Go on fore I change my mind." He half smiles, and by the look of it he hasn't smiled for a long while. He has little dimples that look out of place surrounded by his grimy face and clothes, but they're cute all the same.

When he returns a few minutes later, looking much cleaner and more relaxed. He sits on the ground next to where you're fueling the little clay stove you moved into your room.

You sit back. "Go on. Tell me your story."

"I was at a prison." He starts. He tells you about the safe haven and then how the neighboring town attacks and it all went to hell. "I was on my own for a long time and I met Jack yesterday. Don't go into the forest, they're everywhere." He has a far off look in his eyes before he turns his attention back to you, sighing quietly. "What about you?"

"I've managed alright just where I am." You tell him. "Me and my little sister."

You've been here since the very beginning. Your mother and you moved everything to the top floor and barricaded the stairs to keep the top floor safe. Because she was paranoid for whatever apocalypse was coming, you have a generator and little garden under the back deck. She thought it would be government collapse but it worked either way. You only exited from the ladder on the roof to scavenge and hunt. It worked.

You missed you mom so much; her erratic ways and overjoyed grins. She was gone now. Same with your brother. They were both gone in different ways, but gone nonetheless.

Carl nods, not pressing your for information. "Can I meet her? Your sister, I mean?" He asks.

You look him over uneasily. No, Carl wouldn't hurt her, you decided. "C'mon." You say, showing him the way.

You slowly open the door right beside yours and peer in. There, wrapped in a light blue blanket and hugging her turtle stuffed animal Shelly, was your little sister Alice. She had been sick for a few months, and was just getting over the very last of it. It was the same sickness that took your mother.

"Alice?" You whisper questioningly. She rolls over, her light green eyes widening as she looks at the stranger beside you. She was your half sister, but she didn't look a think like you. She was all green eyes and light blonde hair while you were dark hair and even darker eyes.

"Who's that?" She asks sitting up and leaning away.

Your eyes soften. "This is Carl. Don't worry. He's a friend." You say reassuringly.

"Hi, Alice" Carl says mustering a smile at your sister.

Her eyes waver from him to you, calculating cautiously. She climbs on top of the covers and half smiles. "Hi, Carl" she replies now more comfortably.

"I think Carl's going to stay here for a while." You tell her, glancing to Carl. "Now come on, go pick out three cans of food for dinner. You can talk to Carl then."

"Three whole things? Awesome!" She exclaims, scrambling out of bed and out of the room to where the food was stored. Her strength was growing. You usually only had two cans for dinner, but now that Carl was here...you could spare a can of noodles. She chooses a can of spaghetti O's, a can of peaches, and a can of green beans.

Back in your room, you start the fire in the clay oven and edge the can of spaghetti and beans near the fire to warm. You use tongs to pull the hot cans out of the fire and pour them onto the plates. The food's gone within a minute.

"Guess you can stay in my brothers room." You tell him.

"Not yet!" Alice exclaims. "I have to interview him first!"

Carl cracks a small smile. "Ask away." He says as he leans back against your bed tiredly. You wanted to stop her so he could get some rest but there was no stopping the little monster.

"Ok then...what's your favorite color? Favorite food? How many friends do you have?" She speed asks. "If you could have any job then what would you do? What super power?"

Carl chuckles awkwardly. "Okay... um green, chocolate cake with buttercream icing, a few, scuba diver, and the power to control fire." He finished smoothly, a smile edging its way onto his face.

"Nicely done." You comment with a smile.

He turns to you with a wicked smile. "Ok then...what's your favorite color? Favorite food? How many friends do you have?" He speed asks like Alice just did word for word. "If you could have any job then what would you do? What super power?"

You can't help but laugh. "Alright. Let's do this. Green, steak, three, singer, and ability to read minds." You shoot back with a grin.

"Very good." Be applauds. You smirk at him smugly.

You all talk for an hour, and it only takes Alice ten minutes to beg to go on your trampoline out back. It was in the fenced in backyard so it was fairly safe but you always kept a weapon on you in case. It was never long before the walkers started gathering. It takes all you can to convince her to not run out there right now. She settles for a promise about going out there tomorrow before finally going to bed after an hour of convincing, threatening and begging. You return to your room and collapse beside the fire.

Carl chuckles. "Is it always that hard?" He asks.

"Funny. She was on her best behavior tonight. Usually I gotta threaten her with nukes to get her to bed." You say, rolling your eyes.

He laughs once. "It's nice here. I like it. You really never had to leave? You both made it?"

"We did. My mom and my brother...not so much. Well, that ain't fair. My brother wasn't here to begin with."

He nodded. "I lost my mom. My little sister, Judith. I don't know if my dad is alive or not."

"Least we're alive. It's gotta count for something." You look into the fire, watching the flames lick over the wood. "Even if it's just so I can save some guy who passed out and eat stale spaghetti O's."

He smiles and his eyes crinkle. "Thanks again, for that, by the way."

"Don't worry bout it." You smile. "You can take the guys room at the end of the hall. Might wanna get some sleep, cause I can't keep Alice back for long. Trampoline at seven am sharp."

He stands, stretching his back. "G'night, Jasper." He replies warmly before ducking out of the room.

You sleep well that night. Curled up in your soft blankets and warm bed. You actually find yourself excited for morning when you would go on the trampoline with Carl and Alice. God, you sounded like such a child. But right now, you didn't care

Right now, everything was okay and that's how you learned to live in this world. Take what you can, while you can.

Happy one day, dead the next.

* * *

_So how'd you like it? This is my first Walking Dead fan fiction. I have a lot of stories that I update monthly and I do not have ANY time for this story, so what do I do? Write it. Obviously. __Anyways, hope you liked it. It takes place after everyone gets separated from the prison. With it taking its own course after that. _

_EDIT (3/15/16): I've re-written the first chapter because the one I wrote in 8th grade (yikes) sucked. I haven't gotten to editing the next chapter yet, but if you want to go ahead and read it, be my guest. It's a little cringey, I warn you. I'll eventually get to them all. I swear the story gets better though._

_Thanks for reading xoxo_


	2. Chapter 2

_So I'm going home _

_Back to the place that I belong _

_And where your love has always been enough for me_

_I'm not running from_

_And I think you got me all wrong_

_And I don't regret this life I chose for me_

_But these places and these faces are getting old_

_So I'm going home_

_-Home, Daughtery_

* * *

You wake suddenly, every thought playing through your mind in high definition. Your eyes narrow as you take in every ray of light streaming in through your window and without a doubt you know you've slept far too long. The noises of the day are already in full swing; birds singing, walkers moaning. You're dressed in a fraction of the time it usually takes since you just throw on a tee shirt, jean shorts and boots.

You check Alice's room first. Her bed was unmade and she was missing from it. Then, where Carl had slept. Nothing. Gripping your gun tighter, you're preparing for the worst when you hear a loud laugh from outside. You move to your window, looking out towards your backyard. Alice and Carl were on the trampoline, laughing as they knocked into each other. You shove your gun into your waistband and climb down the roof to join them, careful not to drop your machete.

"Hey!" Carl calls with a smile. He stops jumping and moves closer towards you. "She dragged me out here. I didn't want to wake you."

You tense when you see the knife sitting on the outside edge of the trampoline. You had taken his weapons for a reason. Nothing had went wrong, but it could have. "Yeah, thanks. How long have you been out here?" You asked.

"Not long. Thirty minutes maybe." He guessed as Alice bounds over towards you both.

"Jasper, come on!" She begs. "Do the flips!"

You shake your head and glance at the fence that the walkers were hitting against lamely. "I should take care of that." You say, grabbing your machete in your right hand.

You were too short to see over the six foot fence if you were standing right in front of it, so your system of killing the ones on the fence included a ladder, and lots of effort. There are only five, and they go down easily. First their arms so they can't scratch you, then their head. It had to be the head.

A little while later, when Carl isn't around, you pull her close to you. "Don't you ever do that again. You don't know him and you gave him a weapon, he could've hurt you."

Her pout trembles. "But we needed one if the walkers came." She argued.

"You should've woken me up." You tell her fiercely. "Never do that again, okay? It's not like before. It's a dangerous world now."

Breakfast that day consists of a can of peaches shared among the three of you and two robins eggs you had found the day before. You didn't tell Alice that though. A few months ago, there had been a period when the canned food began to ran out and you began to hunt that she refused to eat any of your kills. She eventually got hungry enough that she gave in, but she still got upset when she ate rabbits. She said that Thumper, her stuffed bunny, didn't approve.

"So," Carl said as you smothered the fire. Alice was in the bathroom, taking a bath. "You call them walkers too?"

You shrugged. "Well, yeah. They're dead and they walk so it just seemed easy. Walkers."

"We, or I-" he stuttered, frowning. "I call them walkers too." He said slowly, correcting himself.

"You were with a big group?" You asked. "How many?"

He sighed, glancing up and mentally counting. "Um, fifty or so. They joined us. Before there were just eleven."

"And this governor guy, he tried to take it? The prison?" You asked.

He nodded slowly. "He killed Hershel." His voice sounded hollow and you didn't dare ask who Hershel was. "Everything was on fire. Walkers were getting in, I couldn't find anybody. I was looking for my sister and I guess I found her." His voice was lifeless and weak. "The bus made it out and I think my dad made it too. I gotta find him."

"You're not going to stay with us?" You asked, disappointed. Oh, Alice would throw a fit.

He mustered a partial smile. "For a while, sure. I'll help you when whatever you need. But I gotta go. I gotta find him."

You started to nod, but then you hear the unfamiliar rumble of a can driving up your gravel driveway. You at the front window in a second, gun ready when the door opens, revealing a familiar figure. You exhale in relief, taking off for the rope ladder in the back. You reach him just after he drops the third walker that had greeted him. "Joe!" You shout, racing towards him.

With a grin, he wraps you in his arms and hugs you tightly. "Jasper, thank god." He says, kissing your forehead. "Alice. Your mom. Are they okay?"

He was Alice's father, but you had lost contact with him at the beginning of all this. He lived in New Mexico and he just have driven the entire way here. The van looks to be overflowing with supplies, and he has a baseball bat and scary looking gun in tow.

"Alice is fine now, don't worry." You smile falters. "Mom didn't make it, I'm sorry."

His face falls, pain displayed across his features. "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry-"

"Daddy!" Alice squeals, running towards the both of you. She launches herself into her fathers arms and hugs him tightly. Carl is half a step behind her and pauses a few feet away, not intruding.

You bring them all inside quickly, not wanting to attract any more walkers. There had been more and more in these parts lately. Since Joe had brought a ton of supplies, for lunch you feasted on permit butter and jelly sandwiches and twinkles. It makes you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

After a while passes, Joe sighs, puts down his food and looks at you pointedly. "Jasper, I have news. I managed to get two passes for a safe town."

Your smiles slowly falls from your face as you look at your little sister. Still so young, so innocent. She risked her life today so she could have a playmate, not because she was careless, but because she couldn't fathom that someone would willingly want to hurt her. She was only eight years old.

You look at Joe. "Take her." You tell him.

Joe looks taken aback. It was obvious that he expected a different reaction. "No." He says, sounding confused, then stronger. "No, Jasper, these are for you and her."

"She needs her dad. Normal life. And I can't let you stay on the outside." He's about to argue, but you cut him off. "I won't let you. I'll run before we get there, and you'll never find me." You threatened calmly.

"But Jasper!" Alice cried, outraged

You fixed her with a cool, reprimanding look. "I don't wanna hear it."

She closes her mouth but her eyes bore into yours, close to tears. She needed her dad and somewhere safe and normal to live she could do without a sister.

"Cole should be home soon. Without her, I have more supplies." You glanced at Carl. "And his family is near here. They'll take me in." You lied smoothly.

Carl glanced at you in confusion but masks it before anyone can tell. Instead, he nods reassuringly.

"She needs you. She needs the safe town. Take her. Keep her safe." You speak plainly, keeping any emotion out of your voice as you stare down Joe, daring him to protest.

He doesn't.

The next few minutes is a blur. They have to more quickly if they want to find a safe place by nightfall after all. She takes her time packing, the entire time trying to convince you in any way she can to come with her. She doesn't cry though, not until you're outside-Joe in the drivers seat, car loaded and foot on the gas-and reality really setting in.

You've never been very good at goodbyes and are usually best at avoiding them. They leave a numbing taste in your mouth and a swelling in your throat that lingers long after the goodbyes are over.

"Hey." You say softly, squatting down to her height to wipe her tears. "You are gonna be just fine. It's gonna be safe there, and there's gonna be kids your age, and you're gonna be just fine, I swear it."

She sniffles, her pout trembling. You're close to crying yourself, but you don't dare. You glanced up and past her to where a single walker clumsily made its way out of the forest. It hadn't seen you yet, but it was only a matter of time. She turned to see what you were looking at, then back to you.

"You gotta go." You said quietly. She rubbed her face and tried to breathe evenly. She nodded, head held high as she sniffed back sobs. You walked her to the car and helped her in, forcing a bleary smile. "I love you so much." You tell her. You know you might never see your little sister again.

"I love you too."

You looked at Joe, nodding once before taking a step away from the car, letting it drive until it's out of sight.

It was just you now.

Your dad was never more than a picture, your mom was dead, your brother had been gone since the beginning with only a small chance of being alive, and your little sister just left. You were the last one.

"I'm sorry." Carl says leaning in the doorway of your bedroom as you pick up the remainder of dinner. Your jaw was stiff, your face void of emotions and your feelings pushed back so far that you didn't know if you could ever feel again. "Are you okay?" Carl asked gently, rubbing the back of his neck.

You nodded, hoping your red rimmed eyes didn't give you away. "Great. Now what's the plan?"

He looked taken aback. "Why are you asking me?" He asked.

You sighed and climbed onto your bed, pausing for a moment before you spoke. "You said your group was scattered and the prison was empty. If it was strong once, why can't it be strong again? We can do it. I know we can."

"Jasper, that's insane. There are only two of us and it took twelve to clear it out before." He argued.

"We can sleep in the guard towers-you said they were still standing, right? We work on securing the fences, drive em away with cars. We do it slow and safe."

You can tell he starts to think about it; he glances down and purses his lips. "We could hot-wire the cars to use them to support the fences."

"I can make a bomb." You blurt it as soon as it pops into your heart. He looks at you like you're crazy, which you might be. You force an awkward smile. "We could set it out somewhere around here and it'll attract the walkers this way. Heading north should be no problem then."

You were rambling now, building momentum as you spoke, enchanted with the idea of you and Carl really doing this. "We CAN do this, Carl. Your dad. Your group. We can find them. I know we can."

He spoke so softly that at first you think you're just imagining it. But then he says it again, louder, and you know that it's real. "Okay."

"Okay?!" You demanded excitedly.

A smile pulls it's way onto his face as he looks away, trying to force it from his features but failing. "Okay." He confirms with a slow nod.

That night, as dark settled over the woods, you pack the car full of supplies. Food, clothes, medicine, pictures, weapons. You left a note on the front door and a few notes in your house to Cole where you were going south. You rigged together matches, gunpowder and a few other accelerants to use as a bomb. One of your brothers old friends taught you how to do this. You hadn't seen her for a few weeks and offhandedly wondered if she was still alive. Carl had said it the prison was about four days of walking from here so you figured it should be at least a few hours to drive there.

You looked around your bedroom for a final time. You had lived here for almost sixteen years but now you know that you may never see it again. You slam the door behind you and then you drive away with an explosion roaring behind you like an action movie.

"You know how to drive." Carl said uneasily as you drove out of your neighborhood, narrowly avoiding carnage and obstacles. His hand was gripping the arm rest and he looked a little uneasy. "When did you learn."

"A friend of my brothers taught me a few months ago. It's a figure it out as we go kinda thing."

He breathed a laugh. "Yeah, well, uh, at least we'll get there alive." You elegantly swerved around a dead walker and ran up the curb. "Probably."

\- A few hours down the road, you're thinking that Carl could actually be your friend. He was nice (which was completely underrated, especially these days), and kinda funny, it really nice to be around. It was almost like how you used to be with people back when things were normal.

You're driving on a main road, woods surrounding you on all sides when Carl perks up. Farther down the road, two people you had originally thought were walkers, pulled their weapons. You stepped on the brake and cruised to a stop a few feet behind them.

Carl curses excitedly, and climbs out of the car, running towards them. One was a young girl, a few years older than you, with light blonde hair. The other was a man with dark, dirty hair that hangs in his face and a crossbow that he let's relax when he sees Carl. You climb out of the car and hesitate by the door before deciding to take out two walkers who came out of the woods, apparently deciding they wanted to join the party.

"Who's this?" The blonde girl asks when you return, wiping the dark blood off of your machete on your boot.

You can now see a small child, maybe a few months old, in Carl's arms. He was grinning like he won the damn lottery or like someone had just told him that the apocalypse was all just a bad dream. "Uh," you glanced away from Carl to the blonde girl. "Jasper, I'm Jasper Dare."

The corners of her mouth tilt up just slightly. "That's Daryl," she said glancing at the man. He met your dark eyes with his own and nodded once in greeting. "Judith," she looked at the baby, "and I'm Beth."

Your eyes widen. Wasn't she supposed to be dead? "His sister?" You demanded, watching as the little girl trying to grab Carl's face with her chubby toddler hands. You smiled, not having seen a baby in a long time.

She nodded at she watched them, smiling. "I haven't seen him in a long time." She said wistfully. Even though you just met him, you felt territorial of your new friend. This was his group, and now you were the outsider and you didn't like it.

A quarter mile away, a small herd of walkers break through the trees. There were only a dozen or so, but flight was probably in favor over fight at the moment. "Should get going."

During the drive, Carl asks about the rest of the group, but they tell him that it's been just them since they escaped the prison. Then Carl tells them about your plan, which they're hesitant about at first, but with your help, he convinces them.

"As for all the walkers, I set off a bomb a few miles back. They're all headin there so no worries." You tell them.

Daryl scoffs, shaking his head. "'Course ya did." He mumbles.

You can't help but grin.

It isn't long before you see tall grey walls and fallen barbed wire fences. You survey the area cautiously, watching as the nearby walkers stumbled towards the field where you parked. The bomb had worked, there were only about fifty or so walkers and they are spaced out. You assume a formation, Daryl as lead and you and Carl backing him up. Beth was in the car with Judith and at first Daryl wanted you in the car too, but Carl convinced him.

"You stay right behind me, ya hear?" He said in that thick, gravely voice of his. "Don't get separated."

Daryl had is crossbow and Carl his gun, but he wasn't using it since the gunshots would attract walkers. Instead, he had a long knife that Beth had given him.

As the walkers start coming from the prison, more emerge from the woods. The plan goes to shit as some walkers start banging on the car windows, urged on by Judith's loud cries. "I got it!" You yell above the noise.

You break away from the group, shoving through them until the car is at your back. You drop them quickly and turn, deciding to defend the car unless they needed any help. You start coaxing the biters into open range so that Daryl could shoot them down easily. You're thankful that you left your jacket in the car or it would've been covered in blood by now. Carl was surrounded by them with Daryl on the outside looking for a way in. You nod to Daryl who immediately starts taking out the circle of dead, and you run towards Carl.

You shove your way through the crowd, swinging your machete crazily. You knock down another and push another in to a few more, buying you and Carl some time. Carl takes out a walker about to bite your leg, and you return the favor by burying one of your knives into a particularly stubborn one that wouldn't give up.

A walker start to fall toward your middle, tripping over a body. You're too distracted to notice until it's too late, but Carl does. He grabs you around your waist with one arm and pulls your around, burying his knife in the walkers head with his other hand. You don't have a spare second to feel flushed, because you have to finish off a final walker that was way too close for comfort. Daryl chains the gates closed, keeping the remaining walkers inside.

"Thanks." You say, your voice an octave higher than usual. You had done it, the horde was reduced to morning but rotting bodies, but all that you could think about was the blush you were trying to force from your cheeks.

"Gettin dark." Daryl said as he approached you. "Y'all good?" He asked, looking you both over. You nodded and so did Carl. "Ain't bad for a couple a kids." He says, looking at the walkers that lay in disarray.

"You too." You said, meeting his dark eyes with a slight challenge in your own.

He scoffs. "Just get yer crap into the guard tower fore it gets dark." He said before walking back towards the car.

The guard tower wasn't very big. At the top of the winding staircase was a small room surrounded by windows with a continuous balcony surrounding it on every side. You roll out your sleeping back partway under a desk, leaving most of your bags in the car. Carl spreads out his bedroll a few feet down from yours and Daryl and Beth bunk in the middle. Judith was already asleep in Beth's arms but she was making an impromptu crib out of a pillow.

Before she lays down, she looks over at you and Carl. "Do y'all think you could wash off of somethin?" She asks softly, her nose wrinkling. "You smell awful."

"There's a creek not too far off." Carl proposed, glancing at you questioningly. "Won't be dark for an hour or so."

You agree and the both of you collect your weapons and climb back down the winding stairs. The day was slowly settling into night, letting that comforting warm evening breeze wash over you. It was almost nice to walk there. You don't say much on the way to the creek and Carl doesn't either. It's an easy, comfortable kind of silence though. Twigs snap under Carl's feet and he kicks up fallen leaves as he walks. Your tread is different, without thinking you avoid anything that would make noise. It had become instinct from hunting. You'd have to teach him to be quieter sometime.

Once you can hear the quiet trickling of the creek Carl pauses and nods to you. "Go ahead, I'll keep watch." He offers.

You muster a thankful smile and walk towards the creek. Thankfully it's obscured by thick bushes and while you know Carl wouldn't try to look at you or anything, it makes you feel better. Behind the cover of the bushes, you strip off your blood soaked clothing and wash it in the water before hanging it to dry. You let yourself submerge in the freezing water and you can feel the blood and dirt begin to melt off you before you've even attempted to scrub it away.

You get less than three minutes later and dress in a fresh pair of jeans and a grey tank top and shove your old clothes back into your pack. As you walk back towards Carl, you pull your wet hair into a braid. You take watch while Carl cleans up, becoming more and more uneasy as night begins to fall. When Carl finds you, you're sitting on a stump, your back to the creek, tapping your machete against your knee in a rhythm. His hair is wet and hangs over his eyes.

"That's 'I won't give up' isn't it?" He asks, referring to the beat you were tapping.

You crack a tired smile. "Yeah, you know it?" You ask.

He nods. "One of my favorites. Sing it for me?" He asks innocently. You give him a look. "Oh come on, I miss music."

You sigh, glancing up as you try to remember the lyrics. They come back to you quickly.

"When I look into your eyes, it's like watching the night sky, or a beautiful sunrise. There's so much they hold." You have to glance away from Carl's grin to keep from messing up.

"And just like them old stars. See that you've come so far, to be right where you are. How old is your soul?" Singing was the one thing you were good at. You were bad at school, at getting into trouble, but singing was the one area that you excelled in.

"But I won't give up, on, us. Even if the skies, get, rough. I'm giving you all, my, love. I'm still looking up." You breath a smile, stopping. "C'mon, we should get back." You tell Carl as you stand, brushing yourself off.

A chorus of moans come from somewhere behind you. You really didn't want to have to fight them in the dark, leaving you with only one option. Run. You grab your back, flash a grin at Carl. "Race you!" You shout, sprinting back towards the prison, Carl at your heels. Noise be damned, you crunch every twig, leaf and vine you come to. You finally return to the compound, and carefully take out three walkers that are in the field without getting yourselves dirty.

"Much better." Beth smiles softly as you reenter the guard tower. She was rocking Judith who had apparently woken up in your absence.

Carl must've seen how tired Beth looked, because he took her from her. "I'll take care of it." He told her. She offered him a tired smile before crawling into her sleeping bag.

You sit beside him as he makes faces at her, making her smile and babble. He raises his eyebrows questioningly at you. "Wanna hold her?" He asked softly.

You glanced at him uncertainly, but he set her on your lap anyways. You tentatively bounce her on your knee and she giggles delightedly. You have to fight down a smile.

"It's okay to like her, you know." Carl reminds you, smiling softly at his little sister.

You clench your jaw because no, it was not okay to like her. Liking wasn't a far cry from loving them, and you couldn't love people nowadays. They were always taken away someway or another and it always left with you the one who's hurt. You couldn't go through that again.

You hand her back to him a moment later and lay on your sleeping back, watching him put her to sleep as you try to drift off yourself. Cradled in your sleeping bag, you watch the silhouette of Daryl fiddling with his crossbow.

"Better not be pointed at me." You say just loud enough for him to hear.

He grumbles something intelligible. "What was that, crossbow?" You whisper back challengingly. You have to fight the smile in your voice.

"Go to sleep." His voice is gravely, slight amusement in his voice. His eyes grow larger as he sees you laughing quietly to yourself. Big scary hillbilly was used to intimidating people, well instead he made a teenage girl laugh. How'd he like that? By the looks of it, not very much. "You laughin'?" He asks gruffly.

You smile to yourself. "Goodnight, Daryl." You tell him warmly.

He mutters something, watching out the window on watch. "Night, pest." He grumbles a moment later. It sounded less venomous and more affectionate. Big scary hillbilly, yeah right.

Silently, you riffle through your backpack. Your fingers touch the waxy surface of the photograph you were searching for. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust in the dim light, but you can finally focus on the people in the picture. It was the only picture your mother had ever given you of your father.

The first person in the picture is your mother. Her blonde hair is pulled away from her face as she grins at the camera; her laugh lines crinkling around her bright blue eyes. Beside her, stands your father. His eyes at stour color and so is his hair, but his is shorter and barely reached his forehead. A shadow of a beard ghosts over his jaw line and a small smirk pulls up the corner of his lips.

Your father.

Daryl Dixon.

* * *

_BUM BUM BUM BAAA! Anyone see that coming? Let me know what you like and what you don't so I can make changes. Thanks for reading! EDIT (3/18/16): Im reediting these chapters. Hopefully I'll catch up before you get to the next one! xoxo_


	3. Chapter 3

_There's a part of me I can't get back  
A little girl grew up too fast  
All it took was once, I'll never be the same  
Now I'm taking back my life today  
Nothing left that you can say  
Cause you are never gonna take the blame anyway  
-Warrior, Demi Lovato_

* * *

There is a brief moment when you first wake up, where you have no memories. A blissful blank state. A happy emptiness. But that moment doesn't last long. Reality hits you hard and you realize where you are and what has happened and you become the victim of a swirling hurricane of thoughts.

It sucks.

That morning, as soft dawn light seeps into the windowed watch tower, you rise. Everyone else is still asleep, Beth, Carl, and...your father. You think back to when you first saw him, emerging from the woods, with a girl and a baby. He was coated in a layer of grime and an ever present scowl.

He looked different from the picture though, well it was over sixteen years ago. He looked younger, happier. There was no question though, this man before you was him. Your father.

You weren't sure if you liked him, or if he liked you. You had spoken last night and he had been grumpy and mean, but you were good at reading people and it was just another layer of protection against being hurt. Just like you.

Under his layers and facades, you could see someone that you actually might like. Just maybe.

Back to the game plan. You were trying to get the rest of the people that once inhabited the prison back here. Seeing that the others wouldn't wake up for a while, you climb to your feet, grab your weapons and leave the guard tower.

You take out four widespread walkers that roamed the prison front. You walk about twenty minutes out until you find the railroad. You find one of the old railroad time boards and look around for some kind of paint. A single groan has your mind spinning with new yet gruesome ideas. You end the walker's life and with the tip of your knife, you write on the sign.

It reads:_ Rick's group, go back to our old camp. -Carl, Beth, Daryl and Judith._

It didn't flow well and it wasn't exact either but you couldn't advertise the prison to stragglers. But the addition of Judith's name to the note will probably bring Carl's dad running. Probably anyone else in the group as well. You didn't add your name because they wouldn't know you.

You clean off your knife then start the trek back to the prison. As you come upon the clearing you see Carl moving towards woods you were sheltered in. You're taken aback and remain sheltered by a tree in case anything was wrong. He marches past you, not even seeing you hidden alongside the tree.

"Carl!" you say loudly, trying to stop his stormed march away. He spins around wildly, and his face relaxes.

"Jasper, where did you go?" He asks as he comes over to you.

You brow creases in confusion. "Just getting some air" you say "what's going on?"

"I-we didn't know where you were" he says "Beth saw you leave real early, but it's been almost an hour."

You shrug. "Sorry, I went for a walk" you say walking towards the prison. You would let them have a surprise when people showed up.

"Okay, well we're going to try to clear out the C-block today, and maybe the B-block too. There may not be many in there because we cleared it out a while ago. We could even move in there today, maybe tomorrow" he says.

Before you can respond, Daryl exits the watchtower. "I see you've found the pest" he says shrugging his crossbow over his shoulder. He stumbles a little and you smirk, he was either drunk or drinking.

"And I've seen you've found a bottle" you shoot back. He turns to you and throws you a halfhearted glare before turning. You can still see one corner of his mouth pulled into a smirk.

Carl leans over to you and whispers "Is he smiling?" He asks like it was an impossibility.

You choke back a laugh. "I think so" you say with a smirk.

"Let's go!" He shouts over his shoulder. You and Carl both grab your weapons a little tighter and jog after him. "Were gunna do this the easy way. You two start workin' on fixin' the fence and makin' enough noise to draw 'em out. I'll take care of 'em but stand ready" Daryl explains.

You both nod. You follow after Daryl anyways and stand a few feet begin him as he yanks open the steel door. There's a small scuffle inside and Daryl nods to you. "I got this kid" he says moving farther out to intercept the few walkers.

"Ah, so I've upgraded from pest to kid now" you say with a smirk as you turn and walk off. Daryl sends another halfhearted glare in your direction before turning back to the door.

When you join Carl, he's got a board propped up against the caved in fence, and is lifting it back into position. You jog over to help him, and together you push it back to its original form just to have it fall back. "This isn't going to work. We need cars to keep it standing." You say with a sigh.

He looks towards he fence hopefully then sighs. "Yeah you're right. Someone's gotta have Daryl's back though." He replies casting a glance at the redneck who pulls a walkers body to the side.

"I can go by myself" you point out like it was obvious. Well it was.

He shakes his head. "Hell no" he says.

You roll your eyes and put your hand on your hip. God, you've been on your own for weeks at a time before. You could handle yourself. "Why the hell not? I've been on my own before, I'm the one that can hot wire cars. I'll be fine" you say sounding annoyed.

"You never go out alone, that's the number one rule" he says looking down at you.

You smirk and swing around him, leaning casually against the edge of the bent gate. "I've never been good with rules though" you say before turning an jogging away.

"Jasper!" Carl yells after you.

"Where's she goin'?" Daryl asks approaching Carl.

"Getting cars to support the fence" he tells him. "I'm going to go with her. Don't go in there, stay in the tower and get the ones that come out" you can feel his eyes trained on your retreating figure "don't do anything unsafe, I'm going now."

He snorts. "Good luck" he says sarcastically then walks away muttering something about teenagers.

He chases after you now, and you groan in annoyance. Last time you have checked, you saved his life, not the other way around.

"I don't need protection" you snap when he catches up with you.

He holds out his hands in surrender. "Hey, chill out. It's dangerous out there, I'm just trying to watch out for you" he says.

You pull your hair into a quick pony tail as you march towards the forest with Carl on your tail. "I don't need to be watched out for, especially when it will slow us down" you reply, still angry.

"We need everyone to do this, I'm not going to let you run out there and get yourself killed cause you want to be independent" he shoots back angrily.

You turn to him. "This isn't about what I want, it's about what needs to be done to make the prison safe. But if you want to follow me like a little puppy and slow us all down then be my guest" you snap.

He clenches his jaw and glares. Even being four inches taller than him, you never felt intimidated by him. Until now. "Fine" he growls "just do us a favor and don't get yourself killed."

"That rule I can follow" you call as Carl turns and walks back.

You let out a frustrated sigh and spin in your heal before taking off into the forest. The bomb you set off before really worked, because there isn't a walker in sight.

You peer up at the canopy above you, leaves blow in the wind and let bright gray light shine through and into the dark forest. It reminds you of a poem your mom once read you when you were a little girl. 'The woods were lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.' You can't quite remember the name of the poem, but you remember the author: Robert Frost.

It was weird how the poem relates so well to your situation right now. The woods were exactly so, I did tell Carl I would be back alive, and I did have miles to walk before I could sleep. Huh.

Leaves crumple under your feet as you walk, and while stuck in a daze you find that you've walked almost seven miles. You turn left, and come across the main road. A walker that had been trailing clumsily for the last mile becomes your paint and your knife becomes your paintbrush as you paint another sign for going to the prison. You've only written Daryl and Carl's names when you are alerted to someone behind you.

A gun cocks behind your head. You stand quickly and and spin so you're about three feet from your attacker. There was an older man, and behind him a younger asian guy and a pretty younger woman with short brown hair that stands closely by his side. The main guy doesn't look like he's eager to shoot but he doesn't let the gun waver. He looks at you, waiting for you to speak. You don't.

"Why are you writing that?" He asks angrily "Who are you?" You glare back at him. "I don't want to shoot, but I will. Talk" he growls in a thick southern accent.

With one swift kick, you knock the gun out of his hands and it spirals into the air. He is too shocked to respond so you grab the gun out of the air and point it at him with both hands.

"I don't want to shoot, but I will. Talk" you repeat flashing a sarcastic smile.

"Hey now, calm down. Put down the gun and we can talk" he says soothingly.

You chuckle. "Oh so it's like that when I have the gun? Fine, you two first" you wait until the other two toss their guns aside then you chuck the gun into the woods. It falls only a couple feet in.

The man glares into the forest and mumbles something. "Alright. I'm Rick, that's Glen and Maggie. Now what are you doing writing that? Who are you?" He asks calmly.

Your eyes scan over the area. "You're Rick? Glen and Maggie?" they nod. Carl's dad and the married two he mentioned. It worked. You raise a hand in a wave. "Jasper. I'm trying to- it's the truth. I'm with your old group."

All their eyes go wide, but Rick's the widest. "It's real? You're with Carl, and Daryl?" He asks incredulously.

You nod. "And Beth-" you start but am cut of by Maggie's gasp of shock. Didn't Carl say something about Beth having an older sister that she was separated from? They must've only seen what you were writing and not the other sign.

"Beth's alive? She okay?" Maggie asks hopefully pulling away from Glen and coming forward to where Rick was.

You nod. "She fine. I promise. So is-" you look up at Rick's hopeful but grim expression. "So is Judith."

Rick's mouth parts slightly and he looks like he's in pain almost. "Don't lie about this." Maggie says to you sternly "you promise, with your life?"

"I promise. Judith's just stared talking, Daryl hates everyone, Carl still wears that stupid hat and Beth is sweet as ever. There, you have proof. We were at the prison, were trying to restore it. I'm getting cars to drive back to strengthen the fence." You tell them "That's why I was writing the signs. I didn't tell the others about 'em though. It's a surprise."

Maggie grins, come forward and throws her arms around you, hugging you. You stand there awkwardly and halfheartedly pat her back. "Thank you" she murmurs then pulls away.

"Uh yeah so, there are some cars down there, we got to get 'em to the prison, everyone take one?" You ask peering down the hill to the cluster of old cars.

They all nod and you and everyone else head down the hill together. Glen ends up in an old pickup truck, Rick in a large van, Maggie in a mini van and you in a Volvo. You're grinning as you lead the procession of Carl's family and friends back down the short road to the prison.

Carl, who was hitting some dents out of the chain link fence, looks up, his eyes wide. Daryl had seemingly finished clearing out the C-block and was now staring at you. Beth, who was bouncing Judith in her arms outside, breathes out a gasp. You all pull the cars right along the fence evenly spaced and climb out as Daryl pulls the gates open.

"I followed the rule" you say to Carl with a smirk as you watch Rick run to him and hug him tightly.

You can't help the grin on your face as Rick slowly approaches Judith and Beth sets her in Rick's arms. A few tears roll down his cheeks. Beth shrieks and dashes towards her sister who hugs her back ferociously. You fade into the background and end up near Daryl, both of you observing.

"Got the C-Block cleared out?" You ask him.

"And the B-block too" he says.

Your brow creases. "Really?" You ask "Is it in good shape, the cells and everything?"

"Three of 'em are brokn', the walls between. Needs some cleanin' but it's good other than that" he says then as an afterthought "-kid."

You smirk then walk away towards Rick, Carl and Judith. Rick looks up from Judith "Thank you Jasper" he says sincerely "And I'm sorry about before."

"What happened before?" Carl asks.

Rick chuckles. "I pointed a gun at her just to have her kick it straight outta my hands. Didn't even see it comin'" he says.

You half smile. "Sure no problem. She's a cutie ain't she?" You ask playing with Judith's little one year old hand. "Can you say Jasper?" You ask the child with a smile.

"Ja, Jas, Jazzer" she tries and scowls. You and everyone else chuckles. Jazzzbrr." She frowns again "Jazzyyy. Jazz." She decides, looking proud of herself.

You laugh and Carl and Rick join in. "Okay, good job Judith. I'll be Jazz" you say and Judith grins and claps her little hands together.

"Okay, now what about Carl?" You try. All eyes were on the little girl now.

Her brow knits together and she frowns as she tries to concentrate. "Ka, Car Carlll, Carrrlll, Carl" she says and her eyes light up and she giggles.

"Good girl" you praise. "Last one, can you say daddy?"

She makes another face. "Da, Daddwy, Daddyy, Da-ddy" she declares with another giggle.

"Good girl Judith" Rick says with a glowing smile. "You're my little girl" he says bouncing her.

"I'm going to go check out the cells" you say heading off towards the prison.

Rick nods and Carl turns away from him. "I'll come with you" he says and you throw him a warning glare. He was doing the overprotective thing again and he just realized it by the way he pulled back a little.

"Come on" you mutter relenting as you walk away. He follows after you, a little more cautious now.

Once you reach the door, you push it open, the squeaking piercing your ears. You walk into a large gray room, cells line one wall, on the ground and on the second floor. Five cells in each level. Shattered glass and broken walls lay on the floor, and two of the bottom cells' walls are busted through and one on the top. A set of stairs connects the top to the bottom and four large glassless windows line up against the wall.

You come to the conclusion that this place seriously needs some color. Forget the real threat of the walkers, the lifelessness of this place could take several lives itself. You make it a point to raid a paint store or at least a Kids R Us to find some watercolor paint at the very least.

Maybe you could go on a run sometime soon and pick up a few things. Then while the others were clearing out the rest of the prison and you were watching Judith (because Beth had started working on a schedule), you could fix it up and make it nice. That would be nice for them right? It would make them happy, but it wouldn't make this place special to you. This wouldn't be your home. Don't get attached.

You climb up the stairs and look around in wonder as Carl stands below and watches you with a tiny half smile. You run your hand along the concrete walls and step over the chunks of fallen material on the ground. You peer into the cell with the broken wall and notice that the outside walls of both were intact and it almost looked like a tiny bedroom.

"The guard tower might get a little crowded with eight people" Carl calls up to you as he locks a metal gate that led on to the rest of the prison. "Think we could clear this place out a little for tonight? It'll be safe if we keep the gates closed."

You kick a chunk of concrete over the balcony. It clatters to the floor and the sound echoes throughout the prison. "Yeah sure, and technically it's seven people and a baby." You point out.

"Technically" he says in a horribly imitation of your voice "You're a dork."

You join in with his laughter. "Technically you're an idiot" you say sliding down the remaining fifteen steps on the railing and land on the ground perfectly. You grin.

"You're a bigger pain than the walkers Jasper" he says with a smirk as he kicks a chunk of concrete towards you.

You stop it with your foot. "Oh stop it, you're making me blush" you say sarcastically before kicking the concrete piece back at him.

"Oh come on, you know you love hanging out with me, fighting for our lives, fighting each other, fighting for each other. Fun isn't is?" he jokes.

You laugh. "Oh yes, like eating glass" you say as throw a grape sized piece of concrete at Carl and laugh when it hits him on the side of the head.

He rubs his head faking how much it really hurt. "You're it" you say with a sly smirk.

His face grows determined and he fakes left then runs after you from the right. You laugh and run up the stairs and around the edge, taunting him as you dangle your arms down to the stairwell where he was trying to reach you. While you're distracted he runs after you, and you're only a few steps ahead of him.

He reaches forward and tries to grab you around the waist, and finally on the third try, he succeeds. "Carl!" you shriek with laughter as he spins you around. "Carl, there are stairs" you manage to say but it's too late. You slip and go sliding down the stairs. You're not hurt and judging by his laughter he isn't either.

"You really are an idiot" you say climbing wobbly to your feet. He snorts and you both manage to climb to your feet unharmed.

Still somewhat dizzy, you almost fall into him but he catches you. You're about to burst into another fit of laughter when you see his face. He looks serious but had a small smile etched across his face. This is what happened in movies before the guy kissed the girl.

Oh freaking crap. It was drastic action time. You stumble again, this time a fake one, and end up sitting or half lying on the stairs. "I think I have a concussion, I actually thought I didn't hate you for a minute" you chuckle.

He laughs too then sits down beside you and lies back on the stairs. "Okay ow, this isn't a good bed" he says sitting back up.

"Really idiot?" You ask sarcastically as you climb to your feet. "We should clean out two of the cells and move the bunk beds in there for tonight" you propose "Judith, Beth, Maggie and Glen should stay in the guard tower tonight. It'll keep Judith safe and I doubt Beth will leave her. Maggie'll want to be with Beth and Glen with Maggie."

"Okay...it's a little weird that you know everyone so well already" he says slowly as he eyes you suspiciously.

You shrug. "I'm just good at reading people I guess" you say as you start kicking fragments out of a cell.

"Creepily so. But so that means my dad, me, Daryl, and you would be in here. Have fun trying to convince my dad and Glen of that. Maggie and Beth too. You're going to end up at their little guard tower sleepover one way or another"he says cracking a smile as he helps you clear out the floor.

You stop what you're doing and give him a weird look. "I never thought I would hear guard tower and sleepover in the same sentence" you say.

He snorts. "Well I never thought I would be cleaning out a prison cell with a smart ass" he jokes back.

"Lucky you" you say smirking.

Before he can respond, a grinning Beth appears in what's left of the doorway. "Jasper, there you are" she says happily.

Maggie appears beside her, wearing the same excited grin and sparkling eyes. You slowly lean towards Carl and loudly whisper "Carful, they can sense your fear."

They all laugh, the sound echoes around the prison. "Jasper come with us, let Carl and the other boys clean up in here. We wanna just forget everything and have fun for once. You're almost done anyways. Were having a sleepover in the tower." Beth explains happily.

"Just girls" Maggie adds and throws a playful glare at Carl. "No boys allowed" she says grinning slyly.

"And why's that?" Carl asks with a smile as he fake pouts. It seemed like Carl and Maggie had a aunt and nephew kind of relationship. It was really sweet.

"Because you're a boy. And boys have cooties" Maggie says sticking her tongue out at him "not even Glen's coming. Come on Jasper" she says pulling me out of the cell.

Carl watches you be pulled away with an used grin. "I called it! Have fun!" He calls jokingly.

"Not likely!" You shout back before the door closed and you're pulled into the night.

Only ten minutes later, you're dressed in just a tee shirt of yours and a pair of underwear, like Maggie and Beth. You were sitting in a circle and whispering to each other to not wake Judith who was asleep in the corner. You decide you really like Maggie, maybe more than Beth. She was funny and sweet like Beth but she was louder and more alive.

"Okay, truth or dare" Maggie says with her sweet accent while flopping down onto her sleeping bag. You and Beth copy her action. "Jasper, truth or dare?" She asks.

You purse your lips as you think. It had been forever since you had played this game. "Truth" you decide.

The sisters sigh together. "Lame, but fine" Maggie says "okay...have you ever been kissed? Like not by family or somthin' like that."

"That would be a no" you reply.

Their mouths drop open. "What?" Bet asks. "A pretty girl like you? What are you, sixteen?"

"Fifteen, sixteen sometime soon I think. And thank you but most guys were idiots at my old school. Others couldn't get a clue or liked other people." You respond with a shrug. "Beth, truth or dare?"

"Why dare of course" she says clutching her pillow to her chest with a tiny smirk.

"Hmm. Okay I dare you to do an imitation of Daryl" you dare with a sly grin.

She giggles an straightens, preparing do act. "I saved your life" she says in a grouchy country voice "nah that ain't no good. Babies just cry all the damn time. Where the hell'd this girl come from?" She starts for another immaterial, but bursts into a fit of giggles followed by the rest of you. You were lucky Judith was a deep sleeper. "Okay Maggie truth or dare?" Beth asks still stifling giggles.

"Truth" she says with a smile.

Beth barely hesitates before springing forward with her question. "Are you and Glen ever havin' any kids?" She asks hopefully.

Maggie bites her lip and light link blush spreads across her cheeks. "Um well, it's not a good place or time or anythin' for kids but..." She looks at our faces "I'm pregnant."

"Oh my god, Maggie," Beth gasps "you're gonna be a mom and I'm gonna be an aunt!"

"I felt strange so Glen and I found a Walgreens and unless four positive tests lie, I'm pregnant." She says.

You smile. "Maggie you're happy about his right? It'll be fine you know. Everyhting will be fine, we can find a doctor in under nine months. And Judith will have a friend" you say.

She smiles slowly. "You really think so?" She asks hopefully. You nod truthfully. "Thanks. Ok so...names? You girls have any ideas?"

"If it's a girl, Carrie, Alison, Jade?" Beth suggest excitedly. "And if it's a boy, Mason maybe, or Riley?"

Maggie smiles. "I like all the girl names, and I like Mason too. What about you Jasper?" She asks you.

"I like Alison and Jade, but maybe you could make Jade her middle name? Alison Jade Rhee? Carl told me your new last name. You could call her AJ." You suggest.

"Oh that's good" Maggie says "I think I'm pretty far along, I'm showing barely, mostly I just look a little fuller, but that really only means one thing nowadays. Glen real excited, it's the sweetest thing."

You smile at the thought of them together. Carl said that they were married. "You two are really good together" you tell her honestly.

"So are you and Carl" Maggie says with a laugh.

"What!?" You shout but you can feel the redness creeping up your neck and settling on your cheeks.

"We both knew Carl before all this went down and we got split up and he was quiet and serious. Now he's laughin' and smilin' all the time" Beth says "it's you."

You roll your eyes at them. "For all you know, he found Atlantis while you were separated" you say.

They sigh collectively. "Ahh denial, the first stage" Beth says. Although you're annoyed, you crack a smile. Beth came more alive when her sister was around.

"Oh shut up" you say with a blush, for once without a comeback. It was because of Carl, you tell yourself. You and him were just friends and it was weird to think of him like that. Or, wait, did you? Oh crap. The girls continue to giggle like idiots. "Okay, reality check. Were in the zombie apocalypse. Let's get some sleep" you say. Anything to stop the embarrassment.

"Fine Jasper" Maggie's says giggling and turning out the lantern. "Night girls."

"Night" you chorus back.

* * *

Did you like it? Pretty please leave a review and tell me what you think, and if some people are a little too OOC, because I know that they are a little, it's hard to make much of a story when they're continuously mopey. So just let me know your thoughts on that. Also if you review, you can suggest a baby name for Maggie and Glen's baby! Boy and girl names please, I'm not telling what it'll be!

I will update after a secret number of reviews. Hint! The number is even, between one and fourteen, is one of my favorite numbers, can be divided by two and get a whole number, and it's two. You're welcome for wasting your time. ;)

This chapter alone is almost 5000 words, and it took me a really long time to write sooooooo: Remember it takes hours to write and only seconds to review.

~Bellabear~


	4. Chapter 4

_Some legends are told_  
_Some turn to dust or to hold_  
_But you will remember me_  
_Remember me for centuries _  
_And just one mistake_  
_Is all it will take _  
_We'll go down in history_  
_Remember me for centuries _  
_Remember me for centuries _  
_-Centuries, Fall Out Boys_

* * *

Daryl POV:

"We need more diapers" Maggie announced as she stepped out of the cleared out cell they were keeping Judith in. "The ones she got are worn to rags an' she's going to need a 'em for at least another few months."

You look up from the table and slide your arrow across your knife deftly before putting it back into your quiver. Beth was writing in her notebook leaning against the wall, Carl was on watch with Rick and Jasper was sketching something on the table.

"It's about midday, I'll go" Glen offers standing up from the table.

"I'm goin'. I'm gettin' out of this place" you state, almost daring anyone to argue. No one does. You throw your crossbow onto your back as you stand up.

Jasper stands too. "I'm coming" she says the same way you said it. It wasn't a question. She looks around the room "Someone else should stay" she says seeing that both you and Glen were going to be absent leaving Maggie, Beth, Judith and Carl here with only Rick.

It wasn't fair but it was like it was in the olden days, the women needed a man around for protection. You didn't like it much but with most girls that is what had to happen. Not for Jasper though, you had noticed, she was a fighter and she did alright. Maggie might be able to protect herself as well but she might not be able to defend them all.

Glen looks uneasy but he sighs. "I'll stay" he relents sitting back down.

"Get your crap girl, were leavin'" you command Jasper.

Jasper hurries upstairs and you set outside and start up the car. You're disappointed that you can't ride your bike but you had to bring back supplies and he bike wasn't much for that. Jasper comes out, now wearing a pair of red shoes and a leather jacket and wielding her weapon and climbs into the passenger seat. Carl, who was on watch, shoots you a glance that says 'be careful' as he closes the gate behind you.

You drive in silence for a few minutes. "How long have you been with Rick's group?" Jasper asks finally.

You shrug and make a turn onto a main road. There's a crunch underfoot as you crush the skull of a walker. "'Bout three years now" you reply looking ahead.

"Long time" she remarks in effort to keep the conversation going.

"Yeah" you say. You weren't in the mood to talk.

She groans and turns to look at you. "You really ain't much for conversation" she says annoyed.

"Yeah well you ain't much for bein' a kid. Always takin' care of lil' ass kicker or patrollin'" you say gruffly.

Her eyes widen. "Are you telling me to stop helping the group and go play tag somewhere out of trouble?" She asks incredulously.

"I ain't sayin' nothin' like that. I'm just sayin' that you're actin' like one of us and you're just a kid" you reply.

Her brow creases in confusion. "What do you mean? I have to act like one of you, I am one of you. I'm fifteen and Carl's fifteen too. An' Beth's only eighteen, just barely" she says defiantly.

"Carl's getin' close to sixteen. I'm just sayin' kid, that you're different alright? You ain't winey and weak like them other kids that've come in here" you explain gruffly.

She narrows her eyes. "Was that a complement?" She asks suspiciously with a hint of a smirk pulling up the corner of her lips.

"Naw you just happen to not be specifically insulted" you specify.

"You've got your story, I've got mine. See ya in court." She says with a smirk then turns forward again.

You laugh once. A real laugh. "So how'd ya end up here?" You ask a little more friendly.

"It was just me and my sister at my house. It was safe. My mom got us lots of supplies so we were okay. I hunted most of the time though or used snares." She explains.

"What happened to your folks?" You ask quietly. There was no more 'what about your parents?' or 'are they still alive?'. If someone wasn't with you they were usually dead.

"My dad, I never knew him" she says glancing out the window. "My mom... well she got sick. Turned one day. I locked my sister and I in my room then went out the window and guided her outside so I wouldn't have to kill her. She wandered off but still liked to show up every so often."

"I'm sorry" you reply honestly keeping your eyes ahead.

She smiles sadly. "But then Carl and some other guy showed up. He died, there were a lot of walkers after them, and Carl was knocked out so I brought him in. I fixed 'em up. My half sister left with her dad for a safe house he had passes for later the next day and we decided to leave" she explains "'bout you, what's your story?"

You're kind of taken aback by how calmly he tells you her story. It isn't the worst story sure, but when a someone talked about their mom dying and hanging around to try and eat them...well you've had adults get choked up at that.

You shrug. "It was just me and my brother, Merle. We went round' together huntin' and scavengin' He's gone now. I've been with this group since before then." You explain.

"Sorry." You drive into a town and down a main deserted street. "Hey Daryl?" She asks.

You see a fairly intact Walmart up ahead and pull in front of it. "What?" You ask.

"Grace Dare. That was my mother. You knew her. I met you when I was a kid, 'round six remember?" She asks looking up at you as you park the car.

Your brow creases as you recalls the memory. "Yah, I knew Gracie. I remember now, lil' Jaz" you say smirking at her and the memory "I had a feelin'. Jasper's a rare name, and you look a lot like your mom. How 'bout that" you muse.

You remember being back in town and stopping by Gracie's house. The two of you used to be best friends then went out for a little bit before you moved away. Her son was ten and she was six. You remember her, the little girl that kept sassing you. She was a funny little thing.

"Thanks" she says with a small sad smile as she looks back ahead.

"What happened to your brother?" You ask hesitantly. She didn't mention him and you wanted to know what happened. If he was dead though you feel like you jut made it worse.

She pauses. "He was a college in Ohio when it started. We don't know what happened to him" she reveals.

"The last Dare standing" you mutter as the two of you climb out of the car.

You clutch your crossbow in front of you and Jasper does the same with her machete. No walkers were around but that didn't mean anything. The doors to the store had been barricaded with lockdown screens and who knows what else but there was no movement inside. Looking up, you see second floor windows.

"The power is still on in there so there's a security system on. That means loud sirens which won't be good." She says walking over to a fenced in electric area. She messes with a control panel.

"What are ya doin'?" You ask curiously as you approach her.

As shrugs and pries off the plastic cover. "I used to be alright at this" she says.

"Can you hack in there and turn if off?" You ask her skeptically.

She scoffs and laughs. "It has a five pin tumbler system, single circuit alarm, child's play" she says amused as she pulls out some colored wires. You have to laugh at this strange girl. "Okay done" she says climbing back over the fence and standing beside you.

"How'd ya learn to do that?" You ask curiously.

She shrugs. "That's for me to know and you to be impressed by" she says smirking. She sees your look. "Fine. My brother got a scholarship with digital design and all that. He knew how to hack stuff and he taught me" She reveals as she looks up at the slanted roof fifteen feet up. "I can get up there" Jasper says a moment later looking up as well, scaling the walls and ways to get up there.

You look at her doubtfully. "Like hell you can" you say. She smirks, her whole aurora screaming 'challenge accepted'. She walks around to the side of the store, climbs up on top of a pickup truck and looks thoughtfully at the heating box. "God" you grumble but you're amused.

She stops what she's doing and smirks down at you. "I'm an atheist" she deadpans making you snicker.

She carefully steps on the gate she just jumped, and uses her arms to put weight on the heating box, then stretches out a leg and pulls herself on top of it. From there she grabs hold to the rocky wall and inches four feet over a thirty foot drop. Damn this kid had balls.

She successfully launches herself onto the slanted store front roof area and inches her way up to the windows. She peers inside then steps to the side and slams the butt of her knife into the window. The glass shatters and rains down the roofing as she pulls herself out if the way. She looks inside again and whistles. A snarl comes from inside and before you can call out, a walker lands a couple feet from you, it's head splattering.

Looking up, you see her grab another walker by the shoulder and yank it forward so it slides down the roof and hits the pavement. Dead. She whistles again then nods to you, there were no more in that room.

"What are ya going to do now?" You call up to the fifteen year old who carefully balances on the roof.

She gives you a weird look. "Going in?" She says like it was obvious.

"Like hell you are! There's gotta be tons a walkers in there." You call up.

She rolls her eyes and leans against the windowsill. "Do you have another idea?" She asks.

You look back at the strongly chained front doors and windows. There was no way in hell that you be able to get in that way. You could ram the car maybe but that could mess up the car. You could climb up the way she did but that didn't look likely.

"You'll die in there" You shout back up at her just to dodge another falling walker body.

She smirks. "Will I?" She asks raising her eyebrows questioningly. You scowl up at her, making your feeling on the subject clear. "I'll just make it to the main floor, open the security barriers, and you can come in" she says.

"An' if ya die while ya doin' that?" You ask eying her.

"Oh come on Daryl, I'll take it slow, one floor at a time. If they come after me then I'll just climb back out the window. They'll all slide down." She says shrugging.

You shake your head. "Naw, no. C'mon we'll find another place" you say.

She holds her ground. "Like hell I'm not. It was damn hard gettin' up here. I'm goin'" she says before ducking into the window and out of sight.

Damn. You strain your neck to look through the window but it's too dark in there. There's nothing you can do, you're not superman, you can't break through the walls. You anxiously wait to see her, and almost call out to her but don't. Although you wish she didn't go, you like how she acted. Didn't care and did what she wanted as long as it was good for others. Kind of like you.

It's been almost ten minutes. No major sounds had been heard from the inside aside from some moans and crashing. You were growing seriously worried. "Jasper!" You shout, your worry seeping into your voice.

More crashing, more moans. Your body moves forward towards the sealed entrance on pure instinct but you pull back knowing that you couldn't get in. "Jasper!" You shout again.

Suddenly the window a few down shatters. Jasper must have opened the screen on the inside and broken it. You run to it and look inside. Corpses liter the ground. Four walkers are almost on Jasper and she's cutting at them but they're all savage with hunger. You jump in through the window and run over to her.

Throwing off the first walker, you push away another and bury your knife in a third. Jasper knocks down another and stabs it in the head. You shoot an arrow at another one and Jasper takes off the head of the one that was right behind you.

Her hair was tucked into her black leather jacket and blood splatters her face. More blood drips from the edge of her shirt and her jeans are half soaked in it. She breathes heavily and glares at some of the dead walkers. Instead of looking frightened like other kids would, she looks calm and determined.

Your eyes widen and you take a small step back. There was so much blood. "Jasper-" you start slowly and hesitantly.

"It's not mine" she interrupts as she cleans off her blade. "Hell of a lot of walkers in here" and says catching her breath.

"Not bit are ya?" You ask.

She shakes her head. "No. I'd be gone by now if I was" she replies.

You pause a moment. "How many were there?" You ask.

"Don't know, eight maybe? They were spread out so it wasn't that bad" She says straightening and of tightening her grip on her weapon while keeping her back against one of the shelves while more moaning comes from the back of the store.

You do the same and move so the arrow pointed down the isle the walkers were coming from. Your eyes widen when you see ten of them coming and coming fast. You shoot once, twice, but now they're too close.

"C'mon girl, we gotta get to better ground" you say figuring she would know what you meant. It was too dark and cluttered in here to fight off that many.

She follows you then stops short. "Wait, we gotta hide. I have an idea, just do it" she says pulling you behind lineup of old shopping carts. You have no choice but to crouch beside her as the walkers stagger into view. They come in you direction and you reach for your crossbow but Jasper beats you to it.

You look at her quizzically. "Trust me, I got it" she says and you allow her to take the crossbow.

She lifts it up and points it in an entirely different direction than the walkers that were even closer now. This goes against everything you've lived but and you barely keep yourself from snatching away the bow. She has it pointed at an old vending machine and she lets the arrow fly. It hits the control panel area and the machine sparks then cans start rapidly coming out of the machine. The walkers hear the noise and shuffle towards the machine that is still going off.

She nods to you and hands you back the crossbow. She takes her knife and slices through the two closest while you shoot at the farther ones. Within a minute they're all dead. Keeping her machete in hand she starts skimming the shelves.

"Adda girl" you say apraisingly as you look around the store. "How'd ya think of that?" You ask.

She shrugs. "Figured since the electricity was on it would work. Just a more advanced version of throwing a rock to lead 'em away."

"Hey look at this" she says a moment later with a smile evident in her voice. You walk over and look at what she's holding. She has in her hands a jar of peanut butter, Frosted Flakes, and a bottle of grape soda.

You snicker. "That's a real nice breakfast."

"Hey, this isn't a meal!" Jasper protests with a laugh "just some things I like but separately...except for that one week I was home alone."

You snort and walk over to inspect some other shelves. There was a hell of a lot of food here you wonder if there was- "Aw hell yeah" you say as your hand falls on at six pack of beer.

"What?" Jasper asks from the end of the isle where she was looking through bags of chips.

You don't answer, just slide down to the ground and open one of them. Jasper huffs and walks over to you as you take a sip. "Damn" you remark before drinking half the can. It was warm and old but it was beer And beer was beer.

Jasper sits beside you. "Can I try it?" She asks seemingly unembarrassed.

"Why the hell not" you say handing her the can and cracking open another one.

She smells it. "I've always liked the smell" she confesses before taking a sip. She stops drinking a moment later and looks at the can. You look at her expectantly. She shrugs "it's alright" she says taking another sip.

You chuckle and drink some of your new one. "That's all you get" you say nodding to can you have.

"Why?" She replies defensively.

You snort. "Because you're fifteen" you reply.

"We've covered this" she responds half glaring at you. "I'm almost sixteen and anyways why does age matter? The world's gone to shit anyways."

You shrug. The girl had a point. "Fine you say taking her can from her, downing it and handing her yours that held a little more that half to her. "Happy now?"

She takes it and rises. "I'm not unhappy" she replies simply as he walks away.

You smirk as she goes. You check out the rest of the place and seem it safe. It was getting close to dark but it didn't seem like you and Jasper could load everything needed into the car before leaving. With the window broken this place would be looted by the time you get back.

"We should stay the night here. Pack up in the morning an' collect everything tonight. We could sleep in one of the upstairs rooms and move one of the vending machines in front of the front window" Jasper proposes "People back at the camp will be worried but they won't set out until late tomorrow probably."

You nod and grab a gallon of soda and four pack of canned tuna off the shelf. "Dinner" you explain stuffing them into your pack. You and Jasper move a large soda machine in front of the window and then find a fairly clean room in the office second level. You set up a chair in front of the door knob so no one or nothing can get in.

The two of you eat in silence. The sun drops off the horizon through the window and the room's brightness fades. When you're both done eating, Jasper takes off her jacket and stretches. Her shirt pulls up to reveal her slender waist and you see writing.

"What's that?" You ask looking at her.

She turns and her shirt falls back into place. "What's what?" She asks confused.

"That. On your waist. It that a tattoo?" You ask pointing to her waist.

She pulls up her shirt to reveal the italicized writing. She smirks as she looks at it. "Oh yeah, I was kind of a rebel" she says chuckling "it says, 'dream as if you'll live forever. Life as if you'll die tomorrow'." She says.

"When'd ya get that?" You ask amused.

"I was fourteen. My mom never even knew about it, it was...after. My brother's friend was a tattoo artist. He hooked me up when I came across his parlor when I was scavenging. He couldn't really use the ink for much else anymore. I also got these stars" she says showing you a collection of five stars on the back of her hand near her pinky finger.

"I thought those were drawings" you say smirking "guess not."

She smirks. "Guess not" she confirms.

She uses her jacket as a blanket as she curls up behind a turned over table. You sigh as she rests her head on her arm and let's her eyes flicker closed. You forgot that no matter how badass she was and how good she was at breaking into places, how many tattoo's she had and how many walkers she killed, she was still just a kid.

You remove your own jacket and walk over near her. About two yards away you lay down and use your jacket as a pillow. Your hand slips into your pocket and rests on your knife as you eye your crossbow that sits right in front of you.

"Night Daryl" Jasper replies with her eyes still closed.

A small smile flickers across your face. She acted so young yet so old sometimes. "Night kid" you say before closing your own eyes.

* * *

Quick update! I actually wrote two chapters then decided this needed to be added in (it was originally a really long chapter-7000'words, but I split it into two). But I wrote this today on my iPhone during school and a little yesterday and I just (when writing on my iPhone, I have to put the words into an email then save it as a draft and then look at it on my computer) it it into doc manager and it was SO many words. I freaked out.

Anyways though here is the next chapter (which I edited while in my kingdom (my bed with Taco Bell), I hope you like it.

So Daryl and Jasper bonding? How do you like it in Daryl's POV? Next chapter is like that so I hope you like it. Meaning I already have the next chapter ready! Whoa I'm early with something! So reviews = update faster. Remember it takes hours to right and only seconds to review:)

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You are being hypnotized. You are going to click review and tell the author what you think about this chapter and story over all. You have been hypnotized and now you have to do it.

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Hypnotized.

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~Bellabear~


	5. Chapter 5

_'Cause I don't want to fight no more  
Even when the waves get tough  
I don't want to see the day we say we've had enough  
-Battleships, Daughtery_

* * *

Daryl POV:

An agonized scream wakes you up in an instant. You're standing up, wielding your weapon and looking for a walker before you can even form a coherent thought. There isn't a walker though, just a fifteen year old writhing as she screams, still asleep.

"Jasper" you call moving towards her. She doesn't respond, just keeps screaming. You drop to your knees and shake her. "Wake up" you say.

She chokes on a gasp and her eyes snap open. Her breathing is labored and erratic and her eyes are wide.

"Hey now girl, shh, it's alright, you're fine, just calm down" you whisper gruffly as you set a hand on her shoulder.

She breathes in a shaky breath and tries to close her mouth but she ends up gasping for another breath.

"Bad dream?" You guess solemnly. She nods and begins to control her breathing. "S'not real" you say "what was it about?"

She sits up and brushes her arm across her face. "Just my mom, it's nothing" she says quietly.

"Alright, it's fine, you're fine. Light's up in an hour, try to get some sleep."

She nods and takes a final breath. "Sorry" she mumbles as she lays back down and you do the same four feet away.

Being so close to morning, you don't bother going back to bed. You just lay there and watch the sun come up through the broken window. You notice that she never goes to sleep either.

When it finally morning, you climb to your feet and grab your crossbow. "C'mon girl, were burnin' daylight" you call.

She rolls over and yawns, pretending to just have been asleep. She sits up and shrugs on her jacket then grabs her machete. The two of you head out and Jasper runs her hand along the wall as you walk.

"This place still has electricity" she says flipping on and off a light. "We can unlock the safety screens and drive the car right in an' load it up."

You nod. "What'd we need?" You ask as you reach the last stair.

"Food-no way!" She exclaims rushing off the stairs and to the corner of the store where she picks up a fairly new looking guitar.

She sits against the wall and runs her hands over the strings familiarly.

She smirks and strums a few times.

"You play?" You asks leaning agains the wall near her.

She nods. "I used to be in the music program for guitar and singing" she tells you.

"Play somthin'" you say.

She smirks. "I'm not sure I remember much but I'll give it a try" she says positioning the guitar right.

She starts strumming a song. You sort of remembered the song. It used to be pretty popular.

"But if you close your eyes," she sings angelically. You were shocked by how good she was. You had heard Beth sing and she was pretty good but this girl sung better than some professional singers.

"Does it almost feel like, Nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, Does it almost feel like, You've been here before?" She sings then stops strumming and look up at you with a half smile.

"Nice pipes" you say nodding "really."

She smiles and rises then walks with you towards the front of the store. She sets down her guitar next to an old produce stand and reminds you to not let her forget it.

"So what were you saying you needed before you freaked out over a guitar?" You ask smirking.

She scowls at you. "They're barely any left, I hadn't seen one since the whole apocalypse thing started. So yes, this is freaking out worthy." She says.

You laugh once. "Yeah, so anyways what do we need here?" You ask as you head to the front.

"Food, all that we can bring, medicine- for Maggie we'll need pain meds and pregnancy stuff." She says "We'll also need stuff for Judith, disinfectant, peroxide-"

You cut her off by pulling her behind an isle. Two heavily armed men had just pushed aside the vending machine that was covering the blocked window and they had a struggling girl with them.

"Now calm down sugar" one of the men was saying as he pulled the girl through the window. She looked to be younger than Jasper, maybe eleven. Your breath catches, she looked like Sophia. You remember when you found her, half eaten alive while she clutched her doll clutched to her. Your heart broke when you told Carol and she screamed and sobbed.

**(AN: my own version to what happened, just go with it)**

"We have to help her" Jasper whispers harshly to you.

"Calm down girl, I know, we will. Wait 'till they get a little-hey!" You whisper urgently as Jasper pushes herself away from you and runs out into the open.

She just stands there, not drawing a weapon. You know what you're supposed to do. You move silently around so you're behind the other man a little ways off and wait.

One of the men whistles. "Now what do we have here. Yer a pretty one ain't cha? What's yer name?" He asks as he approaches her.

"Courtney" she replies shakily while she secretly watches the other man move slightly away from the little girl who was on the ground looking afraid.

He gets even closer and you take aim with your crossbow and shoot at the man near the little girl. The man near Jasper spins around and when he turns to look back at Jasper, she swings a mean right hook at him and he crumples. You aim and shoot.

"Adda girl" You say chuckling. "Hell of a right hook" you say nodding. She nods back, a smirk playing on her lips, then walks over to the little girl.

She smiles comfortingly as she slowly approaches. "Hey honey. It's okay, no one is going to hurt you. What's your name?" She asks reassuringly as she drops her machete and kneels down a couple feet from the girl.

"I'm Carter" she says quietly. You stay where you are, knowing that your presence would just frighten her more. She has shoulder length red curly hair and a lightly freckled face. She is built thin and lanky but she looks doesn't look that weak.

"Hi Carter, I'm Jasper. Him over there is Daryl." She tells the child and you slowly approach but lean against a shelf and just observe.

"But you said your name was Courtney" she says questioningly.

She smiles. "You never tell them your real name" she replies. "Now do you have a camp? Do you have family or anyone?" She asks.

Carter nods. "My mom and dad. And my big sister and her son and daughter" she responds "I was looking for my cat and they grabbed me. Our camp is at an old house a couple minutes from here."

"Okay, we can take you back there okay?" She says then turns to you. "I'll take her back, you pack the things" She says.

"Hell no-" she cuts you off with a look. "Fine, you're not back in twenty minutes I'll shoot you myself" you grumble before turning.

She smiles and takes the child by the hand. "Come on. Don't worry about him, that just means he cares" she tells the kid as she walks her out.

You bring in the car and have it half filled when you hear another car outside. Wielding your weapon, you look out the window. Jasper climbs out of the car and through the window you can see the little girl.

"What the hell is this?" You ask approaching her.

"The kid's dad is a doctor" she explains. "We need a doctor for when Maggie delivers. Unless you want her to end up like Laurie."

That was a low hit but you know she's right. "Fine. How're we gonna get 'em back?" You ask.

"They'll follow us in their car and we can pack food in their car too" she says.

Overly trusting girl, they would just drive off with the food. "They'll drive off. Guarantee it" you say harshly.

She looks unaffected by the hostility. "We're taking the kid with us. They wouldn't dream of it" she replies smugly.

Maybe she wasn't so stupid. "Fine. Get 'em in here." You command. Within an hour everything that can be stuffed into the car, is. There's baby things for Judith, lots of medicine and other medical supplies, clothes and pillows and yes, Jasper's guitar.

"Okay" Jasper calls to the group that gathers outside around the cars. You cod tell she liked being the authority. "Just follow us and we'll bring you to the prison. Just one thing though, were taking the girl in our car" she says.

The other red haired woman's eyes widen. She was Carter's mother and you think her name was Jamie. "What? Why?" She asks pulling her daughter close to her.

"Don't worry. It's just insurance that you won't drive off. We won't hurt her, I just saved he an hour ago didn't I?" She reasons.

Carter looks up at her mom. "It's fine mom, Jasper's nice. I'll be okay" she reassures her mother.

"Christopher, talk to them" Jamie pleads.

The doctor looks up. "It makes sense. I trust them though, they wouldn't go through all this trouble if they were going to kill us. But Jasper" he addresses the fifteen year old "would it be alright if I joined you in your car?"

Jasper turns and looks at you. You shrug. "I think it'll be fine" she says. She spins around then when a chorus of moans sound a couple blocks away. "Alright, c'mon lets go" she says.

The ride back is quiet. You drive and Jasper sits in the shotgun. Every now and again she flashes a reassuring smile back at Carter. When you finally come into view of the prison, Rick was on watch. By the time both cars have pulled within the confines of the prison gates, everyone has gathered.

"We're back" you say getting out of the car.

"Who is all this?" Rick asks gruffly.

You shrug. "Jasper found 'em after we saved their girl. One of 'em is a doctor, she said we'd need him for when Maggie delivers" you tell him.

"Your in charge here?" Christopher asks Rick. Rick shrugs and nods. "We would like to thank you for taking us in. Things are just getting worse out there. We'll do wherever needed to earn our stay" he says honestly.

Rick nods thoughtfully. "We've got some questions for ya. First, how many walkers ya kill?" He asks.

"I'm not sure. I had to keep my family safe." He replies.

Rick nods understandingly. "What about people? How many'd you kill?" He asks.

Christopher exhales loudly. "Five. Two of them were men trying to hurt my family. Two other were..were my aunt and cousin. They turned. The last...I was a doctor at a small town that was destroyed. A man came in, he had fallen off a horse and was badly bruised and couldn't walk or move without hurting horribly. The infection had probably already spread to his organs. When the zombies came, I...he was asleep and they would've eaten him. I shot him in the head while he slept. Never woke up." he man reveals.

"Thank you. I think that you all will be fine here. We can all clear out the B-block for you all to stay in" Rick says nodding. "We might be able to clear it out for sleeping for tonight."

Christopher nods appreciatively. "Thank you very much. What you're doing is very kind. I'm Christopher, my wife is Jamie. My oldest is Alyssa, she's thirty that's her son Jonah and her daughter Anna, they're seven. My youngest is Carter, she's ten" he tells Rick.

"Nice to meet you all" Rick says heading up the hill and towards the prison with everyone else following.

The girls take up the rear of the group. "I feel bad for that woman and those girls" I hear Carter's sister, Alyssa say to Carter.

Carter looks at her confused. "What woman?" She asks curiously.

"The one on the side of the road" Alyssa says "she had really short grayish hair and she had two girls with her one blonde and one brunette. I wanted mom so slow down but she said we couldn't."

Your eyes widen. Could it be Carol, Mika and Lizzie. "Hey" you snap stalking over to Alyssa. "What woman? What girls?" You snarl.

She looks afraid. "They were on the side of the road a little ways off. The woman had grayish hair that was real short, like a boy. And the girls looked like sisters. They waved at us but mom wouldn't let us go. It was about ten minutes back." she says, her eyes wide.

"That's Carol and the girls" you say loudly. Rick turns and looks questioningly at you. "She saw Carol and the girls along the road. I'm going" you say already flinging a leg over your bike.

"Wait take the car" Rick says not even trying to stop you because he knows that you wouldn't listen. "I'll come too."

"I'm going too" Jasper says moving towards the car.

Carl hurries forward from the group and places a hand on her shoulder. "You just got back, rest a while" Carl says to her.

She shakes her head. "I'm going too" she argues, her voice hard.

"S'alright girl, go get some rest." You tell her. She doesn't look happy by she nods. The others look a little taken aback and curious about what was going in. I guess they had never seen anyone ask and answer to you before. You had to admit, it was new to you too.

Both of you set out. You drive out ten minutes, calling the whole way. Finally, after Rick has already suggested going back, the bastard, you get an answer.

"Daryl!" Carol shouts from somewhere within the woods.

Hope floods through you and you quickly pull the car to a halt and climb out. "Carol!" You shout. Finally she comes into view. Relief floods through you. She looks fine, perfectly safe. So do the girls.

"Daryl" she says running into your embrace. She pulls back and puts a protective arm around each of the girls. "Zombie apocalypse and all that's left is you and the cockroaches." She says smiling.

Shuffling and moans come from back in the brush. "C'mon, we'll talk in the car" you say.

When you get back to the car, Rick looks at Carol blankly. Only once we enter the gates of the prison, does he finally half smiles. "Welcome back Carol, Mika, Lizzie" he says.

Carol smiles back. "It's good to be back" she replies.

An hour later everyone is gathered around a bonfire. Jasper kind of surprised you by sitting next to you but you didn't mind really. You actually liked the girl. It seemed like she liked you too. It was like you had unofficially adopted her.

Carol, who sat on the other side of you, smiles. "Last time we won the prison there was singing" she says looking around the campfire, hopeful smile in place.

Beth shakes her head. "Sore throat" she says apologetically, her voice scratchy.

You look around and smirk as Jasper who was shooting you a cautious glare."This one can sing" you speak up nodding to Jasper who scowls back.

Carol smiles sweetly and Jasper's glare disappears instantly. Carol had the whole sweet motherly thing that was impossible to refuse. "Really? do you want to sweetie?" Carol asks.

Jasper shrugs and smiles at Carol. "I uses to be in the music program. I guess I will. Can I go grab my guitar I found?" She asks.

Carol nods smiling and Jasper runs off. She comes back with the instrument and sets it on her lap gently. She runs her fingers over the strings. "Sorry if I'm a little rusty" she says half smiling around the fire. The begins playing gently. You recognize the song immediately. It was 'Bless the broken road'. Damn kid.

"I set out on a narrow way, many years ago. Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road. But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn't see how every sign, pointed straight to you" she sings angelically. People smile at each other around the fire.

"Every long lost dream, led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars. Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true. That God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you" she sings drawing out the words. Carl almost glows and you feel a protective urge. Damn kid better keep his hands to himself.

"I think about the years I spent, just passing through. I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you. But you just smile and take my hand, you've been there you understand. It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming true." She sings passionately. She had a hell of a nice voice.

"Now I'm just rolling home, Into my lover's arms. This much I know is true. That God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you" She sings meeting the eyes of everyone around the campfire.

"That God blessed the broken road" she sings, letting her voice drift. She looks oi to the fire and lets a small smile her features. "That led me straight to you."

-/-/-/-

Jasper:

You didn't really know why you needed to get out, you just did. Maybe it was Judith's crying that got to you, or the claustrophobia, you just needed to get out for a little bit.

You had stayed in my cell all morning, not bothering to even get dressed until now. You smile at the room. It looked a lot more like a real bedroom now. A calendar hung on the wall, you had managed to find one that had years in advance. It wasn't like there was so many events to keep track of, it was just nice to know what day it was.

Your clothes remain in your chest that sits at the foot of your bed but now your guitar leans against the wall beside it. The room was colored light green with chalk that you had found from Walmart, and you had also colored Judith's room purple. So much gray wasn't good for a little kid.

You make sure the door is fully closed, then you take off your pajamas and pull on your jeans and tank top with your black leather jacket over it. You slip your feet into your boots, slip your gun and knives into your belt and grab your machete. Ready.

You leave your small cell and walk down the stairs to the main floor. You address Daryl, who sits at the table sharpening his knives. "I'm going hunting" you say and start for the door.

"Not alone" he replies.

You sigh and turn back to him. "I'll be fine, I found Rick, Glen and Maggie when I was alone didn't I?" You ask.

He relents and shrugs. "Alright fine, you're not back by dark, I'll shoot you myself" he says going back to sharpening his knives. It's then that you notice that Rick, Carol, Carl an the newcomers were curiously watching out of the corner of their eyes. You shrug them off and walk out.

You decide to head south instead of north like usual and you think that there is a small town somewhere near there. Your beliefs hold true and within twenty minutes you see a weathered gas station, a corner store and a couple other small shops and stores. It was just a truck stop. But it was okay, you didn't need anymore than this. This was perfect.

As you walk towards it, two walkers see you and snarl as they limp towards you. You knock one back with your foot and cut off the others head. When the other one climbs to it's feet you stab it in the head and blood splatters your face. Fantastic.

It was early December now according to your calendar. Christmas would be coming soon if it weren't for the whole apocalypse thing. This store's window would've been decked out with Christmas lights and trees but now it was barren and broken. You decide that even if Christmas wouldn't include Christmas trees or coco and lights, that didn't mean you couldn't get something for everyone as a gift.

You use the butt of your knife to shatter the glass in the little window in the door. You carefully reach in and unlock the door before opening it. This town was tiny and although a few walkers were milling about, it didn't look like anyone had come across this town yet other than a single straggler or two.

No walkers are inside so you quickly close the door so as not to alert the other ones of your presence. Your eyes scan the shelves, there was mostly just tourist junk. It was just dusty knick knacks. You grab a over the shoulder bag off a hook and browse the shelves. Your eyes land on an old brown leather book. Flipping through it, you discover it's a diary. You slip it into your bag, this would be a perfect gift for Beth, and keep looking.

A shuffle in the back notifies you of something. You're on high alert immediately and you move along the wall.

"Who's there?" You call. A walker would've come right away instead of waiting in the back. This was a human. A human that seemed like they didn't want to fight. You had walked past the open doorway where the noise was coming from and whoever back there wasn't trying to kill you. They had ample chance before.

"I said, who's there?" You say louder and more commanding.

There's another clatter and a small form moves out from the room. Whoever it was had a small stature and was about five three in height. It was a girl around your age by the looks of it, maybe a little younger.

"Step forward" you command. The girl hesitantly obliges.

She had chest length maroon colored hair that fades to almost blonde at the end, making me think that her hair had once been blonde. She has big pretty hazel eyes, and an mature yet innocent looking face with smooth lightly colored cheeks. Light freckles dance across her nose and cheeks. Her lips waver slightly as she stands there. She clutches a broken and sharpened piece of wood in her hands.

"What do you want?" She asks, her voice steady. She looks frightened slightly but she stands her ground. She was defensive though, like she was protecting something. She must live in the back room. That's why this place was in order and without walkers and why the door was locked.

"Hey, don't worry I'm not going to hurt you" you say setting your machete on the floor next to you.

She berates out but doesn't relax. "That's what everyone says before they hurt you" she says eyeing you carefully.

You laugh once. "Fair point" you say with a smile. "But really, I'm your age, I'm just as lost as you are. I'm not going to hurt you" you say "Jasper Dare."

She nods and the edge of her lips pull up. She steps farther into the open. "I'm Sophia, Sophia Peletier."

* * *

BOOM CLIFFY! Thoughts?

Hello everyone:) quick update because I...I would say because I wanted to give you a chapter, I with I do partially, but mainly it's because I suck at waiting. Anyways though, here is the next chapter, I hope you like it.

Oh and I think it was chapter two, but I did this math problem thing on what number review I would update on. And I ended up changing the number from 4 to 3, which screwed up the math problem and made me look like an idiot. So yeah, I'll probably fix that in a minute but just to let you know, that's a typo, I'm not THAT stupid, I'm THIS stupid. (FIXED now by the way).

So please leave a review, I'll update after 4 reviews:) oh and a thank you to those who have reviewed. Thanks Ill send Postcards (I love the name by the way), Captain Stoner, Guest reviewer, and random person/HelloSweetie49 (it's my friend that's trying to get me to update, and for when you're reading this you are a liesnake! DO NOT ASK. Were strange...)

So thank you those who have reviewed, followed, favorited and read this story! I'll update after 4 reviews and please tell me your thoughts, ideas or questions for this story! Remember it takes hours to write and only minutes to review! Love you guys! (Minus my friend...*suspicious look*).

~Bellabear~


	6. Chapter 6

_Good morning, myself  
It's been a while since we have talked  
You have changed  
For better or worse is yet to determine  
But I am sure  
That you'll keep living and breathing until the world turns over  
-Lay me down, Daughtery_

* * *

"Hi Sophia" you say cracking a smile. "Do you live here?" You ask.

She nods and waves her hand towards the doorway, gesturing for you to walk over. She still stands a foot or two away from you but allows you to look inside. There is a small table along the wall to the left of the door that has a few things on it including cans of vegetables, a half melted large candle and some sharpened makeshift weapons. In the corner is a pad from a chair and an assortment of mismatched pillows and blankets.

"I pull the table in front of the door at night just in case" Sophia says with a shrug. "I have some food if you're hungry, water too."

You smile thankfully. "It's alright, I have more at my camp" you say rifling though your bag "here, I have more" you say presenting her a can of mandarin oranges.

She gasps an takes them. "Thank you" she says smiling.

Thudding comes from the door. You turn and see a walker hitting itself against the door, it's dead hand reaching through the small hole in the glass window. You breath out a sigh of relief when you remember that you locked the door again after entering.

Sophia gasps and hurries into the little room. "Come on, come on" she says waving you in. You curiously oblige. She closes the door behind you. "The walkers can't see you if you stay in here. They'll forget what they're after and wonder away after a while. Were safe here" she says.

"You call them walkers too?" You ask her.

She shrugs. "Yeah, my old group I used to be with called them that and I started calling them that too. I wish we didn't have to call them anything. I wish they were never here" she says sounding scared.

You tilt your head in confusion. She was so afraid of these things. "Have...have you ever killed one of them?" You asks hesitantly.

She sits down on the edge of the table. "I've killed two of them. I had no choice. I hit them with a fire extinguisher. I scavenge from the other shops here. Did you see those three cars out there? When I scavenge, I run from car to car and hide until they run off. It's worked pretty well" she says as she take as bite of the oranges and sighs in contentment.

"It's smart" you say nodding "but you need to lean how to fight them."

She shrugs "Not if I'm smart" she says as she offers the can to you. "Want some?"

"No thanks. But listen Sophia, being smart won't always keep you safe. Believe me, I know. I play it the smart way but I still have to fight. You need to learn, and you're going to." You declare.

She looks afraid. "What? No! I'll get bit or killed" she says.

"You'll be fine. I'll be right next to you the whole time. You won't get hurt, I promise" you tell her as you open the door and retrieve your machete.

She holds back and shakes her head. "No, no please Jasper" she begs.

You pull one of your knives out of your belt and hand it to her. She accepts it unwillingly. "Now come on, I'll take care of the one at the door" you say opening the door and planting your machete in its head before it can bite you.

You roll your eyes when you see her standing back still. You grab her hand and pull her to the doorway with you. "That one" you say pointing to a walker with a limp that was a couple dozen yards away.

"Now come on, follow closely" you say whistling quietly so only the one walker starts towards you. "Okay, hold your knife like this" you say correcting the way she held the knife. "And keep your body back and stay light on your feet. Keep your arm above its mouth, and if it's too tall, go at it from the side" you I instruct.

The walker snarls and reaches forward. Sophia grips the knife tightly and looks determined. You smile, she was learning quickly. She moves out if its way as it lunges, and spins so she's facing it's back. She grips the knife and moves forward quickly with the knife clenched in her hand. In a quick movement she buries the knife up to the hilt in the back of the walker's head.

"You did it" you tell her with a grin.

Her eyes grow wide and she grins. "I did it" she says laughing.

A snarl sounds from a couple feet behind you both. You turn and see a large walker a few feet away moving towards you quickly. Sophia moves away from it, almost hiding behind you.

"It's okay, just do what I say" you say slowly as the walker approaches you both. "And, to the side!" You shout as the walker lunges. You pull away and both of you come up behind it as it tries to get up. "Okay, we're going to do the same thing again" you say as the walker climbs to its feet "and then when it's down again, you're going to kick it down in the middle of its back."

She nods shakily. "You can do this" you remind her as be walker charges. "Now!" You shout again. You both dive out of the way again and then Sophia moves to she's behind the walker. You nod at her once. She puts her foot on its back and pushes it down hard. "Good, now when it comes at you again, bring your foot up and kick its  
chest but don't let it scratch you" you tell her.

She nods and takes a step back and waits. When it is on its feet again, she kicks it hard pushing it back then moves forward and stabs it in the head.

"You learn fast" you say appraisingly as you watch her grin to herself.

She laughs. "I killed two of them!" She exclaims "I can't believe I did that."

You can't help but smile at her excitement. "Want to go pack your things and we can go?" You ask as you check over a walker for merchandise.

"Go where?" She asks confused.  
"Oh, right, I was hoping you'd come back to camp with me. We found a prison and we have twenty or so people there. Lots of resources."

She smiles. "I would love to" she says "I've been here for two years, dear god I've been bored."

You laugh. "I would be too. Hurry, go pack, the camp is only twenty or so miles away" you say.

She runs inside to pack and you kill two more walkers that come across you. On them you find an old pocket watch, a pair of dangly silver earrings and a three bottles of nail polish that was in a bag tucked in one of their jacket pockets. Sophia comes back out then, a bag slung over her shoulder and a pillowcase full of blankets and other things. You head out towards the prison together.

"So...what's your favorite food?" Sophia asks randomly a moment later.

You crack a smile. "Um, I think it would have to be pears" you say thoughtfully. "What about you?"

She grins. "Coffee ice cream, always has been, always will be" she says.

You laugh. "Okay, what's you-" you stop short and listen.

"What is it?" Sophia whispers anxiously as she looks around.

Over the trickling of the stream in front of you, you hear the familiar clumsy crunching of leaves and ghoulish moans. There was a lot of them, at least thirty of them. A herd. There was no way that you could take them all even if you had someone like Daryl with you. Especially now with Sophia who couldn't fight. You would have to protect her.

"Come on, stay quiet" you whisper back as you lead her towards the water. "They'll smell us, get the mud, cover yourself. Stay still." you tell her.

She looks disgusted but she nods. The two of you smear the mud over your arms, legs, torso and hair. You finish just in time too. The first walker bursts out of the tree line followed by the next six. You nod slightly at Sophia to keep her still as a walker walks right beside her as she lies down. Twenty or so more follow, moaning and shuffling past you and Sophia who bites her lip to stay quiet.

They finally pass and you rise to your feet. "It's okay, you did fine" you say helping her up. She nods. "Alright, come on. The camp is just another mile."

You both trudge through the forest, still covered in mud. The both of you joke about it and somehow the mud bath becomes fun. Sophia kills two more walkers and is very happy with herself. You decide that you like Sophia, she was fun to be around and once she became more skilled at killing walkers, she would be an excellent hunting partner.

You finally come across the prison. You meet Michone at the gate who laughs when she sees you both covered in mud.

"This is Sophia" you say to Michone as Carol walks out from behind the guard tower. "Hey Carol, this is Sophia, I found her on my run" you call to her "do you have anything to help us clean up?"

Carol slowly moves forward, her face a mask of terror, hope, pain and excitement. Her eye widen and her mouth opens slightly. "Sophia?" She asks in a tiny voice as she comes to stand with us.

"Momma!" Sophia exclaims running forward and throwing herself at Carol. Tears run down Carol's face and I think Sophia's too but it is burrowed in Carol's shoulder. Carol hug her fiercely despite the mud that coats Sophia's body.

Carol was Sophia's mom? You were seriously confused right now.

More people from the prison run out. "It's Sophia" Carol sobs as Everyone joins us. "My baby's back."

"I saw you body, with your doll, your clothes. You were dead" Daryl says sounding shocked.

Carol and Sophia finally pull back and Carol looks at Sophia. "Oh honey you're here" Carol sobs "oh you look so beautiful sweetheart. You're here, don't let this be a dream" she begs before hugging her again.

They finally pull away again and Sophia wipes at her eyes. She turns and sees Carl. "Carl" she says smiling and she runs to hug him as well.

"You're, you're alive?" Carl asks dumbfounded.

I feel the same that he does, confused. Not for the same reason though, you didn't know that Sophia was Carol's daughter or that she was supposed to be dead. You'd figure that out later though, for now you would just enjoy the moment.

"Jasper thank you, you brought me my baby back" Carol says hugging you tightly and rocking back and forth slightly. When she pulls away you just nod and muster a small smile. "Come on, we'll get you both cleaned up and then you can tell us your story" Carol says wiping tears from her eyes.

Someone brings a basin of water into an empty cell for you and Sophia. You grab some clothes from your cell and a pair of extra from the new Walmart supplies then return to the cell. Both of you strip down (after making a deal to stand facing the opposite walls) and wash off the mud. You dry off with small hand towels but at least you get towels. You then dress in your other pair of clothes and Sophia in a fresh pair of jeans and a purple tee shirt. You let Alyssa, Carter's big sister, take the dirty clothes and go wash them.

You all end up sitting in the main area in the prison while Sophia tells her story. "So after I ran, I found this little church and this little girl inside. Well she was about my age. She was crying and her clothes were torn so I gave her my shirt, because I had an undershirt on, and my doll to calm her down. We had to run later on and she said she saw her mom and ran in the other direction. There were walkers and I couldn't go after her. I went back later on and saw her dead then I ran off. I guess she's the one Daryl found" she says smiling apologetically at Daryl.

Daryl looks up from next to me gruffly. "I'm sorry, it looked like-it looked like you were dead." He says looking back down.

"I don't blame you Daryl" Sophia says. "I would've thought the same thing. It looked exactly like me, the eyes were turned, the clothes and doll were mine and she was my age."

Carol, who was sitting beside Sophia, wraps her arms around her and hugs her. "I don't blame you either Daryl. I would've thought the same thing and she's mine. Please don't feel bad" she says.

Daryl nods once and looks back down. Sophia continues her story.

"There were a lot of walkers in the area after that so I kept going parallel to the road until I found the little truck stop town. I stayed in a corner store and kept quiet and scavenged from the other stores. I was too scared if run into another herd like I did when I first tried to leave. I stayed there until Jasper found me. I only had to kill two of them but then Jasper taught me how and today I killed four" she says smiling.

Carol holds her and wipes away a few more tears. "I'm so proud of you sweetie" she says. She looks at Daryl's down cast face and laughs through the tears. "These are tears of joy dummie, now stop being a baby about this" she says.

Daryl musters an apologetic smile. "It's not your fault" you whisper to him. He keeps your head down but eyes you. "Really Daryl, she's fine now. If she heard you calling then she might've tried to come after you and run into the herd of walkers. She could've died if anyone did anything different. But she's alive now."

* * *

_So yeah. Sophia's alive. Please let me know any thoughts, ideas or comments because it would help me update faster and write better! Reviews=magic. Obviously. Thanks for reading and also my new reader who reviewed, thanks:) (I'm too lazy to look up your name-sorry!:) _

_~Bellabear~_


	7. Chapter 7

_We are the reckless  
We are the wild youth  
Changing visions of our futures  
Someday we'll reveal the truth  
That one will die before he gets here  
-Youth, Daughter_

* * *

It had been four days since Sophia's arrival. Carol kept thanking you extensively whenever she saw you and kept giving you hugs. Daryl started looking better after you talked to him that night. The whole grouwp had a slightly happier air to them all. From what you had gathered, Sophia's 'death' had occurred long ago but the loss had stuck with everyone.

Sophia was fitting in, or rather fitting back in rather well. Carol was being clingy though but she had good reason. Sophia ended up taking the cell a few down from you on the top since there weren't any left on the bottom. You helped her color her wall with yellow chalk and set up her few belongings. She had her cot that Daryl fixed for her (since the single beds were made from breaking the bunk beds) with the array of mix matched blankets she had collected. And someone had built her a lopsided table out of scrap materials that now held her half melted candle.

You liked Sophia. She was a little squeamish and afraid, but that was just because of her circumstances. She would toughen up soon enough. It was strange having a girl for a friend. Beth and Maggie were different, they were older and sometimes you think they just added you in to be nice. Sophia was your age and seemed to generally like you. Growing up though you had mainly guy friends. It was strange but you kind of liked it.

"How do you do it?" Sophia asked you as she set a card on the middle of the stack that rested on the middle of your bed. You were playing uno, one of the few card games you both knew.

Your brow knits in confusion. "Do what?" You ask as you place your own card down.

"Not be afraid" she clarifies as she looks at her stack. "I mean, everyone's afraid of these things but you don't let it affect you. How?"

You shrug. "I don't do anything really. I'm most definitely not not afraid. I mean I'm definitely afraid. You just have to fight, and fight damn hard to survive. They're just another obstacle to overcome."

She smiles and laughs once. "You're kind of my idol right now" she says laughing again.

Your raise your eyebrows in shock. "Really? Why?" You ask.

She shrugs and blushes. "I mean, your like a total badass, and a quotable one at that. Plus there isn't really many people that can be my idol at this point and I think that you win out over Daryl" as giggles and you laugh too.

"Well I am honored" you say in a fancy formal sounding voice.

She laughs. "What is it with you and Daryl anyways? What connection do you have to him? It's like he's your dad or something" she says.

You have to hold back a laugh. If she only knew. "Not sure really. Were really alike I guess, I even have a crossbow back at my house somewhere in my attic and I used to know how to shoot. I just remembered about the crossbow today actually. But uh, he's kind of just been looking out for me. I figured someone might start doing that, you know since I didn't have anyone." You say half smiling.

"That's sweet. I always knew Daryl was a big sweetie underneath all that..." She trails off biting her lip and blushing as she tries to come up with a word to describe Daryl.

You are amused but decide to end her suffering. "All that redneck" you supply.

She laughs. "Yeah. I didn't want to offend you" she says.

"I'm not offended at all. He's the purest redneck I've ever met" you say laughing.

Sophia laughs too. "Sophia!" Carols voice calls from below "Jasper!" You both walk out of my cell and look down at Carol over the edge. Carol practically glows.

"I made some soup, you girls want any?" She asks smiling.

"Sure, thanks""Thank god I'm starving" both of you chorus as you climb down the stairs.

Carol chuckles and moves over a large pot over to the metal table. "Mika, Lizzie! Lunch!" She shouts. You see the girls appear from the cell on the top the opposite end as you. They had kept their bunk bed and decided to share the room.

"Daryl found me a deer. He claimed half of it but he gave me the other half for stew. I found some herbs too and added them, as well as some water and roots" she says and laughs when she sees the look of distaste on all of your faces, including Mika and Lizzie who had joined you. "Oh come on, people used to eat it all the time. Just try it you big babies."

You laugh and Carol pours spoonfuls of the soup into five styrofoam bowls. We didn't have luxury of fine china so we made do with styrofoam plates and bowls and plastic utensils. You eye her suspiciously before taking a sip of the soup. It's surprisingly good.

You're about to tell Carol just that when Sophia beats you to it. "Wow mom, this is actually good" she says taking another bite. You nod in agreement and Mika and Lizzie nod as well.

"Well thank you" Carol says smiling as she wipes off the ladle. "With all the men out there hunting around and checking out what's left of Woodbury, I'm out of things to do" she says as she sits down herself.

"Why won't they let the women go?" You ask.

She sighs. "As much as I don't care for it, it's one of those women and children stay behind things. Only us, the new ones minus Christopher, and Carl are here. He's on watch or something pouting about Michone getting to go and not him" she says laughing.

"I wouldn't want to go!" Mika says "it's scary out there."

Lizzie shrugs. "It's not scary, they're just different" she says casually taking another bite of her soup. Well that was a different perspective. And a scary one. "Plus I would want to go back to Woodbury. I left some old dolls in the garden there."

"Well you should ask one of the men to get it for you next time they pass by there" Carol suggests with a small smile getting the conversation back to a less disturbed topic.

"Okay, thanks" Lizzie replies smiling at Carol. "I think I'll ask Christopher. His wife is really nice and said that if either Mika or I needed anything to ask."

Mika grins and nods. "She is really nice. So is Alyssa, that's Carter's big sister. Carter's ten too, so now Lizzie and I have someone else to play with" she says.

"That's really great" Sophia adds smiling."Do you want to go outside and play now"?"

The girls smile and agree. Apparently their version of fun way talking to the walkers like they were people and giving them names. It unsettled you.

"I'm Sophia, we haven't really met. It's nice to meet you" Sophia says after a moment. She had been waving, smiling and talking to the walkers as well to please the little girls.

Mika and Lizzie smile at her. "You too" Lizzie says.

"Do you like it here? It may be a little dreary but it's safe" Sophia says kindly. She was good with kids, You weren't. You were alright with Alice before, but you really weren't that great of a big sister but for some reason she still loved and adored you.

"I like it here" Mika speaks up. "Everyone's nice and there's always food and I'm not scared when I go to sleep."

Lizzy looks at Mika out of the corner of her eye. She doesn't look happy. "I told you, they're just different. How would you like it if everyone hid from you and hurt you because you were different? Stop being so mean" she snaps before moving a few feet down and talking to another walker. Sophia hurries after her.

You look questioningly at Mika. She looks sad and shrugs. "I don't mean to be mean. The walkers just scare me. I like different people just...not them. They try to hurt me. One tried to bite me and I had to shoot it. Lizzie screamed at me then didn't talk to me for a week. I don't try to be mean." she says looking down.

You hurry to her and kneel down in from of her so you're eye level. "Mika, no. You're doing everything right. Lizzie doesn't see the walkers right, you do. The walkers, their brains shut down and they just want to feed. There isn't a person in there anymore. Don't listen to her" you say looking Mika in the eye.

She nods seriously. The corner of your lips quirk up. "Okay, good girl. I'm going to go up to the guard tower, stay with Sophia" you say rising to your feet an smiling at her once more before turning and heading towards the guard tower. You climb up the stairs quickly and open the door to see Carl sitting on the counter looking out the window. Silently, you shut the door and sit in the middle of the room.

You purposely make a little noise and Carl turns. He half yells when he sees you. You just grin wildly in return. "How'd you get in here so quietly?" He asks still breathing loudly.

You laugh then make your face serious. "I'm batman" you whisper loudly breaking into a grin. He laughs with you. "So whatcha doing" you ask coming to sit beside him on the counter with your legs crossed over each other.

"On watch" he replies "it's not very exciting. Want to help?"

You fake excitement, "Oh yeah sure! Let me just snap my neck first!" You say wide eyed.

He laughs and pushes your arm playfully. "Smartass" he says grinning. "But come on please, I'm bored" he begs.

You shrug. "Oh I don't know, it seems a lot less exciting than talking to Stefan, or as you may know him, the walker with only one arm and no eyes" you say looking down to where Lizzie was laughing joyously at a walker.

"Yeah" Carl sighs looking at Lizzie. "She's never seen them right, she just thinks they got sick and became...different. She understands that we have to protect ourselves from them but she still thinks they're just people."

You nod. "Carol told me about when she was with them and they found a little house to stay in for a while. Carol saw Lizzie playing tag with a walker. She had to run out and kill it and Lizzie screamed and cried about her killing her friend. To calm her down Mika always had her look at flowers and breathe deeply" you tell Carl, turning away from Lizzie down below and back to look at him.

"She needs to learn about them. She needs to know that they kill people and they would kill her. She thinks that they just want her to be like them" he says looking back out the window.

"It's kind of terrifying" you say. He nods in agreement. "But I guess just about everything is these days huh?"

He smiles sadly. "Everything is terrifying...including you" he says breaking into a laugh.

You stand up and grin then pull out your knife, flipping it around your finger then dropping it. "I meant to do that" you say simply before snatching it off the ground.

Carl laughs. "The most terrifying beast of them all" he remarks rolling his eyes.

You pocket the knife, roll your eyes and sit back on the counter beside him. You look down at the zombies below. "Oh walkers, that's new" you say sarcastically. Carl snorts. "So how's your pouting going? So sad that little Carl can't go with the men on a run" you tease.

"Hey" he complains "it's boring here and I have absolutely no interest in washing clothes or making stew...no offense."

"Ha, none taken. I don't want to do that shit either. That's why I'm out here. You should be proud sherif, you're more favorable than changing Judith's diapers" you say cracking a smile.

He raises his eyebrow. "Sherif?" He questions.

You reach forward and tap his hat before taking it and playing it on your own head and smirking. "Sherif. And there's a new one in town now. Me" you proclaim grinning as you jump off the table and leap away from Carl as he tries to snatch the hat back from you.

"Ah ah ah" you chide him playfully  
"I'm the sherif, no stealin' from me!"

He relents and stands there looking amused at you. "Come on, please? I got that after I got shot" he says.

Your eyes go wide. "You got shot? Cool! What happened?" You ask excitedly.

He plucks the hat off your head while you glower at him. "I was twelve, I think, and we were in the woods near a farm. There was this deer and I was standing real close to it, and a hunter shot right through it and into my chest. Hurt like hell" he says.

"Awesome" you say grinning.

He scoffs but he's smiling too. "Glad to know you're so concerned about my wellness" he says jokingly.

"Top priority" you declare proudly.

He chuckles "What do you miss most about the old world anyways?" You ask.

He knits his brow as he thinks. "Uh, I think swimming at the pool near my house" he says nodding.

You grin. "Then I have an idea" you declare, your eyes sparkling deviously.

"What?" He asks slowly sounding confused.

"Oh, you'll see. And I promise, one hundred percent, that we'll get into lots of trouble."

"Promise?"

You grin deviously. "Let's go" you say grabbing his forearm and pulling him towards the exit. You run down the stairs and out to the gate, not bothering to get your weapons because you already have them on you. You see Daryl at the peak of the hill looking down at you ad Carl suspiciously.

"Byeeee Darylllllll!" You call out to him joyfully as you lock the gate behind you and run off with Carl at your heels.

"You know he's going to strangle you when we get back right?" He asks laughing as the two of you pause at the tree line. The six or so walkers from the gate stumble after you but they're too far away to worry about them right now.

You laugh and scoff. "Oh I'm never going back" you say half serious, your eyes twinkling evilly "Come on!"

He runs after you. The two of you run for a solid five minutes before stopping to gasp for breath. "Where are we going?" Carl asks breathily.

"Somewhere fun!" You reply smiling through your labored breathing. You take off again and a moment later you come into a small clearing you found early on.

"A pond?" Carl asks looking at the body of water before him.

It was a little more than a pond, it did have a waterfall! The little waterfall was about four feet higher than the little pond, perfect for jumping. The water was clear enough to see the six feet below bottom, so you knew it was safe. Reeds dominated the shoreline and the water looked a little dirty...but hey, this was the apocalypse. You would take what you could get.

"Don't say it like that, it's awesome!" You say happily as you drop your bag on the edge of the little waterfall, cross your arms and pull off your shirt.

You were going to swim, but you sure as hell weren't going to get your clothes wet. You were comfortable in just your bra and underwear anyways. They were both black and not see through, so you were fine. You never got the big deference between bra and underwear and a bikini anyways. You even had a sports bra on. It was innocent enough, plus it's not like there were many options nowadays.

"What are you doing?" Carl asks hesitantly as he blushes furiously and tries his damnedest to not look at you.

You roll your eyes. "Stop being such a baby! It's just like a bikini" you say pulling down your shorts and stepping out of them. You tuck your knife in the waistband of your underwear just in case though.

"Is that a tattoo?" Carl asks curiously finally peering at you.

You chuckle to yourself. "Hell yeah it is! My brothers friend did it, it was after, you know the whole apocalypse thing. I got these stars too" you say showing Carl your had where five stars were near your pinky finger on the back of your hand. "I figured why not, you know? It was my only chance, probably the only one I'll ever get. I don't regret it."

"It's pretty badass" Carl remarks nodding impressed.

You smirk. "It's not an accident. Now come on! You swimming or not?"

He finally pulls off his shirt and jeans and walks slowly into the water. You had other ideas. With a laugh you leap off the little cliff and launch yourself into the water, landing in a huge splash. When you surface, you're grinning like a maniac at a now drenched Carl.

"You're acting like a five year old on a sugar high" Carl says laughing as he wipes water off his face.

"The world needs more five year olds on sugar highs!" You shout smiling as you swim closer towards him.

He rolls his eyes and goes farther into the water. "How'd you find this place anyways?" He asks.

"When Sophia and I were on the way back, a horde came through. Sophia...well she doesn't fight. We ended up covering ourselves in mud so-" you stop when mud splatters on the back of your head.

You turn around slowly to the sight of Carl with a guilty look and a muddy hand. "Like that?" He asks innocently.

You smile pleasantly as you scoop up a handful of mud from the pond bottom. "No" you say drawing out the word. Then all at once you step forward and launch the mud at him. "More like this!"

Before you know it, you're in a full on mud fight with Carl. You're both running and ducking and launching mud at each other as you laugh. You're sitting on the shore beside Carl as he lays on the ground, having had slipped (it was insanely hilarious), when Daryl bursts into the clearing.

You wipe mud from your forehead but just end up smearing it. "Uh, hey Daryl" you say after a second as you try your best to put on a good innocent face.

Carl sits up and looks at Daryl with a tiny apologetic smile. "I heard screamin'" Daryl explains gruffly as he narrows his eyes at Carl.

"We were having a, uh, mud fight" you explain innocently flashing a smile at him.

Daryl shifts his glare up to your face then back down to Carl. The corner of your mouth lifts up a little an you lean towards Carl. "I promised you we'd get into a lot of trouble" you whisper.

Because you didn't break your promises. Ever.

* * *

_You have probably noticed the next title, summary, and picture. Or just the title if your on you phone. The change of the title is from the song "The Show" and personally I like the cover by Vazquez. The change in summary is because the old one didn't really tell anything about the story. And the change in picture is because I think it's better if Jasper's appearance isn't shown. The girl in it before didn't look like my vision of her anyways._

_I'm also editing the first chapter a little to make Carl more in character and less OOC. So that will be edited by the time I post this, so check it out if you want. Sorry that I've been gone for a bit, summer has just begun for me and I've been hanging out with my pack:) I will update after 5 WHOLE FREAKING REVIEWS, WHY AM I IN CAPS, okay better. Please let me know what you think about the story because if you want something to happen or. to to happen. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME, IM IN CAPS AGAIN, WHY? Okay I'm good._

_Until then, stay weird:)_

_~Bellabear~_


	8. Chapter 8

_I'd like to make myself believe_  
_That planet earth turns slowly_  
_It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_  
_Cause everything is never as it seems_  
_-Fireflies, Owl City_

* * *

Everything was too quiet. No chirping of birds, no buzzing of insects, nothing. The only sound heard was the thick crunching of fallen leaves and sticks under you, Carl and Daryl's feet. Yours were the lightest of course. Carl's footfalls were clumsy and Daryl, while an excellent hunter and tracker, stomped through the forest as if he were trying to make as much noise as possible.

You run your fingers through your still wet hair, combing out the multiple knots. When wet, it hung to just below your chest and was almost the color of chocolate rather that its normal bronze color. The water dripped down onto your exposed shoulder and ran down your arm until it dripped off the tips of your fingers. Most of the mud that had coated both you and Carl was washed free of your bodies leaving you clean for the most part.

Your jean shorts are on and the pond water from your underwear seeps through the worn denim. Your shirt is still in your hands and the water from your bra trickles down over your exposed stomach. It wasn't like it was so revealing. There was a sports bra over your real bra curtsy of traveling light. It was even more concealing than normal bikinis. That's why you didn't know what the big deal was and why Daryl seemed so angry.

You were pretty sure he told you and Carl you could remain partially undressed to "dry" was just so he could walk the two of you back to the prison looking like this to cause a stir. You really weren't doing anything like that, you were just swimming and having a mud fight. Innocent, yes. Childish, very.

Both Daryl and Rick were the ones that wanted you and Carl to start acting like kids more and stop worrying. Like that was possible. Either way though, to you, swimming and having a mud fight seemed to fall in the category of childhood. And Carl's shift for watching was over when you left, you could already see Maggie walking towards the guard tower to take over.

From where you walk behind the hillbilly in question, you spare a glance back at Carl behind you. He looks up from the ground and smirks at you, barely holding back laughter. You can't help the similar look that flashes across your face as well. It was a part of the thrill of being caught for something. Knowing you did something wrong yet being old enough to laugh and curse about it when the adults weren't looking.

Your gaze flickers down to Carl's bare chest for a moment before you turn back around. You hadn't really noticed before… but Carl was kind of really strong looking. He didn't look to bad in the other departments either. How could you've not noticed how hot, ahem, attractive your best friend was? It shouldn't, didn't matter anyways because this was the apocalypse. You made the best of everything so why was admitting you liked Carl such a big deal to you? Right, you couldn't grow attached. You were starting to really hate your own rules.

Daryl throws a suspicious look in your and Carl's direction before marching off farther into the woods to take care of two walkers that had stumbled upon you. Carl takes this chance to jog forward a step and match your pace so he is walking beside you.

You can't hold back a snicker any longer. You clap your hand over your mouth and worriedly look out for Daryl who was obscured behind some trees. Carl laughs too but muffles it with his arm.

"Were going to be in deep shit when we get back, you know that right?" you whisper, your voice thick with laughter. He nods as he holds back another laugh. "Not for just running off. Not to make things awkward or anything, but you know what that looked like right?" you ask looking up at him and snickering to cover up your blush "Your dad's going to completely unhinge."

Carl is about to say something when you hear the sound of two corpses hitting the ground. You rapidly tap Carl's arm and he falls back to a step behind you where he was before. Daryl grumbles something at the both of you then resumes the head of the line and walks on with you both following.

When the guard tower finally comes into view, you see Sophia, who was still out front with the children, quickly herd the kids back towards the cell blocks when she sees you all coming. Smart girl. As you all walk towards the gate, Daryl just walks casually as he shoots any walkers who approach you. It was the scary, quiet kind of mad.

Before you reach the gate, Rick, Maggie, Glen, Carol, and Sophia have gathered at the gate. Just as you had predicted, Rick is seething. The moment you and Carl get inside the gate and it closes behind you, Rick goes off.

"And what the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouts furiously, his southern Georgia accent thick and his eyes wild as he pushes Carl back so his back is against the gate.

Carl pushes Rick's hands away angrily. "We weren't doing anything! We were just swimming" he growls "You were the one that wanted us to act like kids, and when we do, were criminals!"

Ricks eyes still look like they could melt someone if he stared at them for too long, but he doesn't look like he is about to strangle Carl anymore. You can almost see the realization dawning in his eyes as he takes in both of your dripping figures. He moves half a step back but still stares Carl down. "Want to explain the absence of clothes?" he growls.

"Do you usually swim with your clothes on?" You finally snap from behind Rick. You had enough of his crap. Just because you were a teenager, you couldn't have a second to explain?

He wheels on you then pulls back and adverts his gaze from your body. You roll your eyes. Really people, come on! It was just a sports bra! It's not like you were wearing lingerie to swim in a damn pond. Rick looks back at you then, or more specifically your tattoo on your side.

"Is that a tattoo?" he questions. Why was it such a big deal for you to have a tattoo? The others in the group that stand watching register shock on their faces.

You roll your eyes. "Yes! Yes, I have a tattoo. But when other people have killed time and time again, I think a tattoo isn't grounds for the sheriff to start shooting" you say exasperated as you pull on your shirt over your head.

"Nothing happened. Back off" Carl growls before walking away angrily, but not before taking your arm gingerly and pulling you with him.

You're both barely inside the cell block before bursting into laughter once more. "Oh god, I know that we shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help it" you laugh.

"And god that was awkward" he adds on, laughing as well.

You nod in agreement. "Hell yeah it was. What I said out there, I thought I only said it in my head! I almost did a double take when I realized everyone else heard me. I'm just going to blank all that from my memory, okay?" you ask hopefully.

"Right there with you" he agrees.

Then the two of you go your separate ways, knowing that hanging out right now wasn't the best course of action given the circumstances. You slowly push open your cell door and flop onto your bed tiredly. It had been a hell of a day.

From where you lay on your bed, you look around the little cell that was your "bedroom". Your bed had a pillow and two scraps of clothes that were your blanket. Carol said that if anyone could find her any yarn, she would make you, and whoever else needed a blanket, a new quilt. There might be done in the Walmart haul but she hadn't gotten a chance to look. Carol was your stereotypic mother, except for her expert reasoning and willingness to do whatever it took to keep the ones she loves safe. You definitely liked Carol.

The wall of your cell was colored a light green, curtsy of Walmart chalk. A small chest Glen made you with discarded wood sat at the foot of your bed. It contained your two extra pairs of clothes (not counting the clothes you were wearing) as well as the picture of Daryl buried far under your tank top and sweat shorts that served at your pajamas and your other outfit. You had given one of your five outfits to Beth, then another to Sophia and your other was your pajamas.

Your leather jacket and your letterman jacket that was your brothers hang on the bed post by your head and on the wall beside your bed was the picture of Alice, Cole, your brother, and you smiling, and the calendar. Beside your bed, your pair of red converse were set to the side and your guitar rested beside them. And that was all you owned as of now besides some small things you found.

A quiet knock sounds at your cracked open cell door. You're about to snap at whoever it is because, as you had previously displayed, you weren't in the mood. Your mind catches up, and you realize that it's Carols voice and she doesn't sound upset.

"Come in" you relent.

She opens the door wider and steps inside before pushing it back where it was before. You pull yourself back up into a sitting position so you're leaning against the corner. She smilies softly and sits on the edge of the bed.

"Hey" she says softly. "Rick's still on a war path. I'd hole up here for at least another two hours if I were you."

"Thanks" you reply with a small chuckle, now less suspicious of her presence.

She crosses her hands in her lap and taps her foot against the ground. She definitely wanted to talk to you about something. "First" she says slightly sternly turning to look at you "That was not polite lot there, but Rick was wrong to accuse you immediately. When he does apologize, which he will with or without my making him, I want you to apologize too."

"Yes ma'am" you reply.

She smiles. "Now what did happen down there?"

You manage a smile. "We just went for a swim. I wasn't getting my clothes wet so I stripped to my sports bra and underwear, which were totally covering. It's just like a bathing suit. We just swam around and ended up getting into a mud fight" you snicker but you're blushing hard "I won by the way. But that's when Daryl came an' Daryl ain't one to ask questions."

Carol laughs. "No he ain't" she agrees. You see the glow that surrounds her when she is around him, or thinks or talks about him. She had a twinkle in her eye and the daydreamy smile lifting up the corners of her mouth. She loved Daryl, very much.

"You love him." It wasn't an accusation, just an innocent statement. Carol loved Daryl, your father. Love was a rare thing, and so was finding your dad. You were honored to have Carol love him.

Carol obviously didn't feel quite the same was about the matter. "What? Sweat pea, why would you ask that?" She asks.

You can help but grin at the slightly desperate woman. "It's okay that you do, he's a really good guy. He loves you too, you know. I see the way he looks at you, talks to you. Trust me, I know" you tell her honestly.

"I-I...how...is it that obvious?" She finally manages to get out.

You smile. "No, don't worry, it's not. I'm just really good at reading people. Everyone else just thinks there's a little tension between you two."

She blinks rapidly and let's her hand fall. She shakes her head then looks back at you and cracks a smile. "Thank you Jasper. But the point of me in here...um someone came here today."

Your eyes grow wide. "What? Who? Are they still here?"

She shakes her head. "It was some kind of...postman? He didn't say much. Glen was on guard and all the man told him was that he was a hired letter carrier from a northern camp. He ran off then and hasn't returned" she tells you.

"Postman?" You question.

She nods and pulls out a newly folded paper from her pocket. She holds it's out to you. "Sorry it's a little crumpled. But he said it was for you."

"For me?" You ask as you take the letter and stare at the familiarly scrawled words on the outside of the rough fabric.

She smiles and stands up, but rubs her hand on your shoulder comfortingly before she starts walking away. She pauses by the door. "On the cover, it says 'from Cole' that's your brother, ain't it?"

* * *

Mwahahaha cliff hanger! You have to review if you want to know what happens next! aww I'm so evil;) Oh I wanted to say the music that I'm into now, because I must pass on the amazing sounds of awesomeness!

Almost all The Script songs because they're amazing. Linkin Park, In The End. Daughtry, Waiting for Superman, Baptized, Outta My Head and Renegade. Alex Clare, Too Close. So yeah there's your look into my earbuds. I'm listening to them now.

So yeah, please leave a review and let me know what you think! Not that I don't love reviews saying I love it or stuff like that because I really do, but I want to know your thoughts about it too. But yeah so more reviews = faster review! Thanks for reading!

~Bellabear


	9. Chapter 9

_Can nobody hear me?_  
_I've got a lot that's on my mind_  
_I cannot breathe_  
_Can you hear it too?_  
_-Hear me, Imagine Dragons_

* * *

The unopened letter rests delicately on your hands. The moment Carol said it was from your brother, it because your most precious thing. Even breathing around it felt too dangerous. You wanted to read it so badly, it was from your brother after all. You had thought he was dead for the last two years. But you were wrong.

Carol is about to leave but you stop her. "Carol. Wait come here" you say rapidly patting the spot she left. She looks confused but she obliges. "Um, I have dyslexia, could you read it for me please?"

Carol nods and you delicately slip your finger under the seal and pull out the folded sheet of paper like it was gold. You hand it to her.

She clears her throat and begins. "_Dear Jaz, you probably didn't think you'd be hearing from me. I am more than glad to make you wrong yet again little sister. If you're reading this, it means you're alive. So, great for you_!" She reads snorting at your brothers idiocy. That was definitely him.

"_I have come across a small safe town somewhere in eastern Tennessee. It's fairly safe here and it's taken a lot of time moving around to get here. That's why I haven't been able to contact you. I would've come myself to find you but...well Jaz, you have another sister. I'm with the best girl, her name's Zoey. I found her about a year in to the whole end of the world thing. I love her, Jaz._

_And now for the third major shocker of the letter, you're also going to be an aunt. Zoey's pregnant. She's about eight and a half months along, that's why it was so amazing to find this safe place. We're trying to find someone to marry us but, they're kind of hard to come by_" Carol reads. She glances over at you and smiles excitedly before looking back at the paper.

"_Anyways though, there are bounty hunter/mailmen type people here that you can rent. I saved up and got one to deliver this letter to you. He's supposed to go to the house first, and if you're not there he follows clues and such. Knowing you, you would've left a VERY detailed note on where you were going behind. So if he did his job right, you will have this letter._

_Maybe after your niece or nephew is old enough, we can come to you. Or if you need a place, just write the word and you'll be here before the baby us born. Two days exactly from the time you get this letter, he's supposed to return to bring a letter back. If you need to leave, tell him and he'll bring you back with him (for double the price, but you're Jaz and my idiot sister so I'll have to do that for you)._

_Write back, that is a command that I will enforce with all my big brother godly powers." Carol laughed "And being the amazing brother I am, I'll try to read it no matter how horrible your dyslectic handwriting is. Cole_." Carol finishes looking up at you.

"He's okay" you breath out insanely relieved.

Carol wraps an arm around you and gives you a hug. "I'll help you write back, if you want" she offers kindly.

"Sure, thanks" you agree. "I'll go ask Beth if she can spare some paper from her diary" you say as Carol removes her arm and you slip out of the cell and jogging towards Beth's room. Beth, ever the nice one of the group, gives you two sheets of paper and let's you borrow her pencil. You renter your cell, hand Carol the materials then sit back beside her.

"Okay" she says as she holds the paper against the wall in preparation of writing. "I'm assuming 'Dear Cole' is first?" She asks and you nod. "Okay, what next?"

You're about to speak when a thought hits you. You needed to tell Cole about Daryl. That meant you had to tell Carol. You trust her though. "Um Carol?" You ask and she looks at you questioningly "I kinda have something to show you" you say reaching into your wooden box and finally grabbing the picture of Daryl with the writing on the back.

You hand it to Carol and watch as she looks at the picture, her face conveying her confusion, then her shock as she reads what you know is scrawled on the back of the photograph. 'Jasper, this is your father. His name is Daryl Dixon, he's a good man.'

Carol gasps as she looks back at you, eyes wide. "Is it true?" She asks after she finally gets over her shock.

You blush and shrug. "They dated a little a long time ago. I didn't find him until Carl and I picked him up on the side of the road on the way here. It's true though, my mom did a test and gave me that when I was twelve."

"I don't know how I didn't see it before. The way you walk and stand and just are. Your face too, and you have his eyes. You both have the thing how you can be surrounded by people you care about and care about you, yet you're still by yourself. And your sarcasm sure is from him" she muses with a small smile.

You smile back mostly out of politeness. Carol says you should start on the letter but you can see she's still thinking about the bomb that you dropped. You realize that you don't actually know what to write back to your brother. It takes you almost twenty minutes to get all your thoughts together and on the paper with Carols help. When you're finally done, Carol reads you the letter.

"_Dear Cole_," she begins.

"_I'm alive and yes that is great for me. We didn't know where you were, god I hate but love you bro, seriously, do you know how worried you made us all? I'm okay, I'm safe where I am. I'm at this prison with a big group of really good people. Maggie and her husband Glen are expecting in a couple months and we have a doctor and supplies for delivering if you need help. The prison is in northern Georgia, not too far and I'm sure you could find it. There are signs along the main roads if you need help finding it._

_Mom is dead. I'm sorry Cole. She got sick and turned. She's still out there somewhere, I couldn't shoot her, I'm so sorry. Alice went with her dad to a safe camp in the north. Joe said it was safe and I let him take the two passes and take her. It's was never just me though, but I found more people, I was never alone._

_I really wish you'd come here. There are really good people here, it's safe, we have weapons and food and medical supplies. Remember when mom gave me a picture of my dad? I found him Cole. He doesn't know, but I think he likes me. He's kind of taken me under his wing so to speak, or write. That's why I want to stay here, I don't want to tell him yet, or maybe ever, but I want to stay with him. I just wish you'd come here._

_I'm safe here though if you can't come for a while. I'll just wait for your next letter and I'll see what you think of this all. So big brother, as always, you're an idiot. Jasper_." She finishes.

* * *

Some shout outs, and thank you's to everyone!

fluffykitty12  
Elizabeth1401  
SadisticKittenPoet911  
Idontknowmyname  
TikiGames  
Themanwithnohead  
Fangirlnodoubt  
Captian Stoner  
I'll Send Postcards: I just want to say that I REALLY love your name:)

WalkingDeadFan: Hello! It was really hard at first with the second person thing, when I stopped writing and came back to it, I would write 'me' and 'I', so that's where that comes from. It also messes me up because I have I think 6 other stories in progress, all in first person. Thanks for reviewing:)

Guest (the one that wanted Carl and Jasper to do it): I want to start out saying that I absolutely love the terms you used! I was actually at the mall with my friend when my phone buzzed (it does that when I have an email) and we could not stop laughing! For those who haven't seen her/his (?) review, her terms were: sexual salsa, horizontal tango, frick frack, pole hole. Love them so much. I actually wanted that to happen, but it seemed a bit to OOC and they're both only 15, almost 16. I know that happens in the real world nowadays, let alone the apocalypse, so that's totally justified, but no yet is all I'm saying. Maybe in a sequel if I end up writing one (I'm a total planner). Thanks for reviewing and making me laugh:)

Ari13: Deliciously evil...I like that. Mind if I use it? I'm not that much of a Caryl fan either, but in a lot of Carl/OC stories (they're pretty much the only WD stories I real) they're a background couple. And I guess it's kind of grown on me so I'm making them a background couple here too. But it's more for the reason of Jasper having a mini family: Daryl-dad, Carol-mom, Sophia- sister= little family. Cole is her brother, no governor here, but you've read the explanation in the story now and don't need that explained, do you. Thanks for reviewing!

Really short chapter, but the next chunk I was going to add in to make it longer is was better as a beginning. What do you all think about the letter from her brother Cole? Do you think she'll get a return letter? And from Cole's letter, do you like his personality and the relationship Jasper and him have? Please let me know what you think a d what you want or don't want to happen! If you tell me then you're going to probably get the story you want!

I want to thank you all for all my reviews and favorites an follows and all that other good stuff. The more reviews, the faster I update, it's down to a science. Internet hugs for all, see you soon:)

~Bellabear~


	10. Chapter 10

_She's talking to angels_  
_Counting the stars_  
_Making a wish on a passing car_  
_She's dancing with strangers_  
_Falling apart_  
_Waiting for superman to pick her up_  
_In his arms, yeah_  
_Waiting for superman_  
_-Waiting for Superman, Daughtery_

* * *

Love is something we wait for. We imagine out first date, our first kiss, our first I love you. But we never imagine our first heart break. Maybe because it's too painful to even imagine. But in a way, the pain of love is what truly changes us. It's the loosing of love that makes us who we are.

The loss of a parent, of your childhood, who you thought you could be, of your innocence. Those losses are perhaps our first steps into adulthood. Life gets more and more complicated. But it's also filled with promise and the possibility of new possibilities. And new places and new people.

And you weren't searching for something anymore. You was searching for you. Who you were, and who you wanted to be.

And right now, you wanted to be outside the gates.

The prison had a total of nineteen people in it now, with your brother, his wife and his baby soon to join as well as Glen and Maggie's baby, making it a future total of twenty three people inhabiting the prison. And food was running out fast. You had helped Carol make dinner one night, and went to the food storage area to get a few cans of vegetables for stew. There were very few cans left, maybe two dozen. The meat Daryl brought in was just barely enough to add to the meals so they had some real nutrients.

This only confirmed your suspicions of the dwindling food supply. You had observed Rick, Daryl, Carol and Michone earring less and even sometimes skipping meals. Food was running out at the most crucial time: three babies and two pregnant mothers.

They needed food and soon. And you wanted, no, needed to help find some. You were the reason that three more would be coming to the prison, you would provide.

"Daryl?" You ask looking at your father flaking arrows on the bench.

"Whatcha want kid?" he asks. The words themselves could be perceived as angry and gruff, like Daryl usually is, but he says them casually.

You pause a second, then continue. "The food's down to nothing. You hunt all day, but were still barely getting by. I want to go with you. I can hunt, I've done it before. We need the food" You tell him, trying to sound as convincing as you can without sounding whiney.

"A'right" he says standing up and sliding his newest arrow into his crossbow and slides his knifes into his belt. "Let's go." Surprise floods your body and your face apparently too because Daryl chuckles. "Problem?" He asks.

"I just didn't expect it to be that easy" you reveal, still shocked. "Rick said kids aren't allowed to leave the gates..."

"T' hell with that, c'mon get your crap, were gone in two" he says nodding up to the top floor. You don't need to be told twice.

You run upstairs to change into your hunting boots and grab your weapons while Daryl waits outside. You run out a moment later, then the both of you enter the woods in pursuit of food in the form of a nice juicy rabbit.

You're about a half a mile out when Daryl stops you. He nods towards a section of bushes with a different colored berries. "These here" he picks up a berry, squishing in gently between his thumb and forefinger. "Berries like these-the blue, purple and black ones- they're alright" he says "yellow and white ones, stay away from them. Red ones if be careful with if I were you, only eat 'em if you know what they are."

"Noted."

After that, you move in silence alongside Daryl. He was searching for a set of tracks to teach you to follow and you didn't want to interrupt him and his 'process'.

"Right here" he says the nodding to the ground before him where fallen leaves were scattered over some partially dry mud.

You kneel beside the mud and gently push away the dead leaves to reveal a print impeded in the dirt. It's a hoof print. Your eyes widen and you look up to Daryl excitedly.

"A deer, maybe a buck" Daryl says looking around. "That's a hell of a lot of meat. Meat that we need. C'mon now" he says turning towards the direction that the hoof was pointing. "See right there?" He asks pointing at the fallen dead leaves that were crunched smaller. "It went that way. The broken leaves are close together too. Means it was walkin' not runnin'."

You move quickly with Daryl, covering about two miles within half an hour. He tells you how to track and tips but doesn't show you much because you have to hurry to keep up with the deer. Late afternoon light filters through the treetops and you find yourself wondering if you'll end up spending the night out here if you don't get back in time. There's few walkers in the woods, and you can hear them coming when they are close.

"Shhh" Daryl quiets you-who wasn't talking anyways-as he slowly stalks towards a bush circled clearing. Peering through the bushes, he swears, then turns back to you with an I'm-Daryl-Dixon-and-I-don't-smile smile. You raise your eyebrows, an obvious question and Daryl nods. The deer was in the clearing.

He moves slowly towards it, crouching in the bushes as he does. He pulls his crossbow into position and pauses as you see the deer's head turn towards where you and Daryl are hidden through the bushes. It was a buck too, and it was plenty big. Come on now little deer, we just want to eat.

With a click, an arrow shoots through the air too fast to be seen and imbeds itself in the deer's shoulder. It rears up, makes a strangled neighing noise and starts running off, but falls to the ground. By the time it's reclaimed it's footing, Daryl has stuck another arrow in its neck. It tries a final time to get to it's feet, but falls back to the ground where it's chest breathes out it's last labored breaths. You and Daryl climb out of the bushes now and approach the dying animal. He yanks his arrows from the deer and puts them back in his crossbow.

You find yourself grinning, saddened by the end of the magnificent creature but excited at the prospect of food and how Daryl took it down. You hear a noise in the woods and your head snaps up. Four walkers approach from the opposite side of the clearing, snarling for food.

"Walkers" you announce as you stand ready and pull out your machete.

Daryl stands too and holds his crossbow ready as two more walkers come out of the woods from the other side. "Gotta protect the buck" Daryl says before shooting arrows at the closer three, nailing two in the head and the other in the ear.

You grip your machete tighter and with your foot you knock back one and put a little distance between you and the one right beside the one that just fell. Once it's closer, you kick hard at its legs making it drop to the ground where you drive your weapon into its head. You jump up quickly to see Daryl taking down more that snarled their way into the clearing. No more were coming, so this must be a small herd, only about a eight. The first one at the front of the others comes at you and you leap out of its path at the last moment and stab in the head as it falls.

Only four remain now. Daryl shoots one coming up behind you and you finish off the one you knocked down earlier. The final two are finished off quickly. The deer carcass is safe.

You suck in air, your chest heaving. "They must've heard the buck" you tell Daryl who nods in agreement.

You lean against the tree and feel the cold air on your face. It had been getting almost cold enough to snow recently and Rick thinks it will any day now. Despite the cold that made you tap your feet to refrain from shaking, it was fairly nice outside. Suddenly, your hair is yanked back and snarling comes from just behind you. A walker has grabbed your hair through the split in the tree. You try to pull away but it was so sensitive and it hurt so bad.

"Daryl!" you screech. You pull away hard, ignoring the pain and tears that sting in your eyes, and you're almost away but with a snarl and a moan, you're yanked back to the tree and hit your head. Hard. You start to fall and a chunk of your hair is ripped from your head. It's all you can do to get your knife and stab the damn thing in the head.

From where you fell on the ground, you tenderly touch the back of your head and cringe in pain as you let a low hiss escape from your mouth. You angrily wipe your eyes of the tears in your eyes that were making it hard to see.

"_Fuck_" you hiss as Daryl crouches down beside you.

"You alright?" He asks.

You exhale slowly and close your eyes tightly, letting the pain pass. "Y-yeah I'm fine" you say.

"Sure 'bout that?" He asks.

You swear under your breath. _It fucking hurt_. "Yeah."

"No you ain't" he says getting closer. "C'mon now, lemme see" he says.

"No!" you say a little louder than you wanted to as you pull away even though the action hurts. You didn't want to admit that a single walker could get you so bad. "No, I'm fine."

"Jesus, kid. I ain't gonna hurt cha. Just seein' what's wrong is all" he replies.

You relent and nod, the action hurting-really fucking hurting- and turn slightly so he can see your head. There's no need to push away your hair because it's not much of a problem being ripped the way it is.

"_Fuck_."

Daryl snorts at this then goes on to inspect your head. "Son of a bitch" he remarks.

"What?" You ask cautiously.

"It ain't that bad. Bleedin' a bit. Damn thing got a pretty good chuck outta yer hair though" he observes.

"Hurts like a bitch" you hiss in pain.

Daryl stands. "It should. Once when I was a kid, Merle and I were messin' 'round in the garage. He got that crazy glue shit on his hands, and we got into a fight. His hand ends up in my hair, had to rip it out. Had a big bald spot on my head for 'bout a month" he says half smirking that painful but loved memory smirk he had.

You smile slightly, the story making you feel better. "Who's Merle?" You ask.

His face goes downcast. "My brother" he says. He has a brother? You have an uncle? Uncle Merle. Where is he? Would you meet him, and when? You had only ever had your mom and Cole and Alice. Other than your mom there was never another adult figure-she was an only child and her parents were dead. An uncle. You'd been so focused on having a dad, on having Daryl, that you've never thought about having more family. His parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. Not that you would be able to meet any of them now, but having them there was something. "He's dead."

_Oh_.

"Sorry" you say as Daryl pulls you up. You're lightheaded, and a little dizzy. He just nods in response.

He holds your arm and helps guide you towards the fallen buck. You're still not quite steady on your feet but with Daryl's help, you're alright.

"C'mon now, grab 'em by the antlers. Gotta get it back 'fore more walkers come" he says "We gotta get goin', don't wanna get caught in the woods with you bleedin' like that. The doc can check ya out when were back. Grab on to me if ya need help standin'." he says walking back towards the fallen buck.

You and Daryl drag the buck back to the prison, and by the time you do you're head is swimming and you can barely keep your balance.

"Were havin' us some venison tonight!" Daryl yells once you're both inside the gates.

That was the last thing you remember.

* * *

Carl POV:

You are laying on your bed, tossing a ball you had found at the ceiling and catching it when it falls back down. It was nice not having to run all the time. You could finally think here instead of acting on pure instinct and adrenaline. So you thought...about Jasper.

Jasper was most defiantly a mystery. Like a ten digit combination lock with only one number given, or a grayscale jigsaw puzzle with 18,000 pieces, and only the border finished. Trying to figure her out was like handing a Rubik's Cube to an blind person, and giving them a time limit. Hell, dealing with the walkers was almost easier than dealing with her. It was nearly impossible to figure out what made her have the impact on you that she did.

Maybe it was the way she walked, or the slight lift and giggle in her voice when she was happy, or the way that her smile made the whole room glow. It could be how funny she was, having a joke or sarcastic remark about everything. So, yes, it was so difficult to pinpoint exactly what made Jasper so special, but whatever it was, it was addicting as hell.

You remember when you first met her, back at her house at what seemed like so long ago. You and Jack, the man you were with for about two days, had been in those woods for days and the walkers dominated those woods. Wherever you turned there were more and the only safety you had was when you were in a tree far off the ground.

When you finally saw that little worn house at the edge of the forest you almost cried in relief. A dozen of the walkers had followed you out, and after taking down half of them, you were exhausted. Jack had hurt his leg badly early on and he had re-injured it in the forest so it was up to you to protect you both. You were only warning them off now and losing energy fast. There were only six more of them, but you couldn't do it. This was the end. You were going to die.

But then her voice rang out, clear as day. "Up here!" She had called. She was standing on the slanted roof, legs spread apart slightly to maintain her balance, staring intently at you with her big brown eyes. Her back was straight, the wind blew at her bronze hair and she had an aurora or power around her. She was like a warrior princess or something.

Jack had slashed an arc at walkers that had gotten too close. The girl had seen that you and Jack weren't doing well because she let down a rope ladder and tried to descend quickly before giving up and leaping the remaining four feet to the ground. You were busy warding the walkers off but you had watched her out of the corner of your eye. She had cringed when she hit the ground but didn't let it stall her. She moved quickly towards you as you both had rushed towards the old house.

A walker had come at her and you were about to run to her when she had sidestepped it, turned and ducked under a swipe, then slashed off its head before running forward to help you. She pushed one back with her sword and knocked another down with her leg before she had drove her sword into its head.

"Come on!" She had shouted and nodded to the rope that swayed in the wind.

She lead you both to the ladder and you had stood guard with her as Jack climbed up. You would've let her up first since she was the ones helping you but Jack's leg was s hurt and you were the only one strong enough to help him up. She understood though by the nod she gave you.

Jack was almost at the top and the girl had nodded to you to let you go ahead. You fended off the walkers so there were only two more a little farther off and you turned to climb. The horde was growing though, more had heard and were quickly coming.

She had run around to the raised porch and thrown knives at the walkers closest. Focusing on climbing, you see that Jack was slipping as he tried to scramble onto the slanted roof. You try to grab him and help him up but he had already slipped and was falling towards the ground.

From the ledge of the railing, the girl had shouted "It's too late, go!"

From where Jack had fallen, he had tried to climb back up but a walker had already settled at his side and began to rip at his leg. The rope ladder had torn as he had tried to pull himself away causing the ladder hit against the house violently. Your head hits against the side of the house and you were out.

When you had woken, it was because of a freezing glass of water poured on your head. You had yelled as you bolted up and your eyes adjusted. The girl, the same girl that had saved your life like a warrior princess earlier, stood over you with an over amused smirk.

She had walked away then and sat down in a rolling desk chair and spun it around to face you. "Oh good you're up" she had said.

Since that day you had been hooked.

You didn't know what you liked so much about her. There were many reasons, but you weren't sure of the thing that made you hooked on her the way you were. She was easiest the most beautiful girl you had ever seen. She fought, spun, twisted, blocked, ducked, sliced and attacked like some kind of warrior princess.

The thing you were currently hung up most on was her personality. She was witty, the most witty person you had ever met. And funny, sarcastic and happy all in one. Like an annoying, funny little ray of freaking sunshine. You didn't know how she stayed so sane and normal through all this. At first you thought because she hadn't experienced much at all but after remembering her fighting, that idea was gone. It was just who she was.

So maybe she was still a mystery. Definitely like a ten digit lock with only one number given, or a grayscale jigsaw puzzle with 18,000 pieces, and only the boarder finished. Trying to figure her out was most definitely like handing a Rubik's cube to a blind person and giving them a time limit. And hell, dealing with the walkers was so much easier than dealing with her. It was more than impossible to figure out what made her have the impact on you that she did.

But sometime, somehow you would find those other nine combination numbers, and put together that 18,000 piece grayscale jigsaw puzzle. One number and one piece at a time.

The ball falls and hits you in the face. You had been distracted by thoughts of her...again.

A giggle from the doorway makes you look up. Beth stands there, an amused half smile on her face. "Daryl and Jasper are back, they got a buck" she tells you then disappears.

You jump up and hurry out of the cell block and down to the gates where Daryl and Jasper have just passed through. A large buck lays at their feet, two holes in its neck and shoulder. Your eyes travel up to Jasper. Daryl held onto her arm as if to help her stand. She sways slightly and at closer inspection, you see chunk of hair missing from the bottom of her hair. A small amount of dark blood soaks into the top of her hair. What happened?

"Were havin' us some venison tonight!" Daryl yells, gently releasing her arm.

Jasper tries to force a smile but you can tell she's struggling. You've just taken a step forward when Jasper's head lolls to the side and she crumbles.

* * *

Is Jasper going to be okay? Review make her better, or worse, whatever you want. The more you review, the more likely your ideas or what you want to happen will come true. Because I'm the magical review fairy that takes review instead of teeth and gives out words instead of money. I just had a donut for breakfast, so I may be a little weird... ;D.

I know it's weird having other peoples POV in this story because it's in second person, I learned that after doing Daryl's POV (I may actually go back and change that to Jaspers POV), but I wanted to do a real quick Carl POV because I've had that segment for as long as this story's been alive so I wanted to put it out there.

So reviews equals faster updates and what you want to happen, let me know. I'm on vacation right now so I have plenty of time to right, I'm driving to NC today from Virginia, 4 hours. I'll update after 6 whole reviews, ahhh! You can do it though, I know you can. Thanks so much for reading and review and following and favoriting and all that, I love writing this and I'm so happy you love reading it.

Imma have another donut now:)

~Bellabear~


	11. Chapter 11

_And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones  
Cause most of us are heaving though corrupted lungs  
Setting fire to our insides for fun  
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong  
The lovers that went wrong  
-Youth, Daughter_

* * *

_Fallen leaves crunched under your feet. The day had a humid but cool feel to it, and for once you didn't mind sleeping in a tree overnight while on a hunt. Usually you were paranoid about leaving Alice home alone as sick as she was and had been for over a month, but the only thing that would make her better was fresh meat and any medicine you could find. It had been two days and twenty miles since you were home last, and the once strong paranoia had dulled to a background feeling._

_The sound of choked crying over the hill catches your attention. You hurry your step, but keep your paper cutter clutched tightly in your hands._

_You come over a ridge to be greeted with the oh so pleasant smell of a decaying corpse. A cute young boy, maybe thirteen, two years younger than you, sits beside a dead body frustratingly tries to stem the flow of tears coming from his eyes. Upon closer inspection, you see that the boys legs were badly hurt and there was even a bone sticking out near his ankle. Red circles the wounds and arc up his legs. He notices you, and looks up at you defensibly._

_You hurry carefully down the steeply sloping hill and kneel by his side._

_"Hi" you say sadly, tears in your eyes, your voice close to a whine "I'm Jasper."_

_"Jacob" the boy says with a surprising strength in his voice._

_You manage a smile. "Hi Jacob, what happened?" You ask._

_"We were running from the dead, trying to outrun em, and we both" he looks at the dead body "came tumbling down the hill. When we got to the bottom my legs were like this" he looks at his legs "and my aunt was bit. She shot herself an hour later. It's been a day since then."_

_You bite your lip. "I'm sorry" you say honestly._

_He smiles a bit. "I made peace with me dying long ago, I damn near thought I was dead just then. Now at least I can talk to you before I die" he says. His words seem true too because he looks perfectly at peace._

_"You're really brave, you know that right?" You ask smiling with almost pride at the boy you just met. He smiles but you can see the pain in his eyes. "Tell me about yourself Jacob" you say._

_And he does. Jacob was a straight A student, played lacrosse, had a crush on a girl named Kaylee, and had a best friend named Eric that he fought will all the time but was like a brother to him. He had a good life before all this._

_He smiles gratefully. "Thank you" he says "you're the nicest person I've met since this happened...and prettiest" he admits with a blush. You roll your eyes but you're grinning. "Hey, I'm dying, I'll say what I want."_

_You laugh then. "Glad to be of service then."_

_"I've never kissed anyone..." He trails off blushing._

_You smile at the younger boy then lean down and press your lips to his for a second before pulling away. "Now ya have" you tell the blushing boy._

_"Thanks for my last day" he says a moments later._

_A thought hits you and you grab your pack off your back and riffle though it. You come up with a container of strong pain reliever pills you found for Alice. "Here, pain reliever" you say offering him two and your bottle of water. "Hey, you ain't gonna die. Imma get you calmed down and nice and high and knocked out with those meds. Then I'll carry you back to my house, it ain't that far. My dad's a doctor, you'll be fine, I promise" you tell him smiling._

_He grunts and you help him lay back down. "Really, he's a doctor?" Jacob asks as if fearing the hope that came with the news._

_"For the last twenty years" you tell him proudly "we have like half the damn hospital in my living room."_

_He chucked and moans at the pain. His head tilts to the side and his eyes flicker close before opening again. "The sleep meds are kicking in" you tell him._

_He smiles and his eyes close again, but open again after a longer time. You stroke his forehead and hum a song. "Just go to sleep. When you wake you'll be all fixed up. I promise, Jacob" you say tears forming in your eyes._

_You blink them away just in time for Jacob to give you a final grateful smile before succumbing to the sleep medicine. You had just lied to a dying boy._

_You didn't even know your dad, you didn't have more than the sleeping pills as medicine, and your house was twenty miles away and it's not like you could carry him anyways. His leg was infected badly and by the looks of it had already spread to his was the world now, and the bitter truth of it nowadays was either die quick or long and painful._

_You cry out a sob then and clutch your arms around your knees. Tears stream down your face as you shakily pull out your moms pistol._

_"I'm sorry Jacob" you sob as you shakily press the gun to the side of his head. "I'm so sorry."_

_A gunshot echoes through the woods._

* * *

You wake with a gasp. Your heart pounds wildly in your chest from your nightmare and you rise up just to be hit with a pang of pain and lay back down. It was worse when your nightmares were just horrible memories and you couldn't lie to yourself and say that it wasn't real because it was.

Your eyes open immediately and you see Dr. Christopher kneeling by your bedside with a concerned expression on his face and Daryl standing in the doorway looking even more concerned.

"You're awake" Dr. Christopher announces with a small smile.

You squint your eyes closed tightly then open them again. There a moment of silence for a moment as you close your eyes tightly trying to rid yourself of your dream. "Ah so that's what this is called" you murmur tiredly.

Apparently Dr. Christopher hears because he chuckles lightly. "Are you alright Jasper?" He asks.

You nod, the action hurting your head a bit, "I'm fine, just a bad dream" you explain. You leave out that it was another bad dream, one of many.

"Well you've been asleep for about two hours now, but the bleeding has stopped quite a while ago, and you probably have a mild concussion. Nothing too serious, you should probably be able to be up and about sometime tomorrow" he says standing up "I'll let you rest now, Daryl, not too long please" he says before walking out.

As soon as his footsteps are heard on the metal stairs, you sit up and pull your legs over the side of the bed.

"Hey, what the hell are ya doin'" Daryl questions as he comes closer trying to get your to stay in the bed.

"I'm fine, I don't want to lay in the damn bed all day" you grumble as you tentatively touch your feet to the floor to find them relatively steady.

Daryl bites back a curse and comes forward to offer you an arm to help you up. You take it and pull yourself to your feet and stand fairly steady. You clench your eyes closed as your head swims, then settles and you open your eyes.

"Alright?" Daryl asks gruffly and you nod. You hold on to his arm until you reach the cell door, then you walk on your own, becoming more steady as you walk but Daryl still walks a couple feet away unless you need help.

"There she is" Carol announces warmly as she smiles up at you. Sophia, Lizzie Mika and Carter all look up and smile at you too.

"Hey" you reply softly smiling at the girls below.

Daryl shadows you as you walk down the stairs but you make it without stumbling. Carol sits you down and makes you eat a bowl of her soup and you and the other girls talk about unimportant things for half an hour until the younger girls get antsy and Sophia takes them outside. Your energy quickly returns to you, and soon enough you feel like were barely injured at all minus a lightly throbbing ache that still remains in the back of your head.

You slip out after saying that you were going to get some rest and find your way to the guard tower where Carl was. Like you've done many times before, you climb up the stairs silently and sneak your way into the tower.

"Boo" you say loud enough so Carl can hear from his place sitting at the window.

He starts then when he sees you his face splits into a grin. "I'm batman" you murmur smiling as you climb all the way into the tower and close the door.

Carl jumps up and helps you off the floor and to a chair. "You've used that line before, you're slipping Jaz" he says chucking as he climbs back in his spot. "So are you alright? I didn't even know you were up."

"Yeah I've been up for an hour. Carol made me eat something then I snuck over here" I explain checking small smile.

Carl tries to look disapproving, but a small crooked smile makes its way through. "You need to rest, it got ya pretty good" he reprimands you.

You raise a challenging eyebrow. "Like I'm letting a single walker take me down so easy. Calm down Grimes, I'll be fine."

And you would be, because Jasper Reese Dare was not beaten by a single walker.

After all, which one was dead right now?

* * *

If your life were a movie, it would start with this very moment.

The scene would open up to one of those expansive overhead shots of wide open landscape, the bleached morning sky threaded with clouds. The music playing would be something rumbling, like a stampede or thunder. In that introductory, melting sort of way, the camera would dip in, fastening on the long stretch of deserted, remote highway that lead to your prison tucked in a thick forest, zeroing in on a passing walker ripping angrily at a torn corpse.

Next, the shot would pass onto the narrow smaller road that attached to the gravel path that lead right to the gates of your prison. It would highlight the cold dryness that clung to the large gray walls, the armor that stood between you and the rest of the cruel world. Undead would claw at the gates, desperate for entrance but receiving none. The people within the walls would look worn but happy. Because they were safe.

Then, there would be a commotion along the woods, outside the safety of the fence. People would turn their heads in fear and watch.

In the movie version of your life, the shot would show a girl of almost sixteen breaking through the brush and standing there in the clearing, chest heaving from running, stance defensive, knife clenched in one hand. The early morning light would shine through the treetops directly upon her as of she were an angel, turning her hair into a burnished gold. Dark blood would be splattered across her neck and cheek, her hair would be in a messy pony tail, and her lips would be twisted into a grimace. She would stand there catching her breath until a chorus of moans sounded in the forest behind her and she took off again.

She would dodge in and out of the walkers grasps, slashing at the ones who got too close. Finally she would make it too the fence that was pulled open for her and she would finally relax. A guy her age in a sheriffs hat would run over to her and check if as was okay before pulling her into a relieved hug.

He'd pull away and ask "How many were there?"

The girl would smirk deviously. "A hell of a lot less now" she would reply smugly.

You would be that girl.

But this wasn't a movie, this was real life.

And you weren't allowed to leave the gates anymore.

Since there were a fair amount of able bodied adults in the group, the children were to be kept in the confines of the gates to keep them safe.

As if you all would always have the prison to protect you.

You contemplated all this while laying in your lumpy prison bed, eyes wide from the dream you just had, and heart pounding wildly. You throw your bare feet over the side if your bed and rise to your feet. You grab your brothers red letterman jacket and wrap it securely around your body. You crack the cell door open just enough to creep out, and then tiptoe down the stairs and to Carl's bunk on the bottom. Judging by the light coming through the windows, it was very early morning, maybe five am.

"Carl. Carl wake up" you whisper hushed as you gently prod the shoulder of the sleeping boy. He grumbles something and rolls so he's facing the wall. Challenge accepted. "Carl, I burned all your comic books" you whisper harshly.

His eyes flash open and he rolls over to face you. He starts and then sighs deeply as he calms down. His eyes droop closed again and he waves weakly while still probably ninety nine percent asleep. "Morning" you chirp brightly, sarcasm all the way.

"Morning" he growls but he's amused. Amused boy at five am, not bad, go you. "I want to show you something" you whisper tugging at his blankets.

He sits up. "But your head" he protests.

"I'm fine, I just couldn't sleep, just come on and be quiet."

He relents, but you could see it in but eyes, he was never resisting whatever you were going to propose. He climbs out of bed and runs a hand through his messy hair. It makes you remember about your own hair. It must look horrible right now, you had been tossing and turning all night. Together, you both silently creep out the cell block door and out onto the courtyard. He follows you closely holding onto your elbow to keep you steady as you lead him right until you're along the fence.

"Up here" you tell him gesturing to a smaller fence that was a few feet off the main fence. You stick your feet between the metal wiring and climb until you're standing at the top and holding onto the roof which started at your waist. You hoist yourself onto the roof expertly and scramble until your partway up.

"You're gonna kill yourself you know" he calls up to you.

you turn and smirk sarcastically at him. "If you leave, you won't be able to prove yourself right. C'mon sherif, saddle up!"

Carl clambers up and sits beside you. You lay down on your back and lean back on your elbows tiredly on the slanted roof as Carl does the same and look out at the tops of the trees before you. This was your hidden spot, your safe place. Some mornings, like this morning, you would watch the sun come up or the sun set. During the day, when you weren't doing chores, you and Sophia would sometimes come up here to lay in the frigid December sun. It hasn't snowed yet, but it was getting cold enough. The sun never stopped shining though. The world may have gone to shit, but you'd be damned if you weren't getting your tan.

"Why didn't you tell me about this place?" Carl asks after a moment.

"Because I have to keep an air of mystery around me" You say before tossing a smile over at him.

He rolls his eyes. "Of course you do" he says humorously.

You don't speak, and there's another moment of silence, but it's not uncomfortable like it was with other people. You and Carl were just comfortable around each other. Your ideal that you couldn't get close to anyone and staying alone and keeping your heart locked up and safe had been thrown out the window after reading your brothers letter. Within the course of the apocalypse, he found a wife and a baby. He was happy, and you could be too.

"I got a letter from my brother" you finally say.

He turns to look at you then. "I heard, that's all anyone's talking about right now. They're wondering if it's safer there. I didn't know if you wanted to tell me about it so I didn't ask" he says.

"I was just caught up in other stuff. I wanted to tell you, I just...everything moved really fast. In the letter he said-well you know about the town- he said that he's engaged and had a baby on the way" you tell Carl, the corners of your mouth pulling up as you deliver the news.

He grins. "Aunt Jasper, god that's terrifying" he laughs.

"If you knew my brother you'd be even more freaked out." You say chuckling.

Carl smiles. "What's he like?" He asks.

"He's like a child but he's so funny. He's the kind of guy that filled our new pool with ball pit balls before we had water in it." You laugh. "Him being a dad is like you not wearing your dumb hat" you say smirking as you knock his hat off his head.

He snatches is from where it started sliding down the roof. He glares on slightly playfully then looks out at the sun as it's bold orange and yellow starts tinting the morning with color. "It's like a movie" he says gazing forward "If there was a song playing, I could name at least four movies it was exactly like."

You sit up so you're sitting crisscrossed like Carl is. Your knees are touching and you can feel his warmth radiating off him and into the cool air. You would give him a song.

You peer out at the sunrise, and softly begin singing. "Now that she's back in the atmosphere, With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey" you sing softly, startling Carl for the second time today. He smiles as he listens to you.

"She acts like summer and walks like rain, Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey, hey, hey." You fight down a smile "Since the return from her stay on the moon, She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey, hey."

"But tell me, did you sail across the sun? Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded, And that heaven is overrated?"

"Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star–One without a permanent scar?  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?" You sing softly, drifting off.

You blush at the look he's giving you. Wait, no! He was the blusher and you were the one who caused the blushing. You were the sarcastic one that had the upper hand, not him. "That was my favorite song before is all went crazy" you explain, still blushing slightly.

"It was beautiful, really" he says smiling.

Guess what returns? A blush that never really left. "Thanks" you say shyly. You watch him shift his eyes to the left and bite on the inside of his mouth. "Anything you want to tell me?" You ask. He looks at you confused. "You're biting the inside of your mouth, it's your tell" you explain, leaving out the shift of his eyes for future use.

"Not particularly, what about you?" he replies just as confidently. "You're messing with your nails" he accuses and you look down to see that his words ring true. He grabs your hands, separates them, then let's them drop. "Anything you want to tell me?"

You glare at him and pout. "We know each other too well" you point out.

"Agreed" he replies.

There's a moment of silence again. You can feel the two parts of your brain arguing with each other, but them your impulsiveness wins out. Fucking ADHD.

"Screw it" you say and in one quick movement, your lips move towards his lips that were already moving towards yours.

Your hand rests on his knee that was pressed against yours. You're kissing Carl Grimes. His hand comes to rest of your cheek and neck. You had seen Maggie and Glen kiss, but this was different. They kissed really... deeply. This wasn't like that. It was more sweet, but it wasn't just an innocent schoolyard kiss either. If you had to chose one word to describe it you would chose 'finally'.

Your mouths moved together slowly, little by little, bit by bit, unhurried. Your heart seems to have already bursted and this is the peaceful bliss before death. Yes, that must be it. How long has it been? Like ten seconds? Yet a thousand thoughts had run through your brain.

You finally pull back and his hand slips from your neck. You keep your gaze down because your face is so hot. You let your big brown eyes flick up to him to find him blushing as bad as you. You can't help but burst into a fit of giggles that you muffle by pressing your face into Carl's arm.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad" he jokes but you can detect the smallest bit of actual concern in his voice. Silly boy. You smile into his arm, still too nervous to face him quite yet. "Okay, I'm going for it, I kinda like you" he confesses.

You convince yourself to pull away and face him. "Only kinda? I'm insulted" you say, amusement lacing your voice.

"Okay, fine, a lot" he says smirking at you, his face still burning.

You laugh outright. "Okay, I like you too. And neither of us would be in this position right now if it weren't for my fucking ADHD" I groan.

He laughs and smiles down at you.

And now maybe, just maybe, real life could be a little like a movie. The movie of your life, staring Jasper Dare, co-staring Carl Grimes.

* * *

Jasper's okay! And locking lips with our favorite little sherif;) The beginning didn't throw anyone off, did it? It was a dream/memory of the past. There's much more to bubbly, witty Jasper than meets the eye, the Daryl is not her only secret.

I love writing this story so much, and I try really hard to make it funny. With an OC, I have a rule that they have to be able to relate to them, or make is enjoyable to read. This is a little of both, but I try damn hard to make it funny, let me know if I'm doing a good job?

If you're so amazing to review, please let me know what you think Jasper and Carl will be as a couple, you know like really cute and cheesy, friendly, always right by each other, ect. The story is in your hands by virtual friends. I'll update after 5 reviews? C'mon guys, it's takes just a second and it takes a long time to write. You know you want to;)

~Bellabear~


	12. Chapter 12

_Just one more time before I go  
I'll let you know  
That all this time I've been afraid  
Wouldn't let it show  
Nobody can save me now, no  
Nobody can save me now  
-Battle Cry, Daughtery_

* * *

Since the world has changed, you've learned to enjoy the little things.

Notice that you said since the world had changed, not ended. The earth itself is still the mostly the same, it still spins around the sun just like it should. The walkers are just another change, like the ice age. People say that the world has ended, but that's wrong. If the world really ended then those who say the world has ended wouldn't be here to formulate false theories about the world today.

Either way, you've learned to enjoy the little things.

Little things like a stretch of highway that doesn't have dead and decaying things on it. Little things like seeing the field out front littered with wildflowers. Little things like getting the can of pears instead of peas (because the addition of an 'r' does not change the taste whatsoever).

And in this case, little things like driving to your childhood home with your father (who doesn't know he's your father), boyfriend (of sorts, but that's his title until you come up with another), Glen and Michone to meet your brother and his pregnant girlfriend/ not-really-married-cause-it's-the-end-of-the-world wife.

Okay, that was kind of a big thing.

According to the final letter from your brother, he said that he would be leaving for the old house the next day and that they would stay the night and travel on foot or via car the next day (assuming they could find one) if you didn't show up to get them.

So here you are, lurching roughly towards the door in the backseat every time Glen hits a bump as Daryl makes jokes about him being Asian and a bad driver. You have to admit, their pretty stale jokes, but how he says them with his raw country accent is hilarious. You sit behind the passenger seat next to Carl (who conned his dad to let him come) with Daryl in front of you and Michone behind the drivers seat. You've been in the car for a good two hours, and aside the occasional Asian joke someone thinks of, it was silent. And boring. Very.

You let your head fall back against the rough seat back and groan. "I don't care if I'm going to sound like I'm five, but I'm borrreeeed" you moan stretching out the word bored.

No one says anything right away, but you can see Glen and Michone both crack small smiles. Daryl chuckles once, then goes back to sharpening his arrows with his knife. You let your head fall to the side, where it comes to rest on Carl's shoulder. It smells like the woods and warmth, if warmth were a smell.

"Why don't you take a nap" Carl suggests looking down at you with a small smirk. He was too sweet.

You shrug the best you can while being squished into Carl's side. "I don't know, I never know when I'll wake up. Five minutes? Seven years? You can never be sure" you say casually.

Carl laughs and shakes his head at you amusedly. The car hits a bump yet again and accidentally knocks your head into Carl's jaw. You sit up immediately, fighting back a smirk, and look innocently at him. Michone watches the little display with a small smile, and when you and Carl turn to look at her she purposely rolls her eyes comically to the top of her head like she wasn't looking.

You go back to looking out the window, growing more and more excited as the scenery becomes more and more familiar, while also becoming more and more terrified at the number of walkers you see on the way.

You already had started a small horde of about twenty that you had seen along the way that stumbled after the car. The amount of walkers seemed to grow the closer you got to your house, and you cursed yourself over and over for the damn bomb you set off just over a month ago. Eventually, the number overwhelmed you so you go the back way through the forest. The plan is to park the car, and travel silently on foot to the house.

The car is hidden between two dumpsters of a gas station about half a mile from your house. This gas station used to be the one Cole and you would skateboard up to in the summer to buy orange push pops and root beer. Sadly, there is no more of that here, you checked. Just an old mouse trap and a few dozen empty bottles.

You all set off quietly through the woods, You leading with Daryl beside you, followed by Glen, then Carl, then Michone bringing up the rear. The forest that you once joyously traveled through on the hard packed dirt road for years was forebodingly creepy now. The massive oak trees that had stood for hundreds of years haunted the edge of the ancient wood. Even though the sun shone, the light couldn't penetrate the thick canopy above. There seemed to be no life beside the squirrels that chattered in the trees, but even they kept to the sunnier areas. Birds could be seen above the tree line, but they stayed silent, as though their song was forbidden.

It wasn't long before you came upon the outskirts of your old property. You expertly alert the group where not to step, and follow a beaten down yet overgrown path that you used to travel daily. Then, there it was. Your house, home, sanctuary for so many years. And standing between you and it...twenty walkers.

You are huddled behind the shed in the back, not daring to move or even breathe. The walkers were stumbling around aimlessly, and all it would take was for one to trail over towards the back of the property.

"We need a distraction" Glen points out. All eyes turn to him. "Damn it, I knew that would happen" he mutters.

"You can't lure them to the front, there will be more there" you whisper. "Into the woods wouldn't work well either, cause we need to go back through them to get back to the car. The left leads to my high school which would be good but it's pretty close together around there... and the right leads to the highway."

"The highway would be best as long as we stay off it until were out of range" Michone inputs glancing at you for conformation because you knew the area "bringing back a herd this big wouldn't be a very nice homecoming present."

You nod in agreement. "I know the roads at for about five towns down so the highway would work" you whisper back. "Glen can take Cole's dirt bike, it's in the shed. He can go to the highway, then go back the other way we took to get here. We meet up with him and drive away before they catch up. The whole thing will take half an hour maybe, plus I think I stored away some food in the attic I can get" You explain.

The plan is set into motion. Glen takes the dirt bike and a hundred rounds and noisily drives off as you and the rest of them hide in the shed. After that no walkers remain in the backyard, so it's easy to cross the yard and climb up the rope ladder that remains. Everything in the plan worked out perfectly.

Except for the fact that the house was one hundred percent empty.

* * *

A note. That's all you find.

It was pinned to the side of the house, just outside your bedroom window by an arrow from your old crossbow from when you were a kid. You had inherited it from Cole when you were twelve, and it became a dweller of the shed four months later when, although you had gotten pretty good at it, you had declared it boring. The note is wrapped around the arrow and is written so messily that you can barely read it.

Your eyes scan over the messy words, obviously written in a hurry. After you finish reading the last word, you read it again, then pause as it sinks in.

Your brothers was here, back at home, safe for the most part.

But he wasn't anymore.

He was gone.

* * *

Short chapter, I know, but I've been having really long ones lately and it was either this little bedtime story (because it's almost 10pm where I'm at) or a bedtime freaking novel. I already have most of the next chapter and an actual story line I'm following! That's totally new to me cause I usually wing it. I just need to figure out 1) how to actually wait until I've figured things out before posting the first chapter of my stories and 2) the little thing that will create a domino effect of sorts for the next, I don't know, 6 chapters!

As always thanks for reading, and pretty pretty please review. Four reviews and **you** get a chapter, so **you** reading this right now (yeah **you**!) click below and leave a review. If **you** do maybe **you**'ll get another chapter tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, I'm volunteering at a pet adoption! I get to pretty much just play with puppies to make people want them. Hardest. Job. Ever. Puppy problems aside, please let me know what **you** think of this story, what **you** want to happen, because whatever **you** tell me, probably is going into the story.

Example: persons review: I want Jaspers brothers child to be a girl and be named Savannah Rose. Me: OKAY.

ITS THAT EASY. WHY AM I IN ALL CAPS. OKAY, IMMA STAY LIKE THIS, JUST REVIEW, OKAY BYE.

~Bellabear~


	13. Chapter 13

_And the days and nights are cold  
Without your body to hold  
So I'll close my eyes, hoping you'll appear  
Cause it feels like grace every time you're near, yeah  
Don't leave, till the sun comes back around  
-Baptized, Daughtery_

* * *

You tell the others your findings and they set about making a new plan. Daryl's part is to intercept Glen and bring him back to the house with the car. Hopefully all of the walkers in the immediate area were drawn away by Glen earlier and the car would make it successfully into the garage without bringing down the horde. Michone would be going with him if she wasn't on baby sitting duty. You and Carl could handle yourselves, Daryl needed the backup.

Your attention is drawn to Daryl who throws his crossbow over his shoulder and unsheathes his knife. He glances around your brothers room where the rope ladder was tied to his balcony. "I still think Michone should go with you" you say, your eyes flicking over to the woman with the large sword who sat silently in the corner.

Daryl scoffs and eyes behind you where Carl loiters. "An' leave you to here yourselves? Yeah right" he says. The sentence was offending either way you took it. "I'll be back, I promise."

You lock your jaw to force away the blush that creeps up your face. "Just be careful, okay?"

He grunts and jabs his knife back into his belt. "Nine lives, remember" he mutters turning for the door. You almost miss the "you too" he says under his breath. And then he was gone.

You wanted to go with Daryl so much, and when he left without you with no more than a promise of return, you felt utterly abandoned. There were hundreds of walkers out there, he needed someone to watch his back. No-you needed to stop thinking like this. He was Daryl Dixon for god sake. And you were Jasper Dare, ahem, Jasper Dixon.

You need to focus on the plan that, hopefully, had everyone staying alive. Leaving the house to get your brother now would be complete suicide. Every single move while here would have to be done in complete quiet. In preparation of that plan, all of the windows were covered, the stairs that you had barricaded almost a year ago had been strengthened and everyone was silent.

Michone was looking through your brothers and mothers old clothes and belongings for something useful. You had decided to let her do that to avoid the painful memories. If the group needed something that happened to be your mothers, you told her to go ahead and take it. You could deal with it.

After Daryl left, you retreated to your old bedroom. Familiar walls shelter you and you feel at home for the first time since leaving. The prison was great, really, but there was something comforting about the room that you grew up in. It was still just how you left it when you left with Carl. The walkers must have warded off any possible people coming to scavenge.

You find an old camping backpack and begin to stuff it with things. The items you brought before were just for survival and life on the road, there was so much more you could bring now. You select a few favorite photos from your tack board and scrap books and put them in a folder to keep safe. In the front pocket you throw in all your earrings, rings, necklaces, and bracelets to use for future trading and a ring for your brother and his soon to be wife. And about them, you also stuff two dresses that are fairly large that could fit her into another bag.

You couldn't live with yourself if you didn't being along at least a few books. You select The Hunger Games series, a large book of Greek mythology stories, The Last Survivors series, and Hatchet. You look longingly at your musical keyboard, but you know you can't bring it. You add in a dozen pens and some notebooks, some of Alice's toys for Judith, and some shoes in varying sizes.

Beth would love the notebooks, and the younger girls would appreciate the jewelry. You think that everyone would like something to read, and Judith could be read some of the mythology stories. You would be lying though if you said you wouldn't be rereading all of your old books.

There's a soft knock at the door. You know that it's Carl, but you snuggle deeper into the pillows on your bed, desperate for things to go back to how they were so long ago. "Come in" you relentingly sigh and call.

The door opens, revealing Carl looking downcast. He brightens somewhat when he sees you, but not that much that you'd believe he was okay. "This is how I came in that second day after I came here" he says with a faint glimmer of a smile at the memory.

It hits you then how different Carl looks from the first day you met him. Sure, that was about two months ago, but he looks so different. He's almost grown two inches, and now looks to be nearing six feet, almost a whole half a foot taller than you. The few freckles that used to cover his cheeks, now fade to just a sprinkling of them over his nose and under his eyes. His face, which used to still linger on the edge between boyish and man, now had matured. He going to be sixteen in two or there's days, and yours was two weeks later.

His warm blue eyes stood out among his other features and his dark brown hair hung just over them. The black tee shirt that he wore now was the same one that used to belong to your brother that you gave him when he first came here. The shirt now clung a little top tightly to his muscled chest; he had already out grown it. Speaking of which, when did his muscles get bigger? Not that you minded.

"You watched me sleep?" You ask jokingly raising your eyebrows at him as you choke down your new realization.

"I may have caught a glance or two while I was getting my gun" he says innocently "You snore by the way."

"I do not!" You proclaim as Carl sits down on your bed alongside your blanketed thigh. He bites back a laugh but doesn't say anything. "Is Daryl back yet with Glen?" You ask.

"Not yet" he replies. "Michone's on watch, for them and once their here we have to get out there and kill the walkers nearby so they don't draw any others over with them. The goal's to get them into the garage without a sound."

"With over five hundred walkers in the area, that should be so easy" you mutter sarcastically.

He shrugs, agreeing with you. "Glen lured most of them away, but it won't be that easy" he says. There's a pause, and you watch Carl look around the decorated walls of your room. "Hey Jasper?" he says a moment later like he just decided something.

"Hey Carl" you repeat mockingly in the same tone with a small smirk.

He smiles but it fades into a light blush a moment later. "Remember that time we kissed?" He asks finally letting his eyes flick up to yours with a tiny partially embarrassed crooked half smile.

"Carl that was two days ago, I still remember" you tell him evenly but you're fighting off a blush too.

He glances down. "Do you wanna, like, maybe try that again?"

It must have been the fact that he was so close to you and your heart was beating so fast that either you couldn't feel it, or it had stopped all together. Or maybe it was the knowledge that you were alone, in the dark, and in your bedroom.

"Okay" you reply softly as you grin and lean forward into Carl.

His lips brushed yours hesitantly, and you tilt your head up ever so slightly so that he was really kissing you. His hand slips to your waist and your heart flutters. Even with the little experience in kissing that you have, you could tell that Carl was a really good kisser. Your second realization during this impromptu kissing session, is that you really liked kissing. Just as your lean farther forward, a forceful vibration makes you fall into him, breaking your lips apart. Carl's arm snakes out and catches you, then pulls you close to him as the shaking subsides. Things fall off your shelves and the windows rattle.

"What the hell?" You breath out as the house stills. You scramble out of the blankets that gathered around your legs and rise to your feet. You carefully make your way to the window and peek through the blinds. A pillar of fiery smoke and dust, still boiling up from where looked like the gas station. Where Daryl was supposed to be right now.

"What is it?" Carl asks coming to join you by the window.

You swallow the lump in your throat. "An explosion," you breathe out. Panic behind to set in. Daryl could be dead, you'd be an orphan for real. "It's from where Daryl is, Carl" you say worriedly.

His face softens with concern and confusion as he wraps an arm around you, pulling you into a half hug. "Hey, he's going to be fine, he's been through a lot, he's always fine" he reassures you.

"Yeah," you mumble, then more reassuringly "yeah he's fine, I know that." You still were reassured much at all, and the words were just something you were trying to convince yourself of.

"Carl, Jasper, they're back! C'mon!" Michone's voice calls as loud as she dares. They were back, thank god, Daryl was alive.

You quickly check that your gun is still in the waistband if your shorts and grab your machete off your nightstand. Carl is on his feet too, already pulling his gun with the silencer out of the holster his dad gave him. The two of you run out of the room to your brothers old room. Michone is already half way down the rope ladder she moved to his balcony for easy access to the garage. You fling your legs over the railing and drop to the ground at he same time as Michone.

Your eyes scan over the area, checking for walkers. You come up with a total of twelve that can move, and four too rotted away to do much more than strain and growl. You see the car bumpily moving through the brush from the back path with Daryl and Glen in the front seats. Michone takes out two right away with her katana, and now that you know they're safe, you ready your gun, aim, and fire.

You unload silenced bullet after bullet into the horde, until they get too close and you start with your machete. You don't even realize the car was moving slowly right behind you until you back into it. The walker you were fighting falls on you, growling and hissing as you try to push it away. You manage to kick in in front of the car and are sprayed with a victorious spray of blood as it's head it crushed under the rubber of the tire. By the time you've recovered, Carl has finished the last rotted walker. It had all been done with silencers and blades so no other walkers had noticed.

Your eyes fixate on Daryl's feet, and keep your eyes on them and nothing else until you're upstairs and gathered in your brothers room feasting on cans of peaches and pears that you hid away in the attic. It's then that you notice the short gasps of pain from Glen, who holds his ankle carefully. It doesn't look to be broken, but maybe fractured. It was sprained at best. No matter, it wasn't good.

Once the hysteria has dulled, Daryl explains what happened. "We were at the gas station, an' walkers were comin'. Long story short, the gas got lit up and he hurt his ankle as we got out" he leans closer to the window and spits out before yanking down the blind. "No freaks followed."

"Well, the walkers will go there now, right?" Carl asks.

"Oh they will" Michone speaks up, rising from her spot in the corner. "But they're close, and any loud noise we make, they'll be coming. All of 'em. It's gotta be the biggest herd we've seen" she says grimly.

Your eyes scan over the group. No one was making any move to go and get your Cole and Zoey. "What about my brother?" You say in a flat voice as you eyes scan over all of them suspiciously.

Four pairs of eyes turn to you. There's a moment of silence. "We can get them in the morning," Michone says after a moment of silence "it's too dangerous at night with this many walkers."

You knew she was right, but he was so close, only a five minute walk from here, yet you couldn't find him until morning. Something could happen by then. Anything. He was okay now, you could get him and _know_ he was safe. But you couldn't. "Okay" you say in a tired voice, knowing you wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight anyways.

"Yeah, Asian in pain over here" Glen points out, tenderly holding his ankle and grunting in pain.

Michone cracks a smile at his weak joke. "I'll go find some medical supplies. Rest of you might as well get some sleep, I'll take first watch."

"You can sleep in any of the rooms, Alice's bed is small, but it'll work for Carl maybe," you say fighting down a weak smile at the thought of Carl sleeping under Hello Kitty sheets. You crack a small lifeless smile at them and start walking away. "Night."

You wake to the smell of fire invading your nose. You bolt up in your bed and turn on the flashlight resting on your bedside table. With the combination of of the early morning light and the beam of the flashlight, you can see thick black smoke billow through the open window. You leap out of bed and shove the window closed as your eyes water at the smoke.

You press your hands against the window and blink away the tears. In the distance, you can see thick gray smoke billowing into the skies. The morning sky that should be decorated with smears of yellows, oranges over a pale blue sky is now shielded by a veil of darkness as the smoke swallows up the whole sky. Fierce flames could be seen sneaking their way up the rows of trees and igniting the grass.

"Daryl!" You scream with panic rising in your heart. "Michone, Glen, Carl! We need to move _NOW_!"

* * *

Originally, this was going to be written out longer, probably around 5000 words, but alas, I'm evil and wanted to leave you all yet another cliff hanger. There will be **DRAMA**. in the next chapter as well as a lot of **ACTION** and (I just came up with Carl and Jasper's ship name) **Casper's** (Its so cute!) **relationship** may suffer. DUN DUN DAAAA. I love you guys reviews, they really help me to update faster and let me know what you want to see in the story. The **BIG REVEAL** is approaching rapidly and you know what I mean by that. I'll update as soon as I can and I may be introducing some new characters into the story in the future. I can promise any super fast update because, two words, HIGH SCHOOL. Enough said. Thanks for reading.

~Bellabear~


	14. Chapter 14

_Stars are only visible in darkness  
Fear is ever changing and evolving  
And I, I can poison these eyes  
But I, I feel so alive  
-Battle Cry, Daughtery_

* * *

"Jasper, we have to go, come on" Carl says through gritted teeth as you watch flames creep closer towards the house you grew up in. Daryl and Michone were getting an injured Glen to the car and throwing in whatever supplies they could grab right away.

"What about my brother?" You ask, surprising yourself by the calmness of your own voice.

Carl's patience is thinning. You know he wants to get you out of there and to safety but he doesn't want to make you. He exhales worriedly. "Were going to check the area around the high school, he's probably already out of there, Jasper. We need to go though" he says taking your hand and pulling you gently towards the door.

"He's still in there, I know it" you reply puling your arm back. A plan forms in your head. You slip your gun in the waistband of your shorts and take your machete in hand. Taking a last look around the room you grew up in, you pull open the window, knowing that Daryl would never let you pass. "Tell the others to meet me behind the school" you say starting towards the window.

"Jasper, no, you'll get yourself killed" Carl says grabbing your hand to keep you from going.

You yank your hand away from him again, but he wasn't really gripping it hard so it was easy. "I have to do this, just let me. I'll be fine if I go now. Just tell the others, please" you say turning and kissing him hard for half a second.

Before he can say anything else or stop you, you duck out the window and shuffle down the roof like you used to do before you had the rope ladder and snuck out when you were younger. You see Carl trying to follow you, but he was too heavy and not as agile as you. "Jasper!" He shouts "Jasper!"

You shake your head to clear any thoughts of him from your mind. You were on a mission. The heat is forceful but bearable. It must have started from the explosion at the gas station and spread through the dry forest. Despite it being winter, it hadn't snowed yet. Glowing embers danced at the edge of your property. You pick up your pace an start sprinting from the fire that ignites the trees near you.

You break into a coughing fit halfway to your destination: the neighbors pool. Tears burn in your eyes and blur your vision. Your throat feels like it's on fire and it all you can do to push onward. You finally reach the pool and collapse on the ground beside it. You pull yourself into it, instantly feeling better. You tear your shirt nearly in half, turning it into an impromptu crop top, and hold the wet fabric to your mouth.

You're about to climb out of the pool when walkers emerge from the lit up woods. Their already decaying flesh burns, sending a putrid scent towards you. Their eye sockets are empty and you can only see bone and greasy lineaments holding the being together. You duck back into the pool quickly; you may be able to fight normal walkers, but when on fire...not so much.

You hold your breath as long as you can, all while unsheathing your machete. Your gun was sitting on the ground next to the pool; it wouldn't do much good if it were soaked. When your lungs feel as if they're about to burst, you carefully break the surface of the water. The walkers are stumbling off towards your house causing you to feel worry rise up in your chest, but you push it down, reminding yourself that Daryl and Michone could take care of it.

You run across the grass, the heat threatening to overwhelm you. You duck in the trees parallel to the road across from the high school. At least ten Walkers stumble across the road towards the fire. You shove yourself into the bush in front of you as far as you can. Small branches snap, while the thicker ones dig into your skin. It's terribly uncomfortable and it's all you can do to keep from coughing or choking on the thick black smoke that threatens to overcome you.

You realize it's only been less than two minutes since you left your house yet you're already close to choking to death. The dead, half burnt walkers stumble past. You carefully check behind the bush, and only three remain. Then weren't even on fire. Easy. Your gaze flickers up to the school and you see the flag from out front in the window of one of the second story windows. He was in there.

You're just standing up when a body slams into the bush beside you. You're about to drive your machete into it, when you realize it's Carl. His wet shirt is balled up in his hand as he pulls is away from his face.

"Carl, what the hell" you hiss, noticing how scratching and raw your voice is.

"The school is half on fire. You go in there, you're dead" he whispers back.

You grab your machete so it's ready. "I don't care. My brother's in there, if there's a chance I can save him and his _pregnant wife_" you speak slowly as if you were talking to a child "I don't care if I die doing it. Just go tell Daryl so he can pick us up when I find him."

You inch out of the bush then, but Carl grabs your arm, pulling you back. "I'm sorry but I can't let you go. I can't let you die" he says, his voice hard.

"I won't if you let me go now!" You exclaim the best you can with such a raw throat. You try to pull away but, unlike before, his grip is hard. He really wasn't going to let you go. Tears form in your eyes for different reasons than the smoke. You couldn't save your brother. Your last family would die all because you couldn't help them. You weren't going let that happen. You couldn't.

"Carl," you say, your voice breaking. You can see it in his eyes how much this hurts him. You climb towards him and he hugs you close, thinking you had given up. It hurt you to trick him like this, but it had to be done. All at once, your hands that had been resting on his chest pushed him back as you scrambled away. He was shocked for a moment, but he reacted quickly and grabs your foot. You continue to struggle to get free but he pins you down, forcing you to look at him.

"I'm sorry Jaz, I can't let you" he chokes out.

You glare at him with everything you can. You know he's hurt too and he's just trying to protect you. You continue to thrash and struggle to her out of his grip but he's stronger than you. Tears-from your effort to get free, the smoke and the thought of loosing Cole- run down your ash coated cheeks.

Finally, without another option, you manage to get your leg out from under his and bring your knee into his stomach. He gasps for air and falls to the side. You quickly detangle yourself from him, choke out an "I'm sorry" before taking off at full speed towards the high school.

You push through the main doors and take off down the main hallway. Fire licked at the walls and roof and bits off the roof fell. You check the closest stairwell to find it almost totally devoured by flames. You race up the other stairwell as fast as you can and enter the second story. The fire hadn't made it that far up yet.

Then you see them.

Your brother kicks hard at the door to the staircase that was consumed with flames. His grim face was creased with concentration. He's taller (if that's even possible because last time you saw him he was six two) and has a thick shadow of a beard over his strong chin. You used to always make fun of him by saying he looked like Thor with his long hair, but now he really did (minus his, for once, short hair). A hammer is shoved in one pocket and a pistol is in another. Beside him stands a very pretty pregnant woman with long dark hair and light caramel colored skin. Zoey.

"Not that one" you call.

Both of them turn to look at you. Cole's face breaks into a relieved, I-can't-believe-it's-you grin and starts towards you with Zoey. You run forward and crash into his arms. He runs a hand over your hair and presses you closer to his chest. "_You're alive_" he mumbles into your hair over and over.

You manage a watery smile and pull away from him. "Hi Zoey" you tell his wife with a smile.

She smiles, tears in her eyes, and waves at you. "We should go" Cold says a moment later, seriousness taking back over.

You nod and turn towards the staircase you just came up. You let them to ahead (because Zoey was slower being pregnant) and as you follow them, the glass in all the windows explode from the heat. You manage to slam the heavy to closed quickly, but a few pieces of glass impeded themselves in your arm. They're not that deep, you'll be fine.

You follow them down as you tell them that Daryl and the rest of them should be waiting. At the opening of the staircase door, a walker falls on top of you. Surprised, you kick it away and don't even think about grabbing your machete. You kick it farther away and slam it's head in the door, spraying you with blood.

Cole eyes you almost as if he were wondering if you were the same little girl that cried when you and him went fishing as children. "It's the apocalypse" you mumble as you open the door and hold it open as they step over the body.

You rip more pieces off your shirt and offer it to them. "Everything's on fire out there" you explain and they hold it to their faces.

You tried the first exit just to be faced with an inferno. It went on like that until you couldn't think of a time where you weren't choking on thick black smoke. Your skin tingles, and you feel like you're being cooked on the inside. Maybe you are. Your eyes burned from the smoke that was thick in the air and your lungs ached from lack of fresh air. All you can see, smell, taste or touch is fire.

You can hear the crackling of the fire, but louder than anything else was the pounding of your heart. It started beating faster and faster, until you weren't sure if it was beating so fast it was a continuous hum or if it had stopped altogether.

All the doorknobs have become hot to the touch. All anything is now is a labyrinth of heat and pain.

With a crackling snap, the roof boards above you crumble down. You cover your head but the weight of the burning materials slam your body to the floor. All you can see is darkness illuminated by roaring flames. Through the debris you see your hand; the skin was darkening. Watching it burn was almost as bad as feeling it.

You hear a scream and then the noise of the debris being kicked away. They were trying to save you. You were sure you would be dead in minutes, but you still couldn't help wondering how long you had been lying here burning. It was pure agony to feel your own skin burn, smell your burning flesh and hear your own screams. It couldn't have been long, but it felt like forever.

Still, a glimmer of hope kept you thinking that it would stop soon. That you would live through this torture and everything would return to normal. So you held on. You held on when the burning attacked your leg, then your face. You weren't sure if it was you screaming or not.

It felt like your head was trying to function through a thick liquid and you could hear a panicked voice shouting your name fade in and out. The debris is pushed away from your face and suddenly more of you isn't burning as ferociously anymore.

The pain had dulled to a numbness. You were vaguely aware that a door had opened and there wasn't any fire behind it. More voices blurred together and you noticed you were in someone's arms. They smelled like the woods, sweat and warmth: Daryl. You didn't care about anything anymore. You were so tired and just wanted to sleep.

It wasn't the kind of tired that you had at the end of the day. It wasn't the tired that when you sit down, you sigh in content and get comfortable. No, that was too easy. Too weak. This was so much stronger.

It was the kind of tired that dragged you down. The kind that pulled you farther and deeper into oblivion every second you tried to fight against it. And the longer you fought, the less energy you had to keep fighting. But you still strained against the force, knowing that in the end it would be in vain. You kept fighting to prove that you could. You could be strong. Stronger than oblivion. But then you couldn't fight anymore and oblivion took over without you even realizing it.

Despite feeling as if you were fire itself just moments ago, you feel cold now. Even the cold starts going away. It's replaced with a gradual airy warmth that seeps into your bones and feels like the sun personally came down to Earth to keep you warm. It feels like the weekend you spent on the beach in September. It chases away the cold and the lingering pain and traces of red. It's peaceful and you let it slide over you.

And for once, you're at peace with the world.

* * *

*Evil snickering* yeah I just did that. That above ^ must be the most evil cliff hanger in this whole story. You're all probably wondering "Did Jasper just die?" My answer to that: Maybe.

Surprisingly, this took me about two hours to get out. I've actually had this scene in my head since before I've published this story, so I'm not sure why it took me so long. If you think the drama has ended already, you're horribly mistaken. The next chapter... *maniacal laughter* you're in for a _fun_ time.

So what do you think about Jasper's brother and Zoey? What about Carl trying to protect Jasper? What about what Jasper did? And what about my description? Personally I've never been on fire, I don't know about you, but I hope I've done it justice. Those of you that have been on fire, feel free to critique.

Where have all my lovely little reviews gone? It's so echo-y in this story without them. ECHOOOOO. ECHOOOO. See what I mean? Leave a review and let me know what you think and try to persuade me to update because if you don't I'll have to *gasp* actually do my homework. And that's pure madness.

~Bellabear~


	15. Chapter 15

_You can take everything I have  
You can take everything I am  
Like I'm made of glass  
Like I'm made of paper  
Come on and try to tear me down  
I will be rising from the ground  
Like a skyscraper  
-Skyscraper, Demi Lovato_

* * *

You open your eyes to thin sheets and a grey room. Your body feels tender and when you take a breath, it feels like your bones are bending. Tears burn in your eyes but you fight them back as you take shorter, smaller breaths. You blink your eyes to adjust to the dull light in the cell.

Your gaze drifts down to your wrapped hands; light pink skin hiding beneath white bandages. An IV hangs on the top bunk of the bed and travels down to your arm. Normally you'd be freaked out by needles, but you had other priorities right now.

You hear voices outside talking to each other. "What's going on? When is she going to wake up?" A male voice demands. It's sounds familiar, and then all the events of yesterday come rushing back to you. Cole was here.

"She's suffered head trauma. From what you've told me, when the debris fell from the ceiling it caused her to hit her head on the floor. That's why she's been out for this long."

"Two weeks is too long" Cole's voice says angrily.

"Cole," the other voice says calmly and patiently like he was talking to a small child. The voice sounded like it belonged to Christopher, the doctor. "It's only been six days."

"It feels like longer" Cole nearly growls.

"I know, I'm sorry. Would you like to go see her?" He asks. You close your eyes lightly, not ready to face anyone. When the doctor speaks again, his voice is only a few feet away. "She's lost the top layer of most of her skin, but that's not very serious at all. What is serious is her calf, which was burnt down to the last layer of skin. Also her face, which isn't as bad as her leg but is a little worse than the rest of her body".

"Her respiratory system is also of concern. She was in the smoke longer than any of you. I don't believe there will be any long term effects, but I won't know until she wakes up. She'll have to work her muscles out so that the scaring doesn't mess up any of her joints. We have antibiotic cream so it's unlikely she'll get any infections. She should wake up in time."

"How long is 'in time'?" Cole asks slowly. It sounded like he was about to strangle the good doctor. Now that you knew what was going on, now was a good a time as any. You exhale slowly and open your eyes.

"Jasper" Cole whispers immediately and comes to stand right beside you.

You try to speak, but your throat is so raw and scratchy that your voice catches. You keep trying to speak even though the doctor and Cole urge you not to. "I- I'm okay" you choke out, your voice thick.

The doctor gently pats blanket above your shoulder to calm you down then jogs over to the doorway. "Beth?" He calls softly "a cup of water and a straw please?"

A moment later the blonde girl hurries in the room and her face lights up when she sees you awake. "Thank you Beth. Please keep everyone else away right now." Beth nods then smiles at you brightly before leaving quickly.

He holds the cup so that you can drink from the straw. Once your dry throat is soothed, the doctor speaks. "Now." the doctor says slowly "what hurts the most?"

"My throat" you cough and it feels like your lungs turn to powder.

The doctor nods and adjusts some things with the IV, letting a cool fluid flow through your veins. He leaves after but let's Cole stay. The medicine immediately takes effect, making your head swim and you body feel as if it were floating on clouds.

"Hey Jaz" he says sitting down. You notice that he's nearly glowing and the corner of his mouth turns up every few seconds. You barely have time to flash him a confused look before he explains. "Zoey delivered yesterday" he says almost giddily "It's a girl. We named her Lilly."

Since your throat so raw, you settle for just grinning. He looked so happy as a father. You couldn't wait until you could meet your little niece.

"She's healthy, Christopher was surprised by how healthy she is. Her eyes are so bright, and she has lots of hair. It's light blonde and she has these little dimples. She kinda looks like you did when you were born" he says smiling at you with a sparkle in his eye. "Doc might let you outta here tonight since your mini coma gave your skin time to strengthen."

"Ew" you whisper as your head falls back on the pillow.

Cole laughs. "I'll go so doc will let rest of 'em come see you" he says standing up and glancing towards the door. "I'll see you soon, kay?" You nod and he flashes you one more smile before disappearing around the corner.

You feel the medicine beginning to take stronger effect but you shoo away the drifting feelings as best you can. Your eyes droop closed, but you fight them open after what seems like hours but was probably less than a few seconds.

Your vision blurs, but you can clearly see a sheriffs hat on messy brown hair approach you tentatively through a thick mist that must be the medicine working. Carl silently sits in the chair Cole left, keeping his gaze on the floor like he had done since he came into the room. Almost as if he were afraid to see your injuries, he raises his gaze to the thin while blankets around your middle, still bit looking at your face.

You notice his hair is shorter, cut closely to his head but still long enough to fall onto his forehead. You decide you like it because you could see his face better. His green eyes stood out more and his jaw line and cheek bones were more prominent. You realize then...that Carl was actually really freaking hot.

"Are you...okay?" He asks after a moment, finally letting his dark eyes flick upwards to meet yours. He flinches back a moment, and bites down hard on his lip as if he were fighting against himself. You know what he sees: a patch of light pink partially charred skin from your chin across your cheek to your ear. You knew it wasn't pretty.

"I'm fine" you say in your scratchy voice, causing him to flinch more. "It wasn't your fault, you know" you whisper, unable to keep putting your voice box through that torture any longer.

He reaches out and gently takes your hand in his. It doesn't hurt, but his warm skin feels good against the cold of the room. He begins to protest but you shush him. "You listen to me" you whisper "I don't give a fuck what you think. It wasn't your fault."

He can't help but laugh a little at that. "You are definitely Daryl's daughter" he chuckles.

You half cough as you struggle to breathe again. Your eyes widen and you're sure your heart stops for at least two beats. "What?" You whisper fiercely.

"Should I not have said that?" He asks squeezing your hand gently.

You remind yourself to breathe, choking in another breath of air through destroyed lungs. "How do you know that?" You ask slowly and shakily.

"Do you- do you not remember yesterday?" He asks, his eyes widening.

You slowly shake your head that no, you did not remember the day that you had somehow totally blanked on. "Yesterday?" You question, your gravely voice nearly squeaking.

"A little bit after you woke up, your brother left, and Daryl came in. Jazz, you told him that he was your father."

* * *

And the world stops spinning. Bam. Reviews help me write faster and better, and seeing as I haven't written absolutely anything yet for the next chapter... I think you get where I'm going with this;)

~Bellabear


	16. Chapter 16

_I never felt like this before  
Just when I leave, I'm back for more  
Nothing else here seems to matter  
In these ever changing days, you're the one thing that remains  
I could stay like this forever  
-Tonight, Daughtery_

* * *

The baby in Zoey's arms gurgled happily and grabbed at the air, her little blue eyes focusing on nothing as she squirmed and giggled. She was a little blonde doll, and her skin was chubby and soft. You can't help the small smile that grows on your face as you approach your niece. Her little hands threw themselves against her mothers arms as she shrieked and let loose a string of babbling.

You look up at the baby's mother. Her skin was an unfair perfect warm brown color and her bright blue eyes stood out. You could see why Cole loved her, among other reasons that you'd soon learn as you spent more time with your sister in law.

"Hey, hey Lilly" Cole croons as he takes his daughter in his arms. He tries to grab the newborn's attention to no avail. "This is your aunt Jasper" he whispers. Her eyes follow him for an eighth of a second before flicking away to look off into space.

"As you can see she's great at paying attention" he says chuckling.

You smile at him and then the baby. "She's perfect" you tell the new parents. Just moments later, the baby's delighted gurgles turn to sobs as she becomes unhappy with...something like all baby's do so abruptly.

"And thats my cue. I'm going to go get some food" you say turning to Cole.

"Here, I'll come with you" Cole says as he bounce-rocks his daughter in attempt to calm her.

"I'll be fine" you reassure him. You roll your eyes when you see him not buying it. "Seriously, I'm fine."

Cole shifts his weight as he looks at you skeptically. "You're jacked up on pain reliever" he states.

You half glare at your brother. "It's like thirty feet from here, I think I'll survive. Now take care of your baby, jerk" you tell him, already walking away before he can respond.

You could walk and even run, it was just a little hard to put too much weight on your left leg for too long. It's been eleven days since the fire, and five since you've woken up. You were healing very well according to Christopher, who had also supposed that since you had only just left your home full of supplies two months ago, you were one of the healthiest at the prison. Your face was nearly healed now too, and all the evidence there was a burn at all was the light pink stretch along the side of your face with thin scabbing.

You really were going to go to breakfast, but seeing Carl's cell door still closed sparks your interest. You glance around making sure no one was watching you, then slip into his cell. In the light seeping through the cell, you can just see his face relaxed in sleep. His back was pressed up against the wall with his head resting on his arm. His lower lip was stuck out a little, and his breathing was even. He was so tall that his feet dangled off the end of the bed.

You smile to yourself. Moving silently, you creep through the room and gently lay yourself down in the bed so you're facing him and his warm breath tickles your face. His hair is messy from sleep, and the front part is stuck up funny. Carefully, you move forward and kiss his lips softly. His deep green eyes open and he smiles when he sees you.

"You're loosing your edge" you whisper with a tiny smile "if I were a walker you'd be dead."

He rolls his eyes but a small smirk tugs at the corners of his mouth. "Walkers don't kiss me" he whispers back "or smell good."

You smile and whisper "Happy Birthday." You have to bite your lip to keep from grinning outright. Today was November twenty seventh, otherwise knows at Carl Grimes' sixteenth birthday.

"It is now" he whispers with a smile.

He reaches out and wraps his arm around you to pull you against his chest. Your heartbeat picks up as as he burrows his face in your hair. You slowly turn your head up to glance up at him.

You weren't sure if it was the high dosage of pain medicine, or the near death experience, but you were feeling outgoing today. Slowly, you reach up and place a kiss on the hollow of his neck.

You pause then, heat flooding to your cheeks and embarrassment filling your body. "My excuse is that I'm high on pain meds, I don't know what yours is" you mumble into his chest so you can hide your face.

Carl chuckles and you feel it vibrate in his chest. He leans his head down almost to yours but stops when his lips are less than two inches from yours. He leans closer, then pulls back ever so slightly as he smirks. "My oh my, is Carl Grimes teasing me?" You ask raising an eyebrow.

"Me? No, of course not" he whispers sarcastically with a small smile.

Normally you'd have a quick response to what he said, but him being so close was really screwing up your brain signals. You had no time to react as his lips molded against yours, cutting off access to all thoughts. He pulled himself up on one elbow as he leaned over you to continue the kiss. His hand lightly grips your waist as he leans over you and his lips move with yours.

You feel his hot breath on your neck, then the tender brush of his lips burning as they make contact with the skin along your jaw. You suck in a breath as his lips trail up near your ear. "So uh, happy birthday" you gasp.

He breaks away chuckling. "Yeah, very happy" he says flopping back to where he was laying before with a grin on his face.

"Smug bastard" you mumble. He chuckles again, his grin remaining just as large as before. "Wanna, uh, go get breakfast?" You ask, still breathless.

"Not yet" he says, gently pulling you back into his side. "Five more minutes" He begs, pulling you closer and squeezing his eyes closed.

"C'mon, we're gonna be screwed if someone finds us like this, and you can't have the birthday I planned for you if your dad...and Daryl are pissed at us" you reply.

He opens one eye and a small smile creeps across his face. "You planned stuff for my birthday?" He asks.

You smile and nod. "Mmhmm, starting with Carol's oatmeal" you say knowing he hates the colorless goo that was breakfast around here. "With apples an cinnamon" you add on.

He grins an sits up. You climb off the bed and peek through the crack in the door. "Okay, it's clear. Meet me out there in a minute" you whisper then slip through the cell door.

You duck around the corner, trying to force the blush from your cheeks. Finally, you head towards the main room to see that Carl is already talking with Carol as she makes him a bowl of the special oatmeal.

"Happy birthday" you greet Carl with a smile as if this was the first time you had seen him this morning.

He smirks daringly at you. "Thanks" he replies with a wink that you hope Carol doesn't see. "So kids," the woman says with a smile "any plans for today?"

"I have a few things planned" you tell her with a sly smile. "Can you tell Rick that we'll be back in a few hours and we won't go far? I'd tell him myself...but then we wouldn't be able to get away before he says no."

Carol laughs lightly. "Will do sweetie. Want me to tell Daryl too?" She asks softly.

You shrug. "If you want. Daryl doesn't care what I do" you tell her with a little bit of bitterness creeping into your voice.

"That's not true and you know it" the older woman says sternly before her face softens. "Your daddy's just confused and overwhelmed right now, that's why he's been hunting the last two days. You know he cares about you, you're just angry" she reprimands you.

"You'd be angry if you told your biggest secret while drugged then didn't even remember it" you mumble but you don't think Carol heard. "Yeah, I know" you say a little louder.

She smiles as she takes your nearly empty bowls. "Good. Now go on and get before Rick gets out here.  
Go on now" she says waving off off with a chuckle "I'll pack ya a bag."

You turn to Carl. "I'll meet you at the front gate. Don't let anyone see you" you tell him before returning to your cell.

You dress in a tank top, jeans, your leather jacket and hunting boots. You pocket your knife and your moms pistol with a fresh set of rounds. All the supplies for the perfect birthday, note the sarcasm. You start towards the kitchen where Carol said she'd meet you, but stop short when you see a guy leaning against the railing a little ways from your cell.

His blond hair was cut into a buzz cut, showing his lightly sunburned forehead and cheeks that held light blue eyes. He was tall, half a head taller than Carl and just as built. He looked weathered like most everyone did when they first joined up here, with hollow eyes and cheeks and worn clothes. He looked around sixteen or seventeen maybe. A small smile pulled up the corners of his mouth though when he saw me, making him look inviting and a little shy.

"Um hi?" I ask as I approach him. I was surprised; I didn't know that any more people had joined us.

He smiles a little more. "Hi," he says in a deep voice "I'm Mark. You must be Jasper, I've heard about you and the accident." He has a backwoods kind of accent, not Georgian or any northern country town though.

"Uh yeah," you say with a shrug and a little smile. "yeah, I'm Jasper. When did you get here? I haven't seen you around."

"Yesterday, me and my younger sister, she's about your age, and our aunt" he says "were from a safe town in Louisiana that our father ran."

You give him a little apologetic smile. "Sorry" you tell him, not needing the whole story. "Listen, I gotta run, but I'll talk to you later."

His brow creases in confusion. "Where are you going?" He asks.

"Oh uh, Carl and I are going hunting" you tell him "see ya." It was close enough to the truth, plus you didn't feel comfortable telling a stranger that you and your kinda sorta boyfriend were going to run off into the woods to celebrate his birthday.

You meet Carol in the kitchen a moment later. She grins and hands you a small backpack. "You two kids be careful" she says meeting your eyes and you nod before walking away.

You meet Carl by the front gates. He's grinning at the east guard tower. "What?" You ask him.

He snickers. "Maggie and Glen" he says nodding towards the tower "New girl, Hannah, went up to keep watch with Glen. Maggie ran out real quick after that, barely dressed. Glen doesn't look too happy."

You laugh. "Alright c'mon, let's go before your dad finds us" you say pulling his arm towards the opening of the second gate. After taking out the six walkers through the gate, the coast was clear. You both take off at a sprint, like you did that one day what feels like so long ago.

What's different from that day is that you can't run for more than ten feet before you have to stop because of your leg. "I-I can't" you tell Carl as up come to an awkward half jog.

He hurries back towards you and thinks for a moment before he crouches down. "What are you doing?" You ask him confused.

"C'mon" he says with a chuckle "piggy back ride time."

You hold back a moment before getting a grip on Carl's shoulders and leaping onto his back. His arms support your legs as he takes off towards the woods at an upbeat jog. The wind whipped at your back, causing you clutch Carl tighter in effort to keep warm. Rick was sure it would snow by January.

You slide off his back once you reach the edge of the forest. Browning autumn colored leaves cover the ground, making every leaf crunch loudly underfoot. The downside was that anything could hear you coming, meaning no hunting. But the plus side was that you could hear every walker coming.

"I saw Judy before we left" Carl says "she won't stop giggling cause of her curls. She told me to tell you, and I quote, you're the bestest." He chuckles.

You grin. Carl's little sister was pouting about something last night, so you braided he wet hair so when it dried it would be in curls. "I love Judy, she's the sweetest" you say with a smile.

Carl's about to speak when you hear leaves crunching towards the right. "I got it" he says already halfway there. The walker is big, but it's missing both eyes and dumbly swipes at Carl as it snarls. He easily ducks out of its way, and knocks it over before driving his knife through its skull.

He jogs back over, wiping his hands on his jeans. "There more of them around now." he says referring to the walkers. "The places where we fixed the fence when we got back have to be strengthened and they're talking about rigging a second gate like we had before" he steps over the remains of a long dead walker "and set up some barricades. Michone's started of them already."

You nod. "If anything draws the herd from my house out way, were gonna need all the support we can get" you say thinking of the enormous size of the herd.

"We used to have everything. Crops, animals, electricity, barricades. We're almost there with the electricity, Glen's messing with it now. I think were gonna plant some when it's spring, and Daryl's already been looking for animals we could keep." He says Daryl's name a little tentatively, as if the mere mention of his name would send you into a fit.

"Gonna make it like new again" you muse.

Carl smiles at the idea. "And were not gonna loose it this time."

* * *

Fluffy, fluffy, fluffy:) I needed to give them a break, don't you think? How does everyone like 16 year old Carl? A little more daring? (I wish I were Jasper...) Let me know if you want Carl's personality to continue to grow more daring like that with age, or if you want him to remain close to his character in WD.

I can't wait for Chandler Riggs to get older, cause he's going to be insanely hot. I know it. I also wonder if he ever reads fanfiction about himself...Hi Chandler Riggs!

Walking Dead season 4 is on Netflix! I'm on episode 3, and will be watching it nonstop. Let me know if you want me to have the next chapter as a continuation of Carl's bday celebration (which includes fluff;) or if you want me to jump on to the Daryl drama.

Speaking of, sorry about the lack of Daryl drama, but I'm letting the tension build, cue the maniacal laughter. Let me know what you want to happen, or what you think will happen cause guys, I love writing for you but I need at least a few review to justify my failing Spanish 2 (I'll fix it soon, I promise!).

Thanks for reading, please review. Love you guys:)

~Bellabear~


	17. Chapter 17

_But we both know how_

_How we're gonna make it work when it hurts_

_When you pick yourself up _

_You get kicked to the dirt _

_Trying to make it work but _

_Man, these times are hard _

_-For the First Time, the Script_

* * *

By ways of birthdays nowadays, you'd have to say Carl's turned out pretty good. You and him got to get away for a while, and there was a picnic lunch. Reese's substituted for cake, but he didn't mind.

You lay on the blanket Carol packed you, looking up at the light blue sky decorated with wisps of bright white clouds. Crisp copper leaves float from bare trees and away gently to the forest floor in the Autumn wind. The sun's rays warm your shoulders and keep away the chill to the air.

"I'm trying to not fall asleep here, cause if we did, you know, we'd die" you say as you begrudgingly sit up.

He chuckles and slips the half empty water bottle back into the bag. "We should get back, it's about noon already" Carl sighs as he judges the time by the sun.

"Fine" you groan as you brush the dirt off your legs. "But if we get in trouble, I'm saying you kidnapped me" you tell him semi seriously.

He chuckles and swings the bag over his shoulder before reaching down to help you up. He pulls you up with ease and captures your lips in a kiss before you can even regain your footing. He was not playing fair.

You're greeted with a smirk as he pulls away but it's quickly replaced by a frown as the sound of leaves crunching under clumsy footing echoes through the barren forest and begins to grow louder. You both look around instantly knowing that this was a herd. There isn't much around by ways of hiding, and running through the fallen leaves would only make them follow you.

Your eyes land on a think barren oak tree alongside an evergreen that towers over it. The lower branches would be hidden by the dark green of the evergreen branches. You meet Carl's look with a nod, and you both quickly but quietly move to the tree. You let him climb up first, then he pulls you up. You sit at a fork in one of the branches and watch through the evergreen branches.

It wasn't long before the rough bark began to dig into your skin, and your back became tired from crouching. The new light pink skin that covered your calf wasn't touching anything but cool air, but it burned from bending. It's at least fifteen minutes before the last half decayed walker stumbles out of sight. You let out a breath of relief you didn't know you were holding. There were so many of them.

Carl looks at you, fighting to keep his expression from being one of terror. "They're heading towards the prison" he whispers.

"How can we get there? The walkers cutting off the only way there and there is no way that we can make it though there without getting swarmed" You whisper back while steeling glances at the stumbling figures.

Carl bites his lower lip as he debates things in his head. You would've found it cute if the circumstances were different. "The other side of the prison is fallen down," he finally says sounding defeated "we can get in through there and go through the tombs until we get to the cell block and someone can let us in. It's dark and there's walkers in there, but it was cleared out before the bomb thing so most of them would've been drawled out hopefully."

"It's worth a shot, c'mon, they're going to need us" you say as you inch along the bark.

You'd like so say you hit the ground running, but your leg won't allow it. You had told your brother this morning that you'd be fine on all the pain medication to make it to breakfast, but to sprint two miles and fight a herd? That was stretching the truth.

Instead, you hit the ground and fall to the side, shock waves pulsing throughout your body. You hiss in pain and clutch your leg in pain. Carl looks worried, but you both know the severity of the circumstances. There was no time for this right now. He lets you climb into his back again and he takes off at a steady jog.

When you approach the edge of the woods before the prison, the sight both shocks and terrifies you. You had been hearing the snarls from back in the woods, but now they were amplified to a sound so loud it was defining. The makeshift walls built under and around the cars that make up for the fallen parts of the fence were slowly being clawed away at and the fence was starting to bend.

Carl takes you around the edge of the woods until you reach the fallen in side that you've never seen before. He sets you down so you can climb underneath the broken fence and up the mountain of bricks and debris. Carl stops once the materials level out to a broken off hallway of sorts.

He turns and looks you in the eyes seriously. "Stay close to me," he commands "we have to move quickly and don't use your gun unless you have to. Who knows how many'll be in there." You just nod and tighten your grip on the hilt of your machete.

You run your hand along the smooth grey wall as you walk, judging the distance and trying to remember each and every turn that you take in case you need to retreat. So far there have been five walkers, and all except one Carl has dealt with. He claimed it was "gentlemanly" but you knew he was just being paranoid and overprotective. Tomato, tomato, he says. Sure.

The tombs have an empty but crowded feel to them; like around every corner there would be a horde of hungry walkers instead sheer emptiness. Whenever you saw a barren wall behind a corner, it would be a terrible sense of relief.

You gasp as Carl yanks himself back behind the wall, but it's all it takes for the walkers behind the corner to snarl in hunger. It was dark- so you can't tell how many exactly but you think it's about eight.

You and Carl both knock back the leaders of the pack with a nearly in sync kick to the chest before taking care of the ones that remained standing. Stomp, push, knife, kick, stomp, push, knife. Then it's over. That was the thing about this world now: you always had to be ready for a moment that would last but a moment but could change everything.

Chests heaving, the both of you run the rest of the way to cell block C, not caring about going under the radar anymore. You breathe a sigh of relief as the tunnel begins to lighten and you see the bars of the cell block.

"Rick!" "Dad!" "Michone!" "Carol!" You both shout while casting worrisome glances back at the collection of walkers staggering after you.

Sophia is the one who opens the gates. "Thank god" she breathes as she lets you in and slams the bars just in time. The three of you jog into the middle of cell block C where Mika and Lizzie nervously wait with their guns ready. "The whole front is caving in, Rick wants everyone who can't fight in the guard towers now. I'm trying to get the kids but they're not listening."

"Where's Judith?" Carl demands.

Sophia shrinks back a little at the intensity of his words, making you feel bad for adding on just as harshly "And Lilly?"

Her big eyes dart between you two nervously. "Lilly's with Zoey in their cell" she seems to shrink a little smaller "Last time I saw Judith she was with Beth, but I haven't seen them in an hour or so..."

Carl jogs to the weapons bin in the corner of the room and supplies Sophia with a gun and a knife. "Find the kids from the B block and get them to the guard tower. Go" he says and the girl immediately takes off running.

You notice that since you had entered the tombs, Carl had taken on the roll of leader just like his father dealt with things. It was a little scary how perfectly he mimicked his fathers leadership. He turns to you. "Get your family, try to find Mika and Lizzie too. I'll look for Judy and the new people."

You're about to take off when he lightly grips your wrist. You turn to look at him questioningly. "Be careful" he whispers before pressing his lips hard to yours for half a second before pulling back and reaching for his gun.

You take off towards the stairs and take them two at a time. You throw open Zoey's cell and let out a sigh of relief when you see Zoey sitting there with Lilly in her arms. You have to laugh though, because the hand that wasn't holding a baby was holding a gun.

"C'mon we gotta make it to the guard tower" you tell her urgently. She stands hurries after you the best you can.

The moment you open the door of the cell block, panic seizes in your chest. Walkers were past the first fence and were in the yard. You're nearly overcome by the hail of bullets coming from every corner of the yard and seemingly everywhere else. Madness, confusion and terror threatened to take over.

You strained to see Cole over the crowd and you managed to spot him with Rick in the front guard tower firing down at the horde below them. At least he was safe. Now you just needed to make sure everyone else was safe.

You're startled when Zoey fires right beside you. You hadn't even noticed the walker that has snuck up on you. They were inside, that wasn't good. You see how now: the swarm of dead walkers allowed for others to climb on top of the pile and over it's fellow corpses to get over the fence.

You fire at two about to climb over, and their bodies fall to the concrete and spray blood over the two of you. The fences were beginning to bend under the weight, and you knew it was time to lock up and hide.

"Guard tower's no good" you mumble looking around for something better and hopefully safer. The gates begin to lean forward, and another walker falls over it, but splatters into blood.

Zoey grabs your arm to steady you. You hadn't even noticed you were shaking. "Jasper, calm down. We have to go now." She speaks slowly but hard.

You manage a nod and the two of you run back inside. "The tombs" you say immediately. You remember the twisting madness, but also all the rooms hidden in the dark maze. If you were quiet, they wouldn't be able to find you.

"Lizzie, Mika!" You shout, stopping the young girls about to round the corner. The blood splattered girls run forward looking relieved. You look at the guns in both of their hands and feel a little relieved yourself; at least they could take care of themselves for the most part.

"We couldn't find anyone" Mika says with her voice shaking a little.

"It's alright" you soothe the girls. Lizzie was the strong one of the two, and even she looked a little uneasy and blood dripped from her knife. "We're going to go through the tombs" you tell them

Mika starts to protest, but Lizzie shushes her. She stands straighter and looks you in the eye. "We're fine" she insists.

You get to the gate of the B block and take out the walkers clinging to it. You step over the bodies and pause. "Wait. Mika, follow behind with Zoey. Lizzie and I will look ahead."

Mika nods as she stands defensibly in front of Zoey. You move quickly with Lizzie by your side and although you know that she doesn't like killing walkers, she puts them down quickly and moves on. She mumbles apologies once their dead and a few tears slide down he cheeks, but she nods.

"I'm trying" she says looking up to you with hope and pain in her eyes.

"You're doing great" you reassure her. And she really was because you knew how hard this was for her, but she was working through it. This may be the thing that helps her to see walkers the right way.

Before long, you find a boiler room of sorts. It's empty, but the remains of a dead walker lays on the floor. Upon closer inspection, you realize it's a woman that died, but was shot in the head. You suck in a breath as you remember the story and realize that this must have been Carl's mother.

Zoey was calming Lilly in the corner while Lizzie was tying the door shut and moving things in front of it with Mika's help. Still feeling dizzy from the pain medicine, you fall to your knees beside the remains.

"Uh, hi Lori" you whisper so low that no one else could hear. "I want you to know, wherever you are, that your husband is a real fine leader, and your daughter is sweet as can be. I care about your son a lot and we're gonna keep each other and everyone else safe. I promise." You rise to your feet and drag a tarp from a side of the room to cover the remains.

You see a ladder in the back corner of the room that leads up to a hatch in the ceiling. You reload then shove your gun in your pocket along and grab your machete in hand. "I'm going to bring the rest of them here, be ready to let us, but stay quiet."

You climb up the first three rungs before a wave of nausea hits you. You hold tight and wait for it to subside.

"Jasper?" You hear Lizzie ask from below.

You turn and look at her feigning innocence. "Yeah, Lizzie?"

"You're not well. I know I can't stop you, but you can't stop me from helping you. I'm not the best backup, I know that, but it's backup that you need" the girl says with as hard of a voice as she can muster. You would normally say no and keep her here and safe, but you needed the help. You also know how hard it was for her to kill walkers and to say that to you.

"Alright, come on, let's go" you tell the younger girl with a half smile.

She already had her weapons on her, so she just started up the ladder behind you. Light streamed in through the opened hatch, the the moans of the undead could be heard from far away.

Lizzie climbs up after you and the two of you carefully climb across the jagged rooftops until you find a ladder leading down. It leads to a secluded corner hidden by one of the leftover cars from when you were fixing the fence. Thankfully it was a truck, and the two of you can climb easily upon it and get high enough that walkers can't reach you unless they climb on the bed of the truck.

Carl was nowhere to be seen, which wasn't specifically bad because he was looking for Judith and the new people, and he wouldn't bring them out into combat. Less than an hour ago, you had figured today would be a good birthday for Carl because he got to have Reese's as cake. Now it was a good day because he was probably alive

You see Carol shooting up the walkers in the field from the front guard tower and you let out a breath of relief. At least she was safe. Cole wasn't in sight though, and neither was Rick, Beth or Maggie, but you could see Glen firing from behind locked gates. For once since he left, you wish Daryl was here.

Only half your family was accounted for, and hundreds of walkers dominated the yard. This was your family's prison, but as of now, it was a walker kingdom. Your light eyes turned dark as they took in the severity of the situation.

"On my count" you say to Lizzie as you lay yourself down and cock your head at the first walker to notice you.

It had a sloppy gait as it approached slowly. It's jaw was dislocated, showing its torn tongue and blood stained teeth. Rotten skin peeled away from its body, showing bones and it's still, black heart. The walker moaned as is shuffled towards you as it emitted a blood chilling groan that you knew would haunt your nightmares for weeks.

You swallow your disgust and target the first walker as you tell Lizzie "We shoot until we're out of ammo."

* * *

Prison battle #3! Except this isn't against the Governor, but the herd from Jasper's house. Anyone else nearly having an aneurism because the Walking Dead season 5 Premiere is tonight! I'm freaking out!

In other news, I went to homecoming last night and it was awesome. I also have districts for diving next Friday and I'm hoping that it won't be that cold (I'm in Florida, so it probably won't, but in the morning it is a little).

In more other news, I'm thinking of making an Instagram for my fan fictions, would you guys want that? I've been wanting to show you guys the character sketches I've done for my Jasper and book and writing quotes and stuff. Let me know. Also, I put lyrics at the beginning of this chapter, and I actually went back and found lyrics for every chapter if you want to check it out cause it took forever. I also edited the first chapter and two others a little but mainly the first one.

I'll update as soon as I can, but I'd like to have a few reviews first. I'm not asking for much, I just want to know how you think I'm doing cause I haven't gotten like any the last few chapters. Okay, correction I actually started getting more again last chapter (5), but before that I was getting like 1 or 2 per chapter. Just let me know what you think/want to happen cause it helps a lot. Love you guys:)

~Bellabear~


	18. Chapter 18

_Have you ever heard the tale of the juniper tree?_

Once upon a time, long ago, there was a beautiful woman with a husband and a heart full of love, but no children. The woman yearned for a child, but, her husband and her could never conceive.

So one day, under a juniper tree, she made a blood sacrifice. She watched her blood spill on the snow and voiced, once more, how much she wanted a child. And amongst the white noise of everyone's prayers in the entire damned planet, god heard her and finally gave her one.

Months later, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. And then the woman died of happiness. The beauty of irony, huh?

And the man remarried. His wife was a strict woman who shorty thereafter gave birth to a fair haired, light hearted daughter.

You can guess how the story goes. The woman wants her daughter to have everything, so she plans to murder the son. Fairy tales are beautiful, are they not?

One afternoon, her daughter ran in, asking for an apple, but the woman decides to wait for her stepson to return first. She sets up the chest of apples so that the son must stick his head in himself and choose his own apple.

He walks in and the demon inside her, just like the demon in all of us, whispers in her ear, and she listens, so she throws the trunk lid down on top of his neck, and his head comes off into the apples.

Maybe that's why apples are red.

But that is not the moral of the story; that's just my interpretation.

Then the woman ties his head up in a kerchief and props it up on his body, and makes her daughter believe that she killed him. And the loving mother cooks her son up in a stew and feeds it to her husband, all while her daughter is watching. And then the daughter takes the bones out to the juniper tree, and by some magic, the bones turn into a bird.

And the bird flies about, and gets a golden chain and red shoes and a whetting stone from the village locals. And he comes back home, somehow carrying all three, and he calls out to the family. He drops the chain onto his father's neck and drops the shoes in front of his sister and drops the stone onto his stepmother's body.

And by some magic, he gets turned back into a human from the stepmother's death and his father and sister and he all celebrate by going inside.

_Can you tell me what's wrong here?_

_You can?_

_That means you still have a conscience._

_But don't worry, the world will rob you of that soon enough._

_It always does._

* * *

The day that your home fell to the dead, you figured that it would storm. The world should look as ugly as it truly was. But no, the sun was bright and the air was crisp and cold and the day was beautiful.

Your hands were numb from the cold as they vibrated with the shock from your gun on the top of the car. Swarms of walkers snarled as they stumbled and lurched towards you and Lizzie. Numbness gradually began to overtake your whole body as the walkers surged closer. Fogginess blurs your thoughts and vision, but somehow almost every bullet manages to take down a walker.

Lizzie's voice growls louder, but it sounds distorted and wrong. Your eyes snap into focus a moment later and you let out a breath of shock. "Jasper!" Lizzie shouts, her voice finally full force. "We have to go!"

The walkers were gathering around the truck and Glen and Carol were shouting from near the guard tower for you two to run. You pull up a knee to get up, but shriek in pain as you fall to your side. The burning from the pull of your new skin fades, but doesn't go away.

"I'm fine, I'm fine" you say to Lizzie who crouches beside you worriedly. You climb shakily to your feet and lock your fingers together to give Lizzie a boost up to the roof two feet over open air.

Lizzie's eyes widen. "No, no I can't" she whines fearfully. She begins to look around at the walkers as if contemplating if you two could kill them all and get away. "I can't,  
I can't, I can't!" She shouts, straining so that it nearly breaks.

"Lizzie," you snap grabbing her shoulders. You stare into her dark blue eyes sternly and comfortingly. "Don't think. Just act."

She blinks hard as she considers the tactic. "Okay" she breathes heavily "okay. I'm sorry." She steps into your hands and grabs onto the roof. She manages to scramble onto the flat surface then pulls you up with her. You unload a dozen bullets into the horde snarling after you, stopping to reload before ceasing fire.

You look up to the younger girl's heaving form. "Lizzie, you're okay" you tell her. "We did it, you're fine."

Before she can reply, Glen shouts from across the horde. "Find Maggie!" He yells.

You nod before the two of you navigate across the slanted rooftop towards the overhead bridge near the C block. You look down at your leg as you climb down the gate, seeing how the bright pink twisted skin stretched. The only reason you weren't on the ground was because the cold provided some relief against the heat behind your skin.

The walkers scratched and moaned at the door to the C block. Lizzie drops to the ground beside you and looks at you expectantly. "C'mon," you say starting for the door with her following you. "Close all the cell doors and make sure no one is in there."

The girl runs up the steps and you can hear the doors slam closed. You grab a stray piece of Judith's chalk and write in big bold letters on the floor the location of everyone. There's a shriek of metal as a door begins to close, but there's no slam. Lizzie gasps. "Jasper!" She shouts "it's Maggie!"

You slam the final cell door closed and look painfully at the stairs as you feel the ache in you leg. Thankfully the pair can make it down the stairs themselves. Maggie breathes heavily and holds her bloated stomach. Your brow knits in confusion before you realize-Maggie was having her baby.

You slam the final cell door closed and look painfully at the stairs as you feel the ache in you leg. Thankfully the pair can make it down the stairs themselves. Maggie breathes heavily and holds her bloated stomach. Your brow knits in confusion before you realize-Maggie was having her baby.

"Where's Carl?" The woman asks. You fix her with a confused look. "He was here a few minutes ago. He told me wait here while he found Judith." A piece inside you relaxes at the bit of proof that Carl was alive and okay.

Hollow moans and fierce snarls echo around the cell block as a cement block used to patch the hole in the wall left by the governors tank crashes to the ground. "He'll have to meet up with us somewhere else" you say as the sound is amplified as two more smash to the ground and the whole wall begins to give way.

Your heart pounds but you quickly snap, "Go back upstairs. Hide and wait until someone comes to get you or until you know it's safe enough to get to the boiler room. I'll draw them away" you say eyeing the crumbling wall uncertainly.

"No, you're hurt" Maggie replies in a hard voice but you can see the tears in her eyes. She knows this is the best chance at everyone staying alive.

"Glen would never forgive me, and I wouldn't forgive myself either" you say as the younger girl pulls Maggie gently back up the stairs. "Lizzie, you can do this."

She gives you a firm nod before the two of them disappear into a covered cell. You grip your machete tighter and feel for your gun on your hip as the final pieces of the makeshift wall crumble and the undead burst into the cell block with fresh hungry snarls.

"Over here!" You shout as you start backwards at a slow jog. "C'mon now! Fresh meat over here! All you can eat! Let's go!"

Your leg burns and tears form in your eyes but you turn and start running. You push the opened gates closed to still but not to lock out the walkers, buying you some time. At a safe distance, you turn and pull out your gun. Reloading quickly, you take aim at the first few walkers in the herd. The three loud shots ring in your ears, but you turn and press on, now with more enthusiastic chasers. Joy.

Turning randomly around corners and taking turns you've never seen before, you find yourself in a large room that seems like it was once a visiting room. It's secure, and of you could lock the walkers inside...

With the knife in your boot, you quickly run the blade across your palm. You hiss in pain, then let the blood run onto the floor and over behind a table. You then grab a handful of broken glass as gently as you can before dashing towards the main doors which were open wide. The walkers stumbled into the room snarling in search of their next meal.

You flattened yourself against the wall behind the door as best you can as roughly forty walkers stumble their way into the room. You throw the glass towards the opposite corner of the room to keep them away from you as your leg screams and it's all you can do to keep from groaning in pain.

Finally, you leap from behind the door and stab the closest walker in your way in the eye. Before the rest can get close, you yank the doors closed and shove your machete to keep the doors closed. Before you know what happened, you're flat on the floor with a walker snarling in your ear. Without your machete, you fight it off with the butt of your gun until you manage to stab it through its weak skull, coating you in dark blood.

Your head throbs from where it hit the ground. It wasn't bad, but you had a history of hitting your head. Everything was hazy and moving in slow motion. A fuzzy gray screen clouded a swirl of colors and it was too hard to keep your eyes open. You let my head loll to the side and the nauseous feeling rises.

You manage to climb to your feet and wrap the belt from a walker around the doors and take your machete in hand with a sigh of relief as you grip the familiar handle. Your so lost in your own mind that a second walker knocks you to the ground before you can blink. With your machete, it's easy to drive it into it's skull but it coats you with a second layer of blood.

You pause as your heartbeat slows. You can feel the walkers black blood seep int your clothes, but you can't muster the energy just yet to pick yourself up.

"Jasper."

You sit up to see the owner of the relieved voice. Carl. You disgustedly throw the corpse off you and take Carl's hand to help you up. His eyes scan over you horrifiedly but you shake your head no when his eyes meet yours. "My leg...I'll be fine" you reassume him.

Behind him stand the new people; Mark and Hannah and their aunt. Mark stands tall with blood on his shirt while Hannah stands with a hand on her hip and an annoyed look. She seems pleasant.

Carl nods and wraps an arm around your waist to help you walk. "Judith?" He asks desperately, his voice cracking.

"I'm sorry" you whisper. "Maggie's going into labor, her and Lizzie are in the cell block- we need to go" you tell him starting forward but nearly crumple as your leg takes on all the weight of your body at once.

"Whoa" Carl says as he catches you before you fall. "Let's get you back to the boiler room-I saw your note. He fight back a half ironic chuckle "you spelt boiler wrong."

He didn't know about your dyslexia. "Harde har har" you mutter under your breath causing Carl to smirk. "I'm fine, I can go with you" you insist.

"Jasper, you're staying-prepare for when we bring Maggie. Hannah and Savannah can help you. Mark, you're with me" Carl calls the shots.

You hiss in pain as you take another step. "Once I can breathe again I'm going to get you back for this" you mutter, growing weaker and more tired with each passing moment.

It wasn't the kind of tired that you had at the end of the day. It wasn't the tired that when you sit down, you sigh in content and get comfortable. No, that was too easy. Too weak. This was so much stronger.

It was the kind of tired that dragged you down. The kind that pulled you farther and deeper into oblivion every second you tried to fight against it. And the longer you fought, the less energy you had to keep fighting. But you still strained against the force, knowing that in the end it would be in vain. You kept fighting to prove that you could. You could be strong. Stronger than oblivion. But then you couldn't fight anymore and oblivion took over without you even realizing it.

Carl's voice becomes muffled as you stumble and your eyes flutter close. "I-" you utter as your head spins. "Falling."

You couldn't pass out now. You didn't want to be one of the casualties. There was already Maggie to worry about and Judith and hopefully Beth to find. You wish Daryl were here. Your father that became your father figure without him knowing he was your father. It proved it was real, but also that it was confusing and dramatic as hell. Where was Cole? Would he leave his new baby without a father? And you without a brother.

All this runs through your head in a split second. The second right before your eyes close and you crumple to the ground.

_Can you tell me what's wrong here?_

_You can?_

_That means you still have a conscience._

_But don't worry, the world will rob you of that soon enough._

_It always does._

* * *

Do you like the Juniper Tree story? I found it and rewrote it and believe it or not, but the original piece was even creepier. Daryl will be in the next chapter and more drama and action shall commence! Let me know if I'm doing a good job cause I have no idea.

Has it been a while? It's been 16 days since I last updated but it feels like longer. You should feel special because I have 6 stories in progress and I haven't updated any since August cause I have writers block on ALL OF THEM but not this one. Go figure. i recommend reviews so the same block doesn't attack this story! I can feel it setting in already...

Also, I got an Instagram for fanfiction! My name is **_Bellabear9899_** and I'll start posting after I get some followers and I'll follow you all back. I'll be posting character sketches of Jasper and other characters(possibly little cartoonish WD drawings of you if you want one), book quotes and funny reading stuff, other random drawings and I'll have updates on when I'll put out a chapter along with details of my everyday awkwardly awesome life. So yeah, follow me:)

~Bellabear~


	19. Chapter 19

_Hey  
Show me one man who's never made mistakes  
Oh,  
And I'll pay  
All of my time and every dime I make  
-Broken Arrows, Daughtery_

* * *

The world has changed. The dead no longer remain dead, but rise again to feast on the living. People though, living, breathing people, have not changed.

Now, more than half the worlds population would deny that. Even if half of the worlds population may be well under ten thousand people at this point. They would say that people before wouldn't steal your supplies before shooting you dead on sight, but would offer you a kind smile and ask how you were and if you needed help.

But they're wrong.

Humans lived in a society where instinct was perceived as wrong, and unnatural, trusting behavior was though of as right. They called it humanity. And who is it that defined ones humanity? Did someone just sit down and dictate what was wrong and what was right?

Humanity is improperly named. It has been defined as what is the right thing to do by means of morals.

But what is the right thing to do when it is human instinct to do wrong? Who chose what is opposite human instinct was to be perceived as right?

It is in human nature to lie, cheat, steal and kill. That is what humanity is. To be human is to be wrong. It is instinct to survive and prosper, even if means others around you will have to sacrifice their supplies, family, or very breath to keep your black heart beating.

Fear the living, fight the dead.

Because those perceived as good, those with morals, are very few now. Why? Because our world has turned back to the animalistic era. We are all nothing more than animals fighting for our lives against the dead and living alike.

And to survive, we have to abandon morals and what is "right" to survive. We have to do what is "wrong". But what if were we're not doing anything wrong. What if there is no right and wrong at all? We're just doing what comes naturally to us.

We are liars.

We are cheaters.

We are thieves.

We are killers.

We are human.

_Fear the living, fight the dead._

* * *

You remember the dead first reached your town. Sure, you had been hearing things on the news but everything downplayed to as not to cause a panic. You were at school the day they came, gym, to be more precise. In the middle of warm ups, screams began to erupt from the school. Everyone paused, waiting. Moment later swarms of the dead could be seen stumbling from the woods and from the courtyard.

Mass hysteria. People were running and screaming, others didn't know what to do. The things began attacking, and you just ran. You ran to the portables and climbed on top of a dumpster alongside the building. Thinking you were safe, you paused there but had to scramble onto the roof and push the dumpster away when the dead swarmed.

Having that one stupid class fifth period saved your life.

You ended up living up there for three days while you watched your whole school be eaten alive or turn. You lost some of your humanity then, and you're losing more now.

Heaviness drags your body down as you fight for consciousness. A thick haze clouds your vision as your head swims painfully. You can feel a small amount of blood steadily seep from the new torn skin that used to cover your left calf.

With your other senses dulled, you give a last ditch attempt to figure out where you were. You notice that you're engulfed by a familiar scent of warmth and dirty cotton. Carl.

You lift your head weakly and watch the world blur in slow motion before you. You could tell it was loud but the voices and snarls sounded echoed and far away. A hand brushes loose hair from your face and you glance up to see Carl's blurred face.

He exhales in relief as he sees your eyes open and offers you a tiny half smile. "We're in a closet, walkers are swarming outside, least a dozen" he whispers nodding to the rest of the small room where the small Louisiana family was also cramped. "Close range, out of ammo, with you passed out..." He trails off shaking his head.

You nod still trying to regain full consciousness. Carl helps you sit up against the wall where you can feel the vibrations of the walkers decaying fists on the opposite side of the concrete wall. You make eye contact with Mark, who holds your gaze for a few seconds before turning away and pulling off his sweatshirt.

Carl turns to look at Mark as he shrugs off his grey shirt too before pulling his sweatshirt back on. "Here" he offers with a shrug and a blush. "To wrap your leg."

Carl takes the material from him with a grateful nod. "Thank you" you tell him as Carl tears the shirt to make a bandage. You try to carefully pull up your jeans, but the blood soaked denim is too tight and won't go up to your knees without severely hurting your calf.

You pause and meet Carl's eyes. The bleeding was too heavy to go without a bandage and wrapping the bandage over your jeans would come undone. The only option was to take off your jeans to wrap the wound. Though it was a little awkward, Carl had already seen you in your underwear that time you wet swimming, even of it was before you were dating.

Carl turns to look over his shoulder at the small family. Their aunt could do it, but her hands were covered with walker blood and Hannah looked like she'd rather charge outside into the horde instead of deal with your bloody leg. You didn't want her touching it anyways.

In theory, Mark could do it. He seamed like he could handle it and his hands were clean. But there was no way in hell that Carl would let another guy do that.

Carl's eyes narrow dangerously at Mark, probably not too ecstatic about another teenage guy seeing you in your underwear. He makes eye contact with Mark, who glances over to you, then back at Carl's hard eyes. Thankfully, he turns around.

You pull off one shoe while Carl undos the shoe on your hurt leg. He glances away with a blush as you try to shuffle out of the rough denim while sitting down. You successfully get your left leg out of them, but the material gathers around your right knee.

Carl glances back at you, trying too hard to look only at your face. It was cute. As gently as he can, he pulls the jeans over your calf. Even as carefully as he does it, it still causes you to hiss in pain and tears to come to your eyes.

His jaw clenches but his eyes soften. "Sorry" he whispers before ripping a piece of the fabric from Marks shirt and quickly but skillfully wrapping it around your calf. You manage to get your jeans back on without any further injuries other than your face burning so hot you feel like you're going set something on fire.

"Thanks" you mumble once everything is back in place. He nods once as he tries to force the blush from his cheeks.

"Now, what should we do?" The groups aunt asks.

"Mark, Carl and I can get through the walkers outside and lead them away if there's too many. You two can find the boiler room and we can find our people and then go there" you propose as you shakily make it to your feet with the aid of the wall despite Carl's protests.

Carl shakes his head. "No. No way. You're not going out there with them. Not like that" he says.

You're ready to snap something about how you'll be fine, but you bite it back. "Fine" you growl.

His eyes soften but he nods once without a word. Mark walks over and him and Carl converse quietly. After a moment Carl walks over to Hannah and her aunt and tells them the plan.

"Hey, Mark" you say quietly. He turns to you questioningly, a light blush still covering his cheeks. "Thanks for your shirt" you say and kiss his cheek briefly with a half smile.

He nods once and smiles then turns back to preparing his weapon. Less than a minute later, Carl and Mark are standing by the door, ready to go.

Carl glances over at you, probably expecting you to kiss him goodbye or something but there was no was in hell you were going to say goodbye. Goodbyes were too final. This wasn't. So instead you just mouth "be careful" then look away as the sound of the snarls of the undead amplify before being cut off completely.

Everyone had a job to do. And you were going to do your part and keep everyone you could alive.

The next few minutes were just a blur of noise and movement and chaos. It seemed like years, but probably only took less than five minutes to get from the closet to the boiler room.

You felt as if your body was on autopilot. Only two things really made it through the numbing wall that was blurring your head. One, Maggie was well into labor. Two, Anna, the doctors eight year old granddaughter, had a bite shaped chunk missing from her forearm.

Lizzie breaks through the haze. "Jasper, Maggie's in labor. I need your help" she tells you.

"Well I've never delivered a baby before but there's a first time for everything" you mumble as you make your way towards where Maggie lays on a pile on blankets and clothing.

"No," Lizzie tells you firmly. "Savannah is taking care of that." You recognize her look. It was the stern but patient one Carol used often when dealing with kids. "You're in charge of keeping Maggie calm."

You only have time to flash a confuse look at Lizzie before Maggie grabs your hand tightly. "Um, ow?" You say as more of a question in attempt to placate the woman.

She nearly chuckles but it comes out as a near hiss. "Distract me. I'm not dilated yet apparently. Distract me" she nearly growls.

"Okay...what are you naming him or her?" You ask.

"Riley," she whispers. "Riley Andrew Rhee. Or Allison Jade Rhee."

"That's perfect. Wait until he or she is Judy's age. Calling you momma and drawing pictures for daddy. Carrying 'em to bed every night and telling him or her a bedtime story. Then they'll get older and learn how to talk and walk and we can find a bike for 'em to ride. Learn how to read and write and him or her and Lilly will be best friends, I know it."

The woman smiles at you through the pain so you continue.

"I can imagine Allison. Glen's dark hair but long and wavy like yours. Your green eyes. She'll have perfect cheekbones. And I can imagine it now; the most perfect light skin. And Riley, your brown hair but straight, and Glen's brown eyes. He or she will protect us all, I know it."

She smiles wearily before a agonized scream rips through her throat.

The rest was just a blur of noise and chaos. You're vaguely aware that Maggie's screams come more frequently with her contractions and the hysterical sobbing from the doctors family grows louder. So much death and life in the same room.

"I want Glen" Maggie says through gritted teeth as tears stream down her face.

"I'll find him" you say immediately and stand-daring anyone to protest. No one does. You limp to the ladder leading to the roof and carefully climb up. Glen is sill across the courtyard where he was before; in the small gated in doorway out of ammo, walkers surrounding him.

"Glen!" You shout. He looks up immediately and you can see the wild look in his eyes. He gestures to the top of the gate and points upwards towards the balcony above and to his knife then at you. It takes you a moment to realize that he was going to cut his way out so he could climb above and for you to cover him.

You lock and load your moms pistol and aim it at the growing horde of at least thirty walkers snarling at the fresh meat. Glen manages to get to the top with only one or two close calls, and jogs toward the gate which he climbs up fairly easily.

"Maggie's in labor, the baby's coming and minute now" you tell him quickly.

His eyes widen and you can swear you can hear his heart beat pick up. "Where" he demands.

"Boiler room" you answer and point towards the opening in the roof.

"Thanks, kid" he says before taking off towards the boiler room after his wife and baby. He slips twice but just uses it to propel himself forward which it kind of hilarious. You giggle then hurry after him and climb down just as a final scream rips through the iciness of the prison and a small child's soft cries fill the room.

A baby boy.

Riley Andrew Rhee.

* * *

With the same mixture of relief and concern he had when you fell off your bike and broke your wrist, Cole squeezes his wife a final time before wrapping you in a hug. Your energy drains out of you and you let yourself sigh and fall into his strong arms. He was back and he was alive. Safe.

"Are you alright?" He asks as he lowers you to the ground and kneels beside you.

"A tad bored but nothing a little action can't handle" you mumble in attempt to calm his panic down. Your leg wasn't bleeding anymore, but exhaustion was starting to pull you down.

He smirks. "I'm going to go-"

"Check on your family. I know, you're pretending to be an adult and all. Go" you tell him with a small smile.

Carol, who had found her way to the boiler room, kneels beside you. She gives you a tired smile. "Now, I know you want to help, but your job is to rest up and stay here. Let us take care of the rest."

Your eyes widen as you realize what she's telling you to do. "What?" You ask. "You need the help, everything-"

"Will be fine" she cuts you off with a firm look that pierces your soul. "You're not gonna be any help with that leg so you rest up so you can be if help tomorrow. If you wanna do something, start sorting through some of this junk and make beds." She sighs as she stands and looks around the cluttered room. "Looks like we'll be needing 'em for a while."

* * *

One hour later, you're sitting on the roof alone, holding your knees to your chest to fight off the fierce wind and biting cold. There were too many people down there and it made you uncomfortable. You needed to be alone or you would go mad. Carl and everyone else still wasn't back, including Rick and Michone who went to find them.

You made a dozen makeshift beds for everyone, and now you were on lookout. Those were legitimate jobs, right? They still made you feel unneeded.

Hundreds of walkers still swarm the prison yard, now mostly frozen in place. The plan was to get around them for now and not risk any lives or ammo because the group was dangerously close to out. They would stab them through locked gates when they could, but until they made significant difference, you and everyone else were stuck living in the boiler room for the time being. Fun.

The roof creaks behind you and even though a small part of you knows that a walker couldn't walk on the slanted roof, your hand goes to your knife.

"It's just me" Carl whispers as he sits beside you, barely sitting before he pulls you into a hug. Relief washes through you as he pulls you close to his chest. You feel the quick thud of his heartbeat and his warm scent surrounds you. He was safe.

"Judith and Beth?" You murmur questioningly into his chest.

He smiles into your hair. "Safe" he mumbles. "All safe. Everyone's safe."

You exhale shakily and relax into his chest and squeeze your eyes shut- hoping you could stay like this forever and never have to face the horrible world.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He whispers into your bronze hair before resting his cheek on the top of your head.

"Fine" you whisper as you look up to meet his eyes. "Marks shirt is a surprisingly good bandage" you say with a blush as you remember the earlier events of the day.

He grinds his teeth and looks ahead, not meeting your eyes. You feel the smallest of smiles tugging at the corner of your face. "Oh my god, is Carl Grimes jealous?" You whisper shocked.

"No" he says tiredly with a hint of a smile as he turns back down to look at you. "There's just something off about him, all of them."

"Sure" you whisper back smugly. He roll his eyes and crashed his lips to yours before you can form another coherent thought. As much as you would like it to be otherwise, the kiss was one of desperation and relief that the other was alive. You break apart a few seconds later and he rests his head back on top of yours. He presses his lips to the top of your head before pulling away.

"Did you have a happy birthday?" You murmur with a small sad smile you hide in his shirt. This day had seemed so long that you had Nearly forgotten that this was still the same day that you and Carl snuck out into the woods with a picnic basket.

He smiles back, dimples showing. "The best" he whispers.

"And did you get everything you wanted?" You question, playing along with the little joke.

"Almost everything" he says, his lips moving to be a fraction of an inch from yours.

He cups your cheek with one hand before his lips covered your mouth in a hungry kiss. As our lips crushed together, you felt as if you were was walking on air. He gently pulls away and smirks. "Everything" he confirms before leaning back in.

Someone clears their throat a few feet behind you. You both pull away immediately, cheeks already burning.

Perfect timing, dad.

Daryl's eyes were locked on Carl in a murderous glare. Fresh and dried blood was splattered across his stone cold face and his poncho and crossbow were draped over one shoulder. His weight was shifted onto one leg, and his hand has a death grip on his hunters knife. "I think it's best you get inside, boy" he growls through clenched teeth.

Carl doesn't look scared, which you know he is because no one can not be afraid of the Daryl Dixon death glare. He stands silently and offers you a half smile before disappearing through the hatch in the ceiling and closing it behind him.

"What the hell was that?" Daryl hisses as he approaches menacingly before pulling back a little. It was in his nature to challenge and intimidate, but he couldn't or wouldn't intimidate you.

Outrage surges through you. He might try not to challenge you, but you sure as hell weren't going to take it. "Oh, hell no" you growl. "You can't leave for days then return and demand to know what I'm doing with my life that you have never been a part of. Through your own fault or not, you can't just walk in and be my parent now."

You can hear his teeth grind together. "You're gonna stay away from him" he says fighting to keep himself from shouting.

You sharpen you glare towards him and let the corner of your mouth pull up in a half smirk. "Make me" you growl.

In the moments where Daryl way trying to refrain from throwing you off the roof, you can finally see the similarity between the two of you. You were no spitting image, but if someone were to look solely to compare, they'd definitely see similarities. You both had the same color and shape to your face, although yours was smoother than his. You had your mom's eyes, but the same dark blonde hair as him, even if it was a shade warmer.

Like Carol had pointed out, it wasn't so much as how alike you were physically, as personality wise. The challenge in your eyes was the same as his. But now there was no longer any challenge in the rednecks eyes, only what you can describe as shame. Irritated and angry shame, but shame nonetheless.

Wordlessly, he pulls of his crossbow and sets it safely on the roof before walking towards you awkwardly while still clenching his fist. "I'm sorry" he mutters, still a slight edge to his voice "that I left."

You bite your lip and turn halfway away from him. He sits on the roof a foot from you and pulls off his poncho. He drapes the dirty tan material around your shoulders carefully.

The two of you sit in silence for a moment. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks finally. "Hell, why didn't your mom tell me?"

"Personally, I didn't think it would go over well" you say, the strength of your own voice surprising you. "Ya know, hi nice to meet you, I'm your daughter, take care if me. I didn't want to force you into having to deal with me. Same with my mom. She didn't want to screw up your life."

You tug the poncho closer as a strong gust of cold wind threatens to blow it away. It smells like the woods and fire, like Daryl. It's comforting.

Daryl stares towards the broken gates, deep in thought. "Nah" he says quietly. "Nah, ya wouldn't have ruined my life. Hell, ya mighta made it worth something, kid."

You can't help the corner of your mouth that pulls up. He wanted to know you? "You might wanna go in there, a lot's happened. Maggie had a son. People were bit, I don't know who. They need you in there."

He nods and rises but pauses there. You glance at him from the corner of your eye. He was a sad, angry kind of uncomfortable. You turn half towards him and give him a small smile. "I have your hair" you tell him quietly.

He takes a few strands of your unruly dark blonde hair roughly between his fingers. "Guess ya do" he says with a smirk. He makes a move to leave, but pauses again. "You got that now too" he says nodding to the poncho. "Don't worry 'bout nothing, kid. Everything's gonna be fine."

* * *

I promised you Daryl, and you got Daryl. There's some super hot Carl too;) and awkward coupley stuff. Let me know what you think is going to happen and what you want to happen because I have a coupe different scenarios that I could play out, but I need your input to decide which one to follow. 5+ reviews = update. I think you can do it:)

More to come soon with reviews please. Follow me on Instagram **Bellabear9899** where I post book quotes and character sketches and stuff like that and I'll follow everyone back. Thanks for reading.

~Bellabear


	20. Chapter 20

_And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love Great clouds roll over the hills Bringing darkness from above _

_But if you close your eyes, Does it almost feel like Nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, Does it almost feel like You've been here before? How am I gonna be an optimist about this? How am I gonna be an optimist about this?_

_ -Pompeii, Bastille_

* * *

By the time dawn breaks, a thin blanket of snow covers the prison. You had only slept two or three hours last night, but you were nearly paralyzed with the cold that crept through the concrete floor and walls and under your clothes.

The still dim boiler room was illuminated by the flickering light of small candles that someone found and small, dying fires contained within jars. They were used to cook the four squirrels Daryl brought back when he returned yesterday.

With over twenty people and the only food being a bite of squirrel each with no hope of other food aside from the little Daryl had collected, it being unavailable in the midst of hundreds of walkers, people were beginning to go hungry. A day wasn't long without food in the new world, but when there were small children, two new mothers and two newborns-it was important that you get food as soon as possible.

Rick and Daryl had managed to gather a few supplies from empty rooms, so people were sleeping on an assortment of blankets, towels and clothes instead of the frozen concrete floor.

The room was filled with a broken kind of peace. Sniffles could still be heard from the front of the room where Christopher tried to sooth his wife through his own grief as his two daughters and grandson slept with tear stained faces.

Anna had been bitten a few hours ago, but they didn't put her out of her misery. Christopher had tried to convince his family that it was right, but Jamie and Alyssa downright refused. Instead, they waited until there weren't walkers in the hallway and she was minutes from turning to throw her out to be a mindless killer. It wasn't right, but there was too much going to for anyone to stop them at the moment.

Against the wall opposite you, Maggie was sleeping on the mat of towels and spare clothes that were for to rest on. Her head rested on Glens lap as he held their tiny son with an exhausted but amazed expression. It was beautiful in a way.

In the middle of the floor, on nothing but towels, slept Lizzie, Mika and Sophia. The newbies-Mark, Hannah and their aunt Savannah- slept near the back of the room, obscured by clutter.

Cole sat against the wall with Zoey curled up beside him and little Lilly Grace on his lap. They had taken to calling her Grace, after your mother. Beth poked at the fires, keeping them just barely lit as she cradled Judith.

On the roof, watching over the walkers and the prison, stood Carol, Rick and Daryl.

Storage created a nook where you and Carl were mostly hidden from everyone, mainly Daryl if he were to come back into the room. He had enough on his mind now without having to deal with you and Carl.

Cold licked at your face and crept under your clothes, spreading across your skin and making you burrow closer into Carl who you were sandwiched between and the wall. The heat from the nearby fire gave off some warmth, but Carl's arms wrapped around you was what kept your teeth from chattering.

Hunger gnawed at your stomach and you eyed the remaining three squirrels, few wild tomatoes and bird eggs Daryl collected while hunting. You chide yourself. The little but of food was for Maggie and Zoey and the kids or they wouldn't survive without it. Even though your mind knew that, your stomach hadn't gotten the message yet.

It worried you how you welcome back the numbing sadness like an old friend.

You shift slightly, burrowing yourself a little closer to him to get warm, and your eyes land on his face. His eyes were closed, but his brow was knit even in sleep.

He stirs at your movement and his eyes open fully, his piercing blue eyes focusing on you. You know you must look awful- bronze hair unruly and greasy, face and body coated in a layer of blood and grime, skin covered with cuts and bruises, the left half of your face still a patchwork of new pink skin and scabs.

There's no truth behind it, but he pulls up the corner of his mouth and gives you a small, tired, reassuring smile. "Morning" you murmur.

"Morning" he whispers then groans as he stretches. "Why is it so cold?"

"It's snowing" you whisper tiredly with a small spark of excitement. "Your dad and Daryl cleared a fenced in side yard. It's away from the walkers. We could take Judith down there to play in the snow since she's never seen it before?"

You did want to see the little girl experience snow for the first time, but you really just needed to get out of this room. It was too depressing being in here and morale could slip easily. Bad morale could kill easier than walkers. You could rough the cold for an hour or two if it meant making Judy, and yourself, happy.

He nods and pulls himself into a sitting position, you sitting up with him. "Yeah," he nods "she'd love that."

You pull Daryl's poncho off the both of you and suck in a startled breath as the full force of the freezing air hits you. "Holy shit" you hiss as you scramble to pull the cover back over you. In just your tank top, jeans and boots, you grab your leather jacket from behind you and yank it on.

Carl chuckles tiredly as he watches this. "C'mon" he sighs as he stands and pulls you up with him.

You approach Beth's sleeping form. Judith's head had fallen off her lap but the girl was still curled up beside her. You thought you'd let her sleep, but the moment Carl gently picked up his sister, her eyes opened. She relaxed when she saw it was you, and rolled back over after giving you a tired half smile.

You and Carl snow ready her clothes by wrapping hand towels and other small scraps of clothing around her arms before putting her baby clothes back on over top and wrapping extra cloth around her feet and head under her hood. It was a messy patchwork, but she would be warm.

Getting her up the ladder was tricky, but seeing the look on Rick's face when he saw his bundled up daughter resembling a marshmallow was worth it.

"Ah, there's my girl" he sighed as he approach his daughter. She squirmed and let loose a string of delighted gurgles and babbles directed at her daddy.

A blanket of snow covered the roof tops and trees beyond. The walkers below were coated in a layer too and kept slipping and falling in the slosh.

"We're taking her down to the cleared courtyard to see the snow" Carl tells his dad. He nods, then kneels down and pulls off his shoes and socks before putting his shoes back on.

"Here," he says pulling the dirty fabric over Judith's little chubby hands. "Gloves."

The little girl looks at her hands, her bottom lip stuck out in confusion. She pokes her thumb through a hole in the sock and looks up to grin toothily at her father. "Adda girl" he says kissing her head before meeting Carl's eyes. "Keep them safe" he says.

Carl nods solemnly. Rick claps him on the shoulder before returning to his spot on the roof a few feet away.

You start to walk away with Carl but Rick's voice stops you. "Hey, Jasper" he calls.

You nod at Carl. "Go ahead, I'll be there in a second" you tell him. He watches you wall back, but he does what you say.

"Daryl an' Carol are takin down walkers through the gates" he says looking towards you a little awkwardly.

You nod your head thankfully at him, still loitering because he wouldn't have stopped you just for that reason. "Listen," he says sighing. "I just wanted to say that you bein' friends with Carl, it's good for 'em. You too. He hasn't had any friends since the first fall of the prison and even then..no one he could really rely on. I just wanna say thank you."

You nod grateful to his words. "I don't intend on going anywhere anytime soon" you tell him before catching up with Carl and Judith. You carefully descend the roof onto a gate and from there Judith is passed to you then to Carl who drops to the ground.

"Hey, hey Judy," Carl whispers to his younger sister as he gently helps her stand in the snow. "What's that?" He asks her as he sits down in front of her and holds up a handful of snow for her to inspect.

She opens her mouth and makes a squeal of curiosity. The corner of your mouth pulls up as you sit beside Carl and watch the little girl.  
Judith falls into a siting position and feels the snow around her with a confused expression.

"Cawl?" She squeals questioningly, her eyes wide as she looks at her brother.

Carl laughs and it feels good to hear it again. "It's snow, Judy. It comes every winter when the air gets cold and wet enough" he explains to her simply. You're pretty sure that the three year old wouldn't understand humidity very well.

Her mouth pops open in a little surprised 'o' as she clumsily scoops up a little handful of snow. "Col-d an' wet?" She asks clenching the snow so it slipped between her fingertips and falling to the ground.

"Yeah, Judy" Carl smiles.

The little girl looks up at you with her big brown eyes. "Jaz, snow! It col and wet!" She exclaims with a giggle.

"It is" you agree enthusiastically with the almost three year old. She giggles and continues to play with the snow.

Carl scoops snow into a tiny mountain in front of his sister while you make a little snowball and demonstrate throwing it at Carl behind his back. The little girl takes the ball of snow from you and gives it a semi decent throw that lands the mush on his leg.

The little girl giggles for a solid minute and you can't but burst into laughter beside her. Carl tries to keep the semi annoyed look on his face but fails after a few seconds.

"Cawl col-d and wet" she shrieks overjoyed. You nearly die laughing. You love this girl.

You smirk. "Oh, just wait until she's older, Cawl," you say imitating Judith's name for him. "We're gonna have lots of fun then playing little sister."

"That's not allowed, no, Jaz" he whines sticking out his lip in a overstated pout. "You're the girlfriend, not the little sister."

You smile to hide your growing blush at him calling you his girlfriend. "Oh on the contrary," you say with a smirk as you maneuver so you're sitting on the edge of his lap, your hands folded behind his neck. "I am both the girlfriend of you and the little sister of Cole. Therefore, I am a double threat" you say, your eyes sparkling mischievously.

He grins and leans forward to kiss you. You pull back at the last second. "You know, you dad just told me what good friends we make" you whisper

"He was wrong" he whispers back, a smirk playing on his lips. Your lips are about to touch when Judith starts babbling to herself. Carl reaches forward and gently tugs her hood down over her eyes before molding his lips to yours. The half a minute of bliss ends with his lips on your neck.

You can help but burry your face in his shoulder to hide your furious blushing. A nervous giggle escapes and soon you're burying your face in his shirt to hide your embarrassed grin. He snickers his own cheeks redden.

"Stop" he whines, barely keeping from laughing. You just burst into another fit of embarrassed giggles. "C'mon, stop it" he begs laughing.

"Fine," he says picking up Judith and placing her on the other side of his lap. "At least this girl isn't laughing at me" he says tauntingly.

"Shut up" you say rolling your eyes then pick up the little girl and set her on your lap. "We're both laughing at your silly big brother aren't we, Judy?" You ask her.

The little girl babbles something unintelligible but she looks agreeable enough so you'll take that as a yes.

You grown and flop back into the snow. "How do you do that?" You sigh.

"Do what?" Carl ask laying down beside you, pulling Judith onto his stomach.

The little girl falls forward and slaps her little soft hand onto Carl's cheek, making a soft thump. "Ut-oh!" She squeals.

"That" you say with a laugh.

The bitter wind whips around and Judith's smile turned in to a frown.

"It's too cold for her, we should be getting back" Carl says scowling up at the roof that would lead back into the boiler room; the crowded, cluttered, freezing hellhole that had become your lives.

You nod though, because that's not what you were supposed to say out loud. You were supposed to say everything was going to be okay, so that is what you did.

You make it back to the roof where Rick was previously keeping watch. Now, however, many more than just Rick are on the roof.

Rick, Daryl, Carol, Glen and Beth all huddle on the roof. "We need a new council" Rick was saying. He looks up at the you approaching and meets both your eyes. "And I want you two to be on it" he says.

"Us?" Carl questions, confused to why his father would want two teenagers to be on the prisons decision making council.

"We need different perspectives" he explains gently taking Judith from Carl.

"First perspective," Daryl grunts. "We get the hell outta here."

His words were met with an immediate uproar of alternate opinions. The most vocal of them was Glen and Beth.

"Leave!? You know how long it took to get this place back and restore it?" Glen demanded.

"We got two babies and Judy, and one of 'em's a newborn. They can't survive on the road" Beth insists in a breathless outrage.

Rick quiets them. "Hey, hey, easy now. Daryl, we ain't leavin'. It ain't safe out there. We gotta stay here. We gotta keep living" he says. His words were carefully spoken with an air of finality to them. The words of a leader.

"C'mon! We ain't got no food, no water, nothin' to keep warm" Daryl argues gruffly. "An' hell, even if I could get out there to hunt, there ain't a way in hell I can get back in surrounded by walkers. Stuck in there least a week, no food, be dead before you make a dent. We ain't livin', were dying" he spits.

"He's right" you speak up, everyone's gaze turning to you in surprise after Daryl's outburst. "We're barely surviving in there. I get that you don't want to lose this place, I don't either. But we ain't gonna survive. Maybe we find a house somewhere and hole up there until this place is cleared out. He's right, we ain't living, we ain't even surviving. We're dying."

A little more Daryl, but the thick of it will be coming next chapter I think. The more reviews the longer next chapter, deal? Let me know what you think and want to happen, ideas and suggestions are more than welcomed. Follow my fanfiction Instagram: Bellabear9899 and I'll follow back. I'm posting character sketches, book stuff, TWD stuff ect. Exams are coming but I'll update ASAP. Thanks for reading :o)

P.S. I'm still depressed over Beth :***(

-Bellabesr


	21. Chapter 21

_**If the heavens ever did speak  
She's the last true mouthpiece  
Every Sunday's getting more bleak  
A fresh poison each week**_

* * *

Your words ring in the air for the next few moments.

Glen nods to himself. "Yeah, yeah, we gotta get the hell out of here. We'll send out a scout party and find a place and make sure it's safe. Me, Daryl and Michone. Carol you should stay with the kids. We can leave right now" he proposes with determined eyes.

Rick nods at the new father slowly. "Okay. But you stay here with Maggie. I'll go instead."

"No cars" Carol speaks up. Everyone turns towards her. "Well look" she said nodding towards where the cars and Daryl's bike were in the midst of hundreds of walkers. "You'll have to use the fallen down side and run."

"They're an area of low hanging roof near the entrance to the tombs. It's only about seven feet off the ground. We could go from there" Carl proposes. You have to fight off a blush at how he knows about that place.

Daryl eyes move to scrutinize you and Carl before glancing at Rick's unsure eyes before they move back to you. "Can't have you two wasting food round 'ere. Grab yer shit. We're gone in five" he calls starting towards the boiler room.

The meeting conjoins and you go back into the boiler room a final time to collect your few belongings. Most of them were still surrounded by walkers in the cell block; all that you had on you was your clothes, Daryl's poncho, your machete and your .45.

Lizzie is awake now and approaches you questioningly. "Hey," you greet softly as to not wake anyone up. "A few of us are going to scout out a place we all can stay while they clean this place out then come back to get you guys. Keep an eye on your sister. And for me, Grace too."

She nods seriously. "When will you be back?" She asks.

"A day or two. As soon as we can hopefully. Look, I know you don't-. I know you see them differently, but you know how we have to live how. What you have to do to survive. I can't begin to understand how hard it is for you but you're doing so well, Lizzie" you tell her.

She nods seriously but a flicker of a half smile crosses her face. "I'll help keep everyone safe while you're gone" she says glancing up at you and meeting your gaze with her own truthful one. "I'll be like you."

Without a word, you hug her briefly. She had seemed to have grown so much in the last two months you had known her. She was scraping five feet and only a few inches shorter than you, but it was more emotional than physical. She was changing, evolving to fit this world. She would be okay.

She nods at you once before turning to return to her little sisters side. You approach Cole, who was watching suspiciously from beside a sleeping Zoey and Grace as everyone leaving packed their belongings. Once you're beside him, he takes your arm and pulls you away from them as to not wake them.

"Where are they going, where are-you're not going anywhere, you know that right?" He demands in a harsh whisper.

You bite the inside of your lip to keep from smiling at his protectiveness. It was so strange yet so amazing to finally have him back. He was gone for so long and wishing for his homecoming, for him to finally come home like your mom had been praying for since the beginning, had become a ritual. But now that he was really here, in the flesh, you were never going to loose him again.

"We're gonna go scout out a place and bring the rest of you there" you say evenly. "This place's nearly gone. We ain't gonna survive without food. They weren't sure at first either, okay, but Daryl called it. I'm good out there I'll be fine" you reassure him.

"Daryl called it? Since when is Daryl responsible for you? He ain't never done anything for ya. Mom's gone. It's me that's gonna be lookin out for ya now, not Daryl" he whispers, barely muffling his anger.

You shake your head slowly, gritting your teeth to keep from getting too mad. "You were gone, okay? Maybe you looked out for me back before all this, you know when you weren't runnin' round in your little gang, but I've been on my own. When mom and Alice got sick, I took care of her and Alice both. And things got bad, okay? Real bad." Your voice cracks at the end; all the anger, desperation and abandonment from those previous years seeping into your voice. "So I'll be damned if you're tellin' me that you're in charge of me" you spit.

"You barely scraped by. I did too. You were lucky. I don't want you to rely on that out there. I know I can keep you safe and that's all I really give a damn about" he shoots back with an equal amount of venom.

You shake your head slowly. "I was not lucky" you hiss. "I fought hard. I went hungry. I made sacrifices. I was not lucky. I can handle myself out there and you will have survive by yourself and wait like I had to wait for you for two years."

You shrug those and a humorless smirk forms on your face. "But I guess I should thank you though, cause when I was picking through what was left of our town, your little gang found me." You meet his eyes blankly as his scream fear and pause. "They helped me for over a year. I know they're not saints, okay? But they're not all bad either."

"If any one of them-" he starts as if ready to go back there and tear them to shreds.

"They didn't touch me" you deadpan. Then, as an afterthought. "Well, Eric tried. I broke his hand."

It was a week after you had found the group of your older brothers old friends and began to meet with them to scavenge and trade. They had always liked you and treated you almost like you were their own little sister. The one creep five years your senior, Eric, had waited until you were alone in one building to try something. You had slammed the metal baseball bat that used to be your weapon on his hand so hard you hurt yourself a little.

At this, a small smirk tugs it's way onto Cole's lips. "That's my girl" he remarks, using his old phrase be always used to use with you. His teeth grit again as he remembers the fight. "I still don't want you going out there."

"I'll get over it" you shoot back.

He holds your gaze for a long time before relaxing as he gives up. "Get outta here, kay? Be safe." He wraps you in a hug and you drink in his scent, memorizing it and committing his face to memory.

You pull away and give him a nod. "Listen here, kay? Watch your back, stay in the middle of the group, let them know if you're falling behind cause of your leg, and keep a hand on your weapon always-"

"I know" you snap, not really meaning to. Then softer. "I know all that, okay? I wouldn't have survived this long without knowing. I'll see you soon. Tell your kid and Zoey bye for me" you tell him turning and beginning to climb up the ladder back out of there.

You spot Carl talking to Sophia and join them. Running a hand through your hair, you let out a low frustrated growl. "I love my brother, I do, but he drives me fucking insane" you exhale.

Carl smirks at you boyishly. "Would it help if I told you that you look hot when you're angry?" He asks hopefully, his eyes sparkling with forced innocence.

You half laugh. "Then I must look pretty fucking sexy right now" you mumble as you try to calm yourself down.

Daryl, having heard the ending of the conversation, walks casually past you and knocks Carl with his shoulder roughly but easily to the side so that he has to work to not fall off the roof before sauntering on.

Sophia coughs half in shock before succumbing to a fit of laughter. You join in a moment later; neither one of you able to help Carl back onto sure footing but he manages himself.

"Well good job there sheriff, you managed to get Dixon against you. Good luck livin' another day" she giggles.

You stop short. "Wow, I just realized that I'm Dixon. Jasper Reese Dixon. Damn, that's terrifying" you whisper sounding horrified.

Sophia laughs again. "Okay wow," she says. "I was about to say how cute the two of you were, but I realized Carl'll be dead by morning with Daryl out to get 'em. Oh well. It was sweet while it lasted."

Carl chuckles as you smile and glance back at Daryl's retreating figure. "Oh well, bye guys. I'll see you soon, okay? Be safe" She says with a hopeful smile before embracing the both of you for a few seconds each and disappearing down back into the boiler room with her mother.

"Ready?" Rick asks as he approaches with a grim expression and Michone behind him.

With a nod, the expedition of five is off. You join Daryl by the section of low hanging roof that is only about five or six feet drop to the mountain of debris of the decaying prison. Daryl examines a larger piece of wall that looks like it may hold if we were to jump down to it. Rick moves to the corner and crouches down so the distant walkers wouldn't spot him. He waves his hand forward, signaling for us to go ahead. Michone goes first; sitting on the edge of the roof, then slipping off but twists and grabs the roof to hold herself there. She drops the remaining foot with ease and proves the strength of the piece of concrete.

Carl follows suit; doing something like Michone did and lands in a crouch. Daryl goes next and slams his feet Into to the concrete, sending little cracks through it and small bits to drop from the edges. He moves to step away, but, as if an afterthought, he holds our his arms for you to jump down because of your leg.

You move into a sitting position and holster your machete and gun before slipping off and into Daryl's waiting arms. He grunts and sets you down beside him. He mutters something about you being heavier than you look as he moves forward.

You join the rest of the small group crouched behind the corner just as Rick curses and scrambles up, yelling to go. Everyone else immediately starts sprinting towards the north tree line, you picking up the rear before Rick fell into line with you.

You feel the strain in your calf, the tension, but you push on. You know that if you push yourself too hard that the skin will tear and that wouldn't work out well for anyone. It was just a light stretch in feeling now, and you could deal with that if it meant you'd survive.

The growls grow louder behind you and you risk a glance back. There looked to be nearly a thousand walkers now and they moved in one huge snarling mass, moving like a wave. You spin back around and stumble but manage to keep upright as you move faster than you thought possible towards the woods. The inevitable happens though, and you begin to fall behind and stumble over nearly every root and patch of uneven earth.

Rick roughly grabs your arm and pushes you forward towards the tree line where Daryl paused. He crouches down quickly as Rick stands his ground and knocks off a few rounds as the approaching horde.

"Seriously?" You question as you holster your weapon and try to catch your breath.

He grunts as you climb onto his back and he hefts you up. "Yeah, it's a serious piggy back" he mumbles before taking off as fast as he can go with your added weight, managing to keep pace with the rest of the group. Rick picks up the rear, occasionally holding off the closer walkers.

Before too long, you reach the highway. Daryl let's you down since you were far enough away from the walkers now. You keep up with the group as they search for a car. They decide to head north. While they're preoccupied searching, you notice a car still in good condition; windows unbroken, doors still locked, only a little gas still in the tank.

By the time you're about to open your mouth, Daryl's already begun to hot-wire another, larger car. An idea strikes you then. It only takes a moment for you to find a discarded brick on the road. With the butt of your machete, you slam it into the window.

The car alarm starts loud, startling the group. "The hell you do that for?" Daryl demands as he looks to the woods and a few walkers begin to stumble out.

You ignore him and set about tying the opening the door and hot wiring the car. You steal the brick to the pedal and let it drop before leaping away. The car starts off fast, blaring loudly. The walkers alongside the road start to stumble after the southbound car.

You sheepishly but confidently turn back towards the group. They relax and attempt to return to the matter at hand. Daryl mutters something, Rick nods approvingly, and Michone flashes you a smile. Cool, they didn't hate you for that last stunt without telling them first.

Carl comes to stand beside you. "Sorry" you mutter offering him a half smile.

He nods as he watches the car speed off down the road another minute before the road bends and the car slams into a dozen others, sending up a column of fire. It looked to be nearly five miles away, so you should be fine.

"C'mon," he says a moment later once the car is hot-wired and Rick gets behind the wheel.

The two of you cram into the back with Michone. For the next ten minutes, all is quiet except for the rough hum of rubber on the road and the occasional snarl of a passing walker.

"I can drive now, you know" Carl tells his father.

Rick glances in the car mirror at his son with a look of approval. "Who taught ya?" He questions.

"Someone I met on the road. Name was Evan. Few years older than me. Taught me how to drive, set snares and track a little" Carl explains.

Soon everyone's telling how they first learned to drive. Rick was taught by his dad and totaled the car the second time he was in it. Michone learned with a four wheel drive and accidentally bought a stick shift. Daryl went for a joyride in his moms minivan when he was thirteen. You tell them how you learned through trial and error in your moms minivan and how you sucked at it, you could.

It was a nice kind of strange to see everyone smiling laughing in nostalgia. You end up an hour northward in a little olden day kind of town with white wraparound porches, a corner store, a only three stop lights.

You only saw a dozen or so walkers around the town and Michone takes our most of them with her katana once you reach a large house that will be what Daryl had begin to mockingly call "our winter home."

The house had four bedrooms, two living rooms, and a basement with a couch with another bedroom. A few cans of vegetables, beans and rice were found in the top cabinets even though the house had already been broken into. The kitchen was a little bit of a mess with a dead walker and a mess of a corpse, but other than that the house was untouched for the most part.

While scouting around, Michone found a well at a neighbors house and brought filled three of the houses bathtubs with water; two for drinking and one to use for washing. You take advantage of both and clean yourself head to toe, even finding some scented soap and fresh clothes to wear. You fix the scraggly ends of your hair that barely reached your shoulders so instead it hung in light waves just past your chin before curling up in what was once a child's bedroom.

Up on the second floor where the window could be left open safely, it was easy to sleep that night.

* * *

Just to clear up a few things, all the events after the fall of the prison: Terminus, Joe's group, Beth being taken and the Atlanta hospital, Lizzie and Mika dying, Carol telling Tyreese about Karen and David, Daryl getting really close with Beth (although they're a little bit closer now), Carl getting out with Rick, and all that other stuff didn't happen. Also Daryl's bike was left at the prison before and he got it back when everyone returned.

Next chapter is going to be kind of a filler chapter, but I want to add in a bit of action in the middle to please leave me ideas on what you want to happen. I'll give you credit and everything. As always my fanfic account is bellabear9899 and I follow everyone back and post video edits and book stuff and yeah. Everyone else: "new year, new me!" Me: "new year, new fandoms!" Ahaha okay bye please leave a review, they make me smile:) Also were only 4 review away from 100! C'mon guys!:)

~Bella


	22. Chapter 22

_To the things that I believe in_

_My faith, you love, our freedom_

_To the things that I can count on_

_To keep me going strong_

_Yeah, I hold on, I hold on_

_Like the stripes to the flag_

_Like a boy to his dad_

_I can't change who I am, right or wrong_

_So I hold on_

_-Hold on, Dierks Bentley_

* * *

_Hello, my dear. You don't know me, but I assure you, I know you very well. I am one of the three demons given to you at birth. You see, in this world, some people are destined for greatness; for fame, fortune and happiness. But, I am afraid, you are not one of those people. It is unfortunately our job to make sure of that._

_Who are we? Of course, how rude of me. My apologies, my dear. Allow me to introduce us._

_SHAME is my younger brother, the demon on your left shoulder. He tells you that you are a freak; that the thoughts you have aren't normal; that you are different and will never fit in. He is the one that has always whispered in your ear; making you doubt every decision and second guess your self time and time again. He is the one that makes you hate yourself._

_FEAR sits on your right shoulder. He is the oldest of us, and as old as time itself. He fills every dark corner with monsters and turns every stranger on a dark corner into a murderer. He stops you from telling the person you like how you feel. He tells you it's better to never try than to fail; how it's easier to never know that to know the truth. Fear runs circles around you, leaving you trapped within your own prison._

_Who am I, then? I am the worst of your demons but you see me as a friend. You turn to me when you have nothing else, because I live where you'll never get rid of me, in your heart. Even if somehow you do manage to brush my brothers off your shoulders, I will always be there. I am the one who forced you to endure the things you do. The one that prolongs your torment. The one that never let's you go._

_Once again, my apologizes, my dear. If only we had been given to another child. You would've been one of the great ones. Take comfort in that on the long, treacherous road ahead of you._

_Sincerely,_

_Hope._

* * *

Your eyes open, your dream fading as you are slowly pulled into consciousness. Only one word remains in your head after your dream is erased from your memory: Alice. You had been too preoccupied to dwell, but she had been gone for four months now. In the care of her father and passes to a safe house, she seemed like she would be safe, but anything could happen. She could be dead and you would have no way of knowing.

Sweet little energetic Alice. Her innocent little face, soft waves of short blonde hair and light green eyes. Eyes you may never see sparkle with excitement again. All you wanted to do was talk to her for a few minutes. She was-is only eight, six when this all started. She had so little time to enjoy the old world. You love her so much and her absence was like a chunk had been stolen from your life.

Today would be one of those days that her absence hit you hard. But, like every other day, you get up anyways.

Still with an unfamiliar clean feeling, you descend the stairs to see that everyone else was already up and moving. Michone and Carl were laughing about milk of all things and Rick was outside chopping wood while Daryl was hunting.

You sit down beside Michone and pour yourself a bowl of cereal. "Well don't you look nice all cleaned up" Michone remarks with a grin. "I can finally see your eyes with all that dirt gone an your hair short. Very pretty."

You turn up the corner of your mouth at her and take a bite of your cereal. You glance over at Carl and see his still amused face at whatever Michone had said before. His hair was still ruffled and stuck up from sleep and his eyes were still half closed. He was too damn attractive for his own good.

"I think were just lying low today" Michone says as she clears her bowl. "Daryl's hunting, Rick's chopping wood to build fences and I'll be searching houses. And you, little miss, are on house arrest cause of your ankle. We need beds for everyone. Carl'll be outside with Rick so he can do runs with you in the neighborhood."

Neither of you are all that excited about your jobs, but you both nod and mutter your accent. Michone smiles. "Now I should be going, but uh, you two, as cute as you are together-"

"You know?" Carl demands.

She smirks. "I do now" she leers triumphantly. "But anyways, as cute as you two are, er, just don't get any ideas about repopulating the earth, okay?"

"Oh my god" you groan as you cover your face with your hand and wish to be anywhere else be here doing THIS.

"Michone, please" Carl moans as he fixes a pleading look at Michone and runs his hand through his hair in attempt to distract from his furious blushing.

Michone chuckles but she doesn't stop. "Hey now, Carl you're sixteen now and Jasper you're nearly the same age, and even back then-"

"Hey, Carl?" you ask loudly while keeping your face covered by your hand. "You wanna let me borrow your knife real quick? I'm going to shove it through my skull." He smiles through his blush as Michone opens her mouth again to speak, looking like she's enjoying herself way too much. "Please, Michone. There aren't therapists anymore, I won't be able to regain my sanity" you plead.

She chuckles. "Alright, bye now kids" she says triumphantly as she shoulders her katana and exits.

Neither of you move for a moment. "I'm, uh, gonna go chop wood with my dad" Carl stutters a moment later.

You keep your head in your hand. "You do that" you say and he leaves quickly, still blushing furiously. Goddammit Michone.

You pull your hair into a pony tail and look around remembering your job for the day. You were on housewife duty. Fantastic.

You rise and enter the kitchen then open the oven and pull out a few pans and a rock hard load of bread. Shoving the pans into another drawer, you pull out one the oven racks. With a combination of dried leaves, twigs and an oven mitt from out front, you have a small fire going in the sink in a few minutes. You place the over rack over the sink and search through the drawers for a container.

You add wild onions and bits of squirrel meat Daryl found along with a can of vegetables and a can of potatoes from the pack, and a found container of chicken broth to a pot and set it on the rack over the fire. You sit back and admire your work while occasionally stirring. This was a lot of stew. It would sustain you all until everyone else got here, so that all the food gathered could be stored for everyone else. Even back in the old world this was a good meal.

Your next job was to make beds for everyone else when they come. It was then that you decided that if you had to be a house wife, that you were going to be a damn good one.

Rick and Carl return an hour later covered in sweat with Daryl by their side, a dozen animals draped and hung on his belt. Rick and Carl gulp down what seems like a gallon of water each before dropping onto the couch and rubbing their hands together to keep warm. You watch from the chair you were sharpening your knife in half interested. They seemed so alike in everything they did.

Daryl takes the game from his bag and belt and sets it on the counter. Three squirrels, half a dozen fish, two rabbits, and a collection of greens and berries.

"You make this?" Rick's voice breaks you out of your thoughts. "It's good." You look up and nod, seeing that they're both eating the stew.

"How'd you learn to cook like that?" Carl asks siting on the couch across from you, Rick siting beside him.

"My mom was an only parent with three kids and a job for each of 'em. My brother couldn't cook nothin sides bacon and Alice was too young. I learned some stuff" you explain with a shrug.

Rick nods in understanding. "Should hit a few more houses nearby" he proposes.

"I'll go" you say before anyone else can speak. You'd been doing meaningless (okay they were important but boring as hell) jobs all day and wanted to get out of the house.

"C'mon then, kid" Daryl says shouldering his crossbow. Since your pack was left at the prison, he throws you his now empty game bag. "We outta get to the prison by sun up. You'll wanna finish the fence today."

You walk down the street in silence, but it's a comfortable silence. It was cold, and light snow still clung to the grass and tops of bushes, but it wasn't freezing like it had been in the days before. You stop in front of a large house that looks fairly untouched.

Daryl takes lead and just as you think he's about to break the door down, he knocks loudly before leaning against the wall.

"Leg healin' alright?" He asks glancing away from the door and back up at you.

You lean against the opposite wall and nod. "Skin's getting stronger. I'm alright walking. Should be okay to run soon" you inform him.

He nods but before he can speak, a loud thud followed by a snarl comes from the other side of the door. Daryl wastes no time walking around to the right window and knocking it in with the butt of his knife. He doesn't clear it all the way though, instead he takes a step back and waits for the half decomposed walker to stumble through it.

With a quick, familiar snap of Daryl's crossbow, the creature is dead. He knocks away the remaining glass from the window and steps in one foot first, scans over the room, then climbs the rest of the way inside. You follow after to find yourself in a small kitchen. Daryl starts searching through the drawers.

"Medical supplies, food, weapons, bedding, clothing" he counts off as he pockets a lighter from one of the drawers. "Knock on the doors before you go in."

You walk through the living room. You could take the couch cushions, but they were too much to carry. You knock on what you think is a bathroom door; no sound, no walkers. Riffling through a cabinet, you discover a half full bottle of pain pills, allergy pills, an assortment of cold and flu medication, antibacterial cream, and a thermometer. Jackpot. You bag them all and move on to the drawers. There was mostly makeup, but among it was soap, toothpaste and hair scissors. Luxuries, yes, but also badly needed.

You move on to what used to be a girls bedroom. Written on a white board are the words: Take what you need, I understand -Jordan. You would do just that. You take a few pairs of her old clothes and shoes. There were plenty of hair ties that you took. Hair was always getting in the way nowadays, especially when it hadn't been washed in days. After that, other than a handful of fairly sharp kitchen knives, there wasn't much more to take.

You walk down the hallway, machete in hand but down. You swear it happened in under a second, but one moment your on your feet and the next, your flat on the floor, with your machete forced from your grasp. You look up wildly; this wasn't a walker, but a person.

He kicks away the machete and drops so he's holding you down, attempting to cover your mouth. You can't reach your gun, but he can't see it hidden on your waist. You struggle and attempt to break free, but he was too strong. Your legs begin to beg for oxygen. Clamping your teeth down on his hand, he yells, pulling back. You spring to your feet and gasp in air, moving for your gun.

"Daryl!" You shout, but it's cut off because his arm cuts off your air supply again because your gun-_your damn gun_-fell out of your jeans when you were on the ground. Daryl appears, crossbow drawn but the man holds you in front of him like a shield.

"Whoa there. I wouldn't shoot if I were you," he says shrinking down so his face was half obscured behind your head, his rancid break against your ear as he pulled out a gun and pressed it to your temple. "Wouldn't want to hit your little girl."

Daryl looks livid; eyes hard, jaw locked and fists clenched hard on his weapon. You kicked and struggled to get free but your energy was running low; you were running out of air and things were beginning to blur. He holds his hand out in front of him in attempt to calm the man.

"Hey now, don't hurt her. I'll do what you want" he says calmly as he lowers his crossbow. It was all an act and you knew that. The man loosens his grip slightly, letting you gulp in a breath of air.

"Drop your weapons. All of them" the man orders. Daryl hesitates a fraction of a second, and the man presses the gun hard into your temple and he cuts off your air supply again. "Now!"

He sets down his crossbow then tosses his knife down beside it while maintaining eye contact. As you pull against his grip weakly and claw at his arm, the man shakily moves the gun away from you and towards Daryl. No. You manage to bring your foot up near your hand, masking it as part of your struggle for air, and grasp the knife you kept in your boot. You can't remember doing it, but the knife is plunged into his leg and you're dropped to the ground. A gun shot echoes throughout the hallway as a bullet hits a few feet to the right of Daryl. The man yells before his voice is cut off with a thud as Daryl's hunting knife is impeded in his shoulder, dangerously close to his heart.

You gasp in air, crawling weakly away from the mans crumpling body as Daryl strides angrily to the man. His knife could've hit home easily; he hit him where he did on purpose. He yanks him up by the shirt collar and throws him against the wall, tearing the knife out of his chest and stabbing it into his head repeatedly in a fit of rage before letting his body fall to the ground. He catches his breath before crouching beside your crumpled form as you force air into your lungs. That was the thing about being suffocated, even after it was over you still felt like you couldn't breathe.

"C'mon now darlin, you're alright" he murmurs pushing you gently up so you were sitting alongside the wall. He takes two fingers and carefully pushes up your chin so he can look at your neck and the bruises you can feel forming there.

He brushes off the tears that had escaped your eyes during the struggle with the cuff of his sleeve before collecting the weapons and setting yours beside you. He stands and looks down at you, waiting. You wipe your face on your sleeve and rise, your breathing still shaky and uneven but on your feet. You holster you weapons. Always ready.

You were alive, he was dead. With the supplies, you leave the house, the only evidence it had even happened was the bruises on your neck. It was as if it never happened. You were halfway back to the house before Daryl spoke. "Gonna teach you how to fight tomorrow. Self defense and all that. You and the other kids" he says half lost in thought.

You glance up to him and nod lightly in agreement. "It'll give em something to do" you reply, your voice still scratchy. "The younger kids...Sophia...the new ones...Lizzie and Mika, me and Carl. We got lots of kids in the group now. We're going to have to protect you, not the other way around."

You mentally form groups in your head. The older ones were you, Carl, Sophia, Beth, Mark and Hannah. The younger ones would be Mika, Lizzie, Carter, and Jonah. The kids would be prepared, the older ones were being trained. There was a big difference.

You remember back before all this, back when you used to listen to the radio outside the gas station on the corner with your friends. There was that one song that kept repeating those same words. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The song was dumb at the time and it was still dumb now, but the message held true. You were alive and you would fight to be stronger so you stayed that way.

* * *

How'd ya like it? No one is straight out telling me what was good, what was bad, what they want more or less of, opinions etc and thats kinda important when you're going chapter by chapter...

_(Way overdue) Mailbag:_

_**DJ**_: Hi, sorry you got confused in the beginning of when Daryl found out. That probably made the whole thing more confusing and way OOC. Okay, to clear up your confusion. Jasper's mom and Daryl dated a little (resulting in her being pregnant with Jasper) but broke up, but still remained friends. Her mom didn't want to tell Daryl that Jasper was his because she thought that having a kid would ruin his life so she didn't tell him and later remarried Alice's dad (Joe) so she didn't feel the need to tell him since she could take care of her with Joe's help. But Jasper did meet Daryl when she was six without him knowing she was his daughter.

***"Grace Dare. That was my mother. You knew her. I met you when I was a kid, 'round six remember?" She asks looking up at you as you park the car. Your brow creases as you recalls the memory. "Yah, I knew Gracie. I remember now, lil' Jaz" you say smirking at her and the memory "I had a feelin'. Jasper's a rare name, and you look a lot like your mom. How 'bout that" you muse.***

So in this Daryl just remembered her from when she was six as Grace's daughter, not his because Grace never told him about her. So then Daryl found out when Carter was first injured after the fire sometime after she talked to Carl, she took pain meds which caused her to tell Daryl while under the effects of the high dosage. As for you other question, Carter is the daughter of the doctor Christopher and has been there the whole time but has become a background character for the time being. None of that family is being directly featured because Anna (Christophers granddaughter, Carters niece, etc) was bit and turned so they're grieving. Sorry about the confusion, i would've DMed you but you're a guest!

_**bvbarmy4lifetwd**_: More Judy, Carl &amp; Jaz moments are yet to come! I just love writing little kids. I have an almost two year old niece so i use her as inspiration. As for the Jaz/Daryl fight over her and Carl, that is yet to come as well. As of right now Daryl is letting it slide (he hasn't even discussed it with Rick who is oblivious as of now) because there are more important issues, but once things get less tense there'll be a little something. Also thanks so much for reviewing on every chapter:)

_**Rosealind Summer**_: Overprotective Daryl-check. Last chapter was one of my favorite moment when Daryl not so playfully bumped Carl into nearly falling off the roof. And then of course all of the above ^. As for the jealousy, I CANNOT WAIT to write that part! It's in the making, I have a general idea and a rivalry beginning on two different fronts that i could turn into this one thing or I could go a different direction but i think i'll let them have a little peace for a while so that'll probably be next chapter or the one after.

_**fluffykitty12**_: This is way overdue, but aww you reviewed! I love you Lost Child TWD story, it has to be in my top five favorite fanfic stories. EVERYONE, IF YOU WANT AN INSANELY GOOD CARLxOC STORY LOOK UP **LOST CHILD BY FLUFFYKITTY12!**! And on that same note, sorry for killing your namesake off! Also (I'm looking over all my reviews for this story now) your reviews are life! "I will hunt you down, track you through the woods, throw you in the back of my truck, drag you back to my house...and cry and beg and plead and hug you until you write more." Ily so much, your reviews are life.

_**Guest**_: I upped Carl's age by two years so Carl's sixteen and Beth is around eighteen.

_**RevolutionReader**_: This is insanely late (September, ouch) but she was for the most part high on pain medication and pain, so while delirious she told Daryl the truth sometime after she stopped talking to Carl and before the next day but because of the meds it was all a blur.

_**JanyMarie**_: Marie...i really love that name. Again ahhh all these replies are all so late I'm sorry! I feel you on the staying up way late to read fan fictions...Im down to getting by on less than four hours...no wonder I'm barely passing Spanish two. I didn't know that anyone did that with my story though, aww. Wow, you know you're a fangirl when thats one of the highest compliments you can think of being given.

I have to do homework now (Its only 10pm and i haven't done an yet or showered-i have tons of time!) so no response sadly, but thank you tsunasoraceillover, Wholocked77, ShinigamiReiko (by the way the song is Drops of Jupiter by Train), Julia, Jenny, kairee09, 1, everyone else and all my guest reviewers! I love you guys so much (YES, YOU!) and thanks so much for all the support. Check out my other stories (I have a growing up Judith series of one shots that could use some love) and please leave more amazing reviews-you guys are so sweet:)

~Bella


	23. Chapter 23

**_But, baby, now_**  
**_Take me into your loving arms_**  
**_Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_**  
**_Place your head on my beating heart_**  
**_Thinking out loud_**  
**_That maybe we found love right where we are_**

**_-Thinking Out Loud, Ed sheeran_**

* * *

"What the hell do you mean I'm not going?!" You demand.

The group had everything needed for the prison rescue; supplies, a house, a bus with plenty of gas, guns and ammo, a preprepared bomb to set off away from the prison to direct the walkers away. It was the perfect plan, one you had helped create, but you apparently weren't going to be a part of those plans.

"We need someone to stay here and protect this place" Rick reasons trying to intercept your anger that was directed towards Daryl. "Plus with your ankle you won't be helping us any if we have to carry you like before."

Okay, that one stung a little bit. Before it was better that you left so you wouldn't use up the limited amount of food, so you went with them but now you were a liability if you went with them with the rescue party.

"Wait, she would stay here by herself?" Carl questions, his voice faltering as he processes this new piece of information.

Rick roughly shoulders his riffle. "The house and perimeter is secure," It was true; a medium sized fence made of sharpened logs circled the property. "She has firepower and a car if needed. She'll be fine."

"We shouldn't leave her, or anyone, alone. If there's anyone out there they could get in easy. No one goes alone" he argues, his voice going from angry to stony.

"Well what do you propose?" Rick growls at his son. The leader was stressed and was letting it out on Carl. "We need all the man power possible for this. My hands are tied" he hisses.

Carl swallows his anger in attempt to negotiate with his father. "I'll stay. You can do without me and like you said this place is important. We should protect it more than leaving a little girl with a gun as guard" he snaps.

Your attention, previously focused on how Rick was taking the argument, snaps to Carl's face. _A little girl with a gun_? Was he serious? That l_ittle girl with a gun_ was the one who saved his unconscious ass a few months back. Carl briefly glances away from his father to look you in the eye then back to Rick. What was he trying to do? Why would he start something when-oh. He was trying to instigate a fight so they'd let you stay here alone.

"_A little girl with a gun_?" you demand with a incredulous half laugh. "That little girl'll be just fine on her own. If you remember correctly, I was the one who saved _you_, not the other way around." Carl glances at you then back at his dad, totally ignoring you. You knew it was all an act, but it was real anger surging through your veins now, not fake. "Hey, I'm talkin' to you!"

Rick glances over to you, takes note of your flushed cheeks, hellfire glare, and clenched jaw, then back to Carl. "Fine, you can keep guard with her here" he relents.

You turn half away from them and grumble something about how you didn't even want him here. Rick pulls his son aside and the two begin to talk seriously about safety and keeping alert. Michone nods at Carl and gives you a serious look with a hint of a smirk as she heads out the front door with her katana in tow.

"Be back in a few hours" Daryl says as he watches out the front window. "No guns 'les ya have to. Don't leave the house. We'll be back."

He looks down and meets your eyes- a connection of pale blue and golden brown, opposite but burning with the same intensity. You hold his gaze and nod solemnly. He looks you up and down hesitantly before returning the nod and stepping away. Rick puts his hand on your shoulder and speaks a few words to you about staying safe but your attention is mainly focused on Daryl murmuring a few fierce words into Carl's ear. By the time the door slams behind them, Carl looks visibly shaken. You knew why. Daryl was intimidating as hell when he waned to be.

"Ya know before I realized what you were doing, you were about to be sorry" you tell him, still tense from anger, as you sit down on the couch and pull off your boots since you apparently weren't going anywhere.

Carl's brow knits in mock confusion as he sits on the opposite couch. "What do you mean what I was doing?" He asks, pulling a innocent face equipped with wide eyes and a stuck out lip pout. It was unfairly adorable.

You throw your boot at him but he unfortunately catches it. "Shut up, I get what you were tryin to do, but _little girl with a gun?_ Yeah, you're gonna regret those words, sherif" you say kicking up you feet and leaning back against the couch as you begin to sharpen your machete with your knife.

He pulls back out his pouting face. Don't look at it, don't look at it, don't look at it...ah damn it. "Are you sure" he questions innocently, eyes wide. "Because this happens to be the first time we haven't been either running through the woods or crammed in an overpopulated prison with people looking in at us every ten minutes..."

You feel your cheeks heat up slightly, but roll your eyes and scoff, coaxing a chuckle out of him. He rises slowly, keeping that damn adorable pouting smirk on his face, and sits down beside you. You glance over at him from the corner of your eye. Damn it. You sit forward and gently set your weapons on the coffee table before slouching back and looking up at him.

And then you were kissing.

Kissing, you had discovered, was kinda awesome. There was so much darkness in this world and there were few good things. Judith was one of those good things, as was finding sweets or new clothes while scavenging, and then kissing. His hands against your face, your arms around his neck, and his lips on yours...there weren't many better things in this, or any world. One of his hands moves to rest gently on your neck, then to move your hair behind your shoulders. Thoughts in your mind are obliterated as his lips gradually move towards your neck, where he stays for a moment before pulling back. Exhaling unevenly, you glance up at him. He has a strange look on his face, a mixture of confusion and horror.

"What?" You question.

He doesn't reply right away, but he reaches forward and gently brushes the rest of your hair behind your ear. For a moment you think he's going to kiss you again, which you would be perfectly fine with by the way, before you remember the incident yesterday and the dark hand shaped bruises that circle your neck.

His fingers lightly trace over the dark bruises, sending shivers down your spine even though it shouldn't. He turns to you then finally, his mouth parted open and his eyes hard. "What the hell happened?" He asks in a hushed mix of astonishment and horror that nearly breaks your heart.

Your hand automatically goes to your neck where your rough touch makes you cringe. "Er, we were clearing a house yesterday and there was this guy. I guess he didn't like me breathing all that much so-"

"Don't." Carl's voice cuts you off. You look at him confused. He grinds his teeth. "Don't make it a joke. You almost died...again. Whenever you get hurt you just blow it off like its nothing. It's something, okay, and it can get you killed out there. You gotta tell someone if you're hurt."

You crack a small smile. "Carl, bruises aren't a big deal" you remind him softly as you kneel forward and wrap your arms around his neck softly before leaning in and recapturing his lips with your own. You can feel his resistance to let the issue go, but he kisses you back. Kind of angrily, you might add, which was kind of amazing. Like the eyes roll back in your head, blush for the next two months kind of amazing.

He pulls back though after a moment with that same half angry, concerned look. "Seriously, Jaz. You're hurt, really hurt don't just blow stuff like that off."

You half cough to regain your composure. "I'm not blowing it off, I'm just getting over it. I invite you to help me" you say leaning back down. You didn't think it would be so hard to get a teenage boy to stop talking and make out with you. Like really?

He pulls away a final time gives you a tired pleading look. "Just promise me, okay?" he asks.

You muster a half smirk. "Fine. I'll let you know about all my boo boos from now on. Happy?" You roll your eyes playfully, hoping to diffuse the tension. "How'd you of all people become my babysitter?"

He shrugs and scoots back, relaxing against the back of the couch with you halfway on his lap. You turn to the side so your legs are away from him and your turned inwards toward him. "Easy; we would've never gotten together if all this never happened."

You fix him with a curious look. "How so?" You question.

"I'd be the sheriffs son getting honor roll, packing my lunch everyday, going to family picnics, and never doing anything wrong. Basically a huge nerd. You'd be the popular girl everyone loves, going to parties, singing all the time, tons of friends, and all that. Plus you're way out of my league" be finishes sounding almost proud that the 'huge nerd' got the 'popular girl'.

"Hey, that's not true. I didn't go to that many parties and lots of people knew me because of singing but I wasn't the popular girl. I spent most of my time in my backyard. Plus, your end of the deal is looking better. I wasn't the best in school, ya know" you admit. "And I am not out of your league, sheriff. Have you seen me lately?"

"How unfairly gorgeous you can look covered in dirt and blood, yeah I've seen that" he says nodding to the wrinkled material clinging to your skin. You roll your eyes with a smile and curl up in the corner of the couch. Before you can lean forward to kiss him, which you'd very much like to, a scream pierces the air. Carl is on his feet in a moment, all traces of a smirk gone from his features; his gun ready and eyes wide. You bolt up top, but don't make a move for the door. A battle between blue and brown commences; him ready to run, you warning him not to.

"C'mon, we have to help them!" He proclaims, starting for the door.

You feel bad, but you scoff unmeaning to. "Carl they're strangers! They could be dangerous. We can't save everyone." You see the determination in his eyes and know there's no arguing with him. "Fine. I'll go around the back and cover you."

With a nod he's gone before you can warn him further. Muttering words that would've made your mom pass out and Daryl proud, you rush towards the back exit. As you lay low in the bushes, you watch forward. Walkers are caught on the barricade fences, snarling loudly as they strain towards the men to the right of the house.

They were both larger men, with jaggedly cut hair and dirty clothes. Trying to compare them to Daryl seemed wrong though, although they were similar in wardrobe and grime. The larger of the two was caught in the fence, having attempted to crawl over one section and under another. His companion held off the small herd of walkers that had accompanied them as he attempted to free him from inside the fence. There were few walkers left, but they were out of ammo. Carl takes down the four remaining walkers with quick, well aimed shots,

"Look at that, Tony. Damn kid saved yer ass" the second man sneered with a laugh as he turned to face Carl, his hand resting on his sheathed knife.

Carl stands at the edge of the front porch, his gun only slightly lowered with his finger still on the trigger. You shift your aim over to him. "What do you want?" Carl calls thickly.

"Ta not die! And since you so kindly aided me in that conquest, I'd be damn pleased if you kept your firepower aimed elsewhere" he grunts.

The other man, Tony regains his bearings and looks you over. "Be kind now, Lenny, the kid helped us out. It'd be mighty rude of us ta not offer em dinner. A rabbit, how bout that boy? No why don't we split a bottle a whiskey and share war stories, huh? A little thank you."

Carl nods slowly, knowing that you needed the extra food for the group and the whiskey for disinfectant. He didn't trust them either, but you had the firepower and could use it if you wanted. You see a small pileup of impaled walkers and use it as a getaway.

Before he can reply, you're yanked backwards, your gun kicked aside. You kick your legs and struggle against whoever grabbed you, but they drag you out to the front yard anyways. The grip is loosened, and you're pushed into Lenny.

He looks you over, his dark eyes lighting up with cruel excitement.

"Looky what I found, boys! Pretty little thing, ain't she? Looks pretty strong. Might be able to keep her a while huh?" The man calls as he cackles over his own voice. "As a thank you to our new friend here why don't we let him have her first."

"Let her go" Carl growls raising his gun to the new guy.

The men just laugh. The balding one hugs you close and cackles in your ear. You weren't going to be in this position again. You yank up your leg and grab the knife from your boot, and without hesitating, you drive it into his eye. Screams erupt and your coated in a spray of hot blood. You duck away as shots ring out, one of the guys dropping.

By the time you stumble away far enough to look back, the two were dead and Lenny was out of range, already disappearing into the forest.  
And you? You just stand there, your chest heaving and your legs weak as your eyes scan over the massacre before you. Carl meets your eyes, but you glance away.

Why did you keep getting thrown around like this? You were delusional thinking you were a some kind of badass, killing walkers left and right. Walkers were nothing compared to humans. You weren't a threat to people. You weren't a threat to this world. You were a liability, not an asset as you had convinced the group to think...as you had convinced Daryl to think. You've done nothing but mess up this whole mission; first when you couldn't run because of your ankle, then when that guy held a knife to your throat, and then now.

"I'll take care of it" Carl breaks the silence as he slowly starts towards the bodies. You stand there, unmoving, as you compose yourself.

"We don't tell them, okay?" You call meekly after a moment.

Carl looks confused for a moment before his face relaxes in understanding. "We have to though. The one that got away, we have to tell them and why he might come back. They might have a group. They'll have to put out a full time guard...we can't not tell them."

You nod slowly and push down the lump in your throat. You hated to feel weak. "Okay...just, just omit the middle part, kay?" He nods and turns back to what he was doing. Thank you, sheriff.

Your eyes scan over the yard before slipping inside. There wasn't much to do-nothing to distract your mind from what happened without risking your life again. You couldn't do much nowadays without risking something. Your ankle began to throb again, reminding you that you needed to rest. You curl up on the couch, facing the door with your weapons close beside you; all but your knife, which was still probably logged in Lenny's eye socket right now, that is. You let your eyes close and hope that once you wake, your family, blood or not, will be here.

* * *

WE'VE REACHED 100 REVIEWS YAYYY! THANKS SO MUCH. okey I'm tired and i have like 3 tests tomorrow, you know what to do please review if you want to make this story better and me happy and all that love you all lots *internet hugs*

-bella


	24. Chapter 24

_We're just ordinary people_

_We don't know which way to go_

_Cuz we're ordinary people_

_Maybe we should take it slow_

_-Ordinary People, John Jegend_

* * *

"Ya girls are pretty small, so ya never throw the first punch. Keep some distance between ya an' stand ta the side so they don't get ya in the gut. Don't get on the ground, but if ya do curl up so they can't kick ya head or stomach an' get up fast. Grab their leg if ya can. Ya hear me?" Daryl drilled you and the other prison kids.

You were learning to fight. Well, not just you, all the kids of the prison, although you rejected being labeled a kid. The older group included you, Carl, Sophia, Beth, Mark and Hannah. And the younger group, was made up of Mika, Lizzie, Carter, and Jonah. For the beginning of this little demonstration, however, all of you were huddled together on fallen logs turned benches. Most of the prison group was inside, having everyone safely made it out of the prison. The few who weren't inside were either on supply runs or helping and watching in amusement from the sidelines like Rick and Michone.

Things were okay. They were okay right now, but not forever, but that was enough.

"Ah...Beth, c'mere" Daryl calls waving her over as he walks out in front of everyone. He looked slightly uncomfortable, much to Rick's amusement, as he stood before the group, not used to having all eyes on him.

Beth blushes lightly as she stands in front of Daryl, her proper appearance making her look like a doll before the dirty redneck. He narrows his eyes slightly as he looks down at her. The corner of his mouth twitches in amusement. "Now, hit me" he says simply. Beth's eyes widen and her mouth even pops open a little bit. Murmuring stirs among the crowd. Michone's chuckes and Rick almost even laughs.

"What?" Beth asks shocked with that thick, light voice of hers. "I ain't gonna hit you."

Daryl smirks. "Darlin' it ain't gonna hurt me none" he leers in attempt to rile her up. "I promise."

Beth narrows her baby blues. "Fine" she says defiantly. Clenching her fist behind her, she swings at Daryl. Her tiny, bawled up fist connected with his cheek, and his head snapped slightly to the left with it.

He clears his throat and gives a half nod. "Ain't bad. Needs work. Y'all do. Let's get started."

* * *

Even though there was still a dusting of snow on the ground, sweat tricked down the brows of most of you. Given, it had warmed up to somewhere in the fifties, but it mostly came from how hard Daryl was working you all.

Cole smirked as he approached you. "A little one-on-one, little sister?" He asked, clearly enjoying himself. He had been in high spirits since coming to the house, Zoey was healing well, little Grace was healthy and he'd be marrying Zoey within the week.

There would be a celebration of sorts tomorrow to honor the deceased, and as a late Christmas of sorts. Christopher could legally marry Cole and Zoey. It was like a thanksgiving somewhat; just to give thanks that even though the prison was lost for the time being, you were all safe. There would be a medium sized meal, the kids would practice fighting and there may even be song and dancing. It was dumb, stupid as hell, but you couldn't deny your excitement.

"Like you could possibly take me, big brother" you shoot back at him.

He nods to an empty area a few yards away. "Let's find out."

You knew how to fight him from living with him for years. You'd occasionally get into fights that went physical but it was never like a real fight. He taught you a little later on, and so you knew how he fought. You start facing each other, a yard or so away. He suddenly charges, like you knew he would. You leap out of his way and duck under his arm, grabbing it and twisting it behind his back, using his momentum against him. It causes him to cry out and drop halfway to the ground, where you place a kick between his shoulder blades and fully at his side, knocking the wind out of him. He grabs your feet and yanks you to the side, causing you to fall halfway over him with a hard blow.

You cringe at the pain but can't help but laugh at the good move. Nice shot bro. From there you struggle to free yourself from his grasp, laughing and grunting from the effort it took at her same time. He's laughing too, just like the both if you used to do back before all this shit happened. You ball up your fits and pummel his chest with you hands, freeing yourself from his grasp. He grabs your foot as you struggle away, so you decide a nice kick to the jaw won't harm brother dearest too badly.

Despite watching him fight his dumb friends in the backyard for years, your knowledge on how he fought was second to his strength and size. He pins you down and sits on your chest, grinning triumphantly down at you as he held your arms together tightly. "Tap out" he taunted. "Tap out, little sister!"

You smile sweetly at him before promptly spitting in his face. He doesn't immediately move to wipe his face like you hoped, but instead wipes his face on his shoulder before grinning back at you. "Never" you growl.

"Three!" He exclaims. You struggle against his hard grip and kick your legs, but he was too big and strong plus he had pinned too much of your body.

"Two!" You glance around you in hope something could help you to fight off your massive lazy ass of a brother. All you saw was a smirking crowd that had come to watch you and your brothers dumb fight. You slide up slowly, waiting, struggling just right. He opens his mouth to triumphantly pronounce 'one' as if he would actually beat you. You! As if. A well placed kick to, ahem, where the sun don't shine finishes the deal. You shove his half frozen body off of you and smirk at his groaning form.

With an elegant smile you look down at him."One" you say simply.

The younger kids clap out of sync with crooked grins. You fake half smirk at them and then back to your brother. Who struggled to stand he glowered at you before breaking into a grin, blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth from where you kicked him. You glance down at yourself; your clothes were muddy and torn, your hands were cut from hitting and the metallic taste of blood lingered in your mouth. You wipe the blood from your lip and glance at the people watching, silently hoping they'd stop watching you now. Thankfully it starts to rain lightly then, and Judith, who was in Beth's arms, starts crying. Everyone begins to move inside as the cold rain falls faster. It felt amazing. Cole wraps his massive arm around your shoulders and starts to guide you inside.

Carol stands in the doorway, giving you a stern but soft look. "Mhm mhm, you ain't coming in here like that. Why don't ya stay our there and let the rain wash ya and I'll bring some clothes 'round the back for ya" she 'suggests'.

"What, were worrying 'bout dirtying the carpets now?" You ask. A dirty carpet being a pressing matter seemed so dumb when everyone had been wearing the same clothes for weeks and weren't sure where their next meal was coming from.

Her face doesn't change. "You heard me" she replies softly. "Go on now, get."

You step back under the darkening sky as the rain becomes frigid and not as relieving but rather chilling. You move around to the the large back porch and breathe a sigh of relief once your both underneath the cover. Cole, ever the gentleman, exclaims "sucks to suck!" And dashes inside the bathroom first, leaving you having to wait outside while he cleaned up. It was so cold that you begin to shiver as the rain turned to snow. Cole better hurry the hell up...

"It too hot inside for ya?"

You spin around to see Carl there with-god bless that boy-a towel. He's only half wrapped it around you before you were clutching it to your body. Carl smirks and rubs some warmth into your shoulder.

"God, Jazz, you're freezing" he exhales, immediately dwarfing you in a massive hug.

Thank god for Sherif Carl Grimes.

After a moment (okay, fine, maybe it was more like a few minutes) you finally are warm enough to speak without fear of chattering teeth. "Thank you" you mumble into his shoulder.

He pulls away just enough to look you in the eye. God, why did he have to be so perfect? "For everything" you explain with a blush. Sedimental wasn't really your thing.

He smirked then kissed you, and god, you swear your heart stopped. You couldn't fathom a reason why you ever held back on becoming attached to Carl, because even if you had, this was inevitable. You were more than attached now, you were falling for him hard. This was bad, but you couldn't help it.

The bathroom door just inside unlocks, and you push him away just before Cole steps out. "Uh," it takes a moment for you to gather your thoughts. "Thanks for the blanket, Carl."

He nods, a smirk playing on his lips. Cole pops his head out the door. "All your" he calls with a grin before disappearing back inside.

Forcing the blush from your cheeks and after smirking at Carl once more, you slip inside.

* * *

Daryl rolled his eyes at the kids disappearing inside below him. Him and Rick had been keeping watch for that guy that came the day they were gone at the prison. Seemed like he was with a group, the sherif's kid said. The same sheriff's kid that as down there kissing Daryl's daughter.

Damn kid.

"Rick, gotta tell ya somthin'" he stated uneasily as he came to stand beside the leader leaning against the chimney.

He makes a grunt that sounds mildly interested. Daryl clears his throat. "Yer kid, and, uh, and mine" the words sound unfamiliar but right on his tongue. "I mean, it ain't a big deal but, uh, the two of 'em got somethin going on. Ya know, the two of em."

He pauses, considering for a moment. Finally, he breaks into a small grin. "That's good. Good for them. They deserve some happiness. It's hard to come by nowadays."

"Ya mean all eyes on 'em all the time, right?" Daryl says darkly, a smirk playing on his lips.

Rick nods to himself, almost as if musing the possibilities of babysitting not only how newborn, but also his teenager. "That's exactly what I meant. Thank you, Daryl."

* * *

Once inside the bathroom just inside, you strip out of your wet clothes and into a camp sweatshirt and shorts someone found upstairs. You quickly braid back your wet hair before joining the group. Lizzie and Mika smile up at you as you approach, probably for having beaten Cole earlier. They were a huge fan of girl power and all that stuff. Carol's doing, no doubt. The rest of them were sitting closely around the candle lit living room, lost in a nostalgic conversation about memories of when they were children as they sipped their broth. It was homey. You return the smile before sitting down besides Sophia and Carl. Carl was cradling his baby sister as Sophia gently spoon fed her a can of peaches. Judith seemed to love them, and babbled happily until she got her next bite. You smirk at the baby and pinch her toes, making her giggle.

"You alright? Your brother wasn't holdin' back any" Carl asks glancing away from his sister for a moment to meet your eyes before glancing back.

You raise your hand to touch your lips, blood still lightly staining them. "Yeah, fine" your reply, then catch his eye and remember your earlier conversation. "Really, I'm alright. It was fun. We uses to do back before...it felt like everything was normal again, ya know?"

He nods, looking back to Judith. "Except for back before, my brother didn't have a kid" you say looking at Zoey across the room, cradling her week old baby.

Sophia smiles fondly. "I wish I had a niece. I'd have to have a sibling for that though, like Carl with Judith. Hell, being an only child sucks" she pouts.

"You can share ours" Carl tells her. "Judy, Grace ...and Riley too. We have enough to go around and they'll need at the help they can get." You nod. It was true. Even with all the people in the group now, holding a baby made it unable to fight and made them need a guard. With all three of the kids, that was six people just to keep the kids safe.

"Want to hold her?" Sophia asks you. "Carl hasn't let me hold what's apparently our timeshare baby, but he likes you more than me so maybe he'll let you."

Carl cracks a crooked smile. "Fine. Jaz, do ya wanna hold her?" Your heart flutters and you nod. He turns and gently rests the child in your arms. She was so small and so warm. Heavy too, not like you expected. She blinks her cool blue eyes and squirms for another bite of food.

You take the spoon from Carl and and gently spoon feed her the drippy sweet peach. She complies easily and doesn't make a mess other than a dribble of juice on her chin. "That's it, lil asskicker" your croon. "Adda girl."

"Do you think were going to stay here long?" Sophia asks looking around.

"For a while. My dad won't waste a day getting back to behind those walls" Carl replies instantly.

You knew the truth though. Only you and Daryl knew it right now, but they'd all find out soon enough. There were just too many walkers at the prison with more coming everyday. The few fences that weren't fallen before, had fallen now. Getting the prison back a second time was a miracle. A third time wouldn't happen. Getting the prison back would end in all your deaths one way or another.

The prison was lost.  
Gone.  
They just didn't know it yet.

* * *

HELLO!:)

I just want to clear up something/explain something. Okay so I love reading Carl/OC stories and most of them are an OC added into the story with only slight changes and the same story line ect. Don't get me wrong, I love those stories. But in those Carl is the same age as in the show, which is 14/15. In this he is 16 and Jasper is almost 16 so their relationship is more mature than those when their both 14. And why is 16 and pregnant a tv show/a somewhat common thing? Its cause your hormones are going crazy when you're 16. And instead of the story being 90% focused on the whole zombies/main plot thing, and 10% romance, its more 70%, 30% because its written in second person, and when you're 16 your mind is constantly on your significant other rather than the real danger especially when your trying not to lose them to that danger and you're constantly around them. Because be real here, even when you were 13, your crush was constantly on your mind. Explanation over.

JanyMarie &amp; lovechance1006: Why thank you. As a fellow fangirl i know that giving up on sleep to read all night is one of the highest compliments that can be given:)

Please review what you like and what you don't so i can figure out what the hell i should write next chapter. I have ideas but pretty much i have 0 ideas for next chapter because this is a filler/break area. Please review and lemme know what you think! You people have been slacking lately. I'm just a weirdo with a blanket cape sitting in my bedroom, ignoring homework and eating chipotle while constantly writing over here, at least give me a little love:)

-Bella


	25. Chapter 25

_Trust have been broken_  
_Tears have been cried_  
_Let's do some living before we die_  
_And if we die tonight_  
_All is alright_  
_We won't be around to regret anything we've done_

* * *

This was it.

You were going to die.

The first time you had thought that was back before you met Carl, back when you were surrounded in an alley by walkers with only a knife and seemingly no possible ways out. You thought that it would be a perfectly tragic end for you; to be torn apart by people you used to know under the silent, peaceful stars of the countryside, leaving your mother and Alice to slowly die from their fevers. But you survived then. This time you wouldn't.

Your tragic end; dress shopping.

"Oh, this one is cute. Zoey, what do ya think?" Beth asks delightedly, pulling a creme colored, formal, v-neck dress off a hook and holding it high enough for the woman to see it. Unfortunately, wedding dresses weren't exactly a target for looters.

The unfairly perfect looking caramel colored bride to be emerges from behind a rack of other dresses. "I like it," she smiles, "put it with the others?"

"Of course" Beth complied with a sparkle in her eye. You didn't know the girl well, but you knew enough to know that she was big for weddings or any kind of party event. Hell, you usually hated the things but since the world ended, there was no possibility for one. And life always has a funny was of making you want the things you can't have most.

Maggie was looking at heels (you called them hells) in the back of the small wedding store and Michone begrudgingly kept watch at the front of the store as she glanced over the display cases. That left you; who was forced to look at bridesmaid dresses, but instead was contemplating an escape out of the cursed store. Guys teeshirts, boots and hair down; that was your thing. This was...ugh.

"You're not even giving it a chance" Beth said from behind you. You hadn't even noticed the blonde creeping up on you. You guess it was fair though, she was in her natural habitat. It was like a cheetah on the savanna, there was no escaping her.

"Michone doesn't have to wear a dress" you argue gesturing to the lethal looking woman on guard. You were lethal too, you didn't look it as much as she did, but still, you were. Deadly killers shouldn't have to wear dresses. It should be a rule.

Beth rolls her eyes and shifts so her hand is on her hip; that frustrated girl thing girly girls did. It was like she was trying to convert you to some sort of weird feminine religion when you were so clearly worshiping comfortable clothes over here, not heels. Not like she cared though.

"Michone isn't the grooms little sister" she proclaims, annoyance slowly beginning to seep into the blonde voice. "C'mon, Jasper, you're the bridesmaid! Doesn't that mean anything to you? You get to walk down the isle looking real pretty...in a dress, that is."

"There's an isle to walk down? Seriously? Does the apocalypse mean nothing to you people?" You demand.

The blonde sighs and turns, beginning to look through dresses on a rack beside you. "It does mean somthin. That's why a wedding is somethin special. And why you should take your chance why you have it. Jasper, do you realize that you ain't ever gonna get married? I know I ain't. I can't even find someone. I ain't never gonna fall in love. But they did, and they can, and that's somethin special."

Dammit, she was right.

You're silent as she continues to go through the rack, holding back tears no doubt. "Beth," you finally say softly. "If, if ya want, I'll be your Barbie doll. Go pick out whatever you like, it matters more to you." She looks up at you uneasily with a timid smile. "Go on, 'fore I change my mind."

Less than five minutes later, you're handed a pile of clothing and shoved into a dressing room. You set the pile down on a stool and examine what was given to you. The shoes thankfully weren't a death trap; just a pair of nice feminine cowboy boots. You kinda liked them, they were more you. The dress isn't awful either. It was a cream colored, strapless sundress. You nearly have a heart attack when you realize-YOU ACTUALLY LIKE IT. Not that you'd ever admit it to Beth or to anyone else.

"Don't think you can get away with not lettin us have a look at it" Maggie calls from

With a sigh, you unlock the door and step out. "Ooh, it's perfect" Beth muses longingly.

"I like it" Maggie grins then takes a step back and calls over to Zoey. "Come take a look" she calls the future bride over.

She steps into view in a short but formal strapless wedding dress. It looks gorgeous against her caramel skin and dark curly hair. You didn't know her that well, but she had that survivalist edge to her and that twist that made her stick out. She smirks when she sees you. "Don't upstage me now, kid" she says with a delighted twinkle in her voice.

You give a half laugh as you pull at the fabric. "Er, can I go take it off now?"

They wave you off and begin talking about stopping by a Walgreens for makeup and how they should do Zoey and your hair. Yours would be down or someone would have a knife at their throat. Once you're back in your comfortable clothes, and your and Zoey's things are in the car, you take off for Walgreens. This time, they let you keep watch with Michone. You almost wish you went with them though, because maybe you could've stopped them from getting so many creams and so much different colored powder.

Once you were back to the house, they shooed you upstairs before you could even plead Daryl or Carl's aid in fighting them off. Michone stayed behind to talk to them though, so they no doubt knew the horror in store for you and weren't doing a thing to save you. Traitors. They supplied you with smelly shampoo and conditioner and, THANK GOD, a razor and made you take a hot bath, which was actually nice and it felt so good to be clean again. They braided your hair so it would dry curly, and managed to get some mascara and lipgloss on you.

Half an hour later, your dressed in your boots and sundress, hair in soft tendrils framing your face. The "alter" was Cole and Christopher standing in front of the fireplace, with everyone else sitting on the ground, in the couches which were pushed into rows, or leaning against the wall. And the "isle" was comprised of laid out beach towels turned white side up. Candles flickered, illuminating the late evening. People were dressed up...well, they tried. A few pollo and dress shirts were found, along with a couple skirts and a dress or two. Mostly their clothes and faces were just cleaned. There were even wildflowers grasped tightly in Zoey's hands.

They were really going all out.

You tapped your foot nervously as you waited behind the staircase for Beth to tell you to go ahead. You didn't like having all eyes on you. Beth finally comes around the corner with a smile, and Grace in her arms.

"Can't start without the flower girl" she says gently resting your two week old niece in your arms. It was the first time you've ever held her. Her big eyes wondered around, only locking on your face for a brief moment before hazing away. She was only two weeks old.

Beth cups a small handful of wildflower petals on Grace's stomach and offers a half smile. "Just try and keep them from her till you're walkin down the isle. Wait one minute, then you're up."

She disappears around the corner. You glance down at Grace, wo was beginning to fuss in your arms. "Listen up, kid. I'm your aunt Jasper. It's your momma and daddy's wedding today, so keep your shit together, okay, kid?" You whisper to the child as you rock her gently. She blinks. "I don't like doing this none either, but I'm gettin over it, so you gotta too. Don't care if your a week old. You're gonna be raised in this world so ya gotta be touch. Get with it, kid."

The baby's eyes were wide but she somehow seemed to understand. Either that,or Beth's light singing from the other room calmed her. You crack a smirk.

And then it was time to go.

As you tried not to trip, you looked at everyone watching you and Grace. They all looked so delighted to be at a wedding. Maybe this wasn't as dumb as you thought. Even Christopher's family were cracking smiles. Low morale could kill faster than a bullet wound. You reached the end of the little makeshift walkway, and moved to stand beside your brother. Shifting Grace to one arm, you flicked Cole's cheek with a smirk, then stood beside him. The group chuckles.

Beth sings in that angelic voice of hers as Zoey steps into view. She was gorgeous; caramel skin contrasting perfectly against her white dress, bright blue eyes nearly glowing, and a perfect white smile. You glance up at Cole; he looks so happy. Smug bastard. The ceremony was short and sweet, but boring nonetheless. Hey, it wasn't your fault; your tried to pay attention but there were just so many words followed by even more. It ended with a kiss (gross) and applause.

"A toast, to Cole and Zoey," Rick says a few minutes later once the glasses of scavenged different kinds of alcohol had been handed ut. "-for finding happiness." Everyone raises their glasses. You were given a watered down glass of scotch, it was a bit bitter, but you wanted to prove you could drink it. Rick nods to you, who was still standing near the couple. He wanted you to say something? Oh hell. What could you say in your speech with ten seconds notice?

"Oh, alright then" you mutter, attempting to come up with something on the spot. "Cole, you're stupid" you deadpan, already coaxing chuckles out of a few people. "-, you're weird, freakishly tall, a total loser, and look half as good with that beard as you think you do. Yet somehow you managed to get her," you nod to the blushing bride, "so...props bro."

It was an epic speech.

A few minutes into the dancing, Glen pulls you aside. "Hey, Jasper. Back at the prison, when Maggie was in labor and you got me..well I wanted to say thank you for that. So when we were clearing out a block, I grabbed you something of yours" he reaches behind a chair and pulls out your guitar you found on the run with Daryl. You take it in your hands, running your fingers over the smooth wood. Something flutters past in the inside compartment. Loosening the strings and reaching inside, you pull out the picture of your mom and Daryl from so long ago. You look up at him, appreciation and wonder filling your eyes.

He nods with a smirk, as if confirming that this was real. "Was thinking you could play for us?" He asks.

You nod, a grin forming on your lips. "Yeah, definitely. Thank you, Glen, so much."

He smiles with a nod. He had smiled in the last few days more than you had ever seen him smile before. "I'm glad you're happy, ya know, with your little family" you tell him.

"You're all my family. And you helped get my family back together, and I've realized I've never thanked you, and I can't repay you for that, Jasper" he says holding your gaze.

You shift aside awkwardly. You weren't good with real emotion and all that. "Yeah, uh, it ain't a real big deal" you say ducking your head and clearing you throat.

When you look back up, he had a weird look on his face. "You're a lot like Daryl, ya know that?" You give a halfhearted shrug. He smirks. "Go on now," he grins, "I wanna dance with my wife."

* * *

So hey guys I've returned. I'm hesitant on starting the next chapter, because I have two possible ways to go with this and I'd really like to talk to a reader about how it could go and see what they think so if you're interested in a speak peak and helping me out, DM me! And if any of you were wondering about my opinion on Enid...as for the show, she's fine and good and Carl needs a little romance so go ahead...BUT compared to Jasper or most of the other OCs on fanfiction...the ones made of works kick ass. Leave a review, lemme know what you think about this and the story :o)


	26. Chapter 26

_I've been around the world and never in my wildest dreams_  
_Would I come running home to you_  
_I've told a million lies but now I tell a single truth_  
_There's you in everything I do_

_-I bet my life, Imagine Dragons_

* * *

Jasper Dixon.

The name was still uneasy on your tongue, although it felt kinda right. You had been Jasper Dare before and while Dixon was your true last name and there was no reason to keep your mothers last name now that she was dead, it felt like you were replacing her. After she was dead, it felt like she was still with you. The name contained her essence: Dare; stubborn, sarcastic and brave and that's what your mother was.

Jasper Dare...Dixon. That would be it.

"C'mon girl, keep yer eyes open an' quit yer damn daydreamin," Daryl mutters from where he's crouched beside you behind the dumpsters, his crossbow held down but ready as you hid from the town square full of walkers.

There was only about twenty, give or take. The small down was empty on the way here, so the walkers must be a passing herd. If they would've waited until after the run into down that would've been great, but the dead bastards weren't very patient. You lean against the wall. For once, your jeans were clean and tucked neatly into your boots (which still concealed a throwing knife). Your teeshirt provided little protection against the biting cold, so Daryl's poncho made up for it from where it was hidden away underneath a hoodie that tucked away your hair and protected your neck. Your machete was in your hand as always, and your moms pistol tucked in your waistband.

Daryl nods as Glen motions something to him from across the town square, where he, Beth and Christopher took cover. They were apparently going to go through that one shop they were hidden beside while you waited for a break in the herd of walkers. It was in agreement that you didn't want to waste all your bullets taking out the walkers and risk letting the opposing group know your whereabouts.

"Looks like we'll be waitin here a while," you notice before you settle lower against the wall as a walkers stumbles past the front of dumpster the two of you were sheltered behind.

It's a good minute before either of you makes another noise. Daryl shrugs. Another minute passes. Two. Finally, Daryl speaks in what's supposed to be a casual tone, but is laced with cruel enjoyment. "So you gonna tell me what's goin' on wit you and that Grimes boy, or what?" He raises an eyebrow and forces down the corners of his lips that pull upwards. You have to choke back a cough. You knew that he knew something was going on between you are Carl, but he had avoided the subject like you thought he would continue to do...but apparently not. Daryl stifles a smile. "You teenagers think yer all so damn smart," he mutters. "It ain't hard to tell when somethins goin' on. Rick's been wonderin the same thing..."

This wasn't him making fun of you, at least not him just making fun of you. He was warning you that Rick knew about you and Carl. You clear your throat silently "We're, uh, friends," you utter completely unbelievably.

"Pretty close friends," he mutters. Then, with a wicked glint in his icy eyes, he makes a horrible impression of a girly voice that must supposed to be yours. "Oh, Carl, yer so cute-"

You hit his grimy shoulder, your face betraying the utter embarrassment and annoyance that you wanted to verbalize, but you know you couldn't because of the imminent threat. Daryl barely holds back his throaty chuckle of a laugh.

You tightened your grip on your machete in what was a hollow threat and muttered a few choice words under your breath. Daryl cracked a half smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling with laugh lines that were seldom put to use. "You better watch your damn mouth, sunshine," he advised gruffly with a hint of a smile evident in his thick voice before he went back to watching the dead through the crack between the wall and the dumpster.

Before you can respond, Glen, along with the Beth and Christopher, appear out of the store with their packs slightly heavier. He gives Daryl a nod and points towards the grocery shop in the middle of the square. You all needed to get there, meaning you needed a distraction.

"We need a distraction," you voice your thoughts.

Daryl glances back at you then at the stumbling inhabitants of the town. "At'll work," he decides as he glances around in search of one.

"I meant me," you clearify.

He scoffs and immediately dismisses the idea. "C'mon, girl, be serious."

"I am," you insist with a hint of annoyance. "I'm fast an' I can bring 'em round that corner and climb up that truck and onto the roof. I'll keep watch while the rest of you clear it. It's a good plan, Daryl."

Daryl is silent as he unhappily considers the plan. "I'll go first an' cover you," he decides.

"They need you to help clear out the store and you can't climb for shit. None of y'all can, which is why I'm the one doing it. Cover me from here, then go with them, I'll be fine."

He looks around, then finally nods. "Fine. Don't shoot 'less ya have to though."

You grin and glance down the stretch in preparation to run. "Good. But just so you know, I wasn't asking for your permission."

* * *

A/N: I really like writing Daryl/Jasper moments together, funny or sincere, so let me know what you think about this one. Sorry it's so short but I'm in my final three weeks of school and there are finals and projects and field trips and my birthday is coming up (June 3rd!) and its all insane. I've been keeping this for a while and I've decided to post it because it doesn't look like it's gonna be any longer in this chapter. Let me know what you think should be in the next chapter, (should I do a Carl's POV in third person? or second? I think all outside POV should be in third personally). What do you think about Jasper's brother? And the Casper romance? Also if anyone has any ideas for my Judith one shot story? AHH SO MANY QUESTIONS. Anyone who is so kind as to answer all my many questions gets internet cookies and hugs and i'll reply to you in the AN of next chapter and we can be best friends omg please i need help ily kisses xoxo you're perfect and gorgeous and ily again

-Bella


	27. Chapter 27

Your first sensation upon waking up was pain. A dull, burning pain that surrounded your wrists that you later discovered to be metal cuffs circling them. Memories come back in waves; you distracting and leading away the walkers, climbing onto the roof, going down a stairwell, ducking into an alley and then...utter darkness.

You remain still, keeping your breaths shallow but even so that anyone watching you wouldn't suspect anything, and you listen.

"Yo man, how long till she'll wake up?" A gruff voice you didn't know spoke.

Someone spits near you and you have to fight the urge to cringe away from it. "Been out 'bout an hour now. I'd say any minute now." A moment passes and then your feel a light slap across your cheek. "Hey! Hey, sweetheart! Wakey-wakey."

You open your eyes immediately, and, with no other way to defend yourself, snap at him. He yanks his had back just in time, but he stumbles and nearly falls. You regard the two men with a hard glare and a closed jaw.

"Bitch almost got ya," the first man spits. It was the last surviving man from the attack on the safe house, Lenny.

The second man sneers. "Lil girl ain't gonna be the one to get me," he looked you over and snorted. What was with everyone calling you a little girl lately? It was getting annoying.

"She got Tony and her boyfriend got Mark. Lil bitch is crafty," he turns and addresses you with a cruel smirk. "Ain't cha?"

You stay silent. He takes a step towards you and is about to open his mouth when the door opens. The man that enters the room isn't very tall but looks like the grandfather sort, with white hair and beard and laugh lines.

"C'mon now boys, leave the little lady be," he says with a half smile. He seems unthreatening, but if he's these mens leader, he definitely isn't. Lenny and the other man leave the room, leaving you alone with the leader. He smiles at you as he leans down and holds out his hand for you to shake. "I'm Joe," he says.

You glare at him, mouth shut. "Yer a stubborn little thing, ain't cha?" Joe chucked as he dragged over a chair and sat it backwards right in front of you. You kept your head down and your legs tucked under you. Your wrists already burned with the pain of struggling against them.

"Now, I know this isn't very pleasant for you, so lets hurry this up and you'll be on your merry way, deal?" He asked.

He seems to take your silence as an agreement. "This is how it's gonna go down. Your camp is our new target. Food and weapons are scarce, what can I say?" He smiles like it was a joke. "You killed one of my men, Tony. Normally, you'd be dead. But I can forgive a pretty face. Plus, what can I say, your spirit inspires me. And so all you gotta do to walk outta here alive, with all yer shit, is just answer a few questions, can you do that for me?"

"First off, how many people do you have in your group. What weapons do you got? And anything else that could be of any importance to me."

This time, you do speak. "I'll tell you something of truth," you whisper to him. You look up and stare him straight in the eye. "I'm going to kill you."

He chuckles like you just made another joke.  
"Awh sweetheart. You know, you remind me of someone I once knew. Little girl that lived cross the street from me. Never took shit from the neighborhood boys," he chuckled softly and met your eyes. "Times have changed, haven't they?"

The look of caring in his eyes seemed so sincere that you almost felt bad for not telling him what he wanted. Not nearly enough to to say anything though. "I ain't telling you shit, so you might as well leave me be," you mutter as you relax against the wall.

"Ahh, so she speaks," Joe chuckles, not sounding thrown whatsoever. "Lemme tell you a story, sweetheart. As you must know, food is scarce out there. So three of my boys, they venture out, away from the safety of the group, in order to feed the rest of us. Mighty nice of 'em, don't cha think?" There's a slight growing edge to his voice as he stands up and begins to circle you.

"Well, on their little journey, before they can get the food we so greatly needed, they get cut down by some punk ass kids that got a little too trigger happy. Well, that ain't true. Lenny told us of you stabbing 'ol Tony in the eye." He slams his chair down right in front of you before continuing with that sickly sweet voice of his.

You smile at him. "You like a good story, don't you?" The smile cost you a black eye. You should've kept your mouth shut.

"Now, I'm only gonna ask you this once more. Where's yer camp?"

A/N: So sorry its been so long. I'm back, but I couldn't figure out how to continue this chapter so it's short. Please review what you like and what you don't so I can figure out what the hell I should write next chapter. No one is straight out telling me what was good, what was bad, what they want more or less of, opinions etc and thats kinda important when you're going chapter by chapter... I'll reply to you (shoutout!) And whatever you want next chapter (*internet hugs*) if you help me out cause there's a lot of ways I can go with this. Xoxo love you guys!

-Bellabear


	28. Chapter 28

f today I woke up with you right beside me  
Like all of this was just some twisted dream  
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before  
And you'd never slip away

-Amnesia, 5 Seconds of Summer

* * *

_"I've seen that woman gut a walker but now she's twirling round like she's a princess. Do you get it, cause I sure as hell don't."_

_Carl followed Jasper into the room he had claimed, a smirk tugging at his lips. His eyes glanced over her; her wavy hair that cascaded down her back, the dress that hugged her curves and the scent of cleanliness that was unfamiliar but nice. He was glad now that he hadn't 'saved' her from getting fixed up for the little event. _

_The little badass was wearing a dress. _  
_HIS little badass was wearing a dress._

_He hadn't really talked to her since before the ceremony since she had been too busy singing and playing the guitar so everyone could dance, but now that her brother had taken over the song, she had fled the area. She had asked him "wanna get out of here?" And he followed, no questions asked. So obviously, this first thing he says to her is; _

_"You're wearing a dress," he states dumbly. _

_She wheels on him and fixes him with a weird incredulous look, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. She gestures to the closed door, "and that's a doorknob. Your point?"_

_He grins as her and he flops onto the bed beside her. "Smartass," he remarks. "It's different that usual. I like it." She turns her head and meets his gaze with a raised eyebrow. "I mean jeans and weapons and blood are hot and all, but a dress is fun too."_

_She rolls her eyes but smiles. "You're such a boy."_

_"Very true," he agrees nodding._

_She laughs, grinning for all she's worth as she does so, and he thinks that's the moment that he realizes it. And because, like Jasper so helpfully pointed out, he was a boy, he dumbly blurted it out the moment it popped into his mind. "Fuck- Jaz, I think I'm in love with you."_

* * *

A dozen bruises later, Joe sat back down. Jasper spit blood at his feet, and flares him down with her good eye. "I'm not telling you shit."

He smiles and stands back up. She tenses for another blow, but it doesn't come. Instead, joe ruffles her hair like she was a child. "Okay, sweetie. Have it your way. No survivors. I'll just leave Lenny here ta keep you company. Maybe we'll keep you around a while. Like a pet." He spits the word. "Keep the boys inspired." He sneers. "Got one more chance."

"Not a chance in hell."

He left without another word. A moment later, through the window, you see a group of guys loaded with weapons disappear into the woods, Joe taking up the end. He winks at you. You pull at your restraints, but there's no give. No hope.

The door opens.

* * *

_"Fuck- Jaz, I think I'm in love with you."_

_She blinked away her wide eyes, glanced down and exhaled slowly, once again looking up into his blue orbs. "Your funeral," she whispered, giving a weak half smile. She leaned forward carefully and captured his lips in a slow kiss before pulling away. A small grin began to blossom across her face. "But, just for the record, I think I'm in love with you too. So I guess we're both dead."_

* * *

Lenny struts in, a cruel grin etched into his features. "Hey there, princess. Long time no see."

Jasper's skin tingled. Every bit of this situation read: predator vs prey. Every part of her body screamed for her to run, to fight, to do SOMETHING. But chained to the wall, locked in a room, there was nothing she could do.

_Carl fixed her with a sideways look. He was nearly glowing, but he was confused by her words. "We're in the apocalypse, Carl, look around. This is our extinction episode. We're all going to die before our time. You're going to die and I'm going to die. It might be in thirty years, it might be tomorrow, but we both are going to die."_

_Living another thirty years in this hell seemed almost worst than dying. "And you know as well as I do, loosing someone you love SUCKS. It can kill you. Mentally or physically. So, it's yours funeral." And on that happy note, she kissed him again._

* * *

"Now, if yer a good girl, maybe I won't cut yer throat out when I'm done with ya."

He approached too quickly for her to kick him back, and pinned her cuffed arms against the wall. She screamed for all she was worth then, and she realizes she probably should have done that earlier. She wasn't sure where she was, or how far away whoever was looking for her was, but if they were anywhere close they would've heard her.

"Bitch, shut the fuck up," Lenny spit as he held both of her arms with one hand.  
She kicked at his legs but he stood just out of reach. She let loose another piercing scream as he yanked at her shirt, tearing the bottom of the shirt across her navel. She landed a kick at his knee, then continued to pummel him as best she could once he had fallen to the floor. She managed to keep him at bay, but he kept coming. Frustrated tears burned in her eyes and blurred her vision. She screamed again, hysteria seeping into her voice. Panic came at her full force then, and she continued to scream as she beat him away with her tiny fists.

The door exploded open. Looking back, the noise must have been a bullet breaking the lock. The door cracked the concrete behind it as it slammed open. Daryl stood there, eyes wild and jaw clenched, Carl a foot behind him. In an instant, an arrow pierced Lenny's shoulder and he collapsed. He wasn't dead thought, no, far from it. As he let out a string of curse words, he began to stand, but before he could Daryl marched over and knocked him back down with a blow to the jaw.

Jasper were trembling with a mix of fear and the adrenaline burning its way through her veins.

Daryl kneeled in front of her and they locked eyes. The ferocity burning in his eyes dulled as he looked at her. "Are you alright?" He asked, his voice dangerously delicate. She managed a shaky nod. With that affirmation, Daryl rose, slammed hold of Lenny's neck and dragged him out the door.

Carl hurried towards her and, since he couldn't do much about the cuffs, dropped to his knees beside her. Jasper collapsed into his chest trembling, too shaken to cry. She hated how weak she was.

"The- the," she tried to get out through tremors. She could hear Daryl beating Lenny senseless outside.

"Shh, it's okay," Carl tried to calm her as he rocked her gently.

She coughed and wiped her face. "No. The- the group. The men. They're going to our camp. We need to go. Now." Her voice hard even thought it trembled.

Carl nodded and quickly stood up. Daryl came back in then, bloody knuckles and a key clenched in his fist. He tossed Carl the key, which he used to unlock the cuffs and he told Daryl what was going on.

"Okay here's what's gonna happen," Daryl said as he drew his weapon. "You two are gonna get out of here. Go somewhere safe. Somewhere north. Leave a trail or somethin. I'll find you when it's over."

For once, you didn't argue.

* * *

Fluff and drama and angst and horror and thats this fanfic for ya. So I'm back in school (read: I've returned to me annual nine month stay in hell) and i have 3 college classes and a full schedule (I'm a sophomore) so unfortunately, school comes first and i have a hell of a lot of homework. I'll try to update monthly (or more if i can), and of course fear the walking dead will help with inspiration and so will TWD once it comes back (OCTOBER 11th!). I have an idea on how to change things up a little more (read: a lot more drama, heartbreak, death, love, separation, persona growth, new people, new places, more walkers, obviously more badass-ness) so let me know if you want that or the boring way with lots of fluff. However ill try to add as much fluff as i can if i go the horror way. Also i need help here: as Carl and Jasper head off alone so she can recover out of line of fire, what should occur. i need ideas. If you suggest anything, you'll get a shoutout whether i use it or not. xoxo i love you guys ill update when i can and please review.

-Bella


	29. Chapter 29

_**Flashback when we both wore halos,**_  
_**You were my cure and I was your dark angel**_  
_**Fires are meant to burn us,**_  
_**Fights are meant to warn us**_  
_**We could lose it all if we don't reignite this**_

_**When the dark tries swallowing our light,**_  
_**We can fade or try to make this right**_  
_**'Cause when we touch baby no one can deny **_

_**-Sparks Fly, Hey Violet**_

* * *

A long time ago, back before all this happened, you had believed that not knowing was one of the worst things in the world. But then, the apocalypse happened, and you realized that there was much, much worse things in this world. But now, as you dazedly watched your dirty and bloody fingernails dig into Carl's shirt as he pulled you past Lenny's beaten and bloody body and you didn't know the fate of your family, you once again decided that not knowing was one of the worst things in the world.

"Wait!" You cried pulling back away from Carl towards Daryl. You stumbled and would've fallen if it weren't for Carl. Daryl was going back, going after the group to protect everyone. He was angry, putting it mildly, and angry makes you stupid, he had said so himself.

You threw yourself in his arms, your breathing growing even more erratic and you realized that you wouldn't have his back this time. "Anger makes you stupid," you remind him as you clung to his dirty frame. He paused for a moment, then pulled you tightly against him.

"You've been listening." He muttered into your hair. He would've been smiling if not the circumstances.

You let out a slow, trembling breath as you try to calm yourself. "Please be careful," you whisper tentatively. Everyone else had left you, he couldn't be another one who left and didn't come back.

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and began to release you.

"No!" you exclaim, clinging to him tighter. "You need to come back. _Dad_, you need to come back, you can't leave me."

"I'll never leave ya, kid. I'll always come back. I promise."

He nods something to Carl, and he comes to pull you away gently. Daryl watched him support you before disappearing between the trees.

Your feet stumbled across roots and fallen branches as Carl pulled you along. He would stop every half mile to mark an 'x' on a tree so that you could be tracked. His arm was wrapped around your back and he held your other hand to support you so that all you had to do was keep moving.

Carl knew that you were in no position to defend yourself, let alone have his back in case a herd, even a small one, came upon you. He was solely focused on taking you away as quickly as he could. When the group found you they had taken your bag and weapons, but Carl had grabbed them on the way out. Other than that and whatever Carl had, you were on your own. Before now you were too caught up in everything to panic, but now, you were beginning to feel the effects of a panic attack.

Thankfully, the trees began to thin and you find yourselves outside of a small town. A deteriorating motel lies across the square. It's a good a place as any to wait for Daryl to find you.

"I don't mean to," a deep breath, "alarm you, but," another deep breath, "I think I'm having a panic attack."

Carl turns to face you, his eyes wide and alert. "What- what is that? What does that mean? Just... what do you want me to do, I do anything, just tell me what you want me to do."

You close your eyes and breathe out slowly like your mom used to tell you to. "Let's just get to the motel, okay?"

He carries you after that. He's jogging, and the noise of his boots on the concrete echoes around the empty square. You watch as walkers begin to appear in broken in doorways; first only a few but within a minute nearly a dozen appear. It's haunting; watching the life come back to life full of dead.

The motel is two stories, with the doors opening to the outside. Carl carries you up the stairs and sets you down beside the first door. You focus on not hyperventilating as he knocks in the first door. He's gone but a moment, then appears again beside you. "Clear," he mutters and you let him lead you in. "I'm gonna barricade the stairs," he says and once it appears your not going to burst into tears or anything, he disappears.

The motel room was small, with two queen beds beside each other. The town was small and looked like it had fallen early, so it made since that the room wasn't trashed. The beds were still freshly made and other than a layer of dust, it was still clean. After calming yourself down enough to function, you go to the window. The walkers were beginning to reach the stairs, but Carl moved quickly and efficiently as he tied curtains and bedsheets from railing to railing and even pushed an entire couch halfway down the stairs as a barricade.

"It should hold," he said as he returned to the room. He turned and saw you by the window. He exhaled slowly. "Are you okay?"

_Great question_.

Every time you had nearly composed yourself, and almost regained control over your body, ready to reemerge back to your usual self, it was as if something shattered. Like you were nearly done building a tower out of blocks, but the base kept crumbling at the last moment. Unconvinced by your lack of answering, Carl slowly walked towards you and his hands found your waist with delicate fingers. You realize you're shaking, but so is he. He's being gentle, too gentle; he's scared of hurting you. You smiled softly at the floor, but there's no humor in it.

"I'm not as fragile as you think I am," you remind him, meeting his faded blue eyes.

"Jaz... you've been through...a lot," he says slowly. He regards you with hesitant eyes, the same eyes he used when they encountered people beginning to turn. Like it wouldn't be long until they were gone. Like you were just another dead girl.

"Stop that," you snap without meaning to. He recoils, his hands dropping from you waist and his head ducking down as his jaw clenches. You immediately feel terrible. He was just trying to help.

Your voice softens. "I- I'm sorry, hey-" you reach forward and take his hand gently in yours. He looks back up at you. "It's just- you're looking at me like I'm about to snap. You know I'm not going to, like, break right? I'm stronger than that. I'm stronger than _him_." You didn't need to say his -Lenny's- name. Carl knew who you meant.

His eyes stare into yours; analyzing. He doesn't say a word. "I know," you voice nearly cracks, "I've been through a lot. But what happened back there," you glance at the ground again as you repel the memories. "It- it doesn't _matter_. I'm _fine_-"

He drops your hands. The softness and warmth evaporated from his eyes, replaced with pure and sudden rage. "Goddamnit, Jasper, you're not fucking _fine_!" You flinched back from him as he wheeled away from you and stomped towards the entry way. "We've all been through hell the past few days! You especially. If this is fine- if all this-" he threw his hands up, "is _fine_, then what isn't?! When you're dead?! Or are you still going to be fine then?!" In an instant, he slammed his closed fist into the tacky floral wallpaper. There was a sickening crunch and he recoiled immediately, dropping to his knees and hissing in pain.

"God, you're an idiot," you hissed under your breath. You drop to your knees beside him and clutch his wrist, forcing him to let you look at it. His middle finger was definitely broken (it was crooked past the knuckle), and possibly his pointer finger too and maybe a knuckle. There was a small gash across his knuckles and bits of drywall in the cut. Your heart dropped.

You look up at him and see his eyes were red and watery; you weren't sure whether anger or pain or a mixture of both was the cause. "I can't loose you," he grunted through clenched teeth.

Your eyes soften. "You won't, okay? You won't. And I'm not going to loose you either. Now c'mon, you really fucked up your hand." You rise up with him and led him to the bathroom. You make him sit on the toilet while you collect what you need to dress the injury.

After rinsing it as gently as you could (he still hissed in pain) you used a small amount of the precious antibacterial cream he had in his pack and then wrapped each finger separately with strips of the curtains before wrapping them all together.

"You don't hate me do you?" He asked once you had finished.

"I could never hate you," you say looking at the ground still. You remember that it was just yesterday that he told you he loved you. You cracked a half smile and met his eyes. "I did tell you it was your funeral."

He smirked. "I don't regret loving you. Not even a little bit."

"I bet you regret punching that wall though, huh, sherif?" You raised your eyebrows challengingly. He shrugged, smirking still. "Cause look, I can do this," you raised your middle finger at him grinning, "and you can't. What a shame."

He laughed, and you felt a little bit better. The distraction actually helped. "Cmon say it," Carl said, still smiling despite his broken fingers.

"Say what?" You asked.

He grinned wider. "That you loveeee me," he drew out like four year old.

You rolled your eyes. "You're a child." He pouted. You grinned despite yourself and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you, Carl Grimes," you whispered in his ear. You grinned. "But you're still an idiot."

* * *

A/N: So I've updated. Obviously. Even though it wasn't the longest chapter, i felt like it wasn't terrible writing. I actually felt really inspired while writing this, especially the angry Carl scene (lemme know what you think about it). I'd love any suggestions you might have, just review them. If i use them i'll change them a bit (and of course give credit) so its ok. Of couse i felt most inspired while i had a mountain of homework on a Sunday night. Thats just me. Thank you for all the sweet reviews especially Salt, tsunasoraceillover, Arista Kiara, fluffykitty12 (WHERE HAVE YOU GONE ARE YOU OK? YOUR REVIEWS ARE MY FAVORITE), maze runnerfreak (I just saw the Scorch Trails and honestly i am scared for life, they butchered it completely), and of course many others (I do still have homework-no time to shoutout everyone, sorry) and all unnamed my guest reviewers! Reviews make me so happy and i really love writing this story for myself and you guys. I want to be an author when i grow up (I feel like a kid saying that- I'm 15) so i think of this as practice and reviews really help with the process and all that. Thanks for reading :)

-Bella


	30. Chapter 30

**_Louder louder_**

**_And we'll run for our lives_**

**_I can hardly speak I understand_**

**_Why you can't raise your voice to say_**

**_To think I might not see those eyes_**

**_Makes it so hard to cry_**

**_And as we say our long goodbye_**

**_I nearly do_**

**_"Run" -Snow Patrol_**

* * *

An entire night has come and gone and there was still no sign of the others. The walkers that had once viciously strained and clawed against the barricades, now only weakly pawed at them. It wasn't as if the group couldn't have tracked you; you left a trail scratched into the trees and even without that Daryl probably would've been able to locate you. So the question was 'Why hadn't they?'

Late morning light flooded the room as Carl pulled open the curtains. You had slept late and hadn't even realized it. You yanked the covers over your head and moaned. Carl chuckled once as he sat on the edge of the bed. His hair stuck up in weird places, but he partially blocked the sun so it helped. "C'mon, Jaz, don't make me take the pillow," he said tiredly with a small smile. You pulled down the comforter the rest of the way.

You signed, rubbed your eyes and looked around the room. Your stomach growled, reminding you that food wasn't exactly an option. "We should hunt," you tell him as you sit up.

"What if they come while we're gone?"

You didn't want to admit to him the reality of the situation. The reality that something had gone wrong, horribly wrong or they would've been here by now. At least Daryl would've come to say they were okay or to bring you to the group. You were less that ten miles from the house, they would've found you by now.

You felt like crying, but you forced a weary smile. "We'll leave a note. When they find us they'll be hungry." It felt like a lie on your tongue.

He looked as lost as you felt but somehow he managed to convince you he was okay as he nodded, seeming so sure. Fatigue weighed you down as your slipped out of the bed. You pulled your jacket and your shoes back on and gathered your bag.

Before opening the door, Carl stopped you. "Hey, I know how it looks. It's gonna be okay though. It's them. They can survive anything."

"Yeah," you nod, shaking your head. It was _them_. Of course they would be alright. "You're right. They're gonna be fine. By tonight, if they don't show, we'll find them."

He opens the door and you step out into sunlight. "Won't we want to go when it's light out?" He asks.

"If they're not here by then, something's wrong. We'll need the cover of darkness."

"Fair enough."

At the bottom of the stairs, it's easy to rip a wooden pole from the banister and kill the walkers from behind the barricade. After, you easily climb over the rail and drop to the ground. The woods welcome you into their earthy arms. "Okay, hunting..." You trail off. You hadn't hunted by yourself in over a year. Usually you would just follow Daryl out into the forest and then do the actual hunting, getting started by yourself you hadn't done in a long time. You wander through the woods in search of something you weren't sure of with Carl walking behind you, checking the surrounding area. The forest grew thicker, greener, as you moved south. The ground became softer, and the air thicker and cleaner. There was water near, a stream or a river maybe, and with it would be life. A good place to hunt any surviving animals.

"This way," you said softly, pulling Carl by the arm away from whatever he started after. You were careful, stepping in the right places, keeping quiet. You set snares and traps, hoping for the best. You push aside a branch and step out of the thick of the forest. A shallow stream, about ten feet wide, cuts the forest in half. You sit down on the edge and begin to fish through your bag.

You glance up to see Carl fixing you with a questionable look. "Hunting is kind of hard with a limited number of bullets and without a crossbow, so we're gonna hope for fish."

Daryl had promised to find you a crossbow if he could. They were hard to find, but he said the first one he found would be yours. He was already beginning to train you with his.

Carl shrugs and sits down beside you. He helps you fashion a net of sorts out of a plastic bag and some rope, which actually helps you catch three fair sized catfish, even if it does take over two hours. The frigid water felt good on your tired feet and the sun was shining despite the cold. You decide to eat the fish now and bring back whatever got caught in the snares. By the time the fish are gutted, the fire is ready. You eat as you walk back to check the traps. You didn't catch much, just two squirrels and a small rabbit with all your eight snares. Once you hang the creatures on your belt and reach the motel again, it's late afternoon and the sun was beginning to sink below the trees.

There was no one there.

You turn to Carl; his face mirrored yours. They weren't here after nearly an entire day. Something was very wrong. "In an hour," you tell him. You weren't ready to accept it yet. They would be here. It was _them_. "If they're not here in an hour, we'll go. Just give it an hour."

He nods and the two of you climb back up the motel stairs. The hotel room is welcoming from the thick cold outside. You drop the animals on the table and kick off your shoes, and flop onto the bed, exhaling as Carl flops down next to you.

"This is how we're growing up," he says out of the blue.

"What?"

He chuckles. "It goes too fast to notice it, but sometimes I realize that this is real life. This is how we spend our teenage years, killing people and slaughtering walkers. This is normal. We're going to stage a rescue to save our family from a group of vengeful murders."

"We're all murders, actually," you remind him, moving so you were laying with your head on his chest. "But I get what you're saying. I had so many plans. I wanted to go to college. Was gonna work at this pet store my cousin owned," you scoffed. "I even had this big plan for my sweet sixteen, and instead we're doing this."

Carl paused, then sat up partially, looking at you in confusion. "Wait, it's your birthday?"

You smirk and shrug. "I got the date confused. But I think so. It's December thirteenth, right?"

"I saw a calendar in a day or so ago. It's the thirteenth. Why didn't you tell me?"

You smile and look up at she ceiling. "It wasn't exactly the best timing. I've had other things on my mind, yah know?"

He smiles sadly. "Yeah I know." He sits up far enough to kiss you gently. "Happy birthday."

You smile and lean over to kiss him again. It started soft, but didn't exactly end that way. It occurred to you then that you were laying partially on top of Carl, all alone, and in a hotel room all by yourselves, and suddenly your heart was beating a whole lot faster. You pulled away and ducked your head under his chin, trying to force away a blush. "I'm a big kid now," you sung in the jingle from the commercial. He laughed, pressing a kiss to the skin just below your ear.

"You know I love you, right?" He whispered.

You grinned into his neck and relaxed against him. "I love you too," you replied softly. "And I get the whole thing about how it's not fair that this is our childhood, but compared to everyone else our age, I think we're pretty lucky."

"I think so too."

You roll away from him and exhale, letting the moment go. "Okay," you said sitting up and watching the world turn dark out the window, "let's go find our family."

The air was crisp and cold as you crept through the forest. The cold snuck between your clothes and sunk into your bones, making you pull your jacket tighter against you. The bonus was that they couldn't see you coming. The negative was that you couldn't see anyone, or anything else coming either.

"Left here," Carl whispered form behind you. He was checking the marks you had carved into the trees on the way to the motel. It wasn't long until you reached the road the house was on.

"I don't see anything," you whispered from the trees. You were sticking to the tree line, far enough back to keep hidden.

"Do you think they're still there?" He whispered back. You crept closer down the block.

You squint and look closer. "There's a fire going, but I don't see anyone," you tell him. You can see a silhouette of a man. Daryl? Glen? The man was thicker than both of them. "A little bit closer."

You're more careful as you move closer so that you're almost directly across the street from the house. You strain to look closer, and your heart stops. "It's not them," you whisper, shocked. "It's the group from before. _Where are they_?"

"They must've left. They're gonna be fine, okay? Now let's get out of her before they see us."

You nod and follow him away from the house. After a few steps, the hair on your neck raises. You grab Carl's arm as stop him. You're silent, waiting. After a moment, you spin, your machete raised, at she figure just past the bushes.

"Drop your weapons," you snap as loud as you dare. There's a pause, and then the branches snap underfoot as the dark figure steps forward.

"Damn, little sister, bossy aren't we?"

You exhale in relief and let your machete fall. Cole steps into view, a massive grin smacked across his face. "God damn," you said hurrying forward and wrapped your arms around him. "You scared the shit out of me," you say into his chest.

"I'm very good at that," he says letting his arms drop.

"Where's everyone else?" Carl asked, still tense.

"C'mon, we should get out of here. I'm on watch, but they got guys watching us too. They're safe. I'll tell you more once were somewhere safe."

About a mile later, somewhere around the creek from earlier today, you stop.

"Cole, tell me what's going on," you demand, stopping him.

"The doctors family was killed in a hail of bullets. Carter is holding on, but once she goes, he'll loose it. The guys are watching our every move, we can only get a few people out at a time, I'm on watch. That's why we haven't come to get you, they would follow us and we can't afford to divide us right now. You should've stayed there, it's safe."

"Wow, you want me to stay alone in a hotel room with my boyfriend?" You ask, fake innocence dripping from your voice. "If you insist."

It felt strange calling Carl your boyfriend; you weren't sure you liked it. Carl was just Carl. He was always there, always with you. Boyfriend sounded too weak; too childish. And there was no more room for childish things nowadays. Carl was just there. Yours like you were his.

Cole glance shifted to Carl where it narrowed. "Don't be a dick. And that's not going to happen. We're going to help."

"It's a waiting game. Getting you in is gonna be more work than you going back. I've been sleeping somewhere around here and Glen takes over at night. We send messages with bird calls, your daddy taught us that."

You smile. "Then I'll keep watch with you," you supply easily. "I'm small and fast. Plus I'm much quieter than you."

"And I can keep watch with Glen," Carl adds on quickly. "Where is he?"

Cole mentally debates in his head for a moment. He groans and runs his hand through his head, cursing under his breath. "Fine. Your dad will kill me if he knows I let you go off alone, so I never saw you, deal?" Carl smirks. "Remember the shopping center? Glen's there, on the top of the front building. Go from the back, there's a staircase there. Be careful, yeah?"

"Thanks, man." Carl says, smirking.

He turns to you, hesitating. You turn to your brother. "Cole, you want to look around." You tell him. He makes gagging noises, but walks off with his back to you.

Carl cracks a smirk. "Be careful, okay?" He asks. You could tell that he was excited to be off on his own.

"Yeah, of course. This will be over soon, and we'll head to the coast or something, where it's warm. I'm so done with the cold."

He smiles and kisses you once, his lips lingering. He looks into your dark eyes, searching. "It's gonna be okay. I love you. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"I love you too," you kiss him again and smile. "This will all be over soon."

He leaves then, disappearing into the forest, leaving nothing behind but his footprints. Cole returns, throwing his arm around your shoulders. "That was gross. I'm on break now, so let's go. I'm hungry and tired and I'm fighting the urge to vomit over you and your little boy toy."

You smirk and roll your eyes. "You're married with a child?" You say incredulously.

He scoffs and looks off into the distance, confused. "I know, right? It's even grosses me out sometimes. Personally, I thought I would die alone with half a dozen hookers and a Big Mac."

"You and me both."

That night, you sleep in a gas station with a sketchy back room with an old couch. You eat a bag of Cheetos you found behind said sketchy couch, and talk shit like you were kids again. When morning comes, you start back out towards the direction of house, awaiting Glen's bird call. The traps you set the night before come up with a rabbit, so you start a small fire in the middle of a clearing far enough away to be safe.

The sun is warm on your face and the fire helps to ward away the cold even if it's only for a little while. "This is actually really good," Cole said with a mouthful of what he had taken to calling "Hoppers" which was your childhood pet bunny's name.

You smile, wiping the grease from the animal from your mouth with your sleeve. Cole is about to say something, when a call splits through the cold morning air. Glenn.

"C'mon, let's go," Cole says, forgetting whatever he was going to say, as he stood up and began to kick out the fire.

You sign and stand, shifting your weight from your pack. You start towards the opposite end of the clearing, not on the topic of apocalyptic communication of all things. Right before you step underneath the shade of the forests' edge, you tense. A chorus of moans echoes through the trees as the walkers turn towards a new target.

"We got some friends comin our way!" You alert Cole at as you backtrack into the clearing, shoving him back away from the woods.

Cole pulls the massive hammer he kept out of his back pocket and steadily backed away from the walkers as they spilled out into the clearing. There were about twelve of them, give or take, but they were fresh, and angry. A particularly decayed one staggers towards you, faster than the others, letting out a guttural snarl. You swing your machete, cleanly chopping off its gruesome head. Two more are behind it, side by side. You kick one into the other, and once they fall, they don't get up again.

"Doin okay, little sister?" Cole shouted from a few yards away from where he was slaughtering his own onslaught of the undead.

You yank your machete from a walkers limp corpse and take out another as you spin. "Just fine, big brother!" You shout as you slice the final walkers head clean through. You looked over to Cole, who swung his hammer hard into its head, leaving it stuck there. He curses loudly. With the two walkers focused on your brother, it's easy for you to kick down the second one and drove your blade through it. You're ready to help, but he throws the creature onto the ground and slams his boot into its head.

"See little sister," Cole announced proudly as he shock the carnage off of his shoe, "we always knew that we would kick ass in the apocalypse."

You remember talking about it when you were kids and would bike up to the gas station for junk food. You would talk about how much school sucked and how cool it would be if the world were to end. Like tests and failing grades were somehow worse than the death of more than half the population, worse than loosing your mother. You talked about how to two of you would build a fortress and follow your own rules and do anything you ever wanted to do. It was so childish.

You smirked and ran a hand through your hair. "You know it," you replied as you wiped your blade on the clothing of a fallen walker.

He grins your favorite grin. The sunlight sparkled in his eyes, making them shine. I'm that moment, he was still him. The same little boy who was your best friend. The same boy who made you laugh for hours. The same boy who rode bikes with you. The same boy who ventured cross country to find you again.

The walker lunged for him.

It's as if the world moves in slow motion. You become hyperaware of everything around you then; each and every detail imbedding itself into your brain, promising to never leave and mutilate your mind for the rest of your life.

The rich grass glistened with melting snow and the cold sun shone down as if this was just like any other day. Splatters of blood coated the edge of the woods and decayed body parts of the fallen walkers littered the ground. You pushed a lock of your bronze hair out of your face and smile at an old memory just as the walker lunged off the ground and sunk its yellowed teeth into your big brothers leg.

A strangled scream claws its way out of your throat. You throw yourself forward and stab through the walker with a ferocity you didn't know you possessed. He sucks in a strangled breath as he falls to his side, his chest heaving as you fling yourself to his side. His dry, strangled gasps are the only thing you hear as you cradle his head.

You urgently examine the wound; the jagged angry teeth marks imbedded in his flesh, torn ligaments and muscle, with blood seeping out and onto the grass steadily. Even though you know it's in vain, you yank off your shirt, leaving you freezing in just a tank top, and hold it tightly to his mutilated calf.

"I know-" your voice is papery thin, "I know that to do. They've done it before, the group. If I cut it off, it won't spread."

He nods weakly. "Not here," he mutters through gritted teeth, "too many walkers."

"We'll turn back. Less than half a mile back to the town. C'mon we need to go _now_."

You pull him up despite his strangled yell and he forces nearly all his weight on you as you walk. You move at a pace a bit faster than walking, but it's the fastest you can manage. It's less than five minutes before you see the town. You go back into the little corner store you looked through just minutes earlier and gently lay him down on the couch in the back.

"O-okay, just hold this here," you command breathlessly as you force him to hold the shirt to his wound. You frantically search through your bag, and stop when you find another shirt. You tear the shirt and tightly wrap the strips around his leg, farther up than the bite so that he wouldn't loose too much blood. It was secure.

You look around frantically. "I-I need more bandages," you say flinging yourself off of him and to look through the store. You find a scarf, and an assortment of other clothes. They would suffice.

You run back to his side and set the bandages aside, your heart pounding. You pull your machete from your belt just as snarls fill the air. You didn't have time for this. Muttering curses, you run over to the two walkers who had stumbled in through the broken front glass and put them down quickly. You move a cabinet in front of the gap in the glass, securing the room for the most past.

"This is going to hurt, but it'll hurt less than death," you say as you clean your machete quickly with hand sanitizer to disinfect it.

"Jasper-you," he coughs, pain rippling across his features, "you know what this means."

"Shut up," you snap, "this will save you."

"No, Jasper, stop!" His voice is sharp lower your machete in confusion. He shakes his head slowly, hopelessly. "It's too late. It's spread," he coughs again, and there is blood on his lips. He timidly reaches his fingers down to his thigh. "I can feel it. Right here. It feels wrong. It's been too long. It's too late."

"Then what am I supposed to do!" You shout, desperate tears burning your eyes. "I'm not just going to sit here and watch you die! That's-you just-you think-I don't, I don't-NO, I WON'T! You're not-you can't-you're not gonna die!" Your jaw is clenched to hard that it hurts and tears run down your face, creating trails in the grime.

Cole manages to sit up so that he's leaning against the back of the couch. "Jasper," he breathes out quietly. "Come here."

You cling to him like you did when you were little as sobs rack your body.

"Hey, hey now," he whispered, pulling you back. His eyes weren't tearful like your own, but were hard. "You're fine. Now find me some paper and something to write with." His voice was authoritative. You paused though, sniffing. "Now!"

You scrambled off of him and wiped your face with your sleeve. It wasn't difficult to locate a roll of paper behind the front counter and a pen. You returned to his side, handing him the supplies. While he writes, you clean up the blood and wrap his leg the best you can.

"I think there's a creek around where we were before." _Where he was given a death sentence_. "Take that bin over there. We could use the water and you could afford to wash up a little, little sister."

"Don't you _dare_ pretend everything is fine," you exclaim, your voice dangerously low. You were barely holding it together. Tears sprang into your eyes and your voice cracked. "Just don't."

You leave before you do something stupid, like cry. You feel like you might go into shock or something. It must be nice to go into shock. You don't have to feel anything, worry, see people- just slip away slowly. And here you go again, wishing for bad things. No, Jasper, no. Going away is bad, and going into shock is _bad_.

_But it's so tempting-_

The cool air and the warm sun greet you just as it did before but it doesn't feel as sweet anymore. Minutes ago, nothing was wrong. Now your brother was dying. You go out of you way to avoid the clearing; looping around to find the creek. The water runs over the rocks into a small stream that was surrounded by moss and small plants. You sit on the waters edge and let your feet dangle into the water. It's clear and cool and you can almost pretend everything is okay.

In the waters shimmering surface, you can make out your reflection. There's something different about the Jasper you see. You sense a change in this Jasper. It's in the set of her jaw or maybe it's the emptiness in her eyes. She looks closed off and broken, wild to the point of near insanity.

You're scared of what is in her, and your future.

When you return, there is a small pile of folded up paper beside Cole. He's not careful about not letting you read them, probably because he knows you're dyslexic and probably couldn't read them unless you tried really hard. From a distance, you can make out the two words on the top of every folded up piece of paper; to Zoey, to Grace, to Alice, to Daryl, to Carl, even. _His goodbye's_.

"What exactly do you have to say to Carl from beyond the grave," you ask quietly as you sit on the couch beside him, leaning your head on his shoulder.

He cracks a smirk. "Just that if he does anything to hurt you, that I'll kill him?"

A smile tugs it's way onto your lips. "How exactly do you think you're gonna do that?"

"Not sure yet, I'll figure it out. Haunt him at the very least. That sounds fun."

That would be something he would do. "Anyone else you're gonna haunt?" You question.

He scoffs. "Oh totally. Remember my freshman English teacher, you know the one that would always card me for being like two seconds late?"

"Ms. Baker," you supplied.

He groans. "Yeah, that bitch. We'll, considering if she's still alive or not, I hope not, I'm gonna haunt the _fuck_ outta her."

You giggle. "That sounds like a good plan. Any other teachers?"

"C'mon, I barely went to school after freshman year," he snickered. You smile at the memory. "Oh! You know who I really hate? Stephan."

"Wasn't Stephan one of your best friends in senior year?" You ask, confused.

He rolls his eyes. "For like a week. It was only to get to you though. He only ever came over when you were home."

"I was a freshman then though."

"That's why I had to beat the shit outta him."

You smirk. "Fair enough. Your friends are assholes. Your little gang we're too. They did help me though; traded with me, told me where to hunt, where to scavenge. They might've saved my life."

He purses his lips. "You did break Eric's hand though, right?"

"In eight places."

"That's my girl." He smiled, but it was a vague kind of smile. He was drifting.

You curse under your breath and lay the back of your hand on his forehead. "Shit, Cole, you're burning up."

You should've seen this coming. It had been shot an hour since he was bitten. He would start feeling the symptoms now. You dig into your pack and pull out the few precious pills you have left. A few for pain, a few for infection, a few for fevers. Just enough to get by.

"Should I make soup or something? Do you need water? We have some left."

You're hovering, you know that, but what else are you supposed to do? He was _dying_. It was easy to pretend everything was okay, but once you realized these were the last conversations you would ever have with your brother, tears burned in your eyes like acid.

He cuts you off. "Jasper. I'm fine, okay?" He started coughing, proving your point that he wasn't, in fact, fine, but in reality he was slowly dying. "I'm gonna take a nap." He sees you anxious glance and sighs. "I'll wake up, I promise," he cracks a weak smile and holds out his his pinky finger. "Pinky promise."

It was something you used to do as kids, and it makes you smile. You force back your tears and carefully shake pinkies with your brother. He stretches, wincing, before throwing his arm over his face and relaxing into the couch. After a few minutes of trying not to cry, you give up and crawl onto the couch next to him and sob into the pillow. Eventually, though, you run out of tears and sit there, numb, while he sleeps; counting down the minutes until he would never wake up again.

* * *

"Jasper, wake up."

You rub your eyes, blinking slowly into consciousness. When had you fallen asleep? Your eyes focus on Cole, and more importantly the sun fading below the horizon in the window. He wasn't sitting up, but was still laying as he was when he had fallen asleep. His eyes were barely open and the words barely passed his lips. You know without even checking that his fever was sky high.

"It's almost over."

In that moment you swear your heart stops completely.

"_What_?"

He coughs dryly, his chest heaving as he winces hard. "My letters. Remember my letters." His voice is papery thin; just a whisper passing through his slightly parted lips. "Tell them I'm sorry."

"Cole, no, no, no don't-you can't. You can't go. Not now. Not yet," you beg, your voice thick and watery already. Tears don't even have time to collect before running down your face and falling onto his shirt. "You can't leave me-you have to stay here. No, you can't! I don't-please, _please_, Cole."

He breathes rapidly but deeply and shakily grips your own shaking hand. "Jasper," he wheezes. Stop crying" he commands in a breathless authoritative voice.

You grit your teeth so hard it hurts and wipe away the tears with the back of your jacket sleeves. Your throat is thick and your eyes still burn with tears you continue to wipe away. Cole grits his teeth and lets out a hiss of pain. Through his own salty tears, he forces a watery smile. "Jasper, stop crying or I'll haunt you, I swear I will" he croaks.

You laugh a little then; an ugly, snotty laugh that produces another round of fresh sobs. His other hand lifts up shakily and wipes the tears from your face with a small smile through the pain.

"I hate to be all Hunger Games here," he grunts with a shadow of a smile. "But sing something for me, okay?" His voice cracks. "You're such an amazing singer. Keep singing. Don't cry, just be happy for just a minute. Please, little sister?"

The tears won't stop though. Forcing them away only seems to encourage them. You run a hand through your hair and and suck in a gulp of air before forcing a watery smile.

"Okay," you whisper, choking on the words. "I love you, big brother."

He smiled weakly. "I love you, little sister," he whispered faintly.

Another wave of tears stream down your red face. You have to manage your breathing before you can bare to speak.

"And you can tell everybody this is your song" you sing; your voice cracking and tears almost overcoming you but the tranquil look on his face forces you to continue.

"It may be quite simple but now that it's done. I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words" his eyes begin to flutter and you gulp, falling forward and taking his hand in desperation. Your other hand slowly reached for your back pocket where your mom's pistol rested.

His eyes reopen though a final time; a final proud flash of hazel eyes before they closed for the last time. His grip on your hand loosens and his breathing ceases. You watched the life drain out of his body. You force yourself to sing the end of the song. "How wonderful life is while you're in the world."

Grief surged with every expelled breath, reaching higher peaks with every second. It was then that you realized that your life would go on without him, that he would never speak or laugh or see his daughter ever again. She would have to grow up without a dad, just like you. He was once the little boy that pushed you on the swings, but now he was nothing more than a corpse. The moment that you realized that you would never see his smile again undid you completely.

Tears streamed down your face as you kisses his forehead for the final time, hold the barrel to the side of his head and pull the trigger.

"How wonderful life is, when you're in the world."


	31. Chapter 31

_**So we've been outnumbered**_

_**Raided and now cornered**_

_**It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair**_

_**We're getting stronger now**_

_**Find things they never found**_

_**They might be bigger**_

_**But we're faster and never scared**_

_**You can walk away, say we don't need this**_

_**But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this**_

_**"Change" -Taylor Swift**_

* * *

"Get your ass up, Alex, there's shit to be done."

You jerked away from her touch and were on your feet in a microsecond, already wielding the switchblade you kept under your pillow. You had the attacker against the wall and the knife at their throat before you were fully conscious. You blinked, fully opening your eyes, to see that you're face to face with bright, unafraid, dark eyes. _Spencer_. With a grunt, you pulled the knife away from her throat, shoved it into your pocket and fell back into the small unmade mess of a bed that you had slept in for the last seven months.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled with your eyes closed.

Spencer had a certain swagger about her; she was the kind of girl that could take a bullet in the chest and then bitch you out about how bad your shot was. Since coming to this safe town seven months ago, she had been your best friend.

"No problem. In fact, I like these random attacks. Keeps me on my toes, ya know?"

You smile tiredly. "Glad you're enjoying it."

"Another nightmare?" She flopped onto the bed beside you, completely unaffected. "Who'd it feature this time? The samurai, the sherif or the bowsman?"

You elbowed her in the side. "That's not funny." You stretched and sat up. "What's today's job?"

"We're tracking down some guy for the Adams' family. Some guy they used to know who killed their daughter-they want him alive," she shrugged, this was the job. "He's dangerous, no more than anyone else, but if we play it safe we can get him back here no problem. It's a long way away though. Someplace in Virginia. We should be back in a month or two, so make sure you got all your shit."

You nodded and began to gather your things. "Got the file?" You asked.

"No," she deadpanned. "We're going to walk the east coast to search for a guy without knowing his name, location, or what he looks like." She pulled the small envelope out of her bag and waved it around in the air. "It's right here."

You rolled your eyes. "Any personal shopping for this trip?" You asked as you grabbed your bag.

She smiled devilishly. "I found a backup generator and a DVD of Magic Mike. All we need it a CD player."

You grinned. "What?" You feign confusion. "Hookups getting old?"

"The guys in this town got boring. Channing Tatum never does." She jumped off the bed, and you could see she was already ready to go. "Now get ready. We're out in ten."

* * *

Alexandra Samuels. It was a good a name as any to go by in this town. You died your hair and said you came from your old house after it burned down. No one had reason to think any differently and anyone who you might have recognized, wouldn't recognize you. You never mentioned the year you spent with the group to anyone except Spencer. It was almost as if it didn't happen.

The girl in the mirror was not the scared little fifteen year old trying to be strong. The girl in the mirror was no longer the little girl hiding under Daryl's poncho or pretending that your brothers badass leather jacket fit. The girl in the mirror was taller, curvier, more grown up. The girl was no longer a girl, but a woman. The woman in the mirror wore ripped jeans, a black tank top and old boots. A leather bag clung loosely to her shoulders and her long, dark hair was tied into a braid. Her skin had healed from those long ago burns, and new scars now decorated her body. She were tanned from the hot Georgia sun and fit from walking in it for long hours. She was different in so many ways. You would be seventeen in a few months. You were growing up. But the memories were still the same.

And so were the nightmares.

"Took you long enough," Spencer said as you met her by the front gates. You gave a halfhearted shrug.

"Spencer, Alex." The guardsman nodded as the two of you walked through the gates. Spencer flashed him a smile before he closed it behind you; he was one of her one night stands.

"So," you said as the walls disappeared behind you. "Virginia?"

She didn't break her stride. "Yeah. I figure we go through Georgia and get to the coast and go on along the beach from there. Any trouble we can find a boat and float for a few hours. And I like Georgia; my aunt used to live there. You've ever been?" She asked, looking back to check for walkers. She had no idea of the real weight of her question.

"Uh," you glanced at the hard packed dirt beneath your feet as you trudged on. "Yeah. I grew up there...my family is here somewhere last I knew."

She looked at you, mildly concerned. She knew that you had run away from them, but you hadn't said any more on the topic. "Are we avoiding them? Are they dangerous? Level one or ten emergency?"

"They're dangerous all right," you said deep in thought, then saw her anxious glance. "Not to me though," you're quick to add. "God, no, never to me."

She bit her lip and looked down. "Hey," her voice was soft, "I know that you're weird about your past and everything, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but if you want me to really back you up if something goes down, I'm gonna need some more details."

You smile softly at the ground. You were so grateful to have found her. You knew that no matter what went down, you would stick with her. You trusted her, which was very rare nowadays.

You took a deep breath. "Ok so...you know how you go crazy out there right? Just a little bit each time but eventually it gets to you. Well after my brother died, I went a lot crazy..." Your voice was soft and wistful, "it had been building for a _long_ time."

Spencer slipped her hand into yours and squeezed it gently before releasing it.

"I was good. That's how I survived, but I was getting sloppy. I kept putting others at risk time after time and that was even before my brother. Our group had a two year old and two infants, we couldn't afford sloppy. And so after my brother died...I buried him, and I left so I could be crazy and not put my family at risk. It was late December then, I think. I was on my own for bout two months, then you know I got to town bout February. So it's been about nine months and it's been going fine on my end. They're stronger without me."

"I get it. My parents never came home and after my little sisters died...lets just say that I know loosing your whole family can fuck you up."

You hesitate. "Not...not my whole family."

Her head snapped up and you knew you had to explain without her telling you to. "My dad was absent when I was a kid, he didn't know about me. But he was in the group I joined so I kinda found him. And my brother had a kid-she's one of the infants, so I had a niece."

"How could you leave your only surviving family?" Her voice wasn't accusatory, but confused.

You stepped over a fallen log and the cool breeze whipped your hair around your face. "I had to protect them. I was a liability so I left. I didn't want to. It killed me to leave them. But they're safe, I'm not putting them in danger anymore and that's all I care about."

"But you're better now...right?" She asked you. It didn't sound much like a question.

"I've been training and bounty hunting with you for the last seven months, you tell me," you cracked a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

Spencer was gorgeous; she looked like she was a replica of an Egyptian goddess right down to the caramel skin and piercing dark eyes. She was honest as hell and didn't take shit from anyone, yet was scared of being alone. She hadn't lied to you once in the seven months you've known her (and you had been plenty suspicious at first), so when she looked into your eyes and told you, "You're definitely better," you believed her.

* * *

As you walked on, closer to the heart of Georgia and farther from your safe haven of the safe camp, Spencer's words lingered in your mind. What if you did find your family again? Would they even want to see you after you had abandoned them? If they wanted you to rejoin them, would you? And what about Spencer? She didn't have any attachments to the safe town other than a handful of one night stands...she could come too. It was mid Autumn now, Judith should be four by now, and Carl would be seventeen in a month or two. And what about Carl? Would he ever forgive you? Would the rest of your family? You realize then that you had been referring to 'the group' as 'your family'. If you still considered them your family, did that mean you should go with them?

Your thoughts blended together until they were like an impressionist painting, and you knew you were too close to see anything plainly.

"Hey, Alex, c'mon get out of your head," Spencer said nudging your side. "If you go on listening to every voice in your head, you'll go crazy."

And you knew she was right. But there was one voice that you couldn't ignore saying that you at least, after everything, owed Spencer the truth.

"My name is Jasper," you blurted. She cocked her head in confusion. "Jasper Dixon. I was trying to stay under the radar, so I used a fake name. And then we became friends and I always thought it was too late to tell you the truth and you'd be mad, and I didn't want to lie to you but I thought that if you knew you might slip up and I couldn't afford that, but if we're going to encounter the group that you should know my real name," you rambled.

"Hey," Spencer said, stopping you. Her voice was stern but soft at the same time. "What did I say about not listening to every voice in your head. I get it, I forgive you, now shut up and stop babbling. You're giving me a headache."

Sometimes you really loved Spencer.

The two of you walked on. Hours passed in a comfortable silence without a single word passing between the two of you. You had a system whenever walkers approached. When there were two, you each got one. Five or more, and you would back up and take them together. More than that, you'd spit up and one of you would draw them in one direction while the other picked them off. It was a good system, and it worked.

After a few hours, you finally broke the silence. "So, what's our destination?"

Spencer shrugged and flipped her chocolate locks behind her shoulder. "Some safe town in Virginia."

You looked at her sideways. There weren't many safe towns left nowadays. "Yeah? What's it called?"

"_Alexandria_."

* * *

**A/N:** So yeah, there's the time gap. Nine whole months. Even I kinda hate myself for doing this. Oh well. The topic of leaving them and all that isn't gone into that much in this chapter, but next it will focus on it more. I loved writing Spencer, and although i'm not 100 percent sure how she will fit into the story, i was sure that Jasper wouldn't work with someone for seven months straight without trusting/befriending them.

Mailbag: To "YOLO": thanks so much! I think that you'll find with this chapter there was kinda a little less (read: absolutely none) Casper then wanted, but...well I can't reveal everything just yet. And trouble with Rick and Daryl is inevitable, of course. I've written ahead. Oh you just wait.

To "tsunasoraceillover": thank you so much and thanks for reading! Also, even though the story has taken a major turn (as you can tell) I would love any ideas you have even if they still don't really apply with the plot twist/time gap. Even ideas I don't use get me majorly inspired.

Huge thank you's to Annalise Pager, Audrey, Arista Kiara, Lisa728, galwidanatitud, JaliceJelsa4eva, &amp; SpicyMiller for reviewing last chapter. Is it bad that I was happy I made people cry? In the meaning I'm not terrible at writing way, not the I love to make people cry way. I want to be an author, and by the looks of it I'm probably gonna be a murderous one. Think John Green x2. Can't wait.

I already have the next chapter pretty much done, I just have to finish it, make any changes and proof read it. Also, if my description of sixteen, almost seventeen year old Jasper was lacking, she's hot now. Like really hot. In the mega badass way, which is the best kind of hot. Review and let me know what you think about the time gap, and how you think everyone (especially Carl and Daryl) will react if they see her again. Thanks for reading:)


	32. Chapter 32

_Settle down, it'll all be clear_

_Don't pay no mind to the demons_

_They fill you with fear_

_The trouble—it might drag you down_

_If you get lost, you can always be found_

_Just know you're not alone_

_'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home_

_-Home, Phillip Phillips_

Only weeks ago the air was warm and the trees a deep summer green. But as you had traveled north through deserted towns and abandoned cities, the air had thinned and grown cooler. The leaves are now tinged with red and cold, but haven't yet abandoned their lofty branches that swayed gently in the cool wind. It had been a long time since you had felt the cold, and you enjoyed it as you perched high up on a tree branch outside of Alexandria.

The gimmick for this job was that you and Spencer were just two lost girls looking for a home after their camp was attacked. You were the only survivors. Simple and easy to keep to, It was the act you usually went with.

"This place is a joke," You said from the tree branch you were sitting on. You and Spencer were about a hundred yards from the fences, about twenty feet off the ground. There was a surprising absence of walkers here and you wondered how the hell this place was still standing.

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked as she hoisted herself onto a branch a few feet under you. She exhaled sharply as she tightened her grip on one branch and struggled to climb up higher. Despite Spencer's many talents, tree climbing was definitely not one of them.

You looked over the wall once more with the binoculars before handing them to Spencer. "I mean that they got one guard tower. One. And the walls, they're not flimsy, but they sure as hell ain't holdin up to a anythin sides walkers. There are cracks too, weak spots. Might keep out walkers but it ain't keepin out people."

"Maybe they got walls further out that we didn't see. Traps, or something. Trenches maybe, like we saw in Geogia?"

You scrutinized the walls. "Maybe," you mumbled, but you didn't believe it. These people weren't prepared, they were _lucky_. You thought all the lucky ones had died out already. Go figure.

You looked at the sun, which had just sunk below the trees. It would be about five in the evening now. The tree you were in now had large branches and thick foliage; good for cover and if needed, you could sleep in it. It was also far enough from Alexandria to keep from being spotted, but close enough to see inside.

Spencer knew what you were thinking. "This our rendezvous?" She asked. You nodded and began to descend the tree.

As the two of you approached the gate, there was a slight commotion behind it. The two of you stood there, already putting on your faces; scared, tired, desperate. It wasn't difficult. Before the gate opened though, Spencer flashed you a grin and winked. "Ready, Alex?" She asked, using your cover name from before. It was a sort of joke between the two of you now.

"Always ready, Sam," you replied as you shifted your weight and slouched, portraying weakness.

The cover behind the gate slid open. You're greeted with a man with a mullet hair cut who is quickly pushed aside as a man in his twenties stepped into view. The man opened the real gate almost immediately. It used to bother you how people never regarded you as a threat. Now it was your greatest asset.

"Hello," the man speaks. He motioned you inside and the man with the mullet began to close it behind you. "I'm Aaron." You notice that he was quick to smile and he seemed pleased by your presence.

He held out his hand for you to shake. Even though you expected them to be inexperienced, you're so thrown by how trusting to complete strangers this man is that you pause for a moment. Spencer is quick to action. "Hi," she says, her voice higher than normal. There's even a crack in her voice. "I'm Sam, this is Alex. What is this place? D-do you take people in?"

He smiles and shake her hand. "Of course, we take in people here," he smile seems genuine. "I'll take your weapons, and we'll have you meet with Deanna and go through the medial ward. You'll have your own bed and a hot meal tonight."

Spencer flashed him a million dollar smile. He returned it, then turned to you. "Are either of you hurt at all? Bitten?"

"Of course not," you spoke up. He seems encouraged by your speaking and smiles again.

"If you'll follow me I'll have you see our Doctor first, then we'll see about having you meet Deanna."

And so you follow the man who smiled too much. The doctor is a shady man with brown hair who you have a bad feeling about for some reason. He proclaims you both healthy, or as healthy as anyone on the outside is nowadays, and sends you on your way.

Feeling optimistic that you'll be allowed to stay, Aaron leads you to a fairly large house with three bedrooms, a large downstairs, and a wraparound front porch. It's beautiful, of course, especially compared to the tree you were thinking of sleeping in, but it's still over the top. You don't voice your opinion though, and Spencer does one better, chattering on with Aaron about how lovely everything is as you trail behind them. People walking gave you once overs, turning up their noses when they saw your dirty and torn clothing caked with blood. You want to do something feral to scare them, like snarl at them, but a warning glance from Spencer changes your mind.

Once you reach what is supposedly Deanna's house, you're made to wait in a small living room while Spencer is taken into another room. This is where Deanna will 'interview' you. You could hear Daryl's voice in your ear as you counted the exits (four), how many weapons were on hand (three), and how many things that could be turned into a weapon if needed (thirteen). You noted the faces who passed by the window, and which people locked their doors behind them. But still, you couldn't help yourself. You were bored.

Aaron's awkwardly attempts at small talk with you while you wait, which isn't much better than the boredom, but he tries so hard you feel bad for him, and so you tell him how 'lovely' everything is just to make him stop rambling.

Finally, it's your turn to go in. The door opens and Spencer emerges, her eyes red from crying. She was really selling it hard. She even hugs Deanna before she sits beside you on the couch, flashing you a wink when no one is looking at her.

"Alex," Deanna says somberly. Spencer, no, she was Sam now as she squeezed your hand and smiled gently at you as you stood up. You entered the office and sit on the plush chair that Spencer had been sitting in. The room is decorated like a fancy English upscale office, like something right out of a magazine. There's a camera on a tripod behind the couch pointed directly at you, documenting your every move. Deanna asks if you mind, which you guess you don't.

Deanna sits down on the couch across you, looking the part of a leader, poised and strong. It was too bad you knew better. She may be smart but they were weak, all of them. You guessed they had been here since the beginning. "So, Alex, what is your full name?" She asked.

Yeah, that's what matter nowadays. Full names and greetings and pleasantries.

"Alexandra Nicole Samuels," you smiled sheepishly after you told her the bullshit name you made up, "it's kinda like I belong here." The words sounded so flimsy and weak you wanted to vomit.

She smiled and went on to ask you questions about your past, your family, your experience, your character. It's all very boring and very unnecessary. You could be lying about everything for all she knew. Finally though, she seems to deem you trustworthy because she stands and pats you on the back. She smiles. "Welcome to Alexandria, Alexandria."

* * *

True to Aaron's word, you're in your own house by dusk. You're stripped of your weapons, but there are kitchen knives though, and you and Spencer are both fairly good at throwing them, so you figure you'll be alright. You slide one into your boot, feeling insecure without it. For dinner you feasted on some kind of cooked meat, canned vegetables and a chunk of bread. It was the best meal you've had in weeks.

"The job had its perks," Spencer said as she flopped onto the couch and let out a loud sigh. The heat was on and your stomachs were full and you felt comfortable for the first time in a long time. You couldn't be comfortable though, comfortable made you weak.

"The job hasn't even began yet," you reminded her as you pulled out the file. You scanned over the mans' name and picture.

Spencer batted it out of your hands and shoved it under the couch cushion. "We'll start tomorrow," she whined. "I wanna take a hot bath." It sounds amazing, but you're not quite ready to settle in yet.

"Go on ahead then, I'm going to go on a walk. Get a look around," you said lacing up your boots.

"No working!" She shouts as she runs up the stairs towards the bathroom.

That evening, as the sun sunk lower and the light of day was drained away, you set out on foot, slowly, with no particular destination in mind. Crickets began to chirp and the day gave way to the velvety dark of night. A few other people were out; a mother and a small child who clung to her hand who gave you a weak smile, a girl a little older than you who looked you over once before turning up her nose and hurrying off, a boy about your age with dark hair who shamelessly checked you out from across the street. Oh how you missed community.

The boy crossed the street and fell into step beside you. He seemed to expect you to say something and when you didn't he nudged your shoulder with his arm. You resisted the urge to break it.

"I'm Ron," he said warmly after a moment. "You're new. Welcome to Alexandria."

You glanced him over. He seemed alright, yet there was something slightly off about him. "Alex," you muttered. You had hoped not changing or showering would've served as a deterrent to keep anyone from interacting with you. Walker blood wasn't a crowd favorite here. Guess you were wrong.

"Nice to meet you. See that house right there?" He nodded to a large house a few houses down the street. "Come over anytime. The lot of us, we hangout there. Me, Enid, Mikey and Carl. He's new too."

"Carl?" You asked immediately. You bite your tongue, trying to keep from sounding too interested, but you couldn't help yourself. The last few weeks, when it was silent between you and Spencer for nearly hours on end, he had dominated your thoughts. Every structure you can across you almost expected him to appear out of, with the rest of the group behind him. Needless to say that didn't happen.

He nodded. "Yeah, why? He and his group came in last week."

You nodded slowly as if this wasn't a big deal. It probably wasn't, after all a lot of people were named Carl. This wasn't anything real. Georgia was a long way away from Virginia anyways. The odds were very slim. You should just let it go. But you couldn't. "What's his last name?" You ask quickly, your heartbeat picking up. Damnit.

"Uh, I know this..." He trailed off in thought. "Oh yeah, it's Grimes. Carl Grimes. Why, you know him?"

Yes, yes you did. Carl was here right now. He and the rest of the group. They were here, you could see them, you FOUND them. You may have been the one to leave, but not a second went by that you weren't wishing they would find you.

You smiled faintly. "Yeah, yeah I did..."

Ron shrugged. "Cute. Although I doubt you've got a shot. Only girl he's ever me mentioned besides his little sister was some girl named Jasper."

Your heart nearly shatters. He had been without you for the last nine months. No idea where you went, probably thinking you had offed yourself after your brothers death. "Oh?" You asked. The two of you rounded a corner. "Tell me about it."

He shrugged. "It's really not my business."

It's about to be. You blinked your eyes open wider and bumped your hip against him. Sticking out your bottom lip slightly, you pouted. "Please?"

He stuttered a little. "Oh, um, okay well uh, apparently the Jasper girl was the rednecks daughter," he began. Daryl was alive. You never really worried about him, he was tough as shit, but it was always on your mind. "And he still looks for her on runs. She left or something, I'm not sure. Oh, and one of the babies is her niece. The mom died, I don't know how."

Zoey was dead. You didn't really know her, but the loss still weighs deeply on you. At least she wasn't suffering from loosing Cole anymore. You exhale slowly.

"Which house is theirs?" You ask, still flirty. It was the easiest way to get what you wanted. Your heart beat harder. You needed to find them.

"That's the weird thing, they all stay in the same house. There's like fifteen of them and they were given like three houses, but they all stay in the one."

"_Which. House_?" Your voice is slow and deliberate, anger boiling just beneath the surface. You can tell that it throws him.

"Uh, that one," he points towards a big house opposite the street a half dozen houses down. It's diagonal from the one you and Spencer are staying at. You scrutinize it. You see a dark figure walk out on the lawn. With your heart in your stomach, you move so Ron is blocking you from the house.

"It was nice talking to you," you say quickly, flashing a smile and turning away.

He seems confused. "Uh, yeah you too. I can walk you home-" he says starting after you, stopping you with a hand to your shoulder.

You jerk away. "No thanks. I'm good."

"But it's late," he argues. "You need protection."

Really, inside there's secure walls you needed protection? You could kill him with you're bare hands if you wanted to. You've taken on a small herd with nothing but your machete. You didn't need protection. Not that he needed to know that.

"I think you need it more than I do, actually," you say sweetly, annoyance coloring your voice. You still weren't very good at concealing your anger, despite all this time working the job you did. You flash a smile. "Goodnight, Ron."

You stalk off. The second he turns his back you disappear into the shadows. You walk behind the houses, through the meadow behind them, taking care to keep in the shadows where you couldn't be seen. From where you take cover behind a grouping of bushed, you can see into the house. The lights are on and you can see some people you don't recognize talking. A large man with red hair, a pretty young woman with a slender face, another woman with short, dark hair.

Then you see Rick. Rick Grimes, alive and well as he cradled his little girl. Carol hovered over him, crooning to the baby. Sasha looked loss in the corner, and you didn't see Bob or Tyreese anywhere. It was a hunch, but the hollowness in Sasha's eyes was nearly fact. They were with them anymore, in one way or another. You saw Maggie and Glen, with the baby cradled between the two of them. You grinned so hard it hurt. Michone watched over everyone with a small smile. Beth must sleeping by now, she always liked to go to bed early, and Sophia must be with her. The doctors family wasn't anywhere to be seen, and neither were the other newcomers. You spotted another baby, who must be Gracie, sleeping in a nest of blankets in a chair. She had gotten so big. She looked like you a little bit. Daryl and Carl were no where to be seen. It didn't worry you though. They were alive.

You crept alongside the house, careful to not set off any motion detector lights. You reach the front but keep hidden behind the bushes. There, sitting on the front steps sharpening his arrows, was Daryl Dixon.

He looked older, more worn. He had more scars than you remembered. His angel wing jacket was still standing, and a part of you thinks that it'll last as long as he does. Daryl always seemed timeless, like he would live forever. A part of you believed it too, the part that was still a naive little girl.

Your longing got the better of you. You stepped out of the bushes, standing straight. Daryl's head snapped up the moment you did so, and he was standing and had an arrow gripped in his hand, ready to fight. You guess he wasn't quite used to life inside the walls either.

You were scared, scared of what he would say, scared if he would want you anymore. "Daryl..." You trail off your heart beating hard. "Dad, I..." You take a step forward then step back again, unsure. You stand there, out in the open, no more hiding. "I'm sorry."

He seemed frozen, face completely a mask but you could almost see the range of emotions in his eyes. You see his face transform; disbelief, fear, hope. Then, in an instant, he races towards you and grabs you in a hug. You're lifted off the ground and you're hugged tighter then you've ever been before. He still smelled like he used to, like smoke and the woods. You cling to him like a child, wrapping your arms around him as tightly as you can. He doesn't let go for a long time, and when he finally does, it's to rub his sleeve against his face. He whimpered as he held you, breathing heavily. He was crying. Daryl Dixon was crying. He wipes his eyes with his sleeve then pulls away, just looking at you. Remembering you. Making sure you were still there. You knew because you were doing the same thing. He buries his face in your shoulder as he calms his breathing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you whimpered over and over. "I didn't want to hurt anyone else. I tried to find you all, I swear I did. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"It's alright," he smiles shakily and hugs you again, somehow harder. "It's alright, kid. It's alright," he exhaled slowly. After another moment he pulled away, wiping his face again.

"How did you find us?" He finally asked. His voice was rough and horse.

"I, I didn't mean to. I'm on a job," you glance down, then back up to meet his eyes. "I'm a bounty hunter." He looks at you curiously. "From this place in Tennessee. I'm supposed to bring back some guy. It's a job, I've been doing it the last seven months. I'm good at it."

"I bet you are," he says throatily, rubbing his face.

You sniffed, glancing into the house through the windows. "I, I gotta see everyone. They're gonna hate me" You meet his eyes.

He shakes his head slowly. "They ain't gonna hate you. 'Specially that boyfriend a yours."

"I ain't an expert on relationships, but I am pretty sure that disappearing for nine months kinda ends things."

He chuckles dryly and wraps his arms around you once more, sighing shakily into the entrance. "He ain't here now anyway, so c'mon in. See everyone."

You nodded and with Daryl's arm still securely around your shoulders, he walks you into the house. You go in the backdoor so you don't have to see the whole room at once. He brings you around to the kitchen. The moment Carol sees you, she drops the plate she was washing into the sink and pulls you to her. "Jasper, my god, you're alive," she whispers in your ear.

You pull back. "Hi, Carol," you reply with a breathless smile. You look her prissy outfit and apron, your brow furrowing in confusion. "What's with the prep school bullshit?"

She laughed. "I got people teaching me how to shoot tomorrow," she said, a sly smirk pulling up the corner of her lips.

Rick rounded the corner. Or at least you think it's Rick, because last time you saw him he had a beard that rivaled Dumbledores. He looked younger. He looked good. "Jasper," he breathed.

You smiled. "It's good to see you...all of you," you nodded to his absence of beard.

He smiled a put a hand on your shoulder. "It's good to see you too, Jasper. Real good."

And it goes on just like that. Maggie hugs you real tight for a real long time. Glen hugs you tightly for a brief moment and kisses the top of your head. Their baby gurgled excitedly. Sasha smiled but didn't get up. Michone grinned when she saw you, then threatened to kill you if you ever disappeared again. The new ones all introduced themselves. The pretty young woman was Rosita, the beefy redhead was Abraham, the woman with the short black hair was Tara, and the guy with the mullet was Eugene. It felt like you were coming home.

Judith, who was four now, ran up to you and hugged your legs. "Jazper!" She exclaimed. She remembered you.

You lifted her up carefully. She was much heavier than she used to be. "Hey, baby girl, I missed you," you crooned.

They were too gleeful at your return to be angry about your departure. That would wear off soon, though, and when it did you might want to run away again. No one wants to face the wrath of Daryl Dixon. But as the evening settled into twilight, and like Cinderella you had to return home. You had to profusely promise that you would come back later that night, that your home was with them now.

You walked back to the house under a blanket of stars. They had become brighter after the world ended. It was beautiful in a tragic sort of way.

You turn abruptly when you see something out of the corner of your eye, your hand drifting to your boot, where you had tucked a kitchen knife. You relax when a small, orange cat stalks its way slowly out of the bushes, meowing softly as it approached you. You shake your head, clearing it, as you crouch down to pet the cat. You had hardly seen one since this had all began.

The cat purred as it rubbed against your side, and you stroked its head, smiling softly. The cat tenses, then meows sharply and darts back under the bushes. You watch it go, sighing, and stand back up, brushing yourself off. Turning back to continue on your way, you freeze in your tracks as you see who stands before you. _Carl Grimes_.

* * *

**A/N**: Cliff hanger, don't you just hate those? I want to be an author, and I'm going to be on hell of an annoying one. Cliff hangers and killing off favorite characters Mmmmmm so exciting. Just give me ten years or so. With Jasper and Daryl's reunion, I hope I did it justice. I was thinking of it like Daryl and Carol's reunion, but times two. I hope it came across that way, let me know what you thought. Also let me know what you think about Caspers impending reunion and how it will go.

Mailbag: Huge thank you to Annalise Pager, Lise 728, and galwidanatitud for reviewing last chapter:) To Annalise Pager: your review today was actually what reminded me to finish editing the chapter and post it, so everyone you can thank her for it! To Lisa728: we'll see about the Casper's future (thanks for using the ship name like no one does and it makes me really excited when people do cause its like I'm writing a real book!). I hope the Jasper/Judith moment was good enough for you, and theres more to come if its not.

As for updating in the future, I only have one more week of school (exam week, gross) and they're all half days. I'll probably be very busy, but a lot of the time when I am very busy I also get really inspired. I also thought it would be nice if the rest of you had a break to read another chapter between studying and crying over grades (cause that will be what I'm doing) so I will try to update hopefully around Thursday. And then over Christmas break you can expect more frequent chapters. I may even attempt a christmas themed chapter, what do you think? So you know what to do, review and let me know what you think what will happen or what should happen, what you thought about everything because hey that stuff really helps. Thanks for reading:o)


	33. Chapter 33

_I thought that I've been hurt before_  
_But no one's ever left me quite this sore_  
_Your words cut deeper than a knife_  
_Now I need someone to breathe me back to life_  
_-Stitches, Shawn Mendes_

He emerged from the shadows, features suspended between grief, joy, and disbelief. You freeze in place, your heart stuttering as you stand there; a deer caught in the headlights. Your brain struggles to comprehend that he isn't a memory, that he's real, that he's really here, and standing right in front of you. You can't formulate a coherent thought, and if you feel as if you don't touch him soon, your atoms will tear themselves apart.

How the space between you disappears, you'll never know, but one moment you're apart and the next your locked in his embrace. His face was buried in your neck, one arm wrapped around your waist and the other gently stroking your hair.

"Jasper?" He asks, his voice no more than a breathless whisper. He sounds confused, as if he weren't sure if this was real or not, and it kills you. "It's...its really you?" He asks, his voice deeper than you remembered, and tight as if he might cry.

Your head was against his chest, just where his heart was, and you could hear it beating. You close your eyes tightly and draw in a shaky breath. "It's me. I'm here. I'm back. I'm- I'm _so_ sorry," You say softly, your voice cracking.

He pulled you tighter against him, exhaling slowly. "Jasper, I thought you were _dead_," he whispered, his voice breaking. You weren't sure what real heartbreak felt like until this moment.

"No," you tell him, your voice revealing how close you were to crying. "I'm alive. I'm here. And I'm not leaving again, okay? Never again. Why would you think that?"

He cleared his throat, pulling you tighter against him. "We found a grave, and letters from your brother and one from you saying not to look for you. They thought you might of got bit too..."

"No," you whisper, "they were wrong."

You stand there, locked in each other's embrace. It's like a long forgotten dream. Carl pulls back slightly and looks around suspiciously. He reluctantly pulls away from you, but grabs your hand to pull you away from the street lights and into a side yard.

You get a good look at him then, illuminated in a combination of the lampposts and moonlight. He's tall, nearly as tall as his father now, and while he had once been gangly, he had filled out. His hair was short again and no longer fell into his eyes, but just barely brushed his forehead in a tousled mess. His face had become harder and more defined, the boyishness nearly gone from his features, but you could still imagine the mischievous smirk he used to wear. The thought made you smile.

He looks you over, and you can't help but feel a little bit confident. The last time he saw you, you were a gangly fifteen year old, still growing into your body, and now you were nearly seventeen, with all the womanly features to go with it.

"How are you here?" He asks breathlessly, as his blue eyes peered into yours in confusion. "I thought that once we left Georgia, there was no way I would ever see you again if you really were alive."

You glance down and chuckle once, without humor. "It's a small world, even smaller with so few people left." You swallowed. "I didn't mean to find you. I'm actually here on a job," you ducked your head sheepishly, "I'm kind of a bounty hunter."

He smirked that smirk you loved, shaking his head. "Of course you are." He looked up at the stars and sighed deeply. Then, as if just remembering, "Have you seen the others yet? They're here, you know."

You nod, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. "I'm on the way back from there now. Judy's gotten so big, I can't believe it."

"She used to ask about you. She missed you. We all did."

You look up at him, sighing slowly. "I missed you so much," you say, the amount of emotion in your voice surprising even yourself.

He looks at you with a pained expression, and moves to wrap his arms around you, resting his head on top of yours. He pulls away a moment later, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced down, biting the inside of his mouth. You knew him well enough to tell that something wasn't right. Before you can ask what, he answers. "It's different now."

You nod, your pained eyes meeting his. "I know."

"Alex, there you are-oh _shit_..." Spencer stopped short as she spotted who you were hidden in the dark with. Carl tensed, his eyes darting over to you. Spencer looked the way she came then back at you, clearing her throat. "Uh, who's the guy?"

You cleared your throat and stepped out from behind Carl. "Sam, this is Carl. Carl, Sam," you said awkwardly as you introduced them.

"The sheriff?" Spencer demanded, her eyes widening in excitement.

You ignored her and turned back to Carl to explain. His pale blue eyes glow in the light of the moon. "Sam's a friend," you tell him.

He gripped your arm, pulling you closer to him, and brought his mouth to your ear. Goosebumps ran down your neck and you hope he doesn't notice. "Why is she calling you Alex?" He murmured almost silently against your ear.

"Don't worry, it's okay. It's our cover here. Mines Alex, hers is Sam. Her reals name's Spencer. Use our cover names, okay?" He nodded.

"Alex.." Spencer warns from the edge of the street. You can hear a faint conversation from farther away. You recognize the voice; Deanna. You weren't supposed to know anybody here, especially not she questionable newcomers. Interaction with anyone could cause problems.

"We should go," you say to Carl. "I'll see you again soon, I promise." You start through the backyard of the house with Spencer, once again leaving Carl behind.

* * *

That night, you lay awake in bed, your body tired but your mind wide awake. You weren't used to normal sleeping patterns yet, or any sleeping patterns actually. You were used to getting a few hours in the middle of the night or the middle of the day, but other than that, not much. Your mind thrived with activity. New ideas and possibilities blossomed in your head. Your thoughts are abruptly cut off though when you hear a knock at the window, and then a click as the window unlocked.

By the time a leg was stuck into the window as the person began to climb in, you had your knife in hand as you stood there, calm and collected as you said, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't cut your fucking leg off right now."

"Well," the voice was perfectly familiar to you, "I'll give you two. One, it's me. And two, I don't think you'd convince them you were weak if you killed a guy twice your size on the first night."

By the end of his little speech, Carl had climbed fully through the window and was standing up straight in your room, stretching his back. "I wasn't gonna _kill_ you. Just some light maiming. And you're not _twice_ my size," you say halfheartedly even though you know it's mostly true. He was more like one and half times your size. You glanced out the window to make sure no one had seen him then towards your still closed door. There was no evidence that anyone had seen him or that Spencer had woken up. You turned to him, "Carl, what are you doing here?" You asked finally.

"We need to talk."

You sit down on the edge of the bed causally as if nothing were out of the ordinary, even though your heart was pounding in your chest. Acting normally was strange given all your history. "Go ahead," you say crossing your legs.

He stands there, silhouetted in the dim moonlight. "I want to know why you left."

You knew the answer, you had thought about it countless times since you left. You had mentally fought this argument against Carl dozens upon dozens of times. But now, looking up at him actually here, it wasn't as easy as you thought.

"You know how I was like before I left. I was emotional and hurt, and weak. I was a liability as we had Judith and two newborns, we could not afford any liabilities," you voice was surprisingly strong. "Even through all that though, I was going to stay. I knew I wasn't that messed up. Then I saw my brother die and I knew I was too far gone. I wouldn't have made it with the rest of you. You were better off without me. Safer."

He turned away, running his hand through his short hair. His jaw tensed as he clenched his teeth. "It's my fault," he said, not turning around.

"Nothing about this is your fault."

"I told you we could run away," he shook his head. "I gave you the idea."

You remember when he said that, back so long ago when it was the two of you waiting to see if your family would come for you. He had said that if they didn't, you would both be okay. That you would protect each other. That you could make it until you found the others.

"No, you didn't. I knew for a long time that it was the best option."

"You should have taken me!" He didn't seem to realize that he was yelling, and if he had known you doubt he would've cared. "You needed me."

He reached for the healing gash on your hairline but you sidestepped his touch. "Why, so I could've watched you get hurt again for protecting me? So I could watch you get hurt or worse?"

"So we could keep each other safe."

"I am safe!" You angrily shouted back. "And even if I had asked you, you wouldn't have gone. You wouldn't have left your dad, your sister. You would've made sure they kept an eye on me so I couldn't get away."

"Yeah well maybe you shouldn't have gotten away," he throws back at you, his voice hard "You were gone for _nine months_, Jasper."

You clench your teeth to keep from yelling back. "I tried to come back," you said, "After about a month, I went looking for everyone. I must've searched all of Georgia, some of South Carolina too. While I was looking though, I found a safe town. I found Spencer. And we started bounty hunting. And even then on our trips, I still looked for everyone."

"Do you regret it?" He asked, his voice void of any emotion.

"What?"

"I said do you regret it? Leaving, I mean." He clenched his teeth and ran his hand through his hair again, turning partially away. It must've been a habit he picked up.

Did you? "I don't know," you whispered, looking at the ground.

"Why you left or that you didn't come back?" He presses on.

"I know why I left," you shot back.

He scoffs. "Really? Because I don't."

Anger surged through you. "What was I supposed to do, Carl. Keep going until YOU ended up hurt? Until _Judith_ ended up _dead_?"

"You didn't have to go alone!"

"Yes! I did!"

"Wasn't it your own brother that said that family was the most important thing?" He demanded.

"The fact that he isn't here just proves that I'm right!" You glared at him for bringing up Cole. "You don't get it. We all end up alone eventually. Might as well have been then. And at least I came back."

He turns away from you and stares out the window for a long time. You knew that Spencer must have woken up by now and was probably listening to everything you said. The thought would've make you smile if you weren't so angry.

You exhale slowly, relenting. You knew that bottom line this was your fault for whatever he had felt the last few months, no matter how good your reasons were. "_I'm_ _sorry_," you say pitifully, your voice hoarse from yelling. You had been saying that today more than you had in all the months you were gone.

"That you left or that people are mad?" He asked, his voice void of any emotion.

You wanted to tell him how you would do everything differently if you could. But you realized that wasn't true. He was still alive, so we're Daryl and Judith and the kids, and that was all you had wanted when you left.

"Both," you admitted. "Although you're the only one that's mad."

He scoffed. "Right now I might be the only one that's mad because they're all still getting over the shock. But you're back now. And that means that now we can be mad at you for leaving."

He was gone then, without another word. Back out the window, and into the darkness. When you look up again, Spencer is standing in the doorway watching you with troubled eyes.

"You alright?" She asked, leaving against the door frame. You looked at her, a smile slowly stretching across your lips. "Okay, I'm lost. Why the hell are you smiling after that?" She demanded, completely and utterly confused.

You laughed, it was a somewhat snotty laugh since you were still recovering from the argument, but it was a laugh all the same. "He hates me," you stated, sighing as the truth sunk in, "but that means he still cares." You glanced up, meeting her pained dark eyes with your own. "If he still cares," you said slowly, "then it means he can love me again."

It was then that you wondered what hurt more; leaving the people you love, or being left behind by the person you love.

* * *

**AN**: I actually really like this chapter tbh. And I know I should space out my updates right now to wait for the show to catch up since I'm following the Alexandria plot now, but I figured that since everyone is having finals right now and has barely slept, you could use a break. I think this is the best I've ever been at updating oh i don't know.. not a month later. Three days later, to be exact (*bows*). Writing this was my break, and not I have to go study AICE English language. Gross.

Mailbag: thanks to galwidanatitud, JaliceJelsa4eva, Arista Kiara, Annalise Pager, and Walker1928 for reviewing on last chapter! They really help me update faster. _To _A_nnalise Pager_: thank you so much! I love your reviews they're so sweet they make my day:) _To_ _Walker1928_: awhh thank you so much! And (obviously since you're reading this) I updated so break yay. Enid is tricky to write in, I'm not sure if I'm going to go with the whole "Carl never even thought about her since he was hooked on Jasper still" or "you were gonna for 9 months, yeah I had a crush on another girl" or somewhere in between yet (by the way, all y'all comment and lemme know what you think about the whole Enid situation). I haven't written Spencer meeting them yet, but I feel like Spencer and Abraham would get along well. Ive written a bit of the fight scene, but just a first draft. I hadn't considered Spencer beating Ron up instead, but I kinda like it. And Jasper and her niece will well you'll see what happens. Thanks again! :)

So I'm so glad y'all are liking this story since I love writing it. I've actually ignored all my others to focus on this one (whoops) so I hope y'all like it. Hello to my new readers (there's been a lot of you lately) I hope you've enjoyed not waiting for updates. Review, let me know what you think/what you think will happen/any ideas or suggestions because I absolutely love that stuff, it inspires me to write sm. Thanks for reading:)


	34. Chapter 34

_You've been looking' over here all night_

_And when I look, you look away_

_Oh I love the little games you play_

_-Don't Ya, Brett Eldredge_

After many long hours of being awake, you had fallen into a dead sleep with no dreams. As morning came, exhaustion still weighed down on you, but you found your eyes opening just barely. As they cleared, you jolted away from the figure lying on top of the covers in your bed, mere inches from you. You relaxed when you saw who is was, and pulled the covers up, snuggling back down into them.

"What do you want, Carl?" you asked tiredly, your eyes closed, blocking out the early morning light. "I would've thought that your little tantrum last night I wouldn't see you for at least a few hours."

He sighs and stretches, his long legs hanging off the end of the bed. "I could get used to this," he muses to himself.

"I said what do you want?" You said slowly, annoyance coloring your voice, your face buried in your pillow.

He chuckles softly to himself. "My dad and yours and Carol, they went outside the walls. Something wasn't right, but they got too far off. I need a tracker to find them."

You yawn and twist under the covers. "Sounds like a you problem," you say tiredly.

He sighs, frustrated. "Jasper-"

"I've been gone all this time and you still haven't learned how to track?" You ask, stretching your back and rubbing your eyes.

"Well Daryl was searching for his lost daughter and I was raising your niece, so no, I haven't gotten the hang of it just yet." His voice was hard, but not sharp- he wasn't trying to start another fight.

You 'humph' appreciatively. "Ouch. However,  
I would like to remind you that you're asking for my help, so it may be in your best interest to be nice, Grimes."

He sighed, then plastered a neutral mask on his face. "Jasper, pretty please help me track them," he says, sarcasm evident in his voice. "Good enough?"

You sighed into your pillow, then pulled yourself up, keeping the pillow covering your chest. You watch his eyes trail down your bare back to where the covers bunched just below the small of your back. He notices you watching and shifts his eyes back to yours, narrowing his eyes slightly.  
Fair enough, you could've kept under the covers, but he was the one who broke into your bedroom. You smile a bright, sarcastic smile. "It'll do. And try knocking next time, maybe," you suggested with a smirk. "I'll come. Now if you don't mind, get the hell out of my room."

* * *

Climbing over the wall without being seen was the easy part. Tracking them, and more specifically Daryl, would be more difficult, but still wouldn't be impossible. Keeping them from find you; that was the hard part.

You brace at you drop the rest of the way to the ground on the other side of the wall. You instantly felt better, more free. It was if the moment you had escaped the confines of Alexandria's walls, the sun had began to shine brighter, and the air had become sweeter.

"C'mon, and be quiet," Carl said starting off in the direction he must have seen them heading.

"You're the one being loud," you mutter under your breath as you trail after him.

You have to jog every so often to match your pace with his and he doesn't slow down at all. So you were still angry, but you were both being civil. Fun.

Fallen leaves crunched under your feet and the air picked up around you. Winter was coming, and quickly.

After a while, you have to resort to tracking their footsteps. It's only a few more minutes before you see their figures beyond the trees. You're careful not to make a sound as you make a wide arc around the camp. A single walker sees you and snarls, but you outdistance it, leaving it to stumble blindly about the fallen leaves. You come around on the opposite side of the clearing and see a small shack of a house surrounded by rubble. You slip inside an open door, hiding just around the inside corner where you can just barely see them through the dirty and cracked window. They're all looking around, hopefully having heard the walker you had seen a minute earlier and not you and Carl. Two dead walkers lie at their feet.

"I don't see it, but it's close." Daryl mumbles as he checked the perimeter before turning back to them. "There's just one of 'em," he says.

So they didn't hear you. You can't help the triumphant smirk that tugs it's way onto your lips.

"We won't be here long." Rick says. "So what do you think?"

"We can go in when it's empty," Carol replies. There's a seriousness to her, they were discussing something important.

Ricks brow creases. "How's that? It's locked up at night."

Carol looks almost offended. "The window. There's just a latch. I can leave it open," she offers.

Rick mutters something that you can't hear and Carol nods. "What if one of those pricks shuts it?" Daryl questioned.

"Wait a couple of days, leave it open again."

You turn to see the walker from earlier staggering towards you. It hadn't seen you quite yet, and you knew that if it did, your cover would be blown. Grabbing Carl's arm, you yank him after you, taking cover in the very corner of the house. He's pressed closely to you as the two of you don't look at each other, holding your breath, hoping it wouldn't see you. The rotting corpse snarls and Carl tenses, silently pulling out his knife just in case.

"It's getting closer," you hear Daryl say and leaves crunch as he walks closer towards the noise and closer toward you.

Rick ignores it. "We need to do it sooner than later. Right now, they're not watching us. Not worrying about meetings like this. We may need the guns, we may not." So that's what this was about.

"We will," Carol says somberly. "Whatever way it goes."

"They're the luckiest damn people I've ever met," he sounds the smallest bit spiteful. You know that he must be thinking about his dead wife and that despite all the effort to keep her safe, these people survived out of mere luck. "And they just keep getting luckier."

"How's that?" Daryl asks. His voice is farther away from you now, but the walker still stumbles around quietly, trying to find a break in the trees.

"We're here now."

"They've got a couple of footlockers just full of nine millimeter autos, Rugers, Kel-Tecs. Just tossed in there." Carol scoffs. "They don't use them. They're never gonna know they're gone."

"Someone's got one now, right?" Daryl asks.

You don't hear the answer, nor do you know what they mean by that. "Listen," says Rick, "the others, we want them to try-"

"You too." You don't have to see them to know that Carol means Daryl. They had been here a few days now and the rest of them had all modified themselves to fit the image of this town. All except Daryl who still smelled of walker blood and dirt, and still hadn't taken a shower.

"So we keep it quiet. Just us," Rick continued.

The walker finally found a break in the trees and stumbled past the back of the house, thankfully not noticing you. It snarled as it caught sight of them and you knew that you could come out of hiding now, Carl must've too, but still you didn't just quite yet.

"Here he comes," Rick remarks.

"I got him," Daryl says, and leaves crunch as he starts towards the decaying creature.

Someone stops him. You're shocked to hear gun shots even though you're sure that there was only one walker. One bullet, two, three...seven shots and the walker is still snarling. No one in your entire group had that bad of shot, especially not any of the three of them. Finally, the eighth bullet strikes the walker dead and it collapses onto the colored leaves. You and Carl move out from your hiding and move so you can see through the window again. You don't speak.  
Carol lowers her gun. Daryl and Rick both look at her, confused. "We said we were taking me out shooting. I couldn't come back with a full mag."

"Lucky he came by," Daryl remarks with a half shrug of indifference.

Rick agrees. "We should get back," he advises. The three of them start walking back, right towards where you were hiding. Back into the corner you go, holding you're breath.

"You'll pull the latch, we'll pick our moment," Rick says as they continue walking. Us, we don't need to be lucky."

They're right outside the door. If they walked but a hard farther north, they would see you huddled in the corner. They stop there, surrounding the walker, talking too quietly for you to hear. Or maybe that it's that your thoughts are too loud. They stand and continue on a second later, their backs to you. You exhale slowly and Carl finally steps away from you, stepping on a piece of glass that is reduced to dust under his boot.  
The crunching of leaves stopped. Carol barely has time to ask what the noise was before Daryl had turned and had his crossbow ready as he circled the doorway.

"Come out!" He yelled, his voice throaty. "Now!" They were scared that they had gotten caught by someone from Alexandria. Too bad it was just you.

You sigh, annoyed, and begin to walk out, hands raised in surrender for effect as you roll your eyes. "It's just us, dad," you call out, realizing that you called him dad again.

Carl follows behind you and the three of them visibly relax. Daryl puts down his crossbow and Rick starts towards you.  
"What the hell you doin out here?" Daryl demands. He want so much angry as confused.

Carl answers. "It's my fault, she followed me out here," he says. You glance over at him in slight confusion but he doesn't meet your eyes.

Rick narrows his eyes. "Then why are you out here?" You specifies, his voice

"I wanted to know what's going on," he said, his voice surprisingly strong. "You don't tell me anything."

Rick rubs his hand on the back of his neck. "You can't be running round out her spyin on us. You're not children anymore."

"Then don't treat us like we're children," Carl replied. He wasn't arguing with his father like he used to. There was no whining or anger, no fight for allowance. It was a conversation, and Carl was right. "I'm almost eighteen, dad. Legal, if that even matters anymore. Either we're children and we will figure information our own way, or we are adults and you can tell us so we don't have to sneak around to find out."

He was saying 'we're'. He was including you in his argument for some reason, like he used to. He had said it himself, "things are different now," yet he was acting how he did before and you weren't sure why.

Rick doesn't look happy about it, but he nods slowly. "Fair enough," says slowly. "We're getting guns-"

"We know," you cut him off. "We know why and we know how, and I know _when_." Rick raises his brow. You felt a victorious thrill go through you; you knew something he didn't. You knew when the plan would go down-tonight.

"There's a welcome party tonight for all of us and everyone will be there. We'll do it tonight."

* * *

A/N: Merry Christmas Eve! I thought that I would give you something to read while you're waiting for Christmas morning (or whatever else you celebrate). How are you liking tension filled Carl/Jasper interaction? The sexual tension is my favorite part to write ;)

Mailbag: thank yous to Annalise Pager, all my guest reviewers, galwidanatitud. To "Jake" who said "Update or I'm gonna stop reading I don't have my entire life you know." For one thing you're very unnecessarily rude and ill update whenever I can. I don't have my entire life you know. And saying you're not going to keep reading isn't a threat so, do whatever you want. To dontforgettowrite: same, I feel lost on Sunday nights now lol. And I absolutely adore Lost Child, I hope you're enjoying it. As for pairing Carl and Sophia I actually really like that I may use it if its okay with you. And I really don't like Enid either, so I might give Jasper and her some tension to make things interesting.

As always, leave a review if you please. Let me know what you do like and what you don't as well as any ideas you might have because the truth is a lot of the time I end up liking them and using them (you get credit of course). Outside perspectives are always helpful. Pretty please review and let me know (It could be my christmas present:) Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas (if you celebrate, of course)


	35. Chapter 35

_Why is everything with you so complicated_  
_Why do you make it hard to love you_  
_Oh I hate it_  
_Cause if you really wanna be alone_  
_I will throw my hands up 'cause baby I tried_  
_Everything with you is so complicated_

_-Complicated, Rihanna_

* * *

Walking with Carl and Rick down the middle of the street, straight through the heart of Alexandria, you had never felt less invisible or more exposed then you did right then. You see Carol on one of the big front porches, talking with a bunch of stereotypical housewives. She smiles and laughs lightly, and it's hard to believe that who your seeing is the same person who you've seen gut walkers straight down the middle.

She spots you and smiles before turning back to the women. "I'll be back," you can hear her tell them, "I've got to go beg Rick for some help with tonight and make sure the kids have somethin nice to wear," she smiles again and jogs after you, matching her pace with yours.

"You were right about the party," she says to you, keeping that fake pleasant smile on her face.

"Everyone's gonna be there," Rick confirms, sparing you a thankful nod.

Carol nods. "That's right."

Rick seems to have decided. "So tonight then," he says.

"Should be able to slip out."

To anyone watching, this would look like a normal pleasant walk with the family. Little did they know you were plotting to rob am armory. In your family however, this was perfectly normal. If you were really going for a pleasant walk, that would be strange.

"The armory is right next to Deanna's," Rick adds. "I'll back you up."

Bad idea. "People might wonder where their new constable is or Carl's dad," Carol voices your opinion.

"Okay...we can't use Daryl. They're watching every move he makes."

Of course they were. While the rest of them were playing house, Daryl, like usual, didn't give a shit. You still didn't think he had bathed since they had arrived.

"It's fine. You know what's great about this place? I get to be invisible again." Carol smiles.

But the thing was, she wasn't. In order to fit in, she had made friends. And they would notice if she was gone. Her cover was good, but it was too good if she was going to slip out.

"Your new friends are going to notice if you're gone," you said frankly.

She considers it, and creases her brow. "What do you suggest then?" She asks.

You glance at Carl walking beside you. "Me and Carl can go. You never noticed us and we were right on top of you. And no one would notice two missing kids and if they did, were probably just running around somewhere, exploring our new home. Hell, they might even think we have bedtimes. No one would notice and you know it."

Carol and rick share a look. You can tell that they both know it's a good idea, and probably the best option they have. But they didn't fully trust you to get the job done. Eventually, Rick nods.

Fine," he says at last. "But if you aren't one hundred percent sure it's safe, you don't do it. It's not worth it." You and Carl both nodded. "And you come to the party first. Make an appearance."

You nodded. "Deal," Carl agreed. He seemed surprised you had even gotten this far.

He still looked skeptical. "I'm trusting you," he warned.

"Don't worry dad. We can handle it."

You wore a dress to the party. Yes, an actual dress. One of the women, Jessie, brought you and Spencer a basket of clothes. You had decided that this was probably one of the most important nights to stick to your cover, so you wore a dress. It was a light grey sundress that you wore with black tights and your boots. Your hair hung loose over your shoulders and you looked the perfect picture of innocence.

Carol led the precession into the party, you noted as you and Spencer watched from the corner of the room. You sipped beer from a red solo cup that Spencer had gotten for you, claiming to be twenty one even though she was barely nineteen. They actually believed drinking age mattered here.

Carl walked in behind her, then Rick with Judith. Deanna rushed over to them like she did with you and Spencer, welcoming them with smiles. Rick is offered a glass, and you see him really smile for the first time in a long time. Jessie and her family walk in behind them, Ron walking ahead of them. He licks his lips as he surveys the room, creepily, you might add. It may be in the middle of the apocalypse, but parties are always as they used to be. With sleezy guys preying on girls. Oh how you missed it.

A few minutes pass. You talk idly with strangers, taking compliments on how the two of you survived, and giving compliments on how good the food was but mostly sticking to Spencer's side. After a few minutes you see Carol talking to Rick in the corner. A moment later they separate Rick nods to his son as Carol walks over towards you. Or more specifically, the plate of cornbread you were standing beside.

She smiles at you before cutting herself a slice. "Isn't this just wonderful," she says to you loud enough for whoever was nearby to hear. Then quieter, "it's empty now. You can go." She turns to Spencer. You had told them that she was with you and you trusted her, so they allowed her in on everything. "If anyone asks, she was tired so she went home."

Spencer smiles her million dollar smile. "Why thank you," she gushes for the sake of anyone nearby, "I like yours too."

Carol smiles one more time before disappearing into the crowd. You see Carl talking with a group of other guys about his age. Ron is one of them. You put on your best smile and walk up to him.

"Hey, Carl," you say with what is supposed to be a flirty smile. You were trying to oversell it a little bit.

Carl turns to you and grins. "Hey, yourself," he replies. You knew it was fake for the sake of everyone else, but at that moment you desperately missed how this used to be normal for you too.

"So you know Alex?" Ron asks. "I met her the first night she was here. I mentioned you and she started asking about you."

Carl smiled then met your eyes. "Yeah we're old friends," he said.

"Friends," the other boy says sarcastically, scoffing, "yeah right."

Turning back to them, Carl just shrugs, looking smug. "Jealous?" he leers as he takes your hand in his and pulls you closer to him.

The boy rolls his eyes. "Only girls our age are her and Enid which both of you assholes have already called dibs on, so yeah man, I'm jealous."

"Well Sam is here too," you offer nodding to Spencer who was talking to some woman. "She's a year or so older but you could go talk to her..." He seems to consider it as he looks her over. "Ya know, if you need a _babysitter_."

The look on his face was priceless. Both Carl and Ron start laughing as you stand there fighting a smile at the boys expression. You missed being around other people your age. "Fine, I'm sorry," you gave in with a wry smirk, "But only a little bit."

Carl throws his arm around your shoulders casually and grins. "C'mon, Alex, let's go for a walk."

"Yeah a 'walk' sure!" Ron calls out after you as you weave through the people and out the side door.

As the light and warmth of the house give way to the cold and dark of the night, you felt Carl do the same. He dropped your hand, and pulled away from you. The happy, relaxed guy that used to be yours turned into one who was cold and distant. The silence was defining.

Finally, he spoke. "You think they bought it?" he asked once you were walking on the road.

"We'll be the talk of the town by tomorrow," you scoff at his ridiculous it was that the biggest news in the apocalypse was two teenagers sneaking off together.

He shakes his head. "It's so stupid what they busy themselves with. Have you heard about that one lady who bothers everyone about how she wants a pasta maker so that she can make her own rather than eat the pasta they already got. It's insane."

"I hate the people here. They're nice, but they're weak. Dangerously so."

Carl glanced around as you reached the house where the weapons were stored. The window to the storage room opened without a sound. There was a cool emptiness to the room and you were certain that no one was there but you and Carl.

"C'mon," you said as you got a footing on the wall. "And don't look up my dress," you added with a half smirk before you pulled yourself through the window. After looking around, Carl climbed in after you. You pushed the window so it was only open a few inches, just enough to hear of anyone was coming.

Once your eyes adjusted, it wasn't difficult to locate the firepower. You chose three pieces and shoved them into a bag. You still needed bullets, as many as you could without any being missed.

"Jasper, we need to go," Carl said as he listened near the window.

You shoved a small handful of bullets into your pocket. "One second," you whispered back.

You finished filling your pocket and returned everything to its proper place. Just as you finish, there's a voice outside the storage room door and the clattering of keys. "Oh, I know it's here somewhere...shine the flashlight over here, Jesse."

You met Carl's wide eyes. You grabbed the bag of guns and dropped it out the window, into the bushes just before the door clicked open. It was too late to go out the window. Carl grabbed your arm and pulled you around the corner just as the door opens. He pulls you into the back corner of the storage area so that you're mostly obscured by the wall. If they came this way though, they would see you.

"Now I know that pain reliever medicine is somewhere this way," one voice was saying. It was Olivia, the woman who ran the storage room. "But where is the question," she chuckles.

You glance behind you as the voices come closer. An idea forms in your head. Probably a bad one, but it would get the job done. You begin slip the straps of your dress off your shoulders so that your dress gathered just under your black bra.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carl demanded incredulously. You didn't miss where his eyes were focused though.

"If you ever need a cover, make it a cover that's embarrassing. That way, no one will question it." You finish pulling off your other strap and looked up at Carl's incredulous look. "Take off your shirt," you command in a hushed whisper.

He does are you say, pulling the tee shirt over his head. Barely glancing at his chest, which was much more defined than you remembered, you run your hands through your hair, messing it up just enough. "Last I remember, we used to be pretty good at this," you say in a self-deprecating kind of way with a shrug and half chuckle as you reach up and wrap your hands around his neck, pulling his lips to yours.

You were completely unprepared. You thought you were used to him by now, that you could ignore whatever you once had. As your lips crashed together, it felt like you were walking on air, obliterating every thought. Unexpectedly, Carl's hands drifted to your waist where they pulled you against him. It began as a way to give reason to you and Carl being in the room; just two hormone crazed teenagers hooking up. But it didn't feel fake. The warmth, the drive, the urgency to his lips, it was there. It felt real.

"Oh dear!" The overhead light had flicked on and Jessie and the woman in charge of the rations, Olivia, stand there unsure of what to do.

You and Carl pulled apart instantly. You had felt him start when the two of you broke apart, as if he had forgotten if was for show.

"Oh, um, we're sorry," you mumble, pathetically turning away from them and fixing your straps. You make the mistake of glancing up at Carl, and you feel your heart drop into your stomach. This was not a good idea. Carl yanks his shirt back on quickly and you finish adjusting your dress.

"How'd you get in here?" Olivia demanded.

You blush and shrug. "The window was open," you say meekly.

"Carl," Jessie reprimanded. "I'll be letting your father know about this. I can't keep something like this from him, you know that," she says.

Like he would even be angry. He would probably think your cover was smart. As would Daryl even if he'd be a little weird about it. But after all you did get the job done.

"Yes ma'am," he says.

She looks past Carl where you're partially sheltered behind his body. "And you. You're that new girl, Alex?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She frowns as she remembers that you didn't come here with any family. "I don't want to see the two of you doing this again." She says instead.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Go on home now," she says, then clarifies, "your OWN homes."

You grab Carl's hand, playing the part of an embarrassed girlfriend and try to pull him along as you hurry past the two women. He opens the door for you and pulls you the rest of the way out of the room. Your heart beats faster. Once outside, you retrieve the guns without a word, making sure to keep out of the windows view and conceal them on your body.

"Uh, good idea back there," Carl says finally, breaking the silence.

You muster an awkward smile. "Thanks," you say. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

"So I should get these back to our house. My dad'll hide them in the woods tomorrow probably." He says.

You nod. "Yeah. I'll head back to the party. Let Carol and your dad know how it went."

"Sounds good."

It was then that you wondered how you could feel awkward with Carl, when he was once the person you felt most comfortable with.

* * *

A/N: Mailbag:

Guest: I'm glad you liked the points Carl and Jasper made. I'm trying to emphasize how much more grown up they are since the time jump.

Dontforgettowrite: if I had any powers over fluffykitty12, she would've updated a loonnngg time ago.

Annalise Pager: glad you liked it. I was actually laying in bed not willing to get up when I wrote it lol. And thank you sm:)

JaliceJelsa4eva: to get through TWD hiatus, I basically do what I'm doing now. Rewatch old episodes and write/read fanfiction. I recommend a long one. Some of the Carl/OC's are pretty good.

Sexual tension is my favorite kind of tension. Anyways its late and I have school tomorrow (Gross) so i'll keep this short. As always, please review and let me know how you liked it/what you like and don't like/what you think should happen/etc. I always love to hear your ideas and theories on what you think is going to happen, it inspires me a lot. Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll update soon.


	36. Chapter 36

_So, here we are_  
_That's pretty far_  
_When you think of where we've been_  
_No going back_  
_I'm fading out_  
_All that has faded me within_  
_You're by my side_  
_Now everything's fine_  
_I can't believe_  
_-You found me, Kelly clarkson_

* * *

There was a run.

Eugene, a new addition to the group and a scientist as well as decidedly the strangest one in the group, had said that he could get some device to get the power grid up and running again. He was going as well as Glen, two new additions, Noah and Tara, and two of Alexandria's' people.

You leaned casually against the garage as they loaded their van with supplies, Maggie by your side cradling her and Glens' son, Riley. Eugene was going on about how he didn't need a weapon because he wasn't going when the whole mission was based on finding what only he knew what it was. Moron.

"Heard you talking to Holly last night, what's her story?" Tara was asking Noah.

Noah threw a bag of supplies into the van. "Why do you ask?" He asked, turning to face her.

She was trying to force back a smile. "No reason." She said, beginning to grin.

"Hm-hmm," he leered back at her with a smile before turning back to load more supplies.

"It was an innocent question," she defended, then leaped after him, grabbing his shoulders. "Don't make me hurt you," she laughed.

You smiled as they walked by. "Hey," Noah said when they passed you, stopping short. "Aren't you the Dixon girl?"

You half shrugged, the corner of your mouth turning up. "Yeah, guess I am."

He nodded and smiled. "Well... welcome back," he held out his hand for you to shake. "I'm Noah." He was cute; with a small smile and kind eyes. Seemed nice too, but not weak.

You shook his hand and smiled. "Jasper," you said then glanced over to where the Alexandrian's were. "To everyone else though, I'm Alex."

He nodded. "Got it." He smiled that small smile that only turned up one side of his face. You couldn't help but return it. Maybe you would be friends. You could definitely use a few more.

"Oh and Tara," you said looking to the woman beside him. "I was talking to Holly the other day." Her eyes widen. "I'm not exactly sure what team she plays for but she's single, I know that much."

She grins. "Maybe you could introduce us sometime?" She asks hopefully.

You flash a smile. "Anytime."

"Thanks," she pats you on the shoulder, and then, almost giddy, skips after Noah. "Why can't you be more helpful like her?" she jabs at him, laughing as she dodges his counterattack.

You close you eyes as you hear the van doors close. A bad feeling rose in the pit of your stomach but you shook it away.

As they piled into the van and some loud remix type of music began to play, Maggie, who had just said goodbye to Glen, came to stand beside you.

You offered her a smile. "They're gonna be fine."

She nods. "I know that," she glances up at Deanna and her husband, then lowers her voice. "I wanted to tell you something. Daryl is about to go on a run. He mentioned you. If you leave now you might be able to catch him."

Your eyes widened. "You think they'll let me go?"

"If I can distract a few people long enough, they might." She smiled as Deanna turned around, flashing a smile at you which you returned. She turned back around. "Go on, get out of here. You're looking for Aaron's house."

You couldn't help the grin that began to stretch across your face. "Thanks, Maggie," you said quickly before slipping away.

You didn't have any real gear to grab, but you had your bag with general supplies and the biggest kitchen knife you had tucked into your boot that you grabbed along the way. You were exactly sure where Aaron's house was, but a few pointers from a friendly native directed you to it. The garage was open so you figured it was an open invitation.

"Daryl?" You called, peering into the garage. "Daryl!"

He appeared from behind a work bench. That's when you saw it; the motorcycle. You had heard stories about the legend of Daryl's motorcycle, but obviously you hadn't been around to see it. That was, unless this was his new one.

"No way?" You laughed. "Is this yours?"

He scoffed proudly and ran a hand over it, nodding.

"It is now," Aaron answered as he emerged from behind a stack of rubble. You hadn't seen him since you first got here. You still had to play your cover; Alex, not Jasper. "It's for runs. To recruit people."

You smiled at him, nodding. "I heard that you were going on one soon. Think I could tag along?"

Aaron's smile wavered and he sighed. "Alex, you're still a kid, it's not safe out there-"

"Me and Sam were out there alone. I'm good out there, I promise. Daryl knows, tell em." Aaron raised an eyebrow. "Fine, I admit it. I've snuck outside a time or two and Daryl caught me." you explained.

He glanced over to Daryl, who nodded his assent. Aaron looked unsure. "We might be gone for a day or more..."

"That's fine. I don't have any family to miss me anyways."

He clears his throat and glances away. It was a low blow, playing on the sympathy card even when your family was really in the same room with him. But hey; if you have an ace, use it. He seemed to be relenting, but he still looked uneasy.

You cracked a smile and ran a hand along the motorcycle lovingly. "C'mon, Aaron," you drew out, "Have a little faith."

It wasn't long before you were on the bike.

The motorcycle revved to life beneath you, sending a thrill down your spine. You cling tighter around Daryl's waist, bracing for the power. Your packs, the arrows, and the ammo was strapped on tight to the side of the bike. Daryl had rode it right out of Aaron's garage, loud and proud as he drove it right up to the gates.

As you passed by the groups house, Daryl nodded to Rick, who was standing on the front porch of his house in his police uniform, with Judith on his hip. She giggled when she saw you and Daryl on the bike and yelled out, with that musical voice of hers, "Bye, bye!" Rick smiled as he stroked his daughters hair then held up a hand of farewell. You hadn't mentioned anything to Carl about the run, but he appeared in the front window as you went by. You bet he'd figure it out once he saw you drive through the front gates. You hadn't seen him since last night and you weren't sure you wanted to just yet. A vacation would do you some good.

* * *

The woods in Virginia were different from the woods in Georgia. Georgia's forests oozed with vitality; everything was green and blossoming and there was never a silent moment. In Virginia, the trees were lifeless sticks of charcoal that haunted the once vibrant forest. It was eerie.

Daryl's tread was light over the bed of fallen leaves and you tried to follow in his footsteps. It was hard to be quiet in these woods, every step sent out an alert to every walker in a half mile radius. However it did make it harder for walkers to sneak up on you, which was a bonus.

Squirrels darted about the foliage in the late September light, gathering food for Winter. Too bad they wouldn't make it until Winter. Daryl's arrows hit home like they always do, and you notice that he had struck the eye on each squirrel.

"What's with the new target? You ask as Daryl ties the tails onto his belt, blood still dripping from their small carcasses.

"Alexandria ain't too stocked on baby clothes. Figured I could make the little ones or lil ass-kicker somethin soft to wear this Winter."

You wanted to say thank you for looking after your niece. You wanted to say that you were sorry that he never got to know you as a baby. You wanted to say again that you were sorry you left.

But instead you just say, "They'll like that."

You walk on through the woods, few words shared between you. It was relaxed; comfortable, like before. You watched as he began to fix a snare at the base of an evergreen tree. He only ever did that when he knew that he would be in the same place for a while. Maybe Alexandria really was home now.

You had nearly forgotten that Aaron was with you, but not because of how quiet he was being, that was for sure. He was nice enough; he tried too hard, that was all. The night before you had all slept in the car and the both of them insisted you have the back seat. Daryl had said that you were the only one who would fit laying down in it anyways, which was annoyingly true.

Daryl held up his hand, stopping you and Aaron in your tracks. He relaxed but kept alert and you continued forward with your machete drawn. It wasn't the same one as before, but the new one was longer and sharper; more deadly, like you.

In the grass ahead there was a torn apart pile of limbs in the grass. Further ahead there's a body of a woman tied to a tree with ropes, with her intestines falling out of her stomach. She was ripped apart while tied there, nothing she could do to stop it. You could envision it in your head, you had seen it so often. Daryl mutters something about the W marked into her forehead and his voice wakes her up like some kind of twisted sleeping beauty. Her pale, lifeless she's look at him hungrily and a low snarl stirs in her throat. Daryl drives his knife into its skull and he falls limp against its restraints.

"So tell me," Daryl said, glancing around a final time to make sure you were alone. Aaron had walked off to go to the bathroom, saying that he would catch up later. He lowered his voice, "how'd the job go?"

You matched his pace, your footfalls now in sync. "Well ya know it went well. We got the guns and no one suspected nothin."

"But you got caught," he said. It didn't sound like a question.

You exhale in a huff. "Yes," you admitted. "But we had a cover up that worked just fine."

"Your cover bein' throwing yerself at the Grimes boy?" He asked gruffly, his voice disapproving but not overly angry.

You roll your eyes. "Jessie talked to Rick?" You asked, raising you eyebrows . Daryl nodded and you scoffed. Even if that had been real, you and Carl were almost seventeen. If wasn't like you were kids that needed to be told on. "Yeah, maybe it wasn't an ideal cover," you admitted, slight annoyance coloring your voice. "but it worked out just fine so let it go."

And he did...for some strange reason. Maybe it was something in the absolute tone in your voice that sounded how your moms used to when she would tell you what to do. You realized you sounded...grown up.

You heard Aaron approaching from more than two dozen yards away. Both you and Daryl were looking when he broke through the trees. He forced a laugh. "Wow," he said awkwardly, "you're both really good at that."

* * *

You're on the bike again; it's midmorning and the sky is overcast, giving the whole day an eerie, tired feeling. Before long, Daryl pulls into a side area off the road, surrounded by trees. The bike slows to a halt and you climb off, pulling off the packs before Daryl is even off the bike. You start into the woods without a word.

"Somebody came though here a while ago," Daryl said, pushing his way through brush.

"If we see them, we hang back, set up the mike, watch and listen." This was how they recruited people; they spied on them until they deemed them fit for the town.

"For how long?"

The decline runs into small, stagnant creek that you have to leap across to keep from getting your boots wet. In the cold, if they got wet you could be freezing in no time. It was the kind of cold that would always find a way in, no matter how many layers you wore. "Until we know," Aaron replied somberly. "We have to know."

"You've sent people away?" Daryl asked as he climbed to the top of the include just after the hill. He glanced back as if checking that you were keeping up, which, of course you were.

"Yeah." Aaron replied, following after Daryl.

He looked how you felt. "What happened?" He asked, his breath coming out in frosty white puffs. It was freezing, probably at least thirty degrees.

"It was early on," Aaron explained, "it was three people. Two men and a woman. Davidson was their leader. Smart as hell, strong. I thought they'd work out. They didn't. I brought them in and I had to see them out. So me, Aiden, and Nicholas, we drove them out far, gave them a days worth of food and water and left them."

"They just went?" Daryl asked, focused on something farther ahead. Tracks, probably.

"We had their guns," Aaron explained, his voice lifeless. "We had all their guns."

They were probably dead. From behind him, you could see him take a deep breath and look around, the weight of what he had done weighing heavily on him.

"I can't make that kind of mistake again."

* * *

You had found the guy you were tracking. "The guy in the red poncho" you were referring to him as. You were hidden at the edge of a field, watching him rub mud off his face to ward away bugs.

"What's he doing?" Aaron asked. He had his sound thing out and was focused on the man.

"Wild leeks," Daryl explained, putting down his binoculars. "Son of a bitch knows about how to keep mosquitoes off of him." He watched him move farther away. "Come on."

But it didn't matter. "The guy in the red poncho" was gone. Here one minute and gone the next. Just like that.

* * *

You had a new goal in mind though: grocery delivery trucks outside of a deserted, fenced in lot. A few walkers roamed around inside, but overall it looked safe. It seemed possible that there may be food still inside the trucks.

"We checked the forest. We checked the roads. We can't find him. Sometimes they slip away. It happens. But...you don't come across something like this every day."

"We do this now," Daryl said, "it means we're givin up."

"Home is fifty miles back. It's time to go. You saw it last night, there's bad people out there."

"That's why we ought to keep lookin for the good ones."

"We need more people and we'll find them. But when we do, we need to feed them."

Daryl considered it. "All right." He hammered his knife against the fence, and within seconds every walker in the fence was stumbling it's way closer to its death. Once they fall at your feet, Aaron opens the gate and you go in.

At the back of the trucks, Aaron starts prying the back license plate off of one of them. "Wasn't sure I'd see one of these," he remarks, smiling as he puts it into his bag. "Hey, listen," he says while he works on the plate, "I don't like giving up either, but the guy is in a red poncho. You can see him from a mile away. We've got a lot of miles here. No sign of him. But, if we come away with a trailer full of cans, I'd say that's a good trip."

He finished prying off the license plate and walked over towards you, holding it up and winking. You returned the smile with a half smile of your own, mostly out of politeness.

Daryl nodded and approached the latch to the back of the truck doors. "Here we go," he says, fiddling with the latch.

The moment he unlatches it, before he can even start to pull it upwards, it lurches upwards as strings snap all around you. Walkers lunge towards you as they emerge from the truck, and Daryl jumps back in shock. His whole "be prepared for anything" idea apparently didn't think this would happen. The noise is loud and defining and you now see why. The strings attached to the one door opened the other two trucks, and now an entire horde was beating down on you.

Grabbing your arm, Daryl yanks you out of the walkers reach and pushes you in the right direction as he runs for cover between the two trucks, Aaron at his heels. You reach the back of the truck and come to a pause; they were everywhere. There must have been more trucks the wires triggered elsewhere because the courtyard was swarming with the corpses. Daryl's hunting knife is out in a microsecond and imbedded in a walkers forehead as you wield your new machete, taking off a head or two. With Aaron's newly acquired license plate, he bashes in their temple with an intensity you didn't know he had in him.

But it didn't matter; they were closing in.

"Over here!" Daryl yells through the noise. You see where he was headed: back through the trucks. He yanks you after him and you follow while covering them; knocking off any walkers that got too close.

"C'mon!" He yells, encouraging Aaron under the truck and waiting until you had rolled under to scramble to cover just in time.

There's a lot of room under the truck, but the walkers press in from almost every side, forcing you all to huddle in the center. Daryl reaches a metal chain and pulls it after him as he climbs out the other side. He whips it at three approaching walkers, cutting a dent in each of their foreheads. You climb out, and toss him his crossbow before helping to pull out Aaron.

The area is still filled and you know what's about to happen. Daryl takes out a few more as he speaks. "Stay right behind me, keep yer head done and don't stop for nothin!" He yells above the noise.

You decided to listen for once in your life. Head down and machete clutched in your hands, you force your way through the masses. Your salvation, a rusting car, stands before you, and just as the horde closes in, Daryl tears open the door and pushes you inside it before lunging in himself.

"Come on! Go!" He yells as Aaron barely manages to scramble in before they walkers take him down. A particularly angry walkers head is stuck in the door and Aaron had to slam it a few times before it slumps to the group. The car door finally slams closed and you swear it's the most beautiful sound you've ever heard.

Within the second, a hundred cold, rotten hands are clawing and scraping at the glass. The roar of their growls is almost painful to hear.

After the mandatory 'everyone catch their breath and make sure they're still alive' couple of seconds, Daryl looks into the back of their car, where you ended up. "Anythin back there?" He asks you breathlessly.

You can't see much with the walkers covering the windows but there just enough light to make out your surroundings. A few coins. An empty bag of trash. A dead bug. "Nothing," you tell him.

"The glass will hold for a while, right?" Aaron asked as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He looked back at you and you glanced away.

"Maybe," Daryl allowed, looking out the window. "Maybe make it so they can't see us. In a couple hours, something will come by, they'll follow it out." He looked under the visor. "There's gotta be something in here we can use to block the view. He looked into the back and helped you look around.

"We could cut up these seats," you suggested and Daryl grunted his approval.

He turned back as Aaron found a piece of crumbled, yellow paper. I'm a mixture of pen and blood, it read: _Trap. Bad people coming. Don't stay._

Daryl's breathing grew heavier and more erratic as he looked around for a way out, or maybe a break in the walkers, hitting his hand on the dashboard where there was none. You knew the helplessness he was feeling. Where if it was just you by yourself you might be able to manage a very risky way out, but you couldn't because there were others that you cared about more than yourself and you couldn't risk their safety. You were forced into that position with Alice more times than you would like to admit. Looking back a final time, Daryl's eyes rested on you.

He turned back around a second later, but his haunted look stuck in your head for a long time after. The once angry snarling dulls to background noise and you decide to lay on the seats. It's not very comfortable but it's better.

After a few long moments of silence, Daryl chuckles dryly. Aaron looks at him in confusion. "What?"

"I came out here to... not feel all closed up back there. Even now, this still feels more like me...than back in them houses. That's pretty messed up, huh?" You have to suppress a smile; you knew the feeling.

"You were trying," Aaron said in that civil, wholesome way of his.

"I had to," Daryl muttered.

Aaron sat up farther. "No you didn't."

"Listen, I saw you with your group out there on the road. Then you went off on your own by the barn. Storm hit and you led your people to safety. That was it. I knew I had to bring you people back." Daryl nods but doesn't say anything. "You were right. We should have kept looking for that guy in the poncho." Aaron says pitifully with a smirk that fades quickly. "I shouldn't have given up. You didn't."

Daryl's silent for moment. Then, as if making up his mind, he sat up straighter and put a cigarette to his lips. "I'll go," he said with it still in his mouth. "I'll go. You both make a break for the fence." He lit the cigarette.

"Like hell you will," you snap, sitting upright in less than a second, your eyes burning with intensity. Daryl could survive a lot, but even for him this was definite suicide.

Aaron nods. "She's right. This was my fault."

He shakes his head, ignoring you. "It wasn't a question." He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth. "And this ain't your decision. It ain't nobody's fault. Just let me finish my smoke first."

Your mom used to smoke. While most people found the smell disgusting, you had always found it comforting. Every time since she had died and you smelled cigarette smoke, you could pretend she was here again. It has always comforted you. But it didn't this time. This time you were angry.

"No, you don't draw them away. We fight. We go for the fence. Draw them away for Alex. We'll do it together. All right? Whether we make it or not, we do it together. We have to."

"This is _bullshit_. If either of y'all think for one damn second I'm gonna sit here and let you go without me, you're fuckin crazy."

Daryl sighed. "All right," he agreed with Aaron, then turned back to you. "Stay at my back, yah hear me?" He demanded. You nodded and gripped your machete tighter. "You ready?" He asked. Both you and Aaron gave your assent. You each put a hand on the door. "We'll go on three. One, two-"

Just before you opened the door, a walker just outside Aaron's door was struck dead. A man you had never seen before opened the door and pulled Aaron out, and without asking any questions Daryl followed, shooting for you to follow. The horde was spread out and distracted and at last there was a clear way out. Aaron grabbed the gate and began to swing it closed just as you and Daryl slipped past. It was locked and chained quickly; the walkers on one side and you on the other.

You and Daryl both turned, regarding the mean wearily, while Aaron nearly hyperventilated. "That was- oh- thank you." He managed to catch his breath. "I'm Aaron. This is Daryl and Alex."

The man looked around. "Morgan." He said.

"Why?" Daryl asked what you were all thinking.

Morgan looked at him. He had that enlightened monk sort of vibe to him. "Why?" He asked with a ghost of a smile. "Because all like is precious, Daryl."

"Whoever set that trap, they're coming. But I have good news. We do. We have a community not too far from here. Walls, electricity, it's safe. If you'd like to come join us-"

Morgan cut him off. "I thank you. But I'm on my way somewhere. Fact is, I'm lost, so," he held out a map to Daryl. "If you could tell me where we are."

He held out the map. There scrawled in red writing was the last thing that you thought that you would see:

_Sorry I was an asshole. Come to Washington. The new worlds gonna need Rick Grimes._

* * *

**A/N:** hey again. I've decided to add in some much needed Jasper/Daryl interaction. I was going to keep Aaron behind, but I kinda like him tagging along with his awkward try hard kind of humor. On the timeline of the show, she's on the run with Daryl while back at Alexandria Rick is going crazy and all that and Carl goes outside the fence with Enid (or is her? Honestly idk what I'm doing with that yet.)

I'm not sure If i can get out another chapter before season 6 pt2 comes back on. This chapter was based off of the last episode of season five. I've been trying to space these chapters out and keep in season 5 so that when season 6 pt2 comes out (FEB 14th!) I can make sure it all flows well (since I can't really write the finale until I know how it's resolved). I can't wait. PS: I hate that kid.

_Mailbag_: To Annalise Pager: I love your reviews and tysm for religiously reviewing every chapter (twice sometimes even). To galwidanatitud: I'm trying to make Jasper more mature in as much as I can to prove her leaving was really important. And tysm for reviewing! Guest(s) and Angel: Awh thank you all so much! I love writing this story and I'm glad you all like reading it.

As always, and ideas you may have about the story (especially how Jasper in the story will affect Carl/Enjd) will be extremely helpful and of course I'll give you credit for it. Opinions on anything good or bad are also totally welcome they help so much guys you don't even know. Thanks for reading! -Kat


	37. Chapter 37

_You say it's too late to make it,_  
_But is it too late to try?_  
_And in our time that you wasted_  
_All of our bridges burned down_  
_Payphone, Maroon 5_

* * *

Three years ago, the world was alive. The spreading disease was just something for bored students to make fun of, your biggest worry was if you would be cast the lead for the school musical, and the only kind of survival you were concerned about was surviving freshman year.

Three years ago, your mom wasn't sick, your little sister wasn't sent away, and Cole hadn't yet left for college yet. Within the year, Cole would be stranded in Ohio and your mom and Alice would both be sick. Within two, your mom and brother were dead, and Alice was gone. Within three, you had found and left your dad, and were on your own again.

In a few months, it would be four years since the beginning of the end of the world. Four years since that little thirteen year old girl worried about her daunting first homecoming dance that would never come.

You wanted to go back in time, to scream at her and warn her about what was come, make her do things differently. Make her cherish those last few weeks. Help her somehow save her family before it was destroyed. But all you could do was watch her through your memories, innocent and oblivious to the future she had before her. The future where she kills like its nothing.

They saw time heals all wounds, but they're wrong. Time just makes you forget, helps you get used to the pain, numbs it just long enough so that you're comfortable with it being your new reality. Time heals nothing.

Three years has healed nothing.

* * *

You had returned to Alexandria having achieved nothing but a few more cuts and bruises, but alive nonetheless. It was late evening when you arrived, and before anyone had seen you, you had returned to the house you and Spencer shared. When you walked in, she was in the kitchen pulling cans and jars of food from a basket and putting them into her pack. Her dark hair was pulled up into a clip, and you could see her face-freshly washed of any and all grime and blood. Her under eye circles had lightened and she looked more rested than you had seen her in a long time.

"Could hear you coming from a mile away." She smiled that wry grin you loved. "You didn't tell me you were leaving."

You put down your pack on a chair and kicked off your boots. "Sorry. I didn't know I was until I was gone."

"I started our job while you were on your little vacation." She pulled a few water bottles from the fridge and added them to her bag. "He's not here. Word is he is somewhere in South Carolina. There's another safe town there."

Your brow creased in confusion. "Who's not here?" You asked.

She laughed once, incredulous. "The guy were here tracking? The one from the file?" Her dark eyes searched yours. "You do remember it's our job to track down people, right? You didn't hit your head again or anything did you?"

You shook your head. Bounty hunting. The job. Right. "Yeah, yeah of course." You mutter.

"I packed for you." She said slipping her knife into her belt. "If we leave now, we can probably get back by early spring. It'll be easier to travel then too. We'll leave at sunup, yeah?"

Leave now? Leave behind the group. Again. Leave behind your only remaining family, Daryl and baby Grace. Leave behind Carl? No, you couldn't. You exhaled slowly, looking around the big room. Spencer took her job very seriously and she promised those people we would find who they wanted. You sighed. "A few more days, okay? Just a while longer. Then were outta here."

She held your gaze for a long while. She sighed, defeated. "Fine. But if were staying, you better do something about your sheriff, alright? There's so much sexual tension even I'm on edge."

You stifled a laugh. "I'll work on that."

"Good," she said, pleased.

You loiter in the hallway. "Spencer, you do know that I've never, you know, done anything before, like with a guy."

"Oh! Well it's pretty much the same as with girls, just a lot more-"

"No, Spencer!" You cut her off before she can get too detailed. "I mean I've never done anything with anyone before."

Her eyes noticeably widen. "What? Are you freaking kidding me? You? Little miss badass who walks around like she has taken on the whole world is a _virgin_?"

"Why don't you talk a little louder, I don't think the walkers outside the walls can heard you." You spit your reply but your cheeks burn.

She giggles, actually giggles. "Innocence looks good on you, Jazzy. I like it."

"Forget I said anything!" You called in annoyance as you marched up the stairs.

"Make sure you shower, you can't shag if you smell like absolute shit!" She calls after you, enjoying herself far too much.

You rolled your eyes, but grabbed your pack and began to head upstairs. "Elegant as always, Spencer." You called down. You can't see her, but you know that she winks.

You finally take the shower that everyone had been on you to take. The water is warm, and it feels like heaven on your various injuries. You scrub your skin so hard that it's left stinging and a light pink color, but it's clean for the first time in a long time. You wash your hair and tear through it the best you can with a hairbrush, but you still have to cut out some knotted chunks with scissors. You wrap all the wounds that need addressing and dress in the fresh clothes they brought you; new underclothes, a fitted grey teeshirt and plain jeans. You scrub your leather jacket and boots clean and set them on your nightstand for tomorrow.

You climbed into bed, tired for not having really slept since you left, and let your eyes close. Thinking about it now, your minor injuries barely even hurt compared to others you have had of late.

But three years ago you didn't have any injuries and you weren't wondering how long it would stay that way.

Three years ago the world wasn't dead.

* * *

The heavy knocks seemed to echo as you stood at their door. You had never visited the groups home before because before you were always a part of it. It felt strange to be knocking on a door when before it had always been cell block bars and twenty foot tall gates. But that was over now.

Carol opens the door, her facade already in place but it drops once she sees that it's only you. You're reminded that you're not the only one who has a fake story. A new look crosses her face-one of muted content, as she lets you into the house.

"What's the word about Rick?" She asks, returning to the kitchen where she's making something in a glass pan.

You shrugged at you sat down at a bar stool and watched Carol work. "People are scared. Before now, no one came in here and made them think. They're not scared of Rick. They're scared of reality." Carol makes a noise is agreement, not bothering to look up from her task. "So what are we gonna do?" You asked.

"Well," Carol poured a bowl of noodles into a pan. "I'm gonna play my part, the weak woman who the great Rick Grimes saved again and again." Her face was stoic, like it almost always was. "We all have our ways to convince them."

You nod. "And me and Spencer. We're completely unbiased people who don't even know Rick Grimes but we think our good constable should stay," you meet her eyes.

Carol nods once, the corners of her lips just barely turned upwards.

Out of nowhere, you heard crying. It was loud and startled you, since there weren't any children anywhere around, until you see the baby monitors on the kitchen table.

Carol sighs as she looks at one of them, and starts to walk away but the crying is cut off suddenly. She turns and looks back at the monitor. Carl is there, lifting his baby sister out of the crib-turned-bed and holding her on his hip. The four year old tells him she had a nightmare in her innocent babble and he holds her on his hip, swaying as he murmurs calming words to his little sister. You can't help the shadow of a smile that crosses your face.

Another cry pierces the air, this one more shrill, younger. There, on another baby monitor, is your brothers baby girl, Grace. You had wanted to see her ever since you had gotten here, but you couldn't bring yourself to see her. You still felt so guilty for leaving her with strangers and seeing her would make it all real. When you left, she had her mother but within two months she had died and you had left the little baby behind.

"You should go up there," Carol says as she begins to wipe clean the counters. "See Grace."

"That's why I'm here." You tell her. Without meeting her eyes, you turn. You climb the stairs slowly, taking your time. It's not difficult to locate the nursery, it being just to the left of the stairs. Carl stands inside, rocking Judith as he bounced back and forth gently. He doesn't see you, but he turns the moment you enter the doorway. It doesn't surprise you.

You hadn't seen him since that night in the armory. Your heart beats harder in your chest, but you write it off as stressing over seeing Grace. He looks at you with those steady blue eyes, seeing too much like always. He had always seen right through you, but you had never felt more transparent than you did right then. You can't help but glanced at his lips and remember how they moved against yours that night in the armory.

He doesn't say anything when he sees you, just gives you a brief half smile as he goes back to rocking Judith, who was nearly asleep.

The first crib wasn't a crib at all, but a small bed for Judith. The second crib was empty and decorated with blue blankets. Riley's crib. Maggie kept her eighteen month old with her as much as she could. Her new job here was alongside Deanna, leading or something like that. She was able to keep Riley with her, and you knew that she valued it.

The last crib, was Grace's. When you see her, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. The baby has startlingly bright blue eyes like her mother, and her chubby skin was a light caramel color that reminded you of sunshine. Short, dark curls fell into her wide eyes. She didn't look like a baby anymore, she looked like a little person. She looked up at you with intelligent eyes, waiting for you to do something.

Her lips fumble about, attempting to form words. She lets loose a string of babble, seeming perfectly pleased with it. She purses her lips, trying to create a word. "Mum-a." She wonders. "Mum-a."

You're frozen in place unsure of what to do. You could feel Carl's eyes on you, unsure of how you might react. "No, no, Gracie. I'm not your momma." You whisper finally. "I'm your aunt. I'm Jasper."

Your vaguely aware that Carl lays a now passed out Judith on her bed and tucks her in. "Mum-a." Grace whispers again, looking up at you with her big blue eyes. Carl is watching you still, gauging you reaction. "Okay, baby, I'll be momma if you want."

Her dreamy smile turns to a pout in seconds, her moods changing quickly like so many babies's moods do. She starts crying again, squirming about in your arms. Carl can obviously see your panic, because he picks her up gently and holds her on his hip like he did with Judith. Her crying soon forgotten, Grace giggles and grabs onto his sleeve, putting it in her mouth. She's comfortable around him, like he had been taking care of her.

He looks up from her and at you. "I think she looks like you," he says as he laid her back in the crib, already drifting off to sleep.

You noticed she did have the same facial shape, and smile too, now that you saw her smile. You looked more like Cole than you though. "She looks more like my brother," you say, your voice no more that a whisper.

You saw him in her. You saw him in how her eyes squinted when she smiled, or the dimples in her chubby cheeks. You saw him in the pout to her lips and the flush to her cheeks. "He'll never get to see her like this." It his you again, that he was really gone. That you'd never see him laugh or smile or call you "little sister" ever again. Tears stung your eyes.

You're quick to blink them away, but of course Carl noticed. He noticed everything. He reaches out for you, but you pull back. "I'm fine," you say shaking your head and smiling unconvincingly. "I'm fine."

You look away and wipe the corners of your eyes completely dry with your sleeve. When you turn back to him, he's watching you carefully, his lips parted slightly.

"So," you force an unconvincing smile. "Where's Beth an' Sophia? Would've thought they'd be playing nanny."

You know almost instantly. They were dead. Gone, like all the others. "How?" You ask, your voice no more than a childs.

Carl gently set Grace back in her crib, handing her a handful of animal crackers to keep her occupied. "Sophia stepped on a nail, got tetanus. Something as stupid and simple as that. Beth was taken by these people. We were so close to getting her back, but they shot her. It was a head shot, there was no chance to even try to save her."

Before you can wipe them away, the tears that stung your eyes rolled down your face. You should've known. They would've come to see you if they were alive. You should've known. You rubbed them away with your sleeve almost immediately, but he had seen them already. Carl pulls you to him easily, your head against his chest, and wraps his arms around you. He gently strokes your hair as you regain control of your breathing, your face buried in his shirt. You focus on his breathing, his heartbeat, and somehow you feel better.

You're not sure how long that you stood there wrapped in Carl's embrace, mourning your friends deaths.

"Hey, uh," you mumble, moving to look up at him. "I got an idea, if you're up for it..."

His brow creases. His face was so close to yours that you could feel his warm breath. It would be so easy to just stretch up on your toes and just- "What do you mean?"

"Spencer has a bottle of something back at our place. Vodka maybe, but I'm not sure." You shift slightly farther from him and he drops his arms.

"I got something better, c'mon." The babies left to their dreams, you followed Carl as he leads you up another set of stairs and into an attic.

There's a pile of old blankets and pillows strewn around a worn blow up mattress. A pile of handmade arrows are in a pile by the bed. This was undoubtedly Daryl's room. You could understand why. In the attic where was plenty of light so he wouldn't feel so closed in. There was a small balcony out the back that was partially covered by a tree, so there was an escape if necessary and a good vantage point. He could also snipe off walkers or people from here without anyone seeing him.

Carl walked over to where the blow up mattress is pressed against the wall. He pushes it aside and pulls up a floorboards. You look inside to see a half full carton of cigarettes, a full bottle and a half full bottle of whiskey, his hunting knife and a gun.

"He knows that someone takes some every now and again," Carl said pulling out the half full bottle. "I think he assumes it's Michone or my dad, so he doesn't say anything. Hell, maybe he knows it's me."

You sit beside him on the blow up mattress. "Daryl shouldn't be home for a while. He's out recruiting with Aaron."

"Is that what this place is now?" You ask. "Home?"

The bottle opens with a soft pop. "My dad seems to think so." He says. "It's safe here. Maybe even safer then the prison." He holds the bottle out towards you questioningly.

You close your eyes and down a swallow of it. The taste is bitter and it burns as it goes down. But it feels freeing in a way. You feel lighter. The two of you drink in silence for a few minutes, hoping that the answer to all your problems lies at the bottom of the bottle. And so the evening drags on and not once does Carol come looking for you. Few words were exchanged between you two and the few that were had become slurred and senseless. The taste improved with each swallow, but she burning never ceased.

You didn't completely remember what it was, but when Carl said something funny, you couldn't stop laughing. Carl probably did, he didn't drink as much. Only a couple swallows. He had told you that he had never had this much before though.

He smiles warmly when you laugh. "I haven't heard that in almost a year." He watch at you with a look you can't quite make sense of.

"I missed you so much," you say, falling back onto the blow up mattress. You giggle as you bounce against it before settling onto the fabric. Carl takes a long sip and lays beside you. His hair tickles your face and you can smell his shirt. You know you're drunk and you know you'll regret this come morning but you don't care.

"I missed you too, Jasper. So much." He closed his eyes and takes another long sip. "It's weird calling you Alex. I don't like it. You're Jasper."

You sat up too quickly and stumbled forward, almost falling off the bed. "Whoa." You laughed, righting yourself. Carl sits up too, yielding similar results.

You managed to stand and giggled when you were dizzy walking across the floor. "You're gonna get hurt," Carl warned you, waving you back towards him. You smiled and steadied yourself using his shoulders. Sitting down he was still about your height, only a few inches shorter. You looped your arms around his neck and quickly your smile began to fade. Carl was here. Why weren't you together again?

And so you did what any drunk girl did around her ex boyfriend. You kissed him. And like any drunk ex boyfriend, he kissed you back.

It wasn't a blushy, schoolyard kiss that you used to share when you were fifteen. It was the kind of kiss that you had in the armory-it had an urgent, intensity that only made you want more. It was like a frenzy-your arms were wrapped around his neck, and Carl's hands fell to your waist, both of you pulling the other closer until you were on his lap, straddling him, his lips everywhere.

You weren't sure now if you were dizzy because of the whiskey or because of Carl. He seems to think the same thing, because his lips stop moving against yours. You break away and both of you breathe heavily. "What?" You ask, your voice no more than a heavy whisper. You try to catch his eye, but they're closed as he regains his breath.

"You're drunk." He sighed, his eyes still closed and his lips parted slightly. "And so am I."

You almost laugh. "That is an excellent observation," you mumbled, trying to bring your lips back to his, but he stopped you.

You were confused. He did want to kiss you, didn't he? He used to love you. Surely he didn't hate you now, right?

"You don't want to kiss me?" You asked, sounding like a hurt puppy. You were too drunk to care though.

He sighs, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "Of course I do, baby." He closed his eyes then reopened them. "But you're drunk and you don't know what you're doing. It's not real," his words were slightly slurred, but still less so than yours, and his breathing was uneven.

No, no, it is real, you want to say. Just when you're sober you don't have the guts. But maybe he was right. Maybe you weren't thinking clearly. "Don't worry, I'm fine." You tell him anyways.

"Jasper." He warns, his voice no more than a whisper.

Giving up, you pull yourself off of him and flop onto the bed beside him, sighing tiredly. "This was a bad idea." You pulled at your shirt, righting it.

Carl chuckled, laying back down beside you. "Yeah probably." He agrees.

"So what do we do now?" You asked, starting at the ceiling. You could still feel his lips on yours. "Daryl would kill me if he knew."

"We hide the evidence. Try and pretend that we were never up here." He answers. Oh, that would probably be a good idea. "And try to not seem hungover tomorrow."

You smile hazily. "All excellent suggestions."

And that's where you were now. Trying to get drunk enough to forget that the world was dead.

* * *

**A/N:** Honestly I thought this was going to be a short filler chapter but damn was I wrong. Oh well, good news for you guys then:) I felt like the Carl/Jasper (Casper) needed some fluff even though they're not together, so this was the result. I love writing Spencer/Jasper interaction and just Spencer as a whole. She's badass and chill and I think I'm going to make her and Rosita friends since they're so alike, and maybe have something with Spencer and Abraham (yes, no?). At this point I have completed season 5 of The Walking Dead and am moving on to season 6. I'm trying to space it out as much as I can, so like always it'll probably be a while but review do help me to update sooner.

**Mailbag: **_Wholocked_: yass bitch ur back! _Guest (A):_ awh thank you so much! And I really liked your review and your idea. I think I'm going to do a sort of in-between on the whole Enid/Jasper/Carl front. _JaliceJelsa-4eva:_ yeah my bad, I meant to have him call her Alex, not Jasper. I've changed it on the last chapter. _Annalise Pager:_ I love your reviews as always:) tysm

**Spoiler alert for midseason premiere:** I am figuring it everything that happened with Carl and Carl's eye (or lack of). From the midseason premiere to the episode after the time gap was two months, I am going to try to fill in those two months instead of skip over them. That means the cleaning up and restoration of Alexandria and Carl's recovery would all be covered instead of being skipped over. It will be a lot of healing and calm, not much action except for runs probably, but I'll try to make it interesting. Let me know what you think. **End of spoiler alert.**

I'm going to try to fill in the two month time gap between the midseason premiere and the episode after because don't want this to be a fanfic that follows right behind the story. It makes it very difficult to write with an OC following the story because something that you add/don't add/change could affect a lot in the long term. So review and let me know what you think about my ideas as well as any and all ideas you have about it, I love love love hearing them. -Kat


	38. Chapter 38

_Somewhere between happy and a total fucking wreck_

_Feet sometimes on solid ground, and sometimes at the edge_

_To spend your waking moments, simply killing time_

_Is to give up on your hopes and dreams, to give up on your..._

_Survive, Rise Against_

* * *

Survival is lucky. You're strong, prepared, but if luck isn't on your side you're screwed. Your group was all three while the Alexandrian's were only one: lucky. They weren't strong. They were only prepared because they were lucky. But luck was on their side and in the end that's all that really matters.

There was a pit. A massive, coincidence of a pit that saved Alexandria from the largest herd of walkers that you had ever seen. And this wonderful coincidence was about to turn into a deadly weapon against the settlement any day now. There was a plan in play, a plan that you were to be no part of apparently.

"What the hell do ya mean I can't help!?" You demanded as you stalked up to Daryl who was sitting on the front porch, making his arrows like always.

Daryl looked up calmly then glanced down the streets since technically, according to Alexandria's people, you barely knew each other. Thankfully there was no one on the streets currently, but right now you didn't care if Deanna herself were standing right beside you. There was a big job going down in a few hours and you were going to be a part of it. To hell with all of them.

"That's exactly what I mean. You can't help," he said gruffly, sharpening the end of an arrow and shoving it into a bag.

You stand your ground, looking murderous, your eyes ablaze with anger. "And why the hell not?" you demanded, your voice hard.

"Well for one thing, you ain't exactly keepin yer cover if you go out there guns blazin. Two, yer still a kid and they don't want kids out there."

"You know damn sure I'm more of an adult than any one else from this goddamn town and you're letting those people out there?! They're gonna get themselves killed! They're gonna get our people killed!" You drew in an angry breath. "If you let me and Carl out there, two more of them could stay behind and less people will end up dead."

"You know that an I know that but them? They don't know that. Yer the one who came in her lookin like a damn flower girl. You gotta keep yer cover now."

You glared. "C'mon, that's bullshit. I'll head out with you they won't even know I'm gone."

Daryl turns his head and spits to the right of you, into the bushes surrounding the porch. "An three," he continues as if you had never spoken, "that's why I need ya here. They don't know what they're doing. If this thing goes south, then we're gonna need people protecting this place. Protecting the little ones. You, Carl, Carol and Maggie, that's on you."

You grit your teeth, knowing that it was a fair point. "And when this all goes down, be ready. Keep yer gear on ya. Fully loaded. I don't trust these people."

You sigh and half glare at him, defeated. "That's my point."

* * *

It was strange with them gone, an eerie kind of calm had settled over Alexandria. You had said goodbye to everyone that morning before the sun had even risen. You went home after, to the house you shared with Spencer for the time being, and finally took that bath Spencer had been telling you to take. You felt truly clean for the first time in a long time, even bathing with vanilla smelling soaps. After, you dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and a black tank top. You pulled your boots on and threw on your jacket, leaving your hair down in soft bronze curls. While you looked the perfect picture of casual, you were decked out in weapons per Daryl's insistence.

You walked to the house where the group stayed, stopping short when you saw Carl with a baby stroller walking down the road in your direction, half a block from the house. Shit. You hadn't seen him since two nights ago. The day after you had been hungover and avoided him completely. But you knew you had to see him eventually. Apparently today was eventually.

"Should I grab Gracey?" You asked, your voice an octave higher than usual. Your voice sounds casual, but not without you forcing it to. Your heart hammered in your chest and you felt heat creeping up your neck, but you brushed it off. The tension between in the air was tangible.

He shook his head, feigning casualness but his darkening cheeks gives him away. "She's sleeping." He tells you, then cracks a smile as Judith leans forward grinning and waving at you. Her hair was in pigtails that brushed her shoulders and were tied with little sparkly ties.

"Hey, Princess," you smiled, squatting down to her level, grateful for the distraction. She laughed delightedly and tells you about how Carl promised he would take her to the park to go on the 'big kid slide'.

"Really?" You asked animatedly, sparing a glance up at Carl who was barely suppressing a grin. "That's so nice of 'em! Maybe after we can go to the pond and see the baby ducks?"

She gasps and looks to Carl for approval. He rolls his eyes at you but nods to his little sister. She squeals delightedly then goes back to playing with some doll.

Carl smiles at you and you join him. You walk together in uneasy silence for a couple seconds, the only noise was Judith talking animatedly to the doll about a bird or something.

"Hey, Carl?" you say finally. "Look, I'm really sorry for, uh, attacking you the other night. You were right, I was really drunk." You frowned, glancing away. "And really, really stupid."

He smiled an easy smile but it doesn't fully reach his eyes. He was better at faking than you. "It's okay, Jasper." His smile gave way to a laugh. "You were _really_ drunk."

You scoffed. "I was not _that_ drunk." You argued trying to remember the rest of the night.

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh really? You couldn't walk straight. You were swaying even while sitting down." He laughed.

"Maybe that's why I threw up in my bushes the next morning." You reasoned. "Felt like shit all day." The tension slowly began to ease away into a relaxed comfort like there used to be.

Footsteps approached behind you, loud and hesitant. You turned before he spoke. "Carl?" It was the priest (Gabriel, wasn't it?) walking up behind you.

Carl clenches his jaw and turns around, his voice hard. "What?" He snaps. His voice is gruff and thick, like Ricks.

The priest ducks his head, cowering. "You heard what I told Deanna about your group?" He guesses weakly.

"What do you want?" He growls.

You glance away; this conversation was between them. The birds called to each other in the trees, talking musically. The wind blew your dark hair back gently and the sun warmed the cooling air. It was peaceful.

"It was about me," the priest confessed. "Not you. Or your group. I know that now. I want to help. You tried to teach me back at my church, but I'm ready to learn now."

They were at a church? Ironic.

Carl sighs, relenting but his voice was still hard when he spoke. "I think you need to tell everybody."

"Yeah, I think you're right."

Carl turns around, and takes one step away from the priest, then stops. "Come by around three. We'll start with a machete."

You start walking again and Carl glances back up at the people on the bench, and his brow creases. Ron was sitting on a bench next to another girl your age, who must be Enid. They were facing the lake and seemed to be talking about something serious.

Carls gaze shifts down to you as if remembering that you were there and he smiles faintly. Still, there was something off about him. It was almost like he wasn't sure if you would disappear again.

He sighs tiredly and wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you continue walking. It was a perfectly friendly gesture. Like one would do to a family member or friend. Definitely. He leaves his arm there and you relish in the warmth as you continue along the road. If you hadn't lived on the outside, you would've never even have noticed the eyes boring into the back of your head.

As you walk on, you can't help the feeling that crept up on you. It wasn't the glare of some irrelevant girl. This was something else. Something far far worse. You try to shake it off, but you trusted your instincts. Something was wrong.

"Carl, somethin isn't right," you muttered, your eyes scanning the fences. Your hand instantly went to your waist where your gun was tucked away per Daryl's request. Your heartbeat speeds up, lurching into your chest, setting your senses on overdrive.

He's looking around too, muscles tensing. "I feel it too," he replies, anxiety dripping from his voice. His arm drops from around your shoulders. "C'mon," he says picking up the pace to a quick jog.

"What about the park?" Judith's innocent voice drifted up from the stroller.

"We're gonna come back later, okay sweetie?" You said in the calmest voice you can manage. No need to scare the little girl. You match Carl's pace, only pausing briefly to rip a lantern post out of the ground for an impromptu weapon for Carl.

That's when you hear it; the birds have stopped singing.

You turn to Carl, but he is already pulling Judith out of her seatbelt. "C'mon!" He exclaims, full out running towards the house that was only a block away.

You see someone from a distance dressed in stained and torn clothing, covered in grime, wielding an axe. Carl was in front of you with Judith, so you're the only person he saw as you began to cut through a side yard.

You stop short, knowing you were screwed. "Son of a bitch saw me." You cursed. "Go ahead, I'll meet you there." You usher him on.

He spins wildly, "I'm not leaving you," he hisses.

"If I run, he comes after us. And when he gets here, Judy can't be here. Go!" Time was running out. Judith couldn't be here when that guy arrived. You knew you couldn't use your gun. This guy wasn't alone and the noise would alert his friends and you and Carl couldn't defend Judith against a group of fully grown men.

Judith was close to tears in Carl's arms, her pout trembling. Carl spots a shed a few feet behind him and runs towards it. He closes Judith inside after whispering a few words to her to quiet her before grabbing a garden hoe from the shed. The man breaks through the bushes, a war cry on his lips and an insane light in his eyes. Carl swings the gardening hoe, knocking him to the ground, his axe a few feel away. He's strong through and he fights hard. You suppose that this is what someone looks like when they have nothing left to loose.

He's knocked to the ground, falling hard on his chest. You're there instantly, driving your knife into him. With one last ditch attempt, he bucks and throws you off of him and into a brick wall of the garden.

You hit the wall hard and instantly your head swims, the world moving slowly as you watch Carl finish the guy off. Suddenly, you're on your feet again and Carl's hands are on your face forcing you to look at him as your vision clears.

"Jasper," he demanded, trying to make you focus on him. "Are you okay? Look at me!" He demanded again, almost frantic. "Are. You. Okay?"

You nod rapidly as you come back from wherever you were, pushing his hands away. As you inhaled, your head cleared and the world became sharper. "C'mon. It ain't safe out here."

He breathed a relief soaked laugh. "Well, duh," he muttered before getting Judith. Her tiny features are set in a grim determination, refusing to cut through side yards until you reach the house and you're confident that none of the W people have seen you. Instantly upon getting into the house, you lock every door then run upstairs to the nursery. Grace was unconscious in her crib and Riley was with his mother somewhere, hopefully safe.

"Cawl, who was that man?" Judith asked curiously, her bottom lip jutted out.

"He was a bad guy, Jude. And there's more. You remember what I told you?" He asked, kneeling in front of her.

She nodded with more maturity than you knew a four year old could possess. "Get Gwace and Riley. Go in the closet. Lock the door and be qwiet."

Carl breathes a sigh of relief and kisses her head. "Go on now, go," he ushered her as he picked up Grace from her crib. She yawned and shifted, thankfully staying asleep. Farther back in the closet you saw that there was a hidden nook behind a bookcase where two makeshift cribs were put together as well as a mat made of clothes for Judith. Carl lays down a still sleeping Grace on one, and Judith sits on her mat.

"Remember what I told you, Judy. We'll be downstairs. Don't open the door unless it's family, okay? Promise me."

She nodded. "I promise."

He kissed her head again before closing the door. You heard it lock with a loud click and it was only then that Carl finally stood, one hand on the other side of the door.

"We love you Judy. We all love you so much."

* * *

**A/N**: I actually wrote a really long chapter that was like 6,000 words so I decided to split it in half. On the bright side, you won't have to wait as long until I update again. I'm rushing because TWD is on RIGHT NOW and I really wanna go watch it so i'll keep this quick. I'll reply to comments/PMs soon-i'm not on my account often my bad. This chapter focus on if Jasper stayed behind instead of went, although i wrote for that too. I figured there would be more material for me to work with if I went this way. Also, guys, where have you gone? Where did my beautiful little reviewers go? My feelings are hurt. No I'm kidding but still, you guys are MIA. Remember that it takes me forever to work on this but it only takes a few seconds to review. Don't be shy. Constructive reviews are my favorite. So i'm going to go watch TWD now, I'm so excited!


	39. Chapter 39

_You're sick of feeling numb _

_You're not the only one _

_I'll take you by the hand _

_And I'll show you a world that you can understand _

_This life is filled with hurt _

_When happiness doesn't work _

_Trust me and take my hand _

_When the lights go out you will understand_

_Pain, Three Days Grace_

* * *

Fear is a strange concept. In some people, it makes them cower and hide. In others, it makes them strong. The strong, like you and Carl and the group, would be left to retake the earth and claim it as your own. The others would die out eventually. How long it would take wasn't certain, but a few more of them will fall today.

With Judith and Grace locked away in the closet of the nursery, Carl leads you into another bedroom. He opened a drawer and pushed back the contents of it, revealing guns and ammo. He takes a gun for himself and hands you more ammo and a silencer for yours. From out the front window you see more people coming over the walls, weapons in hand and a murderous glint in their eye. Looking closer, you see Carol hurrying to the front door and before it can open, you and Carl bolt to the stairs.

"I saw them upstairs, they're coming in from all over." He tells Carol, out of breath.

She nods, grabs a gun out of another drawer and starts for the door again. "You both have to stay here and keep the kids safe!" She calls out before disappearing again.

You stay downstairs, keeping to hidden spots of good visibility. A few minutes pass.

Two of the men pass by the house, once after someone else. You saw Carl tense, ready to go after the man. You did the same, but you knew that you had to control yourself and he knows too. Neither of you knew the woman the man was chasing and the kids were more important.

"I should be out there. I could do somethin." You mumbled, frustrated. You clenched your gun a little tighter and stand, looking for an exit.

Carl shoots you a warning glance. "They'll see you and I won't be able to back you up."

Anger courses through you. "We're just sitting here, hiding while our people are getting slaughtered out there!" You shoot back in a hushed yell and turn for the door.

He huffs angrily and grabs your arm, pulling you back. "I wanna be out there too but we gotta protect em, you know that." He insists.

Before the issue can be pressed further, there are footsteps outside and you both drop into a crouch instantly, guns pointed up. They move towards the front door and you both follow them, taking up a stance on either side of the door, guns trained on it. Keys are inserted into the door, making you pause, unsure. It unlocks and you're a second away from pulling the trigger when you see that it's only Enid at the door.

"Hi." She says, a look of absolute disgust plastered across her face as if she was offended that you had a gun in her face like she didn't realize what was going on.

You force the gun down in frustration and scoff. Who would just walk in at a time like this? "Try knockin maybe?" You spit, glaring sharply.

Her eyes scan over you in annoyance. You clench your jaw and let her until her eyes reach yours where they quickly glance away at the intensity of your glare. Maybe the Dixon glare was genetic.

Car rushes to close the door behind her since apparently she wasn't going to close it. "Why didn't you just knock?" He asked incredulously.

"Because I have these." She says, still sounding bored and annoyed as she holds up a ring of keys and jingles them. "Didn't want them to have them." She drops the keys into Carl's hand.

You stand there alert, your finger still a little too trigger happy. Carl shoots you a warning glance with a clear message: play nice. He walks back towards where the two of you were keeping watch. You follow him, gun still ready.

"And I wanted to say goodbye."

If Carl heard her, he didn't show it. "Watch the backdoor, tell me if you see them coming,." He tells Enid, nodding for you to take up the side. No bullshit. Good. You move to watch the back, keeping one eye on the girl in the middle of the room.

"I'm not staying!" She proclaims, defiant. You didn't need this right now. Some over dramatic bitch was gonna get you all killed.

"Keep your voice down." You snap, your voice significantly lower than hers.

She spares you a glance but doesn't say anything. "You're not going anywhere." Carl says, trying to ease the tension and cover up your harsh comment. "Sit down and help us protect the kids. They're not getting inside this house." He sounded final.

You and Carl sit back to back in the middle of the house in silence as Enid stands there loitering in the entry way. "Watch the side by the stairs." Carl tells her, nodding to where the stairs gave cover to a back door. She sits on the second stair, looking bored.

You knew she didn't like you but you couldn't bring yourself to care. The feeling was mutual.

"Did you see them?" Carl asks, breaking the silence.

Enid shrugs, looking around dully. "They're just people." She says hollowly. "This place is too big to protect. There are too many blind spots..." She meets your eyes. "That's how we were able to-"

Carl cuts her off before she can continue. "They got in the walls. They're going to die. All of them."

Huh. Maybe Grimes had another special friend in this town. How...charming.

You keep your eyes out he window. "They aren't gonna hurt our people."

There's a yell outside and you and Carl are instantly at the window, guns ready. One of the people that went over the walls is chasing Ron through the field. He falls and goes tripping over himself, seeming to break his leg. Ron stops running and stands there in confusion. By then, you and Carl are both there, your guns trained on the man as Enid lingers in the doorway.

"Please don't do it man, please!" The injured man is begging. He's doing a damn good job at it too, shouting and pleading and crying. "Please don't-"

You see the tension in his stance before he moved. Your finger pulled the trigger just as he lunched for Carls gun, dropping him to the ground. His brain splatters across the grass and Ron looks like he's going to cry. You see then that both you and Carl had fired at the same time. The kill belonged to both of you.

"Come inside." Carl said breathlessly, looking up to Ron. "We can keep you safe."

Ron looks from Carl to Enid angrily. His lip trembles as he growls at Carl, "No." He walks away like he was some badass by walking around unarmed and untrained in a war zone. He was an absolute moron.

"Ron!" Carl shouts.

"Your funeral, asshole!" You called after him. laughing when he flips you off. You wondered how he would die. Smiling at the thought was barbaric, but you did it anyway.

Carl shakes his head and wordlessly pulls you back towards the house with him. "Was that necessary?" He asks, trying to be serious but there was humor in his voice.

You shrug and grin wryly. "I'm a lady like that." The words are barely off your tongue when someone nearby screams. You turned immediately, gun raised slightly, stance guarded.

"Carl!" Enid called from the doorway, waving him back towards the house. She looked terrified.

You nodded towards the door. "Go. The kids are more important. I'll stay close."

He looked torn, glancing towards the second story of the house then back at you. "I swear, if you're not back in five minutes-"

"Just go." You called, already taking off towards the other side of the house. There was a woman lying on her side, bleeding out. You already knew it was too late to save her. Before her stood one of the W people, his yellowed grin glistening. He was so close to the house that you could probably see what color his eyes were from the nursery window. The thought made you sick.

He advanced on you with a yell, his eyes alight and wild. You fired just before he slammed into you, making blood spray across your face before his dead weight knocked you to the ground, separating you from your gun. Another one of them came out of nowhere, going after the gun. You scrambled for it, punching and clawing, but the dead guy weighed you down.

He snatched it and pressed it to your temple before you could move to fight him off. The barrel pressed into your hair, still warm from its recent kill. This was it. I'm sorry Daryl, Carl, Grace...

He didn't pull the trigger.

His voice was thick in your ear when he spoke. "You're gonna come over that wall with me." He said shakily, pulling away. You saw then that his ear had been partially severed and blood ran down the side of his head. "And you're gonna fix this or I'm gonna come right back here and kill whoever is in this house right here."

You couldn't kill him. Not at the moment anyways. And he knew there were people inside the house that you were protecting and that he wasn't bluffing either. He had nothing to live for after all. You had to get him away from the house.

You raised your hands slowly. "Lead the way." You encouraged through gritted teeth.

You figured that you would be able to kill him before you had even reached the gate, but he tied your hands and kept the gun at the back of your head the entire time. The gate was slightly ajar, but you could tell no walkers had passed through.

You abandon any hunters instinct you have and so as he leads you through the woods at gunpoint, your footfalls are _loud_. Every twig is snapped, you stumble and even step on a pinecone at one point. It's almost sad that he doesn't realize what you're doing. It isn't long before walkers shows up. He curses, and, while keeping the gun on you, and steps forward and stabs the first walker. You take the opportunity and knock the gun away just before it fires mere centimeters from your head. Before he can react further, you break the gun from his grip and turn it on him, firing into his shoulder, then again at his chest as he falls.

You pause to catch your breath as your head spins and your vision blurs. The gunshots put you on edge, knowing that the noise would attract more walkers, but that's the thing. The gun didn't make a noise. You're sure it did, because guns made noise. There wasn't even a silencer on it. You were breathing heavily, adrenaline pumping hard through your bloodstream as you looked around. It was then that you realized that you couldn't hear your breathing either, nor the sound of your feet on the pine needles or the wind blowing through the trees. Nothing.

You tentatively put a hand to your ear and when you pulled it away it was slick with blood. The gun going off right by your head must have done it. "Ah shit." You cursed. It was unnerving not to hear your own voice as you spoke. The only proof you had that you were really speaking was the feeling of your vocal chords reverberating. You instantly felt exposed. Anyone could be near you, shouting for help or even creeping up on you, walkers or people, and you wouldn't know.

Noise be damned, you decided that your best bet was to hightail it back to Alexandria as fast as you could. You weren't stupid enough to believe that you would be fine out here alone without your hearing. You sprinted through the woods sloppily and off balance until you finally reached the gates. You jog through the town, keeping your gun drawn should there be anymore of the W people. There were none as it seemed that their attack had been called off but you were still ready if there were.

You enter the house breathless but alive. Carl hurries towards you, his eyes wide and his lips moving quickly. You stare blankly, unable to hear a word he was saying. He talks until he noticed your blank look and his lips slowly stop moving. You reach up and tuck your hair behind your ear, revealing the blood that dribbled down your right ear and down your neck. He's instantly right in front of you, and you know he's talking but you still can't hear him. He inspects both of your ears before stepping back and looking at you again.

You shake your head. The action hurts, but not terribly. "I can't hear anything you're saying." Your voice feels different, like its disconnected from your body.

He opens his mouth to talk, but then pauses and very slowly and deliberately speaks. "What happened?" You're able to read his lips.

"One of em shot real close to my head." You tell him, then in case it would make a difference, you elaborate. "Real close. Could feel the gun against my ear. It is gonna come back?"

He shook his head. He didn't know. Of course he didn't, no one probably did. It was a guessing game. He mouths more words to you and after a moment you understand. The infirmary. You knew they couldn't help though. All you could do was hold a rag to your ear and hope your hearing would return eventually.

Carl said something else, probably in agreement. It didn't matter that you couldn't hear him. You knew pity without him having to say a damn thing.

First it was only a dull buzzing but it quickly turned in to a mind numbing ringing that wouldn't stop. Your ear was bleeding still and the only thing louder than the ringing itself was the sound of your heart pounding too loudly in your ears. It was like you were on fire all over again but worse.

You had been laying on Carl's bed in the dark and he had been checking on you regularly. He wasn't here now but you were thankful for it. There wasn't anything he could do to help and he most likely wouldn't leave you alone if he saw you. All you wanted was to make it stop. Just to please please make it stop.

Once again, fate isn't on your side. The door opens, revealing Carl with a glass of water. He freezes when he sees you. You were curled in the fetal position, barely forcing tears back. You felt so impossibly weak, but you're in so so much pain that you don't care.

"Go away." You managed to growl through clenched teeth. It's supposed to make him leave, but it comes off as more of a broken plea. Needless to say, it doesn't work.

"No." He said. The way he says it, he must think it's completely absurd. Like he hadn't even considered it a possibility and we're almost dumbfounded that you had said it. "What is it? What's wrong?" You could hear him, but it was muffled like your were listening to him speak from underwater.

"It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad." You muttered. Your eyes were screwed shut from pain, hands clenched into fists. Your ears were ringing so loudly that it couldn't be ignored, as if there were thousands of tiny bats squeaking in your ears. It was excruciating.

It was clear he didn't know what to do and you didn't blame him. You didn't either. No one was here right now-not after the attack. You couldn't leave Judith or Grace here without anyone home to protect them. Those guys could still be out there. And it was obvious that you couldn't make it to the infirmary on your own. You were trapped here on your own.

"I think your hearing is coming back. My dad said something like this happened to him once. It only lasted a little while. You'll be okay." The way he said it made you unsure whether he was reassuring you or himself.

"_Stop. Talking._" You said, sounding like something between a growl and a whimper. Each syllable was another needle in your brain.

He gently pulled you against his chest. stroking your hair as you whimpered in pain. It helped you calm your breathing but the pain doesn't ebb. You felt like you were burning, not just your head but your body was also ablaze in agony. Suddenly, you pull yourself onto your feet and stumble down the hallway, falling to you knees in front of the toilet and retching painfully.

He was there a moment later, pulling your hair away from your face and letting you lean against him again. You let your head fall on his shoulder, wincing and catching your breath before pulling forward again, retching painfully again into the toilet once more. Carl rubbed his hand on your hunched back as you made a choking sound, the pain so blinding you almost passed out right then. Once the onslaught finally subsided, you curled onto the bathroom floor, whimpering and crying. He pulled you against his chest, letting you lay against him, stroking your messy dark hair.

"Shh, shh, it's okay. It's okay. You're okay."

You finally looked up at him, silent tears streaming down you face. A thousand needles sunk another hair deeper into your brain. Your voice is choked and tight, the pain displayed on your face. "It hurts..."

"I know. I know." He looked like he was barely holding it together himself. His voice was lower than normal and tight like he might cry himself. But he was there, like he always was. And right now, even though you hated that someone was here to witness your complete weakness, you were glad that he was there.

"It'll stop soon, baby, I promise. You're gonna be fine."

He stroked your hair, and his hand came back bloody. Your right ear was still bleeding. The door slams downstairs, sending another attack of nausea. You slump against him, weak with pain. Carol's voice travels up the stairs and you're given the slightest ounce of relief. Relief for her safety, not for yourself.

"I'm gonna carry you to the infirmary. You need an IV. You can't keep any medicine down." As he spoke he gently pulled away from you so that he could pick you up.

"No, please no." You whimpered. All you wanted to do was curl up and die. Movement, light, noise was all equivalent with excruciating pain. "Don't make me go. Please, please." You were shaking now, trembling in pain and terror.

"Jasper..." he looks at you with pained eyes. You close yours, begging and whimpering for him to leave you here. He lifts you up gently, and it produces a fresh trail of tears. It hurt to badly you wanted to scream. You burry your face in his shirt, breathing slowly and fighting nausea.

"What's going on? What happened?" Carol demanded frantically when she saw you downstairs. Her voice makes the needles prickle against your brain.

"Gun went off by her head, she's getting her hearing back." He replied. "I'm taking her to the infirmary, watch the kids."

You're thankful she doesn't reply. You're sure that if she did, you would've died right there and then. Every step on the way there is excruciating. Your head was an inferno and you couldn't imagine a pain worse than this.

You were so weak with pain at this point that fighting isn't an option anymore. You feel your muscles began to loosen slowly. It was painful, so fucking painful, and you were so fucking tired. You didn't want to do this anymore. Your head slides back, your fists loosen until your fingers dangle lifelessly, and your resolve and will to fight crumbles to the ground where the dead lay dying.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey! If you've noticed, I've changed my username on here. Certain people I didn't trust knew my user so I decided I'd rather be safe than sorry. The latest TWD episodes have been brutal and the finale is this coming Sunday. There are hints that a major character is going to die and I'm absolutely terrified. They're saying its going to be either Glen or Daryl but I think that Carol is also an option. If Daryl dies (I refuse I absolutely refuse that happening, but if it does...) then I don't know if this story has a future or not. I wouldn't keep Daryl alive in my story and go AU because thats too difficult already having an OC. Guys I'm so scared, I'm literally having anxiety issues (this isn't me being insensitive by the way, I actually have anxiety issues and TWD is literally making them worse!).

With Jasper, she is finally being vulnerable to Carl, whether its voluntary or not. Daryl's influence is also seeping into her in her voice and actions. And she was gifted with his anger issues, people. Who doesn't love an aggressive Jasper? The Carl/Jasper friendship is working out well huh...I'll let you think on that. With the mid season finale catching up to this story, I do wonder what will happen...oh wait I know, its you who don't. My bad... ;)

Sorry if i haven't been replying to DMs lately, I'll get on that as soon as I can. Thank you so much for your reviews, they inspire me so much and I'm so happy that I've been able to write this story. I've been going back to the very first chapters and redoing them since I did begin this story in eighth grade (yikes). I've only gotten two done so far but you can go back and read them if you want or wait until I'm caught up with them all. My writing has evolved so much since then and its thanks to you guys so thanks so much. I'll update as soon as I can.

Remember, it takes hours to write (literally this took forever) and only seconds to review.


	40. Chapter 40

_Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise_

_Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised_

_Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it_

_Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it_

_-Castle, Halsey_

* * *

Consciousness comes in waves, pulling you closer and closer towards wakefulness.

Waking up is perhaps one of the few good things left in the new world. Before you open your eyes, you're absolutely nothing in the best possible way. Your mind is a blank slate. Just a deluded emptiness. Waking up also proves you're still alive, which is usually a good thing. Of course, it barely lasts a moment before everything comes rushing back and you're caught up in the hell that you left behind the day before.

Exhaustion weighs down on you, making it seem all too simple to let go again and drift off in the comfort of thick sheets that sheltered you from the rest of the world. But that was too easy. You didn't take the easy way, not anymore. You fought like you had to now; like you always did and always would.

You opened your eyes, blinked, closed them and then blinked again. Early morning light streamed through the window, casting a shadow of the blinds across your blankets. The difference is immediate-no more ringing or pounding of your heart in your ears. It was peacefully, beautifully quiet.

You glance up as the bedroom door opens. You know instantly where you were-the infirmary, and the time of day-around seven in the morning, but not much else. Denise, Alexandria's doctor, enters the room and throws you a smile before closing the door quietly behind her. .

"Glad to see your eyes open." She said with a relieved sigh. It was obvious that she was used to feeling uncomfortable around other people, but was starting to get over it. "Are you in any pain?"

You shook your head quietly. You shifted, trying to sit up further, when you noticed the IV sticking out of your forearm. You glanced up at Denise. "Mind doin something about that?" You asked, raising an eyebrow. She opened her mouth, almost as if to protest, but instead sighed and walked forward. "How long's it been?" You ask as she fiddled with something on the IV bag.

She gently pulled out the needle and replaced it with a bandage. "Few hours. Carl brought you in yesterday evening, unconscious. It's about eight am now." She told you.

You nodded, realizing that you could hear the words she was saying. "My, um..." You trained off, gesturing to your ear. "Did you do anything?"

"Didn't have to." She told you. "The pain you were experiencing, that was your hearing repairing itself. It's a very painful process, as you've figured out by now." You chuckled dryly, nodding. "You're lucky Carl got you in here when he did or it would've lasted a lot longer without the drugs."

"Where is he?" You asked. Yesterday's events came rushing back to you and your instantly filled with panic. "Is everyone okay?"

She nodded. "None of the new people were hurt. A few of ours. They're gone now. Carl and Rick are on the front porch, I kicked em out last night so you could get some sleep but they've been here since sunrise."

You breathed a smile. Denise doesn't go as far to forbid you from getting up, but she frowns as you swing your legs over the bedside and stand up. Other than the weakness in your body, you felt fine. In the bathroom off of the bedroom, you washed your face in the sink and cleaned the dried blood from your body. Someone, probably Carl, had brought you a fresh change of clothes and you're thankful for the clean jeans and red plaid button down.

With nothing more than a half a dozen Advil, Denise let's you go. The lack of pain was defining and you couldn't help but feel its absence with every relief soaked breath you took. Your body was still weak from the trauma of the day before, but you stood strong as you walked out of the infirmary. It almost felt like you were floating.

You opened the front door silently. Carl and Rick sat on the front stairs, looking out towards the street. "She'll be okay. My hearing came back, hers will too." Rick spoke in that sure, strong voice of his that made you want to believe everything that he said.

Rick wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be doing the job to lead the walkers away. If he was back, the others should be too, but Daryl wasn't anywhere in sight. Something must've gone wrong or he would be here, you know he would be.

"I've never seen her like that before." Carl trailed off hollowly. "Not even after the fire."

Rick nodded in that slow, considering way he had. "Most painful thing I've ever gone through." Rick said. "She'll make it. She's a fighter."

You exhale slowly and silently, unwilling to face the sympathy just yet. It was just a little earache. There were much more important things to worry about right now. _Like where Daryl was._ Shaking your head, you let the door close behind you, fed up with waiting.

"Jasper." Carl jumped up from where he was sitting on the stoop and started towards you, eyes wide. "You okay?"

You found yourself embarrassed for him seeing you the way you were, passed out and weak and crying like a baby. You nodded, avoiding his gaze. "Yeah, I'm fine." You said briefly in a small, thick voice as you looked anywhere but his wide blue eyes.

Rick stood, looking you over in concern. "You're good? You sure?" He inquired.

You nodded. "Hundred percent. Can fight if you need me to." You told him confidently.

"Good. Cause there are about a thousand walkers surrounding our walls right now."

_No_. "How? Where's Daryl, and the others?" You asked, searching his eyes to find the answer. He opened his mouth then closed it and almost instantly your throat tightens. "Rick, where is my dad?" You demanded. Your voice caught when you spoke again. "He dead?"

"He's out there." He replied calmly but forcefully. "With the others. They're probably looking for a way to draw off the herd. My best guess is they're the ones trying to save _us_." He spoke in that kind of way that inspired hope. The way of a leader.

You nodded numbly. "Course." You mumbled, staring towards the gates where a thousand moans chorused together. Almost instinctively, your hand ghosts over your gun. Your weapons had been waiting in a pile by your clothes when you got dressed.

"You should come back to the house. Get some food. Rest." He advised you, but it didn't seem like much of a request.

You shook your head anyways. "Gotta find Spencer. I'll see y'all later." You walked away, refusing to spare another glance at Carl. You felt terrible for ignoring him, but you couldn't face him. Couldn't see your weakness reflected in his eyes. Not right now.

Daryl was out there. Alive. He had to be. To be fair, he was probably safer than you were right now. The walkers were a constant that eventually faded to a background noise and that's what scares you. That someone could get used to that.

Spencer wasn't in the house but you didn't have to look far before you found her on the fence. Not on one of the guard platforms, but literally on the fence, one leg on each side, sitting horseback style. Shaking your head amusement, you climbed up the wall and swung your leg over the side of the fence.

"What the hell are you doing?" You asked her. The roar of the walkers grew and you looked down at their rotting hands reaching up towards you, hungry. It would be so easy just to fall and for it all to be over.

She merely smiled, tossed her dark hair over her tanned shoulder, and held up a small stone between her forefinger and thumb. With near perfect accuracy, the launched it down at the walkers as hard as she could. It sunk into a walkers head and it fell into the masses, only to be replaced with another one.

"You gotta find the real old ones. The fresh ones heads aren't as rotted away enough yet." She told you, offering you a stone.

You took one and imitated her. It took a few tries, but eventually you manage to fall three walkers. "It's not gonna make a difference. There's a hundred for every one we kill."

"Every one counts. It only takes one to take you down." She launched another stone. "Speaking of, you okay? I came to see you but I got tired of waiting." She cracked a crooked smile.

You managed a laugh. "I'm fine." Your eyes scanned over the walkers below. "Where've you been lately?"

"Uh, with Rosita, actually." She smiled fondly. "She's cool, I like her."

"Army chick?" You questioned. She answered with a nod. "Good. You should make friends here."

Her brow creased as she looked back at you. "_No, I shouldn't_. We're not staying here, Jasper. We have a job to do. After, you can do whatever you want." She launched another rock at the walkers.

"I'm not leaving them. I can't, they're my-"

"_Family_. Yeah, I know they're your family. But so am I. Or at least I thought I was." Her dark eyes stare into yours, searching.

Seven months the two of you had been together. You knew her better than anyone nowadays, and she knew you. She was like your sister. And that's why you knew that she would believe you when you told her the truth.

"You know you are." You insisted, exasperated. "I wouldn't leave you for them. But I won't leave them for you either. And if you go, you're the one leaving me, not the other way around."

She exhales slowly. "We have a job to do."

"I'll tell you what. When things get quieter, I'll go with you. And then we'll come back here. Both of us."

She closed her mouth, smoothing out her features again, a glimmer of smile pulling at her lips. "Yeah, okay." She allows.

You couldn't help the laugh that bubbles out of your throat. She broke into a grin, rolling her eyes at you. "You're such a brat." You laughed.

She throws her head back laughing. "Shut up." She shook her head then stared back out at the horizon, a smile stuck on her face.

You breathed a laugh, glancing back into Alexandria. "I'm gonna go raid the pantry. Try not to fall, yeah?" You asked

She launched another stone, a grin still clinging to her lips. "No promises."

* * *

A few hours later, as you take a shortcut along the edge of Alexandria, you stop short. Rick, Carl and Ron were gathered around the tables past the gardens, near the wall where they kept left over wood and the grass grew too high. Carls eye caught yours from across the small field. You figured that you had to face him eventually.

"Handguns will be a little better for your first go," Rick was saying, showing the gun in his hand to Ron as he pointed out the pieces. "Magazine release. Slide release. Thumb safety."

Walkers were surrounding the town and they were giving some mental kid a lesson on how to kill. Great plan.

"But that stuff's easy, right dad?" Carl asked as you joined them, leaning against the walls a few feet away.

You could tell he was trying to get an upper hand on Ron, to keep him from trying to test him again. They had gotten into a fight a day earlier. Carl would win and Carl knew that, but he didn't want to conflict to begin with. He was good, so annoyingly good that he was legitimately trying to help him for some reason. He was a better person than you were, that was for sure. You would've cursed him out and left him for the walkers after the fight they had. But somehow Carl had become the peace maker. Huh.

"Yeah," Rick agreed. He pulled a part out of the gun and both boys turned from their stare down to watch. "Empty magazine, empty chamber," he said, turning it so they could see. "Someone's in front of you, they have a gun," Rick begins.

"You're gonna be scared," Carl says, looking at Ron. His tone is even, strong. Ron gives him a bothered look, and Carl can't seem to bite his tongue any longer. "You will be." He says coldly. Ron glares back at Carl until it shifts to you. You just look at him, dead face, completely unaffected until he turns back, annoyed, and the corner of your mouth pulls up.

"Your body's gonna tense, you won't have time to think. You're just gonna want to pull the trigger when you get it in front of you." Rick brings up the gun quickly and it clicks. "But you'll miss. And you'll be dead. You have to get it up to your eye."

Carl speaks up again, with that wise, controlled tone of his. "You've got to be strong enough to wait for your moment," he tells Ron. Ron holds his gaze for a moment, then glances down, and then away. Ron wanted a fight, but Carl wasn't giving it to him.

"Can I, uh...?" Ron looks to Rick, holding out his hand for the gun. It was empty, but you still didn't like him having a gun.

Rick, despite your mental protests, hands it over. He mimics Ricks' stance and holds up the gun, closing one eye. Rick adjusts his hand and stance and it makes you feel a little bit better that he's doing it wrong. See, you were petty like that. And Carl used to be too. But now he was a peace maker and you were the loudmouth. Things had changed.

"Keep that one with you. Get a feel of what it's like to carry one around," Rick says once he relaxes the gun. Oh yeah, great idea Rick. Why don't we give all the mentally unstable teenagers guns?

"Can I shoot it?" Ron asks. "Maybe like down at the walkers?" Rick rejects the idea, wanting to keep the walkers spread out against the walls. Ron tries again, with another idea, but it's rejected as well. "But uh, we probably don't want to waste bullets right now, huh? I just want to learn more."

_Ugh_. Carl looks to Ron with that mature look that belonged to his father. "You will," he tells him with that even, grown up tone again. It was starting to get on your nerves.

Rick tells you and Carl to stay with him and practice his stance while he talked to Morgan. Neither of them look very happy about the situation. "Listen," you speak up after Rick has walked away, no interest in hanging out with Ron unless physically forced. "I'll just see ya later, okay?"

"Hey, just stay with me. It'll only be a few minutes," Carl asks, giving you a soft pleading look.

You make a face. "See, I would, but I'd rather be anywhere than babysittin him, so I'll see you." You turn and start back through the tall grass.

"What's your problem?" Ron says angrily, taking a step forward.

You turn, fixing him with a glare that could cut glass, anger instantly bubbling up inside you. Drawing the W people towards the house, leaving instead of coming inside and drawing more after, probably the same man who nearly killed you and threatened to kill Carl and the kids.

"_You're_ my problem. Carl may have adopted some bullshit Buddhist complex, but I sure as hell haven't. You're stupid and emotional, and what happened yesterday? That's on you. So I want you as far away from me as you can get."

"Hey, I was here first!" He shouts, gesturing wildly with the gun, already proving your point that he was dangerous.

"Well I'll be here longer." The response was immediate and honest and taunting as you stare him down until he flips you off and storms away like a brat, spitting obscenities as he does so. You turn away only once he's out of sight and flash a smile at Carl followed by a mock gasp. "Oh look, you're free." You say sarcastically.

Carl gives you a look, one saying 'play nice'. It reminded you of the looks your mom used to give you when she wanted you to be nice to your bratty younger cousins. "Jasper-" he started.

"Oh, please." You rolled your eyes. "Just 'cause you're suddenly some kinda Buddhist monk doesn't mean I gotta be."

He glances down then back up at you. "You're like Daryl back when we first met him outside Atlanta. All fight. I used to be scared of him." His voice is almost nostalgic. The corner of his mouth turns up. "I was twelve though," he allows.

You make a noise of amusement. "You scared of me, Grimes?" You ask, a smirk playing on your lips.

"Oh you wish." He throws back at you.

"Oh, you know you're scared." Your tell him. "Don't you lie to me."

He rolls his eyes. "Sure I am," he deadpanned with a laugh. "C'mon, we should get back. Jude's been especially fussy. She was asking for Daryl this morning."

You scoff, thinking of the three year old. "Me and her both," you say bitterly.

"He'll be back. It's Daryl. He can survive anything." Carl tells you and you know that he means it. Like it or not, Carl has known Daryl for much longer than you have and has probably seen him face impossibly odds and win time after time. Carl had seen him survive for six years to your handful of months and you're sure that Daryl had to be alive. He had to.

You force yourself to breath evenly as you remember Spencer's earlier words. "It only takes once."

* * *

You took over Maggie's watch shift. She was worried about Glenn, like you were about Daryl, and you figured that she could use a break.

You also figured that standing up on the wall, staring down at the masses of walkers with an AK-47 might give you some kind of feeling of control over the situation. Maybe make you feel less helpless. It didn't. If anything, it made it worse. Staring down at them all, mindless and hungry, a herd so large that you didn't have a bullet for each one even if it only took one bullet per walker.

And staring out at them all, your eyes always drifted to the tree line, searching for any signs of Daryl or the others. You knew that they weren't stupid enough to try a ground attack on foot unless they were covered in puréed walker, and that play wouldn't work in this situation anyways. There was no other entrance they could run to, no reason to sneak past the walkers. The walkers knew you were there and the only reason they weren't inside was because of the walls that kept them-and your people-out. That was just the way it was right now.

Still, you looked for Daryl.

* * *

An hour passed.

Nothing happened.

Your feet and back hurt from standing for so long. You had hummed every song you knew and then some. The walkers weren't a very good crowd, Judith and Grace liked your songs much better. But as much as you loved the kids, you knew you'd never let yourself have any of your own. You couldn't do that, go through what Rick did every single day. It was hard enough with Grace and Judith and Judith wasn't even blood. You couldn't. You wouldn't.

Still, you looked for Daryl.

* * *

Another hour passed. Then two more.

Killing walkers was easy compared to this. Just standing here alone was enough to drive you mad. Killing people is one thing, living with it is another. You added three people to your body count yesterday. It made it a total of twelve. _Twelve_. Twelve people had died by your hand and you were barely seventeen years old. You wondered if by the time you were Daryl's age, how many more people would have your name as the cause of death.

Still, you looked for Daryl.

* * *

As day began to fall into early evening, your watch was almost up. You're tired and hungry and there was still no sign of Daryl or the others but you figured that you would let someone else have a turn at watching the tree line, praying for someone to reveal themselves.

Rick and some other guy you hadn't bothered to learn the name of had taken to building supports against the wall and you nod to them as you climb down. The man looked stressed out of his mind, but he gave you the slightest of smiles as you passed. You catch sight of Carl a little bit back and you can't help the relieved smile that falls onto your features.

"Hey," he greets you with a tired smile, his sheriffs hat dipping as he ducked his head. It seemed like everyone was tired as of late and you were no exception. His pale blue eyes looked into your dark ones and you knew that you couldn't leave him again, not any of them. This place may or may not be home, but it didn't matter. They were home.

"Hey." You sigh, breathing an obligatory smile that didn't reach your eyes.

"Long watch?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. You still weren't used to how deep and low his voice had gotten, or how tall he was now.

You shook your head, laughing once. It was an exhausted, bitter sound. "Too much time to think." You told him, then sighed, making up your mind as you turned and looked up at him. "Listen, I ain't gonna leave you guys again, alright? You can stop lookin at me like that."

It was in every glance he gave you. It was almost like how he used to look at you, but off somehow; different. Like he saw you leave and wasn't sure exactly who had come back in your place.

He held your gaze for a long while before he ducked his head and nodded. "Okay," he agreed softly.

You caught something out of the corner of your eye, and your head snapped up, just like everyone else's did. Floating through the afternoon light, barely a dot in the blue sky, were a half a dozen green balloons.

You gasped, your eyes wide as you watched them drift higher into the blue. It was a sign from your people-someone was alive out there. Maybe it was even Daryl himself who let go of the balloons. You turned to Carl, a shocked laughing bubbling out of your throat. He glanced down at your and breathes an astonished smile.

"That's them, Carl. It gotta be." You turned back, watching the green balloons float higher until you could barely see them. It didn't matter though, the message had been sent. They were alive.

You laughed again as you watched them drift higher and you swore that it was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. You're so transfixed by the balloons that you don't even noticed the creaking of the clock tower until it smashes through Alexandria's walls and slams into the earth.

* * *

Hello survivors of the TWD hiatus. Day 12, two weeks in, water is running low, food is scarce, survival seems unlikely.

Anyways though, here is the beginning of the end. The clock tower falls and now it's all a clusterfuck for a little while. As for this chapter though, I gotta say the fight between Jasper/Ron was the most fun to write. She whole "Well I'll be here longer" had me grinning as I wrote it. The Casper friendship is moving along nicely _of course. _What do you think of Spencer? Someone let me know please.

I have another story which is a collection of (sometimes) connected one shots about Judith growing up in the apocalypse. I've written two more to add to it, but there are three up now so go check it out. "_From the perfect start to the finish line_" by yours truly.

**Mailbag:**

Galwidanatitud: ahaha thanks so much for reviewing:)

Annalise Pager: tysm as always:)

Wolf that howls at the moon: 1) thank you so much you're amazing 2) For 'not much of a reviewer' that was amazing actually and seriously never apologize for it being too long, long reviews are my favorite:) 3) it's you! I remembered seeing that username somewhere but I could never remember where I saw it before. I just thought it was beautiful and when I changed it, I wondered if it would work and it did:)

Guest A: tysm! Cliffhangers/character deaths are terrible when I read them but then when I write...no one is safe.

So, I'll be honest I'm in class right now and should totally be doing my essay due next hour so everyone please review and let me know what you think/what you like and don't like/any ideas/ and all that other good stuff.

And remember it takes hours to write and only seconds to review :o)


	41. Chapter 41

_There is no escape and that's for sure_

_This is the end, we won't take any more_

_Say goodbye to the world you live in_

_You've always been taking but now you're giving_

_Seek &amp; Destroy, Metallica_

* * *

The sound was terrible. Every splintering shard of wood will be forever impeded in your memory as the clock tower plummets towards the earth, slamming right through Alexandria's walls. The metal barrier tried to remain upright, tried to protect its inhabitants that it had sheltered for so long, but it gave way under the force of the falling building. You could hear the terrible groan of the destruction as the building slammed into the earth, collapsing into a heap of rubble and debris and smoke.

And then came the walkers.

They seemed to snarl with triumph as they stumbled through the destruction, letting out a chorus of moans and growls that you're sure you'll never be able to forget. They lumbered through the smoke as it faded, snarling as their rotting eyes focus on the meal they had been waiting for for far too long.

Birds still chirped in the trees. The sun still shined high above. The warm breeze smelled like honeysuckle flowers. The rest of the world would be completely unaffected by Alexandria's and your family's demise. But for you, your family and Alexandria was your world.

Rick stared up at the wave of walkers as they drew closer, and just as they're getting too close for comfort, he scrambled off the ground and retreated. "Everyone, _get back_!" He screamed, finally coming to his senses. "Get into your houses. _Go_!"

He's fired at the closest walkers before you can manage to move. You turn, catching the look of horror in Carl's blue eyes, before he grabs your arm and pulls you along until you come out of shock enough to manage to run alongside him. You paused farther back, out of immediate danger, waiting for the others. You could tell Carl was worried for his father, but his mind was on Judith. She was out there and so was Grace. You needed to get back, and _now_.

Catching his breath, Carl turned to you. His eyes were hard and his jaw was locked. "Don't leave my side, you understand?" He demanded, desperation slipping into his voice. Normally, you would snap some sarcastic remark about him knowing that you could take care of yourself, but instead you just nodded. You knew he didn't want to be alone in this just as much as he didn't want you to go off alone.

You both turn as Ron jogs over to you with Father Gabriel in tow. At least he was smart enough to let you protect him this time. He stops, catching his breath, and looks at you like you're crazy. "Why are you just standing here? Are you insane?" He demands. "Let's go!"

"We have to cover them," Carl says, raising his gun and taking out a few walkers that had began to gather near where Rick and Deanna were. He sighs hard and lowers the gun. "We have to get closer."

You take off after him immediately, and after a moment so does Ron and Father Gabriel. You pause at the corner of another house, checking to see if it's safe. A noise to your left has both your weapons drawn and ready, but you lower them when you see that it's only Michone.

"Thank god," she breathes when she sees you two, lowering her katana. She looks ahead and her eyebrows knit together. It's Rick, half carrying Deanna, as they move away mere feet ahead of a wave of walkers. "Let's move," she says, already running towards them.

You cut diagonally through the high grass, breaking onto the black top just ahead of the wave of walkers.

"Good, you're safe," Rick says when he sees all of you. Safe meant alive now. He picks up the pace. "_Come on_!" He yelled.

Without realizing it, you take up formation. It's the same formation that you used when clearing out the prison, or when you encountered any bigger herds and you are surprised that you remember it. Ron and Gabriel end up in the middle, keeping pace within the safety of the formation.

You and Carl had both put away your guns in exchange for your hunting knives, and were picking off any walkers that got too close at Deanna's call. As you approached the houses again, a part of the herd that had split off blocks your path. You stop, immediately looking for a way out. There wasn't one.

Just when you're about to resort to plan B, gunshots ring out, and the herd blocking your path is reduced to a pile of decay. Jesse stands there, frantic but sure. "Come on," she yells already turning back to the house, "I have Judith and Grace! C'mon!" You take off after her, and ascend the front steps, disappearing behind her bright red door just as the walkers close in.

* * *

It's mayhem. Everyone is scattering to cover up the windows and the doors, to find some way to protect you all from the masses of the dead. "Put her on the couch!" Rick yells, and Michone lays Deanna down.

You close the blinds as quickly as you can. Carl helps you move an end table in front of one window. Something breaks behind you, but you're not sure what. Everyone was yelling. Your heart was in your throat and the only thing louder than the snarls of the walkers was your heartbeat. You wished everything would just slow down.

"Where's Judith?" You hear Rick shout as he pulled Deanna from the couch. He was moving her upstairs, downstairs was too dangerous. "_Where_?"

You fumble with a blanket that you're pulling over a window. "Upstairs. First room on the left!" Jesse shouts back.

You secure the blanket as quickly as you can and run upstairs after them. You run into the room just behind Rick with Deanna and Michone, and snatch up Grace just as Michone gets Judith. They were both crying, and you understood. You felt like crying too. Carl hurries in a moment later and takes Judith from Michone so that she can help with Deanna.

"Shh, baby, shh," you whisper to the eighteen month old as you sway back and forth, trying to calm her. "It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay."

Once in another bedroom and away from the chaos, Grace calms down but Judith still cries, even though she was with Carl. He bounces back and forth on the balls of his feet and murmurs soothing words to her, but she seems to sense the destruction around her. Eventually, hers sobs begin to die down, reducing her to sniffles.

"Cawl, I'm scared," she says, her big eyes filled with tears and her face red from crying. The words, barely audible between sobs, break your heart.

Carl exhales slowly and wipes her tears with his sleeve. "Hey, you're gonna be just fine. I'm never gonna let anything happen to you, I promise. You gotta be quiet though, okay? Promise me?"

Her bottom lip juts out but she nods. "I promise," she says meekly. Buy the time Carl has got her settled in the crib, you've calmed Grace down into sleep beside her.

You spin when you hear a noise at the doorway, but it's just Father Gabriel. "I can, uh, watch them if you want," he offers hesitantly.

"Thanks," you tell him as you slip out the door, Carl just behind you.

You look out the sheet covered windows in the hallway, only to wish you hadn't. They were everywhere. You used to tell your little sister that this all was one big game. The survival game. You won points for collecting water, finding food, killing walkers. Finding medicine equaled life points. It passed the time, and it kept her from being too scared.

It was just a game. And you were going to win it.

Ron walked past you and down the stairs quickly and it's evident immediately that something is wrong. You and Carl share a glance. You follow him to the garage where you find him hunched over a tool table, his head covered. You gave Carl a look, then went to watch out the glass side window from behind cover while he went to play peacemaker. He was better at being civil. You weren't.

"Ron?" Carl asked. He stepped forward, closing the door behind him. "Hey, you alright man?" He asked.

He didn't move, but you could tell he was crying. "Enid's dead," He croaked, "We're all dead."

"Look," Carl said tiredly, "my dad's gonna figure something out. He always does."

"That's bullshit," Ron snapped, straightening and starting towards Carl. "Your dad's just gonna get more people killed." He was in Carl's face now. "Cause that's what he does. That's who he is. Your dads a killer."

Carl wasn't angry though. There was wisdom in his eyes that you hadn't seen before. "So was yours," he says honestly. Ron holds his gaze, then looks away, breathing hard but silently. "Look, we need to work this out-"

"_I'm dead_, Carl," he said quietly, his voice no more than a whisper. "My mom is dead. My brother is."

"No they're not," Ron brushed past him. "We're gonna make it."

"Your dad-" Ron said as he went to stand by the door, continuing on as if he hadn't heard Carl speak. "Alex-" he glanced your way, a glimmer of hate in his narrowed eyes. He reached up and locked the deadbolt. "_you're dead, too."_

He put the keys in his back pocket, and when he did, you could clearly see the gun tucked in his back waistband. Carl saw it too, and you saw the air leave his lungs as he realized it. Ron was trying to kill you both. "_We're all dead_."

Carl ran at him, shoving him to the door hard. Ron yelled, pushing back, shoving Carl at a set of shelves before he fell to the floor. You ran toward them, pulling out your gun, and starting towards Ron, but he managed to shove you into the shelves, hard, but not before you shoved him back. He fell to the floor, grunting in pain. The set of shelves was unsteady, and caught you off guard, knocking you to the floor. You yelled as you fell, barely managing to protect your head in time. Another half a second and your brain would've been splattered across the concrete. The wind was knocked out of your lungs and you gasped for air where there was none. You could feel the bruises burning themselves into your skin where you fell and you gasped at the intensity of the pain.

Carl yelled, distracting him. He looks back in time through, barely managing to scramble off the ground to avoid the shovel that Ron wielded. Ron swings the shovel and shatters a glass panel on the door. From where you're trapped, you can see the walkers turn your way in interest, and let out a chorus of moans as they begin to stumble your way.

You could hear pounding on the stairs as Rick and Jesse ran down them, then began to pound on the garage door. "Ron!" Jesse screamed frantically. "Carl!" Rick yelled. Neither of the boys answered, but you did.

Ron had Carl against the broken door and was holding this shovel horizontally across his throat, cutting off his air supply. _No. Don't you dare. _With a pained yell, you edged out of the way an shoved the shelves off of you and are on your feel in a moment. Your foot slams hard into the back of Ron's knees so that his hold around Carl's neck loosens. You could have punched him, or elbowed him in the side, or any other move, but you were so angry that you didn't think, just acted. Your hands are around Ron's neck, your nails digging deep into his skin as you tore him away from the door and threw him to the ground. He lays there a moment, watching the walkers in morbid fascination as they snarl and strain towards him. _Let them take him_.

The shovel clatters to the ground as Carl leaps away from the broken door just as a single decaying hand swipes the air where he was moments earlier. You help him push the standing shelf towards the door to try to block the hole.

There's a hard slamming at the door and you figure it must be Rick's hatchet. Finally, the door opens and Rick and Jesse burst in. He takes a millisecond to take in the situation. "Come on!" He yells, and Carl immediately abandons the door and sprints towards safety, pulling you along after him and Ron isn't far behind. The walkers shatter through the glass as soon as you move, snarling as they stumble after you.

You held the door closed as Rick dragged a couch to hold against the door. Everyone else was scrambling for more things to block it with, but Rick stayed to help hold the couch with you and Carl.

"Hey, hey, what happened in there?" He asks, his eyes searching Carl's.

"We were looking for tools and knocked over a shelf," Carl explained, and you had to bite your tongue.

"We heard yelling," Jesse said through the gritted teeth as she pressed against the door.

Carl nodded and turned to look at her. "Yeah, Ron saw them break through the gates. We had to move. That's what happened," he says grunting at the effort it took to hold the walkers back.

Ron appeared, nodding along with the story. He nudged Carl's shoulder. "Carl, Alex, there are nightstands in my moms bedroom. We can brace the couch with them." He says.

"Hey," Jesse said turning to her son before he could walk away, "it sounded like you were fighting."

"Yeah, we were fighting them," he explained, exasperated, already beginning to walk away. He looked suspicious, you weren't shocked they didn't believe them.

You and Carl pulled away from the couch and Rick and Jesse moved to cover where he was pushing. "Carl, it's okay?" Rick asked again.

"It's okay," he confirmed before starting away.

Rick gave you a slight look, and you nodded back. You would watch out for them. You followed Carl, pausing once you were out of Rick's sight. You tug up your shirt, wincing at the pain still pounding harder with every heartbeat, and looked at the damage. Dark purple and blue bruises swelled beneath your skin, particularly bad along your hip bones.

_"Shit."_ Carl whispers as he looks at the damage. "You good?"

You nod, brushing it off as you reach up on your toes to see his neck. Dark bruises were beginning to bloom along his throat. "Are you?" You demand, reaching up to get a better look. Your fingers trace lightly along his neck. He swallows, shaking his head yes as he catches his breath. Ron did this. Anger boils in your veins and you're met with an emotion you weren't very familiar with: _bloodlust_. You follow Ron into a bedroom and close the door behind you. "Listen, I uh-" Ron started, his back to you.

He froze as he heard Carl's gun click. You felt the slightest bit triumphant when he turned and saw the gun pointed in his face. It was probably the first time he had ever looked down the barrel of the gun, and it was your new personal mission to make sure it wasn't the last.

"Hand me the gun, grip first," Carl said, his voice dangerously low. His was angry, practically seething, even more so than before.

Ron looks weak and pathetic as he glanced down. "Carl, Alex, I'm sorry." He said pitifully.

"Yeah, _I know_," Carl snapped. His voice was thick and angrier than you had ever heard before. "Now give me the gun."

Carl's hand didn't tremble as he pointed the gun towards him and as you watch him glare down at Ron, his head tilts slightly to the right like Ricks did. Ron holds out she gun and you step forward to snatch it from him and shove it into your pocket.

Carl lowers the gun after another moment. "Look, man, I get it. My dad killed your dad, but you need to know something. Your dad was an asshole."

They stare each other down and you can't help but breathe a laugh. Ron's gaze shifts from Carl to you. "Looks like it runs in the family." You say sarcastically. His glare sharpens. In an instant, the sarcastic half smile evaporates from your features, replaced with a murderous glare. _"Touch me again,"_ you spoke dangerously slowly,_ "and I'll kill you myself."_

* * *

There were too many of them.

You had all tried to hold the barricades in place but they were too strong. Eventually they won. They always did. You had all retreated upstairs, where it was safe. Safer, at least, They were pulling walkers upstairs now and you knew what you had to do. Shame. You liked these clothes. They blocked the gap to the stairs with a couch, and had you and Carl on watch in case any got through.

"You see any squeezing through, you take care of it," Rick instructed before dragging the walkers body away.

You can see them from where you stand guard, more specifically their masks of disgust when they're told what they're going to have to do to survive. You look the other way, past Carl, and out the window towards she destroyed walls.

"_And the walls come tumbling down in the city that we love. Great clouds roll over the hills, bringing darkness from above-"_ you mumble the song under your breath, unable to keep it from sounding completely and utterly sarcastic.

Carl notices and glances over at you, forcing a partial smile. "We're gonna be fine," he tells you, "We're gonna get through this."

You force a smile too, because that's what you had to do and forced yourself to say, "I know," even though you didn't know anything at this point

Michone hands you a cut bed sheet to drape over your head like a poncho. It covers most of your arms and hangs down to your knees like a dress. Two walkers lie on the ground in a puddle of their own blood and you can't help but smirk at Ron's disturbed look. To them you must seem barbaric, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You help Carl first, covering the sheet he was wearing with handfuls of the rotting walker. He helps you next, doing the same.

"Easy there," you said as he smeared the walker purée across your chest and your heart beat a little harder. "Now probably ain't the time to get handsy. You might wanna try to control yourself."

He smirks, shaking his head as he shovels a clump of carnage onto your torso, making it splatter. You wrinkled your nose, making his smile grow until it finally reached his eyes. It makes you feel a little better, seeing him smile even if it was surrounded by carnage. "I'll try to keep that in mind."

You wait until everyone else is covered, and then it's time. Rick hands Judith to Carl while Jesse holds up the sheet. She pulls her little arms and legs underneath, and clings to her big brother. Grace is awake, and part of you is afraid that the eighteen month old will start crying and that will be the end of all of you, but she looks at you with her small, wise eyes, and somehow you know that she will be okay. The dead move around you, bumping into you mindlessly as they watch you with their hollow, unseeing eyes. Grace squirms against your chest but thankfully doesn't make a sound. Carl is careful to keep close to Rick so that Judith isn't bumped by the walkers, and you keep just behind Carl and do the same with Grace.

You step onto the front porch and let out a silent breath you didn't know you were holding. They're _everywhere_\- in the garden, in the fields, in the houses, overflowing into the streets like a swarm of ants.

You force yourself to swallow, to ignore the smell of death that surrounded you. Your held your machete with your free hand and your fingers ghosted over your gun tucked into your waistband. Any second something could go wrong and you could all be dead but you couldn't let that happen. You wouldn't. You would have to kill them all.

Things weren't always like this. It wasn't always kill or be killed. But that's how it is now. This is the new world. It was just a game, you had always told Alice. It was just a game. You have to remind yourself of that now. It was _just a game_.

Somehow, through all the destruction and the walkers and the carnage, Carl's hand finds yours.

* * *

**A/N:** *casually ignores the fact that I haven't updated in three weeks*

(But to be fair, I have half a dozen Cambridge exams and EOCs &amp; other various finals to strip us students of our will to live.)

We're now in the thick of all the good stuff. And you all know that that means is coming next. _Eye_ don't completely know how _eye_ am gonna play it yet but _eye _will let you _see_ for yourself in the next chapter. _Eye_ think it might be a real _eye_opener for you. (ahahaha I hate myself).

Anywayssss, very serious chapter with sprinklings of Casper goodness, what did everyone think of the fight part? And the little sarcastic addition in there when they were doing the walker ponchos was my favorite. Jasper's such a sarcastic little fucker I love her. I only have four more weeks of school until summer vacation and God, I cannot wait. Also the first day of summer vacation (June 3rd) is my 16th birthday ayyeee I'm so excited.

Also AHH we hit 200 reviews thank you all so much! I have a very busy summer this summer. (I'm calling it my 2016 world tour because I'm mentally seven years old) I'm going to North Carolina with my friend, then i'll be a camp councilor, then I'll be in Italy for two weeks and then I'll have a million people visiting-it's madness. Hopefully I'll find enough time to update regularly but until then, keep reviewing and letting me know what you think, did/didn't like/any and all ideas you have. I love hearing peoples ideas and theories and a lot of the time I'll end up using them. Thanks so much for reading as always xo


	42. Chapter 42

_Helpless, helpless, helpless_

_Baby can you hear me now?_

_The chains are locked_

_and tied across the door,_

_Baby, sing with me somehow._

_Helpless, Neil Young_

* * *

_"Mom?"_

You tensed as his voice rang out, shaky but clear in contrast to the angry guttural snarls that surrounded you. They grew louder and more aggressive as if they were sensing the boy in their midst. Their bloodshot, yellowed eyes opened as they searched for their next meal and a long, drawn out moan fell from their bloodied lips. No, no, no. He had to be quiet. This only worked-you would all only survive- if you could all pass for walkers. Grace squirmed against your chest and you can feel her burry her face into your shirt. You forced yourself to breathe evenly as you held her closer in attempt to comfort her. You wanted to tell her that it would be okay, but you couldn't. She would have to be okay on her own.

The canvas of the poncho stuck to your skin, held in place by the carnage that would splatter at your feet every few steps. One hand held in Jesse's hand, the other in Carl's, you moved slowly and carefully. Just one mistake, and it would all be over. Your dark hair stuck to your sweaty forehead and fell in your face, but you didn't dare make a move to fix it. You just stared forward, keeping your eyes on Carl's back, blocking out everything else. Just keep moving, that was all that mattered right now.

A walker bumped hard into your shoulder. You kept your head ducked, but glanced up just enough to see it. It had been a man once, now just a mindless creature. It's neck had been torn open and blood covered both its shirt and face. It's jaw was dislocated, and hung at an odd, broken angle as its eyes focused on you for half a second before it stumbled and caught sight of something else and moved away. You breathed a quiet sigh of relief and rubbed Grace's arm comfortingly. Nothing was going to happen to her, not now, not ever.

_"Mom?"_

This time, you felt Carl's hand reflectively twitch at the boys voice_._ _Stop, please, kid, just shut up._ You forced yourself to breathe calmly as the walkers swelled around you. The only thing that mattered right now was keeping Grace from crying.

Another walker hit into you. This one was female, her hair had been torn off in clumps and all that was left was a dead, scraggly, mess of once blonde hair. Chunks of her scalp had been pulled off and bullet holes riddled her chest. If only they knew better. The walker lets out a moan as she falls into you. You flinch but force yourself to stand still until she straightens and stumbles away again. Still driven on by their search of the voice, their snarls grew louder until they were almost screaming, a terrible sound so intense that Grace let out a soft sob against your chest.

_"Mom!"_

* * *

Miraculously, you make it to the lake and take shelter near trees where there are less walkers. You force yourself to breathe easily again as you bounce Grace back and forth gently, eyes still scanning the area.

"All right, new plan." Ricks voice was hushed and his accent thick. His eyes kept flicking back to Carl and Judith as he spoke as if he was ensuring that they were still there. "Flares from a few guns aren't enough. Too many walkers, too spread out. We're not going back to the armory. We need our vehicles back at the quarry." He looked at everyones facing, judging their reactions. "All of us drive. We'll need to round 'em up. We leave, we come back."

"Okay," Jessie agreed softly. "But Judith and Grace...to the quarry and back, I..." She trails off, glancing at you and Carl then back at Rick. She was right. Grace's cries had calmed down for now, but all the way to the quarry? It was a risk. A big one.

"I'll take them." You glanced to Father Gabriel who stepped forward, his head held higher as he forced himself to take a deep breath. "Keep them safe in my church until you all lead the walkers away."

Rick glances at you and Carl. "How could you take both of them?" He asked, his voice deep.

"You made a sling for Grace, right?" He glanced at you for an answer and you nod. "I'll wear it and carry Judith. I'm supposed to do this. I have to. I will."

It could work. The other option was to leave with him and you couldn't abandon them like this. Not right now. As long as he kept quiet, they would be okay. Grace liked Gabriel, for some reason. He could keep her quiet.

Rick nods. "All right."

You pulled your hand free from Carl's, not having noticed that you were still holding it. Carefully, you pulled back your poncho and pulled the sling from your shoulder. "Shh, baby," you whispered to your niece as you cradled her. "I'll see you soon, I promise."

She whimpers but let's Gabriel take her and pull the satchel over his head. He rocks her gently, making sure she's okay before taking Judith and pulling the poncho back over them. You clenched your teeth, trying to force away the tears pricking in your eyes. You would see her again. You would.

You glance at Carl. He seemed just as tense as you did now, yearning to protect the kids as Gabriel took them.

"Take Sam," Jessie says, pushing her son forward gently. _Finally._

"No," Sam immediately, turning back to his mother, his eyes brimming with tears.

Jessie frowns, taking her youngest son by the shoulders. "Yes, Sam, it'll be safer," she tells him reassuringly.

"I'm not leaving you." He argues, desperation in his young voice. You could understand him not wanting to leave his mother, like you didn't want to leave Grace, but he was going to get you all killed.

"Sam-" she says softly.

"Mom, I'm not. I can keep going."

"Sam-" she starts again.

"I can keep going," he insists. "Please. _Please_. Let's just go."

_Don't do it, don't bring the kid.. _"Okay." Jessie agrees gently. _Great_. She stands again and you look back to Father Gabriel.

He nods once at Rick then at you. "I'll keep them safe." He promises then turns and walks into the horde.

* * *

Fear is what makes people human. It's there, always hiding in the back of your mind, waiting for its chance to resurface. It's a knife twisting in your gut, a sword that is always hanging over your head. Even in the old world, it was always there. But now, you have to live with it. You can't hide from it anymore. You're forced to face it, or you die. And you weren't ready to die anytime soon.

Walkers brush past you, one after the other. Hundreds of rotting bodies, mindless and hungry as you walked alongside them as if you were one of them. You had probably only been out here for a few minutes, but every step felt like a lifetime. It was worth it though, you were almost there, almost to the quarry, almost home free. As long as everyone kept moving, you would be safe.

Sam freezes.

Everyone else freezes, looking back with wide eyes. "Sam?" Jessie asks gently. "Sam?" But he doesn't move. He looks around with his big, terrified eyes as the walkers snarl and stumble past him. "Come on, come on," she begs. "Sweetheart? Sam?"

"You can do it. You can do it," Rick encourages. He was tenses and on edge as he looked around him. "Yes, you can. Sam, Sam, come on. Come on, Sam," he pleaded.

"Sam. Sam?" Jessie begged.

Ron tugged gently at his little brothers hand. "Sam...hey, you can do this. Sam just look at mom."

"Honey, you can do it," Jessie pleads.

You step forward just enough so that he can see you. "You're gonna be fine," you say quietly, "but you gotta keep moving."

"Sam, you're gonna get- " Ron starts but stops as he realizes he's only going to make it worse.

Jessie takes another hesitant step forwards. "Sam, honey, I need you to come with me." He cries out and tears start running down his face. "Sam. I need you to come with me."

"I want to." He sobs too loudly.

Walkers around you were becoming agitated as they looked for the source of the noise. They were hungry. "I need you to be strong."

But he wasn't.

"Sam-"

The walker comes out of nowhere. It's yellowed teeth are the last thing you see before Sam's deep, red blood is everywhere. You're unable to look away as more come, quickly taking the child down and tearing into his body. Jessie's horrible scream tears through the air but all you can do is watch open mouthed as you hold her hand and watch her son die in front of her.

Rick is calling out her name as loudly as he dares, trying to get her to come with you. She couldn't loose it right now, or she would be next.

Carl pulled you away from the carnage so that you were nearly pressed against him. His eyes are wide and his iron grip is tight on your wrist. "Come with us," Carl begs Jessie as he takes a small involuntary step towards her. "Come on, we have to go," he pleads in desperation.

But she can't think, not right now. The only thing in her mind was her son. She keeps screaming and screaming until they notice her. And when they do, they come for her like they always do but she won't let go of his hand. And when they take her, it's with no resistance. She lets them. But there's still one problem.

She won't let go of your hand.

You pull against her iron grip, but she won't let go, even in death. You stifle your yell as you try to yank away from her, but to no avail. "Carl," you say in a hushed yell as you try to pry her hand off of you. "Carl!"

And it's not long before they begin to notice you too.

Almost as if in a daze, Rick moves forward and drives his axe hard into Jesses forearm, severing her grip from your hand. Blood sprays on your face as you stumble back into Carl and fall to the ground. Your gun falls to the grass as Carl pulls you back up, already welding a blade and ready to fight.

You're ready to move when you see what everyone was looking at. You slowly turn to see Ron standing there, gun pointed at Rick.

_"Your body's gonna tense, you won't have time to think. You're just gonna want to pull the trigger when you get it in front of you. But you'll miss. And you'll be dead. You have to get it up to your eye."_

He held the gun with both hands as he slowly raised it up towards his eye. His face is pale and tears fall from his now dull eyes. You watch them run down his cheeks and drip from his chin as Michone's katana plunges into his chest. The gun falls to the side, firing into the distance once as he falls, dead. You exhale shakily as you lower your machete and pause for Ricks next call.

_"Dad?"_

One time, when you were twelve years old, you were climbing a tree and the branch you were holding snapped, and you fell ten feet to the ground, landing hard on your back. It was as if the impact had knocked every wisp of air from your lungs and you laid there struggling to inhale, to exhale, to do anything but lay there, motionless.

That's how you feel now, trying to remember how to breathe, unable to speak, completely frozen as you stare at the ragged torn hole where Carl's right eye used to be as blood begins to stream down his face.

A strangled sob claws it's way out of your throat. _No. No. Not Carl. Not him_.

You know that you can't do this now-you can't loose it like Jessie did, you can't afford to right now. You have to hold on for Carl because you have to get him through the herd, you have to save him, you have to. Now is not the time to be weak.

He hits the ground just before Rick is there, gathering him in his arms. The walkers were closing in from every side, and Michone was there, savagely tearing through the walkers ahead. You saw him there, in Ricks arms, his paling face in startling contrast to the dark blood that ran down his chin, and a yell so raw ripped it's way through your throat so ferociously that Rick and Michone both turned, thinking that you had been bit.

The double edged machete was a part of you, a deadly extension of your body as you tore through the masses in front of you. You didn't look back, you didn't think, you didn't breathe, you just killed. How many, you don't know. Ten? Twenty? It was all just blood to you. It's enough to get Carl to the infirmary and that's all that matters.

The doctor opens the door for you and Rick lays Carl down on a gurney. Michone pulls you inside after her and locks the door behind you. The lights are bright and your eyes instinctively close against the harsh yellow light. You try to make your mind blank, try to wake up from this nightmare.

"Is this a gunshot?" The doctor asks. You open your eyes. It wasn't a nightmare.

"Handgun. Close range." Michone says, breathing out the words as if she still can't quite believe it herself. You're dimly aware that Michone pulls the poncho of walker carnage off of you, but you barely notice.

He lays there, blood pouring down the side of his face as his skin pales. He's unconscious and you're terrified that he may never wake up ever again.

Ricks backs away from the gurney, breathing hard as he put his only sons life in someone else's hands. He sounded like you felt; terrified. "Please save him. Please."

You stand against the wall, the rest of the room a blur as your focus is on Carl. In the light you can see the gaping hole where his eye was, keyword _was_, because his eye is completely gone. Nothing left but torn flesh. Your teeth are clenched tightly, but as tears begin to force their way down your cheeks, a choked sob breaks the busy atmosphere of the infirmary.

Some of them look at you.

You know what they see; a girl who looked completely feral-her hair in a scraggly mess, teeth bared, coated in thick black blood and carnage, with blood that belonged to other people that ran so thick that she could barely see. Wild. Feral. Dangerous.

"That's gonna draw them here." Spencer protested when the lights were turned on. Your hand instantly tightened on your machete and you caught his eye with such an intensity that he visibly cowered and retreated from the light switch. He was right though, and Rick knew it too. He looked out the window and undoubtably saw what the rest of you heard-they were coming. Rage tore through your gut. This was _their_ fault.

Rick pulled his axe from his belt and started for the door. "What-what are you doing?" Michone shouted, but it was all background noise. "Rick!" She shouted as he pulled the door closed behind him, but you caught it.

You felt like the world was moving in slow motion. You turned, seeing Michone over Carl, her eyes wide and warning as you pulled it back open. "Jasper!" She shouted. The small part of you that cared about the Alexandrian's knowing your cover was dead.

The door closed behind you.

Rick ripped through the walkers, one after another. Blinding rage fueled you on, and you took up a stance at his back- both protecting him and making sure he wouldn't accidentally take you down too in the chaos.

It was just a game and you were going to win.

Slowly, more people joined the formation. Their attacks were aimed, poised. You tore through the dead, leaving behind a mountain of carnage. Not one of them told you to go back inside. No one told you it wasn't safe. Not a single person told you that you shouldn't be out here. You had proven yourself-and your ability wouldn't be questioned any longer.

One by one, more Alexandrian's and your people alike poured of out the houses. They joined the formation, and together you were a force greater than any heard. As you moved, your backs got closer to the walls and you knew that soon enough, someone would slip, or one walker would get lucky and then it would be all over. But until then, you were a force to be reckoned with.

"Move it!" Rick roared. "Back up!"

You knew Daryl was out there, undoubtedly on his way to back to help, so there wasn't a question in your mind when the lake was set ablaze that it was him. A beacon that would guide all the walkers back to hell where they belonged.

_"Don't let up!"_

The fire roared, illuminating everyone's face with a warm glow. Everyone knew what it meant; you could do this. With a renewed vigor, the dead went down like dominos. One after the other. When one person fell, another brought them back up. They worked together like a machine-whirling, ducking, stabbing, slicing, blocking- no walker was safe. And for the first time ever your group and the Alexandrian's were one.

The fire roared. The dead moaned. Blood ran like a river. The smell of burning flesh was everywhere. War cries hung in the air. You felt nothing but the blood that sprayed your face. You were just one breathing body among the hundreds of dead ones. It was as if the only thing tethering you to the earth was your machete, like Carl would only survive if every walker in Alexandria was reduced to blood.

It was just a game and you had _won_.

* * *

**A/N:** *casually ignores the fact that I haven't updated in another 3 weeks* sorry? I only have three days of school left, and then you can expect more frequent updates hopefully. This was an interesting chapter to write, kinda hard to write though tbh. I'm going to be writing in the two month gap instead of skipping over it like the show does, which means Carl's recovery, the rebuilding of Alexandria, all that will be covered. Also since I can't exactly continue with the plot beginning with Jesus and the saviors and began, I'll be prolonging the 2 month gap for probably a long time. I'll make it interesting though, i swear. As always, let me know what you like and don't like, and any ideas that you may have for the story or characters because your ideas are actually really good and I usually end up using them (giving credit, of course). Thanks for reading. xx


	43. Chapter 43

_Yeah, I know it's hard to remember_

_The people we used to be..._

_It's even harder to picture,_

_That you're not here next to me._

_You say it's too late to make it,_

_But is it too late to try?_

_-Payphone, Maroon 5_

* * *

_Carl was shot._

You slumped against the wall as black blood dripped off you onto the cold tile floor. You were completely covered in it, everywhere except your face, which was only clean because Michone had taken a washcloth to it. You had been sitting outside Carl's room for hours now, exhausted and eyes bloodshot from being open so long ur refusing to sleep. You hadn't uttered a word to anyone since he was shot, not even when Daryl found you among the destruction and nearly carried you back to the infirmary, or when Spencer had come to sit next to you for a few minutes.

You had quietly watched his face as Denise stitched up the stab wound in his back. "Just a scratch," he had told you it was. You didn't believe him for shit, but Denise said that he would be fine. You sat with your knees pulled up to your chest and your forehead resting on them gently as you fought off sleep. You hazily watch boots approach you through the space between your knees.

"Hey." The voice is soft but gravely and you know it belongs to Daryl. He looked you over with sullen eyes. "How ya feelin, babygirl?" He asked gently.

Eyes still closed, you raised your head slowly and leaned it back against the wall as you exhaled. "I'm fine," you spoke tiredly, then looked at Daryl. "They won't let me see 'em."

He nodded, seeming to understand. He nodded to the small pool of dark blood that had now dried onto the tile. "You're a mess. Get washed up an' get somethin' to eat and maybe they'll let ya in there. Get some sleep too, huh? Ya been sittin' here for hours."

You looked back at the door at the end of the hall longingly, unwilling to abandon your place in case something happened. "He's doin' just fine, alright? Healing like a champ.

Now c'mon, this ain't a democracy." He pulled you up gently, catching you when you stumbled a little. "Bathrooms down there. I'll get ya some clean clothes." He nodded down the hall.

"Thank you, Daryl," you mumbled, suddenly turning and wrapping your arms around him. He stands there, shocked for a moment before he wraps his arms around you and pulls you against him, sighing slowly into your hair.

"He's gonna be fine, kid." He told you gently before quickly kissing the top of your head. "Go on now, off with ya." He nodded you off towards the bathroom.

You strip your clothes, discarding them in the trashcan, and stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror while the water warms up. You were skinnier than you remembered. You had gained a bit of weight back since coming here, but your skin still clung to your bruised hip bones. Your dark hair was in mats and tangles and unfamiliar scars decorated your body. Your dark eyes easily dominate your face and there was still a light, thin line that cut diagonally across your right cheek left from the fire a year earlier.

You realize you look dangerous, and it scares you.

Once the water has warmed, you step under the warm spray of the shower. The water pools near the drain, muddied and mixed with dark blood. A long time passes before the water finally runs clear.

_Carl was shot. _

You feel like you want to scream, yell, cry, just do _something_, anything that could make you express what was going on to maybe make yourself feel better. You kept on breathing. In and out. That's all you could really do right now, just keep going for the rest of them.

_Carl lost his eye. _

You struck out, surprising yourself, and slam your fist into the wall. Instantly you cry out as tears prick in your eyes. The pain almost feels good, in a way. You cradle your already bruising and bloodied knuckles as you turn the water off and pull a towel around you. There was no point to it. It didn't make anything better. It didn't fix anything. In fact, you're almost certain you might've bruised and even broken a knuckle. It was stupid, but you didn't care.

You dress in the clothes Daryl brought; jeans and a sweatshirt, and braid your wet hair down your back with your uninjured hand. You feel exhausted and drained and numb and what scares you is that you like it.

Rosita smiles at you weakly once you exit the bathroom. "Daryl had to go help with something on the wall," she explained, then nodded towards the door. "You can go in now, if you want. He's starting to wake up again and Rick's not here."

You breathed a smile of relief and nodded at her once before jogging towards the door and throwing a "thanks," over your shoulder.

You don't remember the next few steps, all you can remember is seeing Carl seeming so small laying there, gauze wrapping around his head and covering his right eye, his skin nearly as pale as the white sheets.

When you first came to Alexandria, you were shocked at how tall he had gotten and how much he filled out, but right now, looking at him laying there, all you could think of was the fifteen year old boy that stumbled into your backyard one summer two years ago.

_He lost his eye._

The bandage wraps completely around his head and covers his forehead. His uninjured eye is closed, but flutters lightly as you walk in. He seems so fragile surrounded by the IVs and medical instruments.

You move to the corner of the bed on his left side as you watch him wake up and slowly flex his fingers and toes. It takes extra effort to open his eyes-no his eye. Singular. You placed your hand over his and rubbed it gently so you wouldn't startle him. His eye opens slowly, and you're flooded with relief so intense that you nearly laugh out loud.

"_Hi,_" you say, your voice an octave higher than usual as you try to downplay your relief. "Hey, hi, how are you?" What do you say to someone who just lost their eye?

He stretched his legs and sighed tiredly. His eyelids were heavy, a product of the drugs they're undoubtedly pumping into him, but they become more alert every second. He nodded lightly. "I'm okay." He said, his voice thick and raspy.

"Good." A relieved smile melts onto your face as you look at him. "Good. That's-that's really good." You sat on the edge of the bed, still running your fingers lightly along his arm. Neither of you speak for a moment and the only sound you can hear is the pounding of your own heart in your chest. "I was so scared," you whisper because you didn't trust your voice not to break. "I saw you go down and then..." You swallowed. "If anything happened to you, I...I don't-"

"I'm still here," he said, gripping your hand with his fingers. His grip was weak, but stronger than you had imagined it would be. "I'm right here."

You looked up, willing yourself not to cry. "Yeah, you are." You mumbled before looking down again, now mostly confident that you weren't going to do something stupid like cry.

"How's Judith?" He asked a moment later. He was thinking about Judith when he was just shot and lost his eye. "What did you tell her?"

You felt a stab of guilt. He assumed you had been taking care of his little sister when he couldn't. You should've been, after all, since her primary caretaker, Carl, wasn't there. He had relied on you to watch out for her and you hadn't been there.

"Michone is with her," you tell him. You had heard Rick talking about her earlier. "I don't think they've told her anything."

He nods quietly, glancing down at your hand over his. "What happened to your hand?" He asks, his brow creasing.

"Oh," you pulled back your hand, breathing a smile and flex it, wincing when you get a sharp stab of pain. "I mighta punched a wall."

He exhaled slowly, closing his eye. "That was dumb." He tells you.

You ignore him. "Does it hurt?" You ask gently, running your fingers along his arm.

"Feels numb," he mumbles as he blinks hard a few times.

"They're gone now. All of 'em." You told hm. "We took em all on, all of us did. Even the Alexandrian's. It was insane. Must've been a couple hundred of 'em. If that ain't a record I'd like to meet the bastards that beat us."

The corner of his mouth twitched, but he just nodded, unusually quiet.

"You're gonna be fine, you know that right?" You told him, forcing him to look at you. There was an intensity behind your words. "You're gonna have to read Judith a thousand more stories, and you're gonna be given a dumb job to keep you busy, and you're gonna get into way more trouble with me, and you're probably gonna get an eyepatch but that's okay because they're badass as hell even though I'll probably call you a pirate for the rest of your life but you're gonna move on from this and we're all gonna be okay."

He's silent for a few seconds, but then the corner of his mouth just barely twitches upwards. "You're gonna call me pirate?"

"Cyclops also seems promising," you mutter, a relieved laugh bubbling up from your chest.

He smiles. It's slow and halfhearted, but he smiles nonetheless. "I can do that."

"You better."

A few hours pass by and people come and go. Someone brings food for the both of you, and you're grateful even though the soup tastes like powdered cheese. Night comes too quickly and you know that you'll have to go soon and pretend to sleep while praying Carl makes it through the night.

"Jasper?"

You look up from the chair you were sitting in as you flipped through one of his comic books, startled by Carl's voice since he had been sleeping for most of the last hour. The sun had long ago sunk below the horizon, and you knew that you have to go.

"Yeah, sorry," you muttered as you stood and picked up the comic book and jacket. "I'll go now."

"I was gonna ask you if you'd stay."

You stopped halfway to the door and turned around. He laid there, one blue eye peeking out from the white bandage wrapped around his head. He still looked pale, but not as pale as he did earlier. His voice was still little more than a whisper, still weak and drugged.

"Yeah," you mumbled as your grip on your things relaxed and you breathed out slowly. "Always."

You hung your jacket back on the back of the chair and moved to sit down again. You hadn't slept at all the night before, but you figure another day without sleep won't be too hard to handle with the record you've already got going.

"Will you read it to me?" He asked softly.

You looked up, momentarily at a loss for words: You nod as you move to sit on the opposite side of the queen sized bed. You sit with your back propped up against the pillows and the book in your lap.

"Dyslexic," you reminded him, pointing to yourself, but you relented after you looked again at the bandage around his eye. "Fuck- fine. You can't make fun of me though."

He smiled a little in response. You feel weird at first, reading aloud like you were. It was difficult too, especially it having been so long since you really read anything and you kept getting jumbled up on words. You felt him watching you as you read but soon forgot about it as you read. A few pages later, you could barely keep your eyes open and as the comic book slowly slipped closed, your words faded into soft breaths.

And so maybe you still didn't know who Carl was to you yet; a stranger, an ally, a friend, a boyfriend-but whoever he was to you, you were going to make sure that he stayed that way.

They found you like that the next morning; Carl sleeping soundly, and you, still fully dressed with the comic book resting beside you, passed out on top of the covers beside him.

* * *

You try to keep busy over the next few days. You take extra watch shifts, which were greatly needed since there were only temporary barricades in place where the wall went down. Abraham and some of the others were already rebuilding up where it was before.

Judith asks for Carl at least once every ten minutes. It's heartbreaking, but you always smile and tell her that she can see him soon. Always soon, never an exact answer or else you would be lying to her. Just until he was a little bit better. He's been at the infirmary for the last week since the walls went down, and you've taken to sleeping in his room. You and Spencer's house was too far away, and since everyone was either helping with the walls, going on runs, or visiting Carl, someone needed to be watching Grace and Judith.

You had brought him a bag the second day he was there; some clothes, his hat, as many of his comics that you could find. When you visited him, you would bring the small portable DVD player and sometimes, after bringing him dinner, you would just sit beside him on his bed in silence and watch whatever movie someone had found on the last run.

Things settled into a kind of routine. Wake up with Grace and Judy, eat breakfast with Maggie, Riley, and Glenn. Entertain the kids until nap time, then eat lunch. After lunch, Michone would take the kids and you would have three hours of the watch. After that you were free to hunt or go on runs with Spencer until dinnertime when you would bring Carl dinner and stay with him for an hour or two until either he or you fell asleep.

Lately, you had been spending a lot of time with Daryl. Since coming here, you hadn't be able to see much of him since he was away often, but when he was here you followed him around almost like a puppy dog. He didn't seem to mind though, in fact, he seemed to almost enjoy having you to mess with while things were so tense everywhere else. Today, you would be helping him work on some old car.

The truck was old, anybody could tell just by looking at the damn thing. It was a deeply faded red and it was obviously it was abandoned early on and spent the last few years lifeless, being baked in the hot sun. They needed it to add to the cars they had on hand since many of them had been lost in the attack. There were a few quirks that needed worked out with the engine to make sure it ran right. That's what Daryl said anyways.

You sat on Daryl's poncho on top of the truck as Daryl worked under it. Beside you was a pile of small branches, feathers, and rocks you had gathered and Daryl's heavy duty hunting knife. Since no one had given you an official job yet, Daryl had given you one. Making arrows and keeping him company.

"M' tellin' you, that kid's gonna be just fine." Daryl said as he rolled out from under the truck on one of those rolling platforms mechanics used. "Seen 'em got shot in the chest when he was just a kid. Healed like a champ."

You finished the piece of wood for the arrow and smoothed it over with your hand. "Yeah, that's what they tell me."

"Why you so worried anyhow, huh?" He asked before rolling back underneath the car.

You started sharpening one of the flat rocks you had collected on another rough stone. "Aren't you?"

"Seems like you care 'bout that boy little more than most of the people round here, huh?" Daryl called up from underneath the truck. "Refused to leave last night. Don't think I didn't see ya."

You grind your teeth as you continue to sharpen the stone. "Seems like you should focus on that truck if ya know what's good for you," you called back down.

You can't hear his reply, but you can hear him chuckling deeply as he worked. You work in a comfortable silence for the next few minutes, words only shared when he needed a wrench or something else. It was easy, relaxed. The sun shone down but did little to fight off the cold what whipped your dark hair around your face.

"When we going hunting again, huh?" You called down loud enough so that he could hear you.

You hear the wheels squeak as he rolled back out from under the car. Grease was smeared across his forehead and cheek. "Got too many people now. Couple a rabbits and squirrels ain't gonna make a dent."

"Ain't gonna do no harm either." You countered.

He grunted his response. "Don't have time with the runs they got me goin' on now anyhow."

"Like you said, I don't have a job. I'd go if they'd let me." You tell him. "I'd jump the fence but I still wouldn't have my gear. And we've agreed that sneaking into the armory is a bad idea."

He mutters something you can't hear very well, but it involves damning Carl as best as you can tell. "Next time, just go ask for yer stuff. If they tell ya no, have em talk to me."

You nodded even though he couldn't see you. "You take a shower yet?" You called down. He grunted something in response. "Quit being so damn proud and just take a shower. Ya been here weeks now and you smell like shit."

"Y'all have all been nagging me bout that." He muttered as he slid back out from under the truck and stood, bushing himself off.

"Then maybe it's bout time you listen." His eyes narrowed slightly at you, the corners of his mouth turned up. "Oh," you say aloud, remembering. "Last time I went out there, I found these." You reached into your inside jacket pocket and pulled out the carton of cigarettes, popping the top and pulling out one before handing them to Daryl.

He nodded as he held the carton. "Shit. Thanks, kid." He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit one, letting it hang out of his mouth as he raised it to light yours. You had expected a little resistance to him letting you smoke and you're happily surprised when he doesn't seem to mind. You used to steal your moms sometimes, so you knew how it worked.

"Just don't let Carol see, yeah?" He asked quietly, a glint in his dark eyes.

You snickered. "You scared of her?" You jibed before taking a drawl of the cigarette.

He blew out a puff of smoke. "I ain't scared of nothin." He insisted, his voice thick.

"Sure you ain't." You scoffed with a smile. It felt good, to smile again like this. In that moment, you were happy, actually _happy, _even if it were just for that moment, and you didn't want it to fade away.

"You wanna tell me somethin bout it, little girl? _Huh_?" His voice was thick and loud as he edged you on playfully. He put on foot up on the top of the tire and easily leaped up onto the truck beside you. Looking over your arrows, he scoffed. "C'mon, little girl, lemme show you how it's done."

You shook your head in amusement, unable to force the smile from your lips. "Yeah, whatever you say, Daryl."

* * *

_A/N:_ I love writing Daryl/Jasper moments. You can see how he's there when she needs him and there to annoy her when she doesn't. Little bit of Carl/Jasper interaction in there too. They have such a complicated past that they're not really sure what they are to each other, but they care very much about the others safety and look to each other in hard times for strength. Again, I'm going to be writing Carl's healing process and the effects on everything else, not skipping over it all with the time gap like it does in the show. If anyone has any ideas for the time gap, I'd love to hear them so review and lemme know.

So I'm sixteen now:) and I got my permit a year late but hey at least I finally got it. I'm trying to feel grown up but it's not working at all, I still feel like I'm twelve. Sorry for the late update, I've been in North Carolina in the mountains for the last week and forgot to update before I left and had no service. To make up for it, this was like a 4000 word chapter.

As always I'd love your feedback. Any ideas of what's gonna happen with Carl/Jasper or anything else is encouraged, your ideas are great and I could use more opinions.

And remember it takes hours to write and only seconds to review xx


	44. Chapter 44

_Now that we have gotten through_

_One more fall_

_I can just admit I've got it all_

_Cause I do_

_Cause I've got you_

_We've crossed these battle lines to many times_

_It passes throught the heart_

_But it never leaves a mark_

_-Healing, Denice Williams_

* * *

"Jesus, Carl, you gotta stop messing with that," you told him for what seemed like the hundredth time as you grabbed his hand away.

You held his hand against the bed as he pulled halfheartedly at it, the groaned, stretching his head back as he did so. "It's itchy," he replied pitifully, "like I have to blink but I can't."

"Suck it up," you muttered as you scooped another bite of stew out of the bowl on the bed beside you. "Here," you said, holding out the bite for him.

Throwing another halfhearted annoyed look your way, he ate it. "You know you don't have to feed me, right? I can still see the fork with my other eye," he reminded you, but you knew that he didn't mind. When people babied him on things that he actually had trouble with, then he had problems with it.

You knew this was nothing, and so all you said was, "Don't chew with your mouth full."

Over the last week, while everyone else was busy repairing the walls and reinstating order to Alexandria, Rick had personally employed you as Carl's official permanent babysitter. You would've tried to be there as often as possible anyways, but this way you at least wouldn't be ignoring any of your responsibilities.

Within a week, the once white washed, plain room in the clinic had been transformed. Pictures Judith had drawn covered the walls, a stack of Carl's clothes sat in a pile, comic books littered the floor, and trays of half eaten food were shoved to the side. The little TV sat on an end table playing recorded reruns of Friends. One of the windows were cracked opened, letting in fresh, cold air. Sitting wrapped in Daryl's poncho, eating stew with Carl and watching TV, you thought that maybe winter would go by easily.

Plus, it was almost like a vacation. You or Rick or Michone would sleep here usually, and then come morning you would bring him breakfast and annoy him for a few hours until someone else could keep him company for a while.

"Seriously, stop messing with that!" You grabbed his hand away again. "You're gonna get it infected and then you'll be in here even longer."

"Jasper," he groaned, closing his eyes in annoyance. Your cracked a small smile as you watched his performance, but you understood. He didn't want to be here, stuck in this bed any longer.

He opened his eyes again and stared up at you, tired and begging. You smiled a little and rubbed his arm. "Don't worry, I'll spring you soon."

"How soon?" He questioned.

You shook your head. "Have patience, cyclops, all in due time." A ghost of a smile passed across his face. "Do you care that I call you that? Because I was just trying to make this easier, if you don't then just tell me-"

"Jasper," he cut you off. "It's fine, seriously. It's cute. I like it."

The TV cut to a loud burst of static, drawing both of your attention for a short second before it went back to _Friends_. "Uh, have you heard about all the new people?" You asked. By the look on his face it was obvious that he didn't. "Yeah, they found a little settlement of RVs an hour south. Like twenty people. They know enough and they're strong enough."

"Twenty more people?" He asked.

You nodded. "There are some our age too. Your dad says we should try to make friends."

He looks mystified. "Make friends," he echoes. "Yeah," he mutters sarcastically, "sure."

Trying to make nice with the new kids... "I know what you mean," you said dryly. "New people..."

"I have you...and Judith. I don't need anyone else. It's not like we have a ton of free time anyways."

"Except for right now," you pointed out.

He breathed a smile. "Except for right now," he agreed.

But then, as if the whole universe is against you, there's a commotion outside. Someone is yelling; you hear urgent shouts to one another and the sound of heavy footfalls on the pavement. The hairs grow on the back of your neck and you quickly and easily pull your gun. Your machete was sitting on the dresser, having you had refused not taking it with you everywhere from now on.

Carl is silent as you quickly move to the window, but only see two Alexandrian's running, unable to tell what they were running towards. Your heart pounds in your chest, pushing adrenaline into your veins, making you want to do something.

"What is it?" Carl asks, tense and ready.

"I don't know," you whisper back. The shouts grow fainter as they move farther away, towards the wall. You pull Carl's gun out of a drawer on the dresser and hand it to him, already loaded. "Stay here," you tell him, moving towards the exit but pausing in the doorway. "_Please_," you beg. "I'll be back as soon as I know what's going on."

His jaw is clenched but he nods, and you close and lock the door behind you. No one, not even Denise, was in the infirmary as you hurry outside. Gunshot echo throughout the streets as you reach the front porch. The sun was just dipping below the horizon, casting cold shadows across the streets as the temperature plummets. The only two people you saw were both running towards the wall where it had been broken, weapons in hand. You took off after them, stopping only when you see Michone running out of the house.

"Jasper," she gasps when she sees you, relieved but still itching to keep moving.

You walk with her, hurrying to keep up with her quick pace. "What's going on?" You demand.

"Walkers got too close to the construction. Cinderblocks went down and people got stuck. It attracted all of em on the wall." She told you quickly.

You rounded the corner and saw them then. Two men were still stuck under the massive concrete blocks, leaving Maggie, Rosita and Abraham trying to keep back a dozen walkers. You had heard only two gunshots go off, and now you knew why there weren't more. Beyond the dozen walkers and a small barricade, were another two dozen, angry and close to breaking down the temporary barricade.

You pulled your machete just as you reached the pile of fallen walkers and debris. You cut and sliced, downing two quickly. Rosita dropped one that had gotten too close to you, and together the both of you began to pull the cinderblocks away from the trapped man. Maggie covered the both of you as Abraham and Michone dealt with the rest of the oncoming ones. Finally, you and Rosita got a tight grip on the mans arms and pulled him free of the debris. He didn't seem to be in dire shape, just a few bad cuts and bruises and maybe a possible concussion.

Once the man is safely far away from the breach, you hurry back, covering Abraham as he heads right into the middle of it all.

"_Abraham!_" Rosita yells as she tries to cover him against the onslaught. He just grins and continues to slam the cinderblocks into their skulls. The noise of the gunshots echoes, urging the walkers beyond the barricade on further until you hear the wood snap, and the horde converges.

Still a few feet from the new wave, Abraham grins at the new challenge. No way he would survive this going at the rate he was right now. Quick and light on your feet, you dance over the debris and grab his arm.

He looks down at you and immediately wretches his arm free. "Get back!" He barks roughly.

"If you're up here, so am I!" You yell back, your own voice rough.

He spares a quick look at the walkers as they move another foot closer, and then another, before he looks back at you and snarls a curse. Together, the both of you move back to the others, blades whirring and concrete dust settling around you. Rosita and Maggie have already worked the other man free and they both lay farther back, panting and dirty but alive. They take the new wave on with their guns, reducing them all to still bodies in a matter of seconds.

"Better get the barricade back up before more come," Maggie says as she lowers her gun. Her shoulders rise and fall as she pants heavily and the same adrenaline pumps through her veins.

"Get two people on the barricade while we fix this shitstorm," Abraham nods to her and she nods back.

Rosita puts herself in front of him, angry and accusatory. "What the hell was that?" She demands. "What, were you gonna take them all on by yourself?" You run a hand through your hair and try to tune out their argument. Theirs usually got pretty intense.

Before you can ask about the wall or the attack or anything, one of the men groans loudly as he rolls over. There, prominent on his forearm, a chunk of meat has been ripped from his arm, leaving angry torn flesh in its place.

"_No!_" He half cries, half yells as his voice is choked off. "No! No, it's okay! It's fine-" he presses his palm against it and yells as a strangled sob claws its way out of his throat.

Maggie tears her eyes away from the man and flashes you a look. "You good?" she asks and you nod silently, eyes begging how she can be so calm at a moment like this. "Go back, we'll take care of this."

You nod again, and just like that it was over. The whole thing must've lasted all of five minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. You look down at yourself as you walk back. There was blood splattered across your shirt, and concrete dust covered your hands and face. As the adrenaline pumping through your veins began to fade, you felt the chill of the night make you shiver.

You feel the warmth of the infirmary rush over you as you step inside. You pull of your shirt and toss it into the corner and pull on one of the teeshirts that was left for Carl before reentering his room.

You stop short, cursing under your breath as you took in the sight before you. Carl sat on the ground, half conscious as he gripped the edge of his bed with one hand. His face was white and he looked like he might throw up. You fell to your knees on the cold floor beside him, ignoring the burning that you knew would result in fresh bruises. You look into his face, exhaling in relief as you see that he's conscious.

"Jesus, Carl, I gave you one thing to do. One fucking thing and you can't even do that."

His brow knit at the sound of your voice and he closed his eyes. "You didn't come back," he breathed. "You said you'd come back right away. I thought something might've happened."

You laid your hand across his forehead, checking for any sign of a fever. "They needed me. Some walkers broke through the barricade," you told him as you ran our hands over his shoulders. "Are you good? Can you stand?"

He nodded, eyes still closed. With your help, he rises shakily and grips your arm hard as his head spins. "Sit," you instruct him quickly once he's leaning against his bed.

"I didn't think it would feel like this," he breathes heavily, eyes still clenched shut. He groaned and his fingers twitched as they clenched.

"Shh, you're okay," you whispered, rubbing his shoulder gently as he breathed stronger now. The sound of the mans screams still echoed through your brain and his blood burned against your skin, but you swallowed and rubbed his shoulder again. "It gets easier. You'll be okay."

* * *

_**A/N:**_ Wow. I am so sorry for not updating for so long and that this is a very short chapter. I've been in Italy for two weeks with no connection so that's to blame, although I should've made myself write this chapter on the ten hour flight over there, which I didn't. But anyways after last chapter I wanted to do something in the very beginning soon, but I kept coming up with ideas for later on so this is what we ended up with.

Leave ideas for next chapter please, I could really use them right now. Writers block is creeping up pretty strong and I could use some support, especially if you don't want to wait another month for a chapter.

And remember it takes hours to write and only seconds to review. Xoxo


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